Disclosing that you crossdress on an internet dating website

[maya1love]

Hi folks:

I am just wondering, for those of you who have dated through the internet using a male profile, do you disclose that you dress in your personal ad?

Now, I'm not talking about crossdresser dating sites, nor am I speaking of sexual partner sites. I mean -- if you are seeking a long term relationship and you put up a profile, do you disclose?

I would love to hear stories from what worked and what didn't work!

[Kate Simmons]

That is not something I would advertise on the Internet even if I'm open with it. That's something that has to be disclosed one on one as far as I'm concerned.:)

[MichelleinEugene]

Seems like 3rd date material to me. But hey, if you do put it on the profile you're likely to find someone (well actually likely maybe isn't the word) who is ok or even into CD'ers.

[Shanine]

I would not. This is something I would share after many dates with a person, after I have got to know them beyond a bunch of selfies and random moral multiple choice questions about whether I like green tea or earl grey. I am probably just delaying the inevitable, but I just don't feel it should be out there straight out of the gate.

[Tracii G]

Several years back I was posting on a dating site and mentioned I was TG.Even had pics of me in both modes.
I got quite a few responses from both women and men and dated both from that site.
One lady I dated for about a year said it was the fact I was open and honest about who I was that she found interesting.
My advice is let it be known from the beginning that you are TG or a CD that just likes to dress.
That way no surprises down the road.

[daviolin]

Tracii, You hit the nail on the head girl. I think it should be right up front. Because it is an inner you, that will never go away. So she might as well know, right off the git go. Daviolin

[Lorileah]

If dressing is an important part of your life, you should be upfront and honest. It should be presented LONG before you get to the point of intimacy. So if you sleep with someone on the first date typically, you should tell before that.

I will stay with my position that if you keep it secret, you are wasting the other person's time and life by allowing them to believe that things are as they are not.

[maya1love]

Thanks so much for the replies so far. Please remember that the question is whether it should be disclosed in a personal ad, not when in a relationship it should be disclosed. :)

[Rachelakld]

Some things are better left to do in person, once the relationship starts to develop a serious tone (not something I want to shout to the world, nor do I mention on internet who I shagged and when and how, or how many teeth I have etc) .

I told her about my hobby and showed her my collection on about the 12th date, she played dressup with my stuff and after lots of laughter, we ended up in bed

[AllieSF]

Maya, another thing to consider is how out about this you are? Once out on a public dating site with both male and female pics, or just male pics with some type of statement regarding this personal activity of yours, you are basically out to everyone. All you need is one person who knows another person who may know you to start the ball rolling. If you are totally out and do not fear any repercussions, then I think from a practical viewpoint you will have greater success by putting that in your profile. You will attract people who may be or are tolerant and maybe even accepting of this activity. If not, then you will eventually need, or at least should, reveal this important part of who you are to a prospective long term partner.

[JennyLynn]

Well, I have never gone to a dating site, as I choose to get to know others who like to explore their feminine side here. That being said, I would really appreciate getting to know a local CD friend that would like a good homecooked meal, wine, and maybe trying on outfits for the fun of it. It's tough where I live... upstate NY, but a girl can dream!

[dusktreader]

When I've used social dating sites recently, I've been completely up front about being a crossdresser. I wasn't looking for someone who was just 'ok' with me dressing. I wanted to find someone who was interested in that aspect of myself. How you go about pursuing love really depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone who is just tolerant, maybe it is ok to keep it a secret for a while. However, my time was precious, and I didn't want to burn up a few weeks of dating and hopes only to find out my femme side was a deal-breaker. You may not find as many interested people, but at least theres a better chance that the people that you will find will be open and welcoming to all parts of you.

Having a partner that loves the feminine side of you and wants to participate is so wonderful! I will never again look for someone who I just hope will be 'ok' with me en-femme.

[maya1love]

dusktreader, I love your response!! Can you share more about how you found love online?

[Veronnie2]

One of the tributes to my femme side is my honesty as to who and what I am. My name on sites has been non-descript, but if the contact is a person of interest I do tell them up front as to what my life style is. I found that by being open and to the point, some men and women have been interested. I currently have three men who I have dated and been intimate with for over the last 4 years. One has become widowed, and two have wives who are not in the best of health. The wives know of me and have been ok with their hubbies seeing me as a woman. I have also two GG ladies that I have gone out with and also been intimate with for the last 4 years also. My widowed man, and one of the women have expressed a desire for us to live together permanently in a LTR. I have not decided as of yet if I would do this, as I do have my kids and grand children to consider. So with that said, I feel that being honest and forthright in what you say to a possible date is very important. It has worked for me very well, and has made me a very happy gurl. Veronnie2 AKA Veronnica

[dusktreader]

dusktreader, I love your response!! Can you share more about how you found love online?

Well, I had a relationship about 1 1/2 years ago with a woman that I met on OKCupid. I listed as a Male seeking Female, but in my profile very clearly stated that I was a crossdresser and included some pictures of myself dressed. We dated for a while and it was nice, but things just didn't work out. It was still a lot of fun to date a girl that was into my gender fluidity, and we played dress up and even went out dressed up some.

My current relationship just turned 1 year old and is really, really good. We met in person, not on the internet. However, I was very quick to tell her about my feminine side. That's important to me. Getting it out there right away. Rejection is way easier if you haven't formed any attachment yet. My girlfriend is not just accepting of my gender fluidity, she loves it, and that makes me a very happy girl!

[Alice Torn]

I put it in my Plenty of Fish ad, but got no replies at all. Even without mentioning dressing, I only have about one reply a year. I am on a senior dating site, and have not mentioned dressing yet. I get a few more replies on that one, but they are all looking for well off guys, and i am low income.I may try it there.

[linda allen]

If you don't mind outing yourself, go ahead and publish your crossdressing on a dating site. Remember, you have no control over what happens to your information once you post it. It could get back to your family, friends, or place of employment.

[Pandys]

I posted an add on Craig's list stating I was a pt CD looking for someone to chat, friend LTR or whatever. I had one serious response, we talked by phone for hours and have meet once. She is great and I have high hopes. Time will tell.
It was very nice to get the dressing out of the way, we haven't talked much about it but at least she knows , and seems more interested in getting to know me.

I will let you know.

[Beverley Sims]

If you have the ability to remain anonymous, you can bare your soul on the internet.
If you want relationships do not do it.

[chelyann]

if you OK with the world finding out go for it

[JennyLynn]

I think after reading the posts, and considering all the options, that it's probably not the smartest or safest... or for that matter, the most honest way to go. After all, I'm not looking for the type of relationship that dating sites offer. I'm comfortable being married to my wife and intend on staying married. I guess it was just a thought for meeting another CD that I could be friends with. It's so much more complicated than that, but I won't get into details. But, in general, it's probably best for me to just keep keeping on here at this site and if I ever find someone who wants to do a once a year get together for a nice weekend getaway at a quiet resort...well that would be nice. Familiarity and friendship takes time. We all have time!
Jenny

[sexyjean88]

I would not, especially if its not her thing. Maybe if she brings it up, perhaps...

[Janet Bern]

I have put myself on a few sites as a male and have my female picture
So far no takers... lol

[Asche]

I've been wondering about this myself.

I'm perhaps in a different position from most people here, in that I don't present as a woman, and I dress pretty much all the time except at work. So I would feel like I was misrepresenting myself if I showed up to a first date in male drag.

I'm not quite ready to start dating yet; I've been mostly just doing stuff that throws me together with other people (contra dancing, church, chorus, etc.), but haven't met anyone yet, so I think at some point I'm going to have to suck it up and try some dating sites.

[Wildaboutheels]

For some, this CDing thing IS a "hobby" more or less which means no reason to mention it at all. For others [like yourself after looking at your pics] it would be a big fat LIE not to mention it. IMO, your best bet would be one of the "specialized" sites.

Regardless of disclosure, any MALE on any site, especially the free ones, better be ready for a marathon.

[sometimes_miss]

Back in the nineties, when AOL was going strong and they started a dating section, I put up two identical ads, one that mentioned crossdressing, and one that didn't. The 'straight' ad got plenty of responses during the time I had it up and running. The one that mentioned crossdressing, well, there were 23 million AOL'ers, and out of that, I got only a few responses. Prostitutes offering their services, and guys looking for sex. And one woman in England who thought it would be fun to dress me up. At least, she said she was a woman, I'll never really know. That's it. Out of all those people. One.
I've had ads up on Match, Loveaccess, OKCupid, Plentyoffish, alt.com, bondage.com, collarme.com, and a few others I can't even remember anymore. The pattern repeats itself. Prostitutes/callgirls/dominatrix's, and men looking for sex. Virtually no women. The few that I did contact, it was clear that they didn't really like the idea, but were trying to appear willing to put up with it probably because they were such wretched souls that no other man would want them. One was a drug addict who seemed to be making things up as she went along in discussion, the other, a bipolar alcoholic. neither was in the least bit attractive physically. Out of curiosity, I did visit one of the dominatrixes. She was quite nice, after I had explained my situation. But she was strictly professional about it, and insisted that if I wanted to continue to see her, I would have to be one of her slaves, and in addition, it would cost me $1000 a month. And, there would be no physical contact with her.
So the odds of finding someone in the online dating world seem on par with winning the lottery; virtually impossible if you state the crossdressing up front. After 15 years of that, I decided that I would simply have to try another way if I was to ever date again at all. So it's back to the drawing board. I quit actively crossdressing last may. Since then, I've gone out with a few women, but so far, there's no one I really get along with, and that doesn't even include the crossdressing issue. I'd forgotten how difficult it was to meet a good woman. I did study all the dating tricks for the past ten or so years, read all the dating guru books and videos. Still, it's very difficult. It's become much easier to meet women, but meeting one you want to date? That is still difficult. And even then, the crossdressing 'demon' still has to be dealt with.
The bottom line is, of the few women out there in the world that are attracted to crossdressers, they know what a rare person they are and have their pick of the most financially successful crossdressers out there. For the average crossdresser, well, the odds are we'll be alone for the rest of our lives. It's a bleak outlook. There is nowhere to look. The only online crossdresser dating site is inhabited nearly entirely by men. And as all the men list themselves as female, you can't search the profiles for women, as a search will show about 400 males in that search for every GG. Then you have the fake profiles, to get guys like us to pay for the membership so we can try to contact those GG's. Until you pay for your membership, you will get messages of interest supposedly from some quite attractive GG's who have a profile up on the site. But you can't respond to them unless you're a paying member. So, you pay up, and write back to those women that you got a message from. Then.....either they never respond, or say that they never wrote to you in the first place. If you do search for GG's, and write to them, you either get no answer or a polite 'no thanks'. Most of the GG profiles go up and come down with regularity. I finally spotted a ringer, a profile with a picture that I was sure I'd seen before. Sure enough, it was a stock photo used in another advertisement.

Edit: I think it was about four or five years ago, there was a group of predators hunting us. A crossdresser was contacted online, I can't remember for sure if it was match or POF. But a woman contacted him, and when he went to meet her, her friends yelled at him that he was a pervert and then proceeded to beat him up so badly that he wound up in intensive care. It wound up in the news.

[maya1love]

sometimes_miss, I so appreciate your frank outlook on this...after reading everyone's posts, I think I will leave the crossdressing aspect out of my dating profile...

[Ressie]

After reading the post from sometimes_miss it sounds like meeting women in the real world is a better way to go. I have trust issues either way at this point in my life.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes Miss, It is sad, but, unfortunately true, that in our great country, it is almost impossible to meet a right GG. No wonder so many men got to the Philippines, or Russia, or Eastern Europe, to find loving mates. I am 59, and have about thrown in the towell, as far as dating, and marriage goes. I am poor, and have little to offer an American woman, too. Wasn't there a song back in the late 1960's, :American Woman " "stay away from Mee hee." I have been on a lot o personal ads, including one for CD's, without a date for years, other than several male admirers. I don't know how a nation can go on, when relationships and love, even without the dressing issue, seem impossible to find.

[Bootsiegalore]

My advice is let it be known from the beginning that you are TG or a CD that just likes to dress.
That way no surprises down the road.

I totally agree. This way you do not even hear from the ones that are completely non-accepting and waste both of your time meeting and dating....

[SaturnGreed]

I personally don't. I feel like there's too much of a negative stigma for us and I rather avoid that. I would love to learn about someone being successful so i might want to follow in their footsteps. But i find casual dating places like at http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/blacktryst/ are more open and understanding.

[Princess29]

I have decided that I am going to try and face up to that side of me. I have had little to no success in the dating world and am way beyond sick of it. What I have been doing sure as hell is not working and so I have to do something about it. On a new site that I have joined, they ask for a private disclosure and I put on there about "frocking up" and knowing how hard it is to walk in heels. I have had one response so far and she may not have read my whole profile, I'm not sure. If it works out, she is pretty much the same size as me so that would be a bonus.
I have recently gotten to know a new GG friend and she has been great and very supportive and makes me feel good about myself and I found out tonight that I am well and truly in "Friendsville" with her. I am her "androgynous friend" as opposed to a guy or a girl. I have invested too much of myself emotionally with her and while her friendship is great, I was hoping for much more.
As for the posters original question, I have disclosed it and we'll see what happens. My brother in law told me I should not mention it and that I should try and deny my feelings of being a crossdresser if I want to have any hope of meeting someone. He means well but just doesn't understand that denying feelings can be unhealthy for you too

[Jessicajane]

I am married and have no intentions of being unfaithfull but to my horror by getting rid of a pop up I found my Jessica picture posted on a dating site...obviously there was no profile but it took basic details from my facebook page saying I was a man looking for a woman ...with me dressed to the 9's...!!...the first I knew about it was I received this strange post from a woman asking me "flowers or chocolate"? which I actually thought was a lovely approach and had I not been happily married I surely would have responded...but I am happily married and got of the site as quick as my fingers could type....!!

I know being secrative is not nice and causes pain I am bloody sure that I would not have 20 years of marriage and 3 cute as children to my name if I had opened up, it was painfull when it came out fully but sometimes honesty is not always the best policy...the right one yes but not always the best outcome.