Opening up completely.. slammed or supported

[JennyLynn]

Here's my confession. Please don't pile on me about what is, just some advice would be helpful. I'm married, happily so. My wife and I don't have sexual relations, but I love her so. She says she has lost all interest. Okay, but it's tough. Alot of advice has come through abought therapy and such. Let's not go there. I'm opening up. I am a mix between a man and a woman. I love being a woman, I love being a man. I would love a friend who is the same. I have often thought I would love a CD lover, a CD friend... but most of all, just someone who understands and appreciates who I am. Yes, I'm in the closet. I will never let this side of me out to my wife. I love her and will never leave her. I do, however, so much would like a friend who shares my passions for being a woman.

Okay, I know...Now I will get all the "counseling" crap... it's not that simple. So please, don't let this go into a marriage counseling session.

I guess the point here is, is there anyone out there that is happy in their relationship.. or not in a relationship..that would ever consider having another CD as a friend.... sexual or not? I'm so sorry that I'm opening up like this. I feel like a fool and am sure that I'm going to get blasted, but it is what it is...I am what I am.. I just would like some advice. I would never go to a "support" group. YOU are my support group!:)

Please don't get me wrong here. A friend would be as good as a lover, but I just feel like spilling my guts tonight.

Jenny

[Nadine Spirit]

Tough spot to be in Jenny. I am sorry for your woes. It must be hard.

I never thought I would ever have another CD as a friend, but recently I have changed my mind. The short answer is yes, I would certainly consider having a CD as a friend. I think that friendship would need to be based on something more than just CDing, but yeah CDs are people too and we are all worthy of friendship.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jenny,

I could see myself having a CD friend as we share something in common. The same way I have friends who share common interests (men and women both). Friend yes but lover "no".

Hugs

Isha

[Rachael Leigh]

Jenny your not crazy, I mean I too enjoy those here and how easy it is to be here and be me. My wife knows but not accepting and have often thought how nice it would be to have a CD friend I could meet in person and talk girl talk so to speak. This is such a great outlet for me to express myself and be open and not hide so yeah I'm with you for sure.

[reb.femme]

Jenny,

Your life is your life, but taking a lover of whatever sex would surely upset the apple cart, would it not? I think it would be best for that element to remain a fantasy for the sake of your relationship with your wife. Trouble is, if you have 'just a CD friend' through some avenue that is unknown to your wife, you risk the brown stuff hitting the fan big style if / when found out. All sounds risky to me. Sorry to come across as a big negative, but just considering the ramifications of your hidden friend or whatever becoming known.

Not trying to be a moral compass or marriage counseling, just seen wife swap couples etc coming to grief all too often. I feel the missing friendship bit myself. I have a local support group but have pulled away from it of late, as it all seems a bit staid and not all it's cracked up to be.

Rebecca

[JennyLynn]

Oh my God... the relationship would so have to be qualified by being friends first. It's so not a sexual thing first. I would have to totally adore someone to be not only friends, but especially something more. And that's not even what I totally want,....just a friend.. dinner, drinks, friendship... cards, trying on clothes... all the things that aren't sex. I've passed on so many women in my life because I didn't like them... hot or not... I am the same with CD friends. I would just so love a friend regardless of the silly sexual stuff... that's maybe... and I say MAYBE, icing on the cake. I don't know, as I've never been there or done that. It takes so much to be close to somebody and I would never get too close too fast. And maybe never close at all

[JennyLynn]

Please don't get me wrong here. I am in no way looking for anything "sexual". Please do not take me out of context! I'm just opening up and expressing myself. I know how things can get misinterpreted sometimes by these sites and text, and email. I'm just saying that it would be a possibillity if , and when (if ever), I found a good friend. I'm just opening up and please don't blast me or misinterpret my post.

[reb.femme]

................. I'm just opening up and please don't blast me or misinterpret my post.

Not judging, your life is yours my friend, not mine.........or anyone else's. I know what you are saying, but I'm just adding a perspective.

Rebecca

[Melissa73]

hey o totaly understand how u feel... i think it is how i am feeling! i am out to a few, dress whenever i am home. and currently separated, seeking divorce (not related to my cding). However, i am not interested in another Sexual relationship. i am more focused on expressing my "girl" side and mmaking friends who understand me.


melissa

[donnalee]

Neither of you has any physical interest in the other and you don't mind? Sounds like it's already an ex marriage. One of several things might be happening here:
1. You are so deep into the Pink Fog you haven't been noticing your wife trying to get your attention.
2. She's getting someone else's attention.
3. She no longer finds you attractive.
4. You no longer find her so.
5. A near infinite number of variations on the above.

At the very least, you need to sit down and talk to each other about what's going on, with or without a referee.

[JennyLynn]

Donnalee,
Number 3 is as close as you get. But thank you for the effort. It's better to ask first and advise later. Sorry for being so blunt, but this is what I feared... or feared I might regret, from this thread. Quick judgments are usually not the most useful. Not being bitchy here, but you jump to alot of conclusions quite quickly. I do look forward to your thoughts though. I welcome them.

[Mssusan]

I'm not qualified to answer your question, just to make a couple of observations.

First, I think that your feelings are natural and expected. You're repressing two major urges in your marriage, sex and dressing. That must be really awful, even if you have a great relationship with your wife otherwise. True you do have this board to share your feelings, but virtual goes only so far. I totally get why you'd like a CD friend to pal around with.

That does bring up the question of cheating....even if there's no sex involved. If you develop a closer than usual platonic relationship with someone other than your wife, is it cheating? Especially if she doesn't know (since she doesn't know about your dressing anyway)? It would be kind of like emotional cheating I guess. At least I would see it that way both as a participant and if I was the wife and found out.

That's just me though. You didn't want to be told to do the obvious things, so I won't. Just wanted to offer my sympathies for the really tough situation you're in and my own perspective on what you're thinking about doing.

Best of luck

[Jenni Yumiko]

Without questioning your platonic relationship, my best opinion mirrors below. With the lack of sex, your needs aren't being met which is heightening your curiosity and or need to be with other CDs.
I don't believe the need to be social, physically is always a natural progression in a CDs mind, being able to talk about like interests though regardless of the content is
Personally, I prefer the fact that I can talk to my gg friends about my "CD stuff" and prefer that 100 times over talking to another "guy in a dress"
That's not to say however, I am not or would not be friends with a guy in CD mode, it just hasn't worked out that way.
The other thing is most guys I know, myself included, think with their penis, and I feel there would always be a "hidden agenda" hanging out with another CD.
For your CD lover option, that's entirely your bed, if your looking for agreement for justification, that's a conversation better suited with your wife as opposed to an Internet forum.

[Tracii G]

Why would you never go to a support group meeting?
I find this really odd that is there where you make friends of like mind.
A support group isn't like going to counseling in a medical atmosphere.It is people meeting others and talking about your lives and experiences.
Its not like an orgy where everybody rips off their clothes.
It amazes me that people want to make CD friends so they can hang out or whatever but won't make the effort to actually do it.

Sorry if that sounded like a rant but ladies it won't happen until you make it happen.

[Rachael Leigh]

I am going to say something that may help here. I did meet another guy twice in my life but this was associated with another fetish that I was into. It did include dressing however but as little girls. It was meant to be fun to dress up together but the second meeting we did end up having relations, so with that I felt terrible and it took me years to overcome it and even longer to tell my wife. Fortunately it did not end in divorce but it put a strain on us. So yes be careful and make sure if you find a friend you might set some boundaries

[Tracii G]

I will add this: joining a support group was the best decision I ever made

[Launa]

I have a few CD friends, its nothing sexual at all for me. We are just friends and that's it.

A girl has to have friends you know!

[Taylor186]

The support group I joined a few years ago was more of a social group. It was a great experience to meet and talk to other CDs/TGs and a few TSs and wives when they came, in a private, members only setting. But I found out pretty quickly that a common interest in clothes alone does not make for much of a friendship.

[julia marie]

A CD friend? Why not?
It's clear you're not looking for a sexual relationship. So, go for the friendship, whatever they are wearing. Someone to talk to and enjoy sharing ideas/concerns with. No strings there.

[ssandy]

Hi Jenny and welcome to my world...I have the same desires as you do but how do we make it work?

[Tracii G]

Taylor that is true but maybe one out of 20 or so could become a friend.
Chances are pretty good you can find someone you click with.
What I'm saying is at least trying is much better than just dreaming about it or thinking it will never happen.
If you want something you have to go out and get it.

[Lynn Marie]

Sure sounds like you're looking for an emotional attachment to another person, preferably an understanding CD. This is really common among people with marriages that have grown cold. An emotional attachment isn't about sex, it's about being loved by another human being. I'm out the door, I make friends easily, I love easily, and I have lovely CD girlfriends. I'm also happily unattached!

You're not out, avoiding support groups, and not interested in counseling. See the problem here?

[Beverley Sims]

Jenny,
Now you have got that off your chest, work on your marriage.
Pander to your wife's desires and probably she may come around to your way of thinking a little.

Forget about the CD friend, you will probably fall into the well of loneliness going there.
Counseling can be crap also, if your wife suggests you both go there, do it.
What you need is to take a step back, look at yourself and where you are now.

You love your wife, there is no sexual participation and you fantasise about having an external lover.
You are already being a w****r so maybe that can be a suitable replacement for sex.
Forget the lover and work on what you already have by compromising and things will surely get better.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenny, That kind of sounds like my story although my wife knows about my dressing but doesn't want to see it.
I dress in the morning before she gets up I know my boundarys and stay within them and life's good.

[Taylor186]

Taylor that is true but maybe one out of 20 or so could become a friend.
Chances are pretty good you can find someone you click with.
What I'm saying is at least trying is much better than just dreaming about it or thinking it will never happen.
If you want something you have to go out and get it.

@ Traci - I agree with everything you say here (including the one in 20 estimate).

I guess I wasn't clear so I will say again: joining the support/social group was an excellent experience. While I no longer attend those monthly meeting they were an important step in my CD journey of discovery. Given what JennyLynn is saying, it would be my first step out of the dark closet.

[JennyLynn]

Thank you all for your kind responses...even the slight slap up side the head!:) I guess I deserve that. I've been doing a bit of whining lately and it's time to just accept things the way they are and make the best of it. I do appreciate the advice about a support group, but the logistics of a move such as that are not feasible. The nearest one (and yes, I've looked into it!) is many miles away in a big city and it seems most of the meetings are at night or the weekends. That would be a tough one to explain, not to mention having to leave my house as my man side, get a hotel room, dress, go to the group, back to the hotel room, undress...shower.... I think you get where I'm coming from. It would just not work. Sooooo that being all clumsily said, I guess you nice folks will be my support group. As far as my hopes for having a CD friend local, well, let's just say that after reading some posts here, I've come to the conclusion that it's maybe not such a good idea to pursue that. Too many dangers involved. Not knowing the motivations of someone else, might lead to problems and problems I don't need. I'll just be thankful for my time as Jenny and let things be.
Again, thanks for all your comments and suggestions!

Jenny

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes just some honest talking with a good friend helps. :)

[Tracii G]

Taylor you are right about a support group being a way out of the dark closet.I totally agree.
Jenny I hope you get it all sorted out. I was in your shoes 8 years ago so I do understand your situation.

[sometimes_miss]

The problem you very well could easily eventually face, would be your desire to have a CD lover. Often, people who are friends with someone they who they MIGHT be attracted to, begin to believe that the 'friend' is having sexual desires for them as well, simply because as friends that person is so nice to them. It's a problem that I've had with gay men and fat women throughout my life so often, that I've unfortunately wound up deciding not to be too close or friendly to any of those people because I got tired of them thinking I had romantic desires for them that I did not, and it wound up screwing up the friendship and their feelings hurt because I did not share their attraction.
So be careful when you choose your CD friends, and make sure you're both on the same page about what type of relationship each of you are open to, and once that's out in the open, STICK TO IT. Don't start to think the other person has changed their mind just because you wish it to be that way, that happens all to often even in straight platonic relationships.

[JennyLynn]

Sometimes,
Point well taken. The heart of it all is to be honest and don't play games. That's me to a T!!! I would never lead anybody on and would say if it's not a match.