Would appreciate your thoughts on my predicament

[ShelbyDawn]

First I feel I should let you know that I have no delusions of ever passing as a woman and really don't care to.
I enjoy dressing and while I have tried the whole makeup and wig thing and have in fact "seen" my feminine self in the mirror once or twice, it is too much work for too little return and I just enjoy wearing the clothes.

So, here's the deal...
I am tired of sitting at home by myself while dressed.
I did some research and found a bar not too far from my apartment that is reportedly VERY trans friendly and even stopped by right at opening time to chat with the bartender with full plans on coming back later for a beer in my new boots and skirt.

At the appointed time, I got dressed, which includes bra with forms, panties, satin slip, leggings(it's cold outside) skirt, boots and a nice sweater.
I get in the car and drive to the bar and sit in the car.
All I can think about is being "the guy in the dress."
For some reason I couldn't help but think that the "girls" would avoid me because I wasn't dressed enough and the others because, well, I was a guy in a skirt with boobs...

I know I am overreacting and probably would of had a fine time if I had gotten up the nerve to actually go inside but I just couldn't get over the fear of being laughed at by "both sides."

For what it's worth, I am going to try again next Saturday which is their regular Trans night...

Thanks for any comments and suggestions.

:hugs:

Shelby

[Alice Torn]

I have backed out at the last minute, too, even with a wig! Would you go if you had a suitable wig. I have not had the kahounies yet, either, to go into a bar. Mainly because they are too loud with music i do not like.

[Julie Gaum]

You did say that you spoke to the bartender so what did you ask and what was his reply? Just happen to be writing a blog concerning that gray area in the middle of the spectrum where those who just want to wear the clothes reside. But first interested in what transpired.
Julie

[ShelbyDawn]

>> Alice, No I don;t think so. As I said, I have tried wigs and find that they are hot and scratchy and I look like a guy in a wig. :)

>>Julie, I talked to the bartender and he definitely encouraged me to come on in...
I told him that I cross-dress but do not do makeup or wigs and asked if he thought I would be OK as just "a guy in a dress."
He said that their crowd was very diverse and very open to everyone.
This is the same thing I had read on the web in comments from various sources about this particular bar, by the way.
It was his encouragement that got me to head out the door in the first place.
It is just me. I mean, I think my outfit is kinda cute and I am a pretty nice guy, I just got stage fright...

:hugs:

Shebly

[Pandys]

Try again, when your ready, you'll go in, and I'll bet have a great time.

[AllieSF]

I really think that you have found a good bar tender and one who will back you up if you have any problems. That being said, I really want you to go out, because you said that you want that. However, as other have said, go when you are ready. This is definitely not a race. It is a path, a journey and can be a lot of fun, why do if it was not fun, right? Take your time, enjoy the journey and do not focus on the destination, because you probably don't even know where that is .... yet. I don't know mine.

[AimeeG]

I think you way want to look at this from a different prospective...

You talked to someone and told him you like to wear dresses!
You got dressed.
You got to the car and started it.
You drove to the bar and sat outside.

I see only two things left in your plan...go inside...order a beer.

Pretty good!

[Julie Gaum]

Shelby, thanks for the further information. The other posts reacted to the bartender the same as I would have -- go in and, as suggested, order a drink to give you something to do once you are inside. Fortunately it would appear that you might have found the perfect place
for a CD who just "wears the clothes" . Kindly fill us in after your visit to that bar. Cynicism comes with age so I mention this one concern
to keep in the back of your mind in the event that your friendly bartender suggests "after-hours" activities --- then get the H---out of there unless you already have other interests --- as General Powell would suggest: "Have a back-up plan".
Julie

[Mssusan]

Put on your big girl panties and go in there! Who knows you might even have a good time!

[julia ann]

I went through the same process sat outside the bar a couple times not dressed...oh stop- not dressed in my female attire. then sat out there a couple of times fully dressed only to leave because I just knew the CD police were waiting for me. Finally went in one night and I had a great time, there were no judges and no one rating weather you were fully dressed en fem or only partly. In other words go in you won't regret it. you won't surprise anyone with your presentation, if a guy in dress is who you are just be who you are and have a good time. Keep us updated please.

[Sarah Beth]

I know the feeling, a few years ago I was on a business trip and discovered the hotel I was staying in was about two blocks from a trans friendly bar. I don't often drink but I thought wow I had my clothes and this was my chance I could get dressed, walk the two blocks and have a beer and slip back to my room. I got dressed, all set to go and each time I tried to open the door and go out I just couldn't get myself to do it. I kept thinking they will all know. I never went out that door and I really regret not doing so. Stilll I don't know if I had the chance again I could do it. (although I probably could have today I have way deep in the proverbial pink fog since early this morning.)

[NathalieX66]

I say go for it!
I've been in the closet for too long in my life until four years ago. I went through the whole guilt and shame routine since age 6.
Sure, you will find snobs, but the trans community respects everyone. You are living life on your terms, that's all that matters. There are no rules.

[Rachelakld]

Here is a thought, put on nice guy shirt and a skirt ( leave bra and forms at home for now)

[Beverley Sims]

Try dressing more androgynously, meaning drop the skirt in favour of obvious womens jeans and a slin fitting blouse, drop the boobs as well for now.
Work out what is acceptable without being too extreme.

[Nikki A.]

The first time is the hardest. no doubt about it. However once you do it you may find you may have a good time. Is there someone you can go with for moral support?

[Tracii G]

Beverley makes a great suggestion work up to it and when you feel accepted go all out.

[Jenniferathome]

...but I just couldn't get over the fear of being laughed at by "both sides."

Shelby, you might be right. Of course, you might be wrong. You know the only way to find out. Good experience or bad, you will survive, the sun will rise, and you'll move on.

[AZashleemarie]

Not to be an advocate of drinking, but the way I did it the first time was while out of town I got a hotel near the bar I wanted to go to and thought I would just walk over no problem. But yeah I had the butterflies in my stomach like crazy after getting all dressed up and my makeup done. I sat down had a drink or two in my room and thought it through. I thought there is no way I am the first CD to go into a CD friendly bar and finished my drink put on a little more perfume and just said screw it I am going. I have now been out probably 20-30 some odd times to bars. Have there been nights where I just wasn't having fun and left early, yeah. But most times I had a great time and met awesome people. Just remember the other cds who go into the bar have all been in your shoes before and will understand your situation. The other awesome thing is there are typically a few ggs who will chat it up with you and compliment you on your looks. I totally understand its nerve wracking as hell the first time, but after that it gets easier and easier.

[stephNE]

One day you will eventually reach the right time and venture into some place and mingle with others. Once you get past the fear, you will see how liberating this feels and then there's no turning back. You may hear a couple disparaging comments, and even see a few evil eyes, but not from everyone. Don't let anything get to you, the good greatly outweighs the few bad.

[samanthasolo]

So you already established your comfort level of how you choose to dress, so the makeup and wig thing is not for you and that is not a problem for you. You are certainly not the only one that feels that or has established that acceptence for yourself and you are certainly not the only one who has just become complacent sitting around the house. You want to fly! Don't be discouraged by fear of what others might think or say, if you remove the fear from the equation then you are not making this about anyone else but you. You want to do this! So go and do it! You can and will do it when you are ready. Once you get in there and break the ice all the worries and butterflies will be gone faster than you think!

[Lynn Marie]

Actually Shelby, I think you pretty much nailed the reactions you can expect from the girls and the boys. At the LGBT club I frequent every Friday evening with my CD girlfriends we who dress up completely get really good reactions especially from the girls! We also attract a number of gentlemen on occasion.

There's also a couple of guys that partially dress that we see now and then. Even though they just don't seem to fit in, they seem happy to continue coming around. Only one of them comes over and visits with the rest of us. He's a good guy, works as a glassier, plays drums in a band, and is perfectly happy in his spandex and platform boots. He just doesn't get the kind of interaction that the rest of us do. He laughs when we threaten to kidnap him and give him a makeover and hair.

[linda allen]

I wouldn't go in either as a "dude in a dress". I wouldn't leave the house like that.

Do your best imitation of a female (including a wig, shaving, makeup, etc.), then go on to the bar. Even if you don't pass, at least you tried and you'll likely be accepted.

[Confucius]

You do not want to be the only guy in a skirt in a bar. If this place is really transgender friendly then where are the other transgender people? Find a place where a guy in a skirt does frequent. You might look for cross-dressing clubs in your area. When you first go out in dress, then go with the support of others.

If you are not passable then you need to rehearse your response to people's questions and insults. For instance, when people ask you what's with the skirt? You should respond with, "why should all men be mindless slaves to the tyranny of trousers". Tell them, "this is about men being free to wear whatever they want. Its about freedom and liberty. Now is the time for men to feel the fresh air up their loins."

[Judith96a]

I got dressed, all set to go and each time I tried to open the door and go out I just couldn't get myself to do it. I kept thinking they will all know. I never went out that door and I really regret not doing so.

Sarah, I wonder how many of us have stood behind a hotel room door thinking exactly that, willing ourselves to open the door and step out but seemingly unable to make either hand move! Been there, and eventually opened the door with room key in other hand just in case. And d'you know what? Yes, the sound of the door closing behind me made me jump; my heart was pounding as I took my first few steps but as I kept on going it was fine!
Next time, I hope that you can just do it. Have fun!

[ShelbyDawn]

Lynn, I would love for you to kidnap me and do a makeover.
:)

[samanthasolo]

Lynn sounds as if the challenge has been bestowed apon you!

[Launa]

I think you need professional help with your look then you'll feel better about yourself.

I started out with help from a pro and after about 7 lessons at 70 bucks a pop I have a good look nailed down that's suited for me. You do need someone that knows how to do MTF transformations because mens skin isn't the same as womens skin and when you use makeup you will need darker colors etc.. Down the road you can then keep experimenting with the ladies in the malls at Sephora and Mac's. After that pro makeover you need to go dressed to a real good wig store. The last time I bought a wig I went to a large wig store for women and I was just looking around because I thought I already had a good wig.
The lady helping me was really good, knew face shapes and good with trans folk. She came out with a few nice wigs, I put on one of them and suddenly my look improved by several points!! So I encourage you to try it and learn to like some things that are necessary for you to look your best!

[ShelbyDawn]

Launa, you are exactly right.
I went to a professional wig store today just to check it out. The difference was amazing.
The wigs I had bought online in the past were down right cheap and looked like it.
Not only were they the wrong color and cut, I was wearing them wrong and let's face it, cheap is cheap. :)
I found a great wig today and am waiting for my next bonus from work to treat myself.
After that I will be finding someplace to do a makeover and we
ll see is my attitude about makeup changes as well. LOL

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback and encouragement.
I plan on trying again one night this week and I will be sure to let everyone know how it goes.

:hugs:

Shelby
BTW, if you are ever in Austin, check out ABBA Wig Salon and ask for Bonnie. She is great!

[Patsy Ann]

Just a thoughg msybe go dressed as man and watch for interaction of others and if there is anyone that you feel are comparable or compatible with you doesnt really matter if your passble or not its more about comfortable accepting enviroment

[Kate Simmons]

You have to do what works for you and what you are comfortable with Hon. :)