Question about support groups.

[Julie1123]

I've been considering lately whether or not I might want to find a support group. My main concern is that I'm pretty much just a home dresser. I do underdress from time to time though. Maybe someday going out dressed might be fun, its one of those things that the decision whether or not to has been put off until sometime later on down the road. So I guess my question is for those that have been to support groups, have you ever gone, or seen others, in guy mode?

[KayleeTaylor]

Yes, sometimes people will show up in drab due to just getting off work, etc. But, for the most part, they will show up enfemme. It would seem there is always 1 or 2 going in drab always. There are also some in the group that have no desire to pass, they just like the clothes. They look like big burly rednecks in dresses :)

[Tiffanyselkoe]

My first meeting was in guy mode but after that I felt more at ease with just being myself. My wife actually attended the last meeting with me. She is so awesome!

[sometimes_miss]

One group was hosted by the therapist my ex and I were seeing before we divorced; it was overseen by the therapist to keep everything under control, should any arguments happen, which, happily, none did. The problem is, a lot of people are going to know that you're a crossdresser, and some of them really believe that it's in your, and everyone's, best interest that you be OUT. So even if they don't intentionally out you, since they see no problem with being out, at some point they may accidentally do something that may let other people know that you are a crossdresser.
Example. Say, you're at a mall. You see one of these nice guys. Who smiles, walks over and greets you, and mentions that he saw a dress you might like over at the Limited store, and that they have your size because he was looking, and he's a similar size to you. Now, nothing bad intended, but if your wife, girlfriend, friend or child is over by the window of another store and can overhear you, it could be a BIG, BIG problem. Be careful.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

The Support group I joined had no problem attending in either female or "drab" male mode.

Actually I usually went in drab as my kids are older but do not know of Linda and were up and about at home. I could change in the Ladies room at the meeting but that really sucked the one time I did it.

Talk to the moderator and get their take on going in drab.

The caution about being careful always applies. I have pretty much stopped going to the local group as they are taking a direction I do not agree with. Consequently I started speaking out against their positions. Since I am in the closet and most of them are not I was at risk of exposure should they decide to take that step.

Good Luck

[AmyGaleRT]

Julie, as an example, the Meetup group I act as event organizer for has a number of rules, one of which states that attendees are not required, or necessarily expected, to crossdress. We've had attendees that showed up in drab; after our last meeting, one of them accompanied me to the Black Crown, along with another that had come en femme, and we spent some time talking. We also have facilities there where those people who want to change on-site can do so.

- Amy

[Beverley Sims]

I think some have a rule where you can attend as a guy on limited occasions, if not all the time.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm very fortunate to be a part of the Emerald City Social Club which is well organized, has meetings, board meetings, and other social events. I also hang out with their much less organized subsidiary of the Red Hat Ladies. And if that wasn't enough, I attend the completely unorganized North Sound Irregulars in their Friday evenings out of drinking, dancing, mutual appreciation, and flirting. We've had folks show up in everything from drag queen to 3 piece suit. Keep in mind that if you show up in a suit and look halfway decent you might have to take me out for the evening! Semi-kidding, don't get your knickers in a bunch. I'm not a cheap date!

[Julie1123]

Thanks for all the feedback. It is appreciated.

[Cheryl T]

Yes, in out group though you must present as a woman at your initial meeting. It's kind of a security thing to keep the looky-loos away and protect all the members. We offer a room to change and a separate room for the meeting.
After that many of our members have come drab for one reason or another.

[Desirae]

One group was hosted by the therapist my ex and I were seeing before we divorced; it was overseen by the therapist to keep everything under control, should any arguments happen, which, happily, none did. The problem is, a lot of people are going to know that you're a crossdresser, and some of them really believe that it's in your, and everyone's, best interest that you be OUT. So even if they don't intentionally out you, since they see no problem with being out, at some point they may accidentally do something that may let other people know that you are a crossdresser.
Example. Say, you're at a mall. You see one of these nice guys. Who smiles, walks over and greets you, and mentions that he saw a dress you might like over at the Limited store, and that they have your size because he was looking, and he's a similar size to you. Now, nothing bad intended, but if your wife, girlfriend, friend or child is over by the window of another store and can overhear you, it could be a BIG, BIG problem. Be careful.


This is the major reason that I have not attended any local support group meetings. Who the heck do these people think they are to take upon themselves the decision for someone else to be "out" about their CDing, or anything else for that matter? No one but YOU should have the right to decide that. There are many reasons that people may not be out or cannot come out. It is nobody's business to decide that for you. I couldn't care less if they think it is in the best interest of the group or community. Far too many people like bringing company into their misery. Maybe they were outed against their wishes. I think its almost like being raped in a sense. Rape victims identities aren't made public for a reason. This kind of behavior only puts another black eye on this community. You don't see people doing that at AA meetings or other support group meetings. I lost a job because of this type of crap. If and when I want to be out, I will. Until that point my decision not to be out should be respected. No one else knows my situation. I'm sure there are CDs or transsexuals who have jobs with 6 figure incomes, which would be in great jeopardy, should they be outed. There are seriously negative ramifications for many and no one other than the person who would be affected by being out should be making those kinds of decisions that can have serious implications for ones life going forward.

I better stop now before I say something I might regret. This just makes me so angry that there are people out there who would do this to someone. :Angry3:

[AmyGaleRT]

OMG Desirae, I totally get that. In the rules for our group I mentioned earlier, the #1 most important rule is confidentiality! Among other things, we are forbidden to openly indicate, in public, any familiarity with anyone we might recognize through our group meetings. And no one is required to disclose any personal information, either; most of the group knows me only as "Amy," and only a few key people know what even my male first name is.

I sympathize with not wanting to publicly "out" people, too. I don't have a 6-figure income from my job, but it's not much under that. I wouldn't be in jeopardy of losing my job even if it were known that I was TG, thanks to Colorado law, but I still don't want myself deliberately outed like that, without my consent.

Whatever this group is that's doing that, could very well be doing more harm than good.

- Amy

[Brooklyn]

I actually attended my first Tri-Ess meeting en drab. What a wonderful experience to walk into a whole room full of people like us! Our meetings are at an undisclosed, safe location because most CDers are not out.

[Princess Chantal]

In the Masquerade social group that I'm a member of (okay truthfully, I'm in my second stint as pesident) we welcome any mode to our meetings and events whether it is full femme appearance, partial crossdressed or in drab. There usually is more presentations of full femme and drab than it is partial. I have attended in all 3 modes. The monthly meetings are in a discreet location so there is no stress on appearance.

[AmyGaleRT]

Our group's meetings are at The Gender Identity Center of Colorado (http://www.gicofcolo.org), which is a safe and welcoming space for all transgendered individuals, from crossdressers to transsexuals and everything in between.

- Amy

[Tracii G]

Ours meets at the GLSO pride center.You can dress if you want its not a requirement.
We have a room you can dress in prior to the meeting but most come dressed.
It's a nice friendly and safe environment and we usually hit O'charley's restaurant after the meeting.