Are you still a crossdresser if?

[Ginger Maxim]

I love dressing SEXY. I like very high heel shoes/boots with point spikey heels. Lots of sparkles and bling.
I love sexy bras and panties. I enjoy wearing skin tight outfits that show off my bulg.

Nylons OMG Corsets and waist cincher and breast forms.

Unfortunately, I had a purge a while ago and threw out EVERYTHING.

I had so many gorgeous outfits, waist belts, dresses. OMG I wish I was more comfortable with CDing...

I think the big part of it is, I have NO ONE that supports me. Friends, family no one...

I would think that if I had a great support group, I wouldn't purge ever again and be comfortable with cding and have a super large closet full.

What do you all think. Love to hear your thoughts...

Ginger....

[Nadine Spirit]

Yes you are still cross dresser. I think in fact you are like the vast majority of cross dressers. The guilt, the shame, the purging, the longing for what you used to have, the lack of a support group, wanting to feel sexy, etc. Would you still feel the same/experience the same things if you had a great support group? Probably.

I think most of us are vastly confused as to why we do what we do, and even though there are many others out there that enjoy the same things, it is still quite confusing.

The only thing that has made me be comfortable with cross dressing, is actually cross dressing more than I ever have. That and realizing that the negative voices were coming first from within my own head. I have had to learn to tell the voices that they are wrong. There is nothing wrong with cross dressing, regardless of what parts of my brain continue to whisper as I catch my reflection in the mirror.

[Rachael Leigh]

Yeah I'm like you not much support except here and I love so many things about the clothes, just wish I was better with makeup. I almost went out today to buy gas in my car but chickened out just don't see the point unless I've got CD friends and yeah I understand those who say just blend Im so afraid I don't even do that.

I'm here for ya sister

[Ginger Maxim]

Nadine, you LOOK absolutely gorgeous in your avatar. OMG...

[Ginger Maxim]

Thank you both...
I also wish I could be with someone fully made up. That has never happened. You?

[Beverley Sims]

Ginger,
I think even without support you still should not purge.
You should find friends in time.
There are a lot of others in the same situation, you are not alone.

[Nadine Spirit]

Nadine, you LOOK absolutely gorgeous in your avatar. OMG...

That is sweet of you, thanks. It was such an off-hand photo taken with my phone while stuck in traffic. But I do really like it.

[Tracii G]

Ginger purging is never good.Very hard on the wallet/purse.
Getting out and CDing more often helped me get over a bunch of fears.I'm with Nadine on this one I was the same way.

[Ginger Maxim]

Ginger,
I think even without support you still should not purge.
You should find friends in time.
There are a lot of others in the same situation, you are not alone.

I have been dressing for almost 30 years and yet to find a soul.

[Ginger Maxim]

That is sweet of you, thanks. It was such an off-hand photo taken with my phone while stuck in traffic. But I do really like it.

you look a bit like a traffic specialist in Detroit, Erin Nicole.
https://www.facebook.com/ErinNicoleWXYZ

[Erica Marie]

Gurl if you need a support group we all are here for you. We may not be able to meet in person but we are jusr a forum post or a private message away. I found alot of very nice people here to converse with, we feel like friends yet never met. Keep your head up and stay strong and for gods sakes, dont throw anything away anymore!!!!!

[Ginger Maxim]

The big issue is, that I don't think I am a typical CD. I have alot of likes and dislikes and thoughts that I have never seen written on forums.
No no there not illegal or taboo or anything, but just not your typical crossdresser mode.
It feel that lately I need to express myself in ways I have never done and I feel stressed out because I don't have any avenue that I would feel comfortable doing right now.

P.S. Erica do you mean you want me to message you?

[Rachelakld]

I was in the same situation. So to change that, I would dress up and regularly go to a coffee shop to relax. Over the years I got to know the staff and now often have polite charts about weather, family, cars etc (okay now I'm a regular at many cafes)

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've said it before, I think many of us just want to look sexy, in the same way GGs do. That is, some way of displaying our body in an overtly physical/sexual way. Trouble is, the social norms in a lot of the world tells us "Men don't do that"

So, our minds then think, "Well, if I can't do that as a man, I'll be a woman" and we end up wearing actual female items, such as you have described Ginger. Don't take this as a criticism, I understand the need you have to dress like this. For the most part, there aren't any items like this for men. There is no road map for us to follow.

I'm not saying this is how everyone thinks, but I do believe a significant percentage of us have ended up where we are because of this. For myself, it has become a desire to be able to wear skirts, and stockings or thigh highs. I am currently experimenting with various types of skirts, colours, accessories. I'm looking for a style that allows me to present as a man, without it looking too weird. A lot of the looks I come up with are satisfying to me, but are so far outside the norms that it won't be accepted, yet.

Baby steps. I am extremely fortunate that my GF is not only accepting, but this resonates with her female equality beliefs, so she is in a lot of ways, actively encouraging.

[NathalieX66]

You can't wish this stuff away. It is your identity, whether you like it or not.

Self acceptance is step one....which is the easiest part.

Having the external world beyond your own body & self to accept you is step two. That is, and always be the tough part, and there are no easy answers, and no guarantee that things will work out for the better. Going to the coffee shop in a miniskirt and high heels is easy. Telling your wife/gf/family/ friends has it's risks, and hopefully some rewards. You know yourself best. I have these battles too, some have been won but other battles I still have a ways to go yet.

[Jenniferathome]

I love dressing SEXY. I like very high heel shoes/boots with point spikey heels. Lots of sparkles and bling.
I love sexy bras and panties. I enjoy wearing skin tight outfits that show off my bulg.....

You have confused sexy with ****ty. Regarding purging. Don't do it except to weed out things you don't wear any more.

[mykell]

that has been my history of CDing, no more purging, just embraced the color pink, have been looking at corsets not sure about breast-forms. waiting to tell the mrs. after denying and hiding my whole life. finally accepted its part of me, lurked tri-ess 3yrs back, joined here recently, first photo ever, first forum, online friends special !!! liberating. dressed for 43 years on and off, never met anyone as of yet ,

[Ginger Maxim]

You have confused sexy with ****ty. Regarding purging. Don't do it except to weed out things you don't wear any more.

I hear you all say that i should embrace my choice to dress. But then I hear (hope I am not taking this wrong) i confuse sexy with ****ty. Well if I choose to dress ****ty, that should be ok as well. Since I am only dressing at home, I don't see a thing wrong with it.

[Jenniferathome]

I made a distinction not a commandment.

[Lucy_Bella]

Ginger ,
I dress the same way.. I am a fetish dresser but yet still a cder.. Regular everyday female attire does nothing for me ..In fact I tried and wearing them is just plain boring it has to be sexy ***ty for me or not at all..

[Ginger Maxim]

Ginger ,
I dress the same way.. I am a fetish dresser but yet still a cder.. Regular everyday female attire does nothing for me ..In fact I tried and wearing them is just plain boring it has to be sexy ***ty for me or not at all..

Thanks Lucy, I love the ****ty, I guess it makes me feel dirty and the fantasy to be the dirty gurl and letting him have his way with me, is just so exciting. But still have not had in encounter in over 12 years and its just getting worse in my cravings. OMG!!! I want it so bad.

[LelaK]

I like to dress sexy too. But I don't know what ****ty is supposed to mean.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Self acceptance is step one....which is the easiest part.

Having the external world beyond your own body & self to accept you is step two. That is, and always be the tough part, . For some, it can be the other way round.


I like to dress sexy too. But I don't know what ****ty is supposed to mean. The 4 asterisks are replacing a word that the filters on this forum won't allow. Another word for it is slattern. The most common understanding of the word is "a woman of easy virtue"

I too, would like to dress sexy, but in an understated, classy way. My GF is quite accomplished at this look, and often dresses in a way I wish I could find a suitable male equivalent. Smart, neat, flattering to her build and best features.

[Ginger Maxim]

For instance I like to wear my tight catsuit, it shows my curves and my tool.

[kimdl93]

Yes, just an unsupported cross dresser.

[Glenda58]

There are groups in Canada that you could hook up with. Years ago when I was still going out I went to Windsor dressed to meet some of the girls at the casino. So don't purge there must be someone here that can help you I've been away to long.

[Tracii G]

There are plenty of CD sites that are full of ****ty girls.If that is your thing go for it I'm sure you can find a willing partner.

[docrobbysherry]

The big issue is, that I don't think I am a typical CD. I have alot of likes and dislikes and thoughts that I have never seen written on forums.
No no there not illegal or taboo or anything, but just not your typical crossdresser mode.
It feel that lately I need to express myself in ways I have never done and I feel stressed out because I don't have any avenue that I would feel comfortable doing right now.
Please don't feel I'm making fun of u, Ginger. I'm not. But, u sound a bit naive. I think u r pretty new here? U r what we refer to as "closet dresser". MOST of us here r that. Because we can dress as sexy, nasty, crazy, etc. as we like. We're completely at ease with no one to see and/or disapprove. And, sex is part of it for many of us!
U think you're so odd? I wear a female silicone suit and masks! To me, all the REST of u closet CD's r different!

Then, there r those of us that go out. When I do that, I leave my really outrageous stuff at home. I have a completely different attitude when I dress and go out. I compromise my outfits to blend. I'm usually stressed to a greater or lesser degree. Sex never comes to my mind when out!

Hang out here for awhile. Make friends and get tips on where to go to meet others. My very first trip out and first meeting with other dressers was 4,000 miles away from home a year after coming out here. Eventually, you'll find Ginger's way to what she wants!

[Ginger Maxim]

I totally agree that I am naive. But what I have found is that, there are all types out there. As for me I believe I might be an Androgyne Crossdreser with outrageous dressing habits. I think it has more wild sexual connotations for me. My fantasies lead me to dream and fantasize about lots of "fun" stuff, but have never happened. I haven't even had a gay sexual encounter in over 12 years and then I have only had been with 4-5 guys in my life. For some reason as I am getting older, my fantasies are stronger then ever to be with a guy.
My morals do not allow me to do so as I am in a relationship with a lady and she won't let me as I beat around the bush about my bisexuality and she says I can't have a man for fun.

[NicoleScott]

I find it strange that banned words are allowed to be used by substituting a few letters with asterisks, and allow defining the word so that everyone exactly what was intended. More unfortunate is that ****ty is defined by many to be any style of dress that is less conservative than their own. The distinction between sexy and ****ty is in the mind of the observer. Go tell Dr. Phil, whose wife wears makeup, dangly earrings, high heels that she dresses ****ty, or go to your local church and point out the sl*ts to the pastor, whose wife may be one of them, or to a club and call women who wear sultry makeup, high heels and show a little leg that they dress ****ty when everyone think it's pretty darn sexy. Judgmental prudes can keep your cardigans.

[linda allen]

Reading your first two sentences, I believe you have a fetish.

As for being a crossdresser, if you wear women's clothing, you are a crossdresser by definition. If you get rid of your women's clothes and don't wear them any more, you are no longer a crossdresser. You could call yourself a "former crossdresser" if you wish or just not bother with a label.

You might find more support if you wore more normal women's clothes.

[Ginger Maxim]

I still have women's clothes and I still wear clothes.

[AmyGaleRT]

Ginger, I purged once...obviously, I was still a crossdresser. In fact, after I was free to dress again, I came back stronger than ever!

At least, the second time, I avoided purging, and just stored my clothes. :)

So yes, you're still a crossdresser. Personally, I believe that, once the crossdressing bug gets into your veins, the only thing that gets it out again is embalming fluid. ;)

- Amy

[Contessa]

I am a transgenderist. I could not go back to having a male image. And especially couldn't go back and forth. I have go completely female. The only thing is I will never have SRS. No problem for me. I gave away all my male clothes. A crossdresser is always a crossdresser no matter if they are dressed or not. Think about it when taking a shower you're still a crossdresser.

Tess

[Desirae]

If you get rid of your women's clothes and don't wear them any more, you are no longer a crossdresser. You could call yourself a "former crossdresser" if you wish or just not bother with a label.

I don't buy into this at all. Just because you got rid of your clothes, doesn't make you not a crossdresser. For you to be a "former crossdresser", your desire to dress would have to go away. Crossdressing is something you (we) are, not something you wear. It might not be a great comparison, but just because an alcoholic doesn't have a drink in ten years, doesn't mean that person is not still an alcoholic. If the desire to dress is still within you, you are a crossdresser. I don't think it takes the actual act of dressing to become a crossdresser. I think that even if you NEVER dressed, but if you have the desire to dress, then you are still a crossdresser. I think the word crossdresser more clearly describes our essence than it does the actual wearing of the opposite gender's clothing. That might just be me, though, I guess.

[NicoleScott]

Desirae, I agree with you (post #36, just above), with a "but...."
I used to chat a lot in AOL CDer chat rooms, and talked to a lot of guys who I know were CDers who never crossdressed, for their own reasons, mostly because they just couldn't admit it to themselves. But the desire was always there, and I suppose such is the case for many lurkers and admirers. Whatever is going inside their heads, they can't be accused of being a crossdresser, because they never crossdressed - that being necessary for the label - in their minds.
Here's the "but..." There have been many threads about straight CDers fantasizing about being with men while crossdressed. Many are quick to label such fantasizers as "gay but in denial", using the same argument.

[linda allen]

In your firtst post you state: "Unfortunately, I had a purge a while ago and threw out EVERYTHING."

Now you "still have women's clothes and I still wear clothes."

Which is it?

Again, if you wear women's clothing, you are a crossdresser by definition. If you get rid of your women's clothes and don't wear them any more, you are no longer a crossdresser.

You can figure out for yourself if you are still a crossdresser.