Don't hate being a guy but...

[JuliaC]

Im starting to want to be a girl more and more. I have never hated being a guy but I have a growing desire to start taking hormones. I have a weird desire to want to transition to be a woman...crossdressing is just a way to wear the clothes. I feel like I want to live life as a woman. My issue is I have never hated being a guy...I don't feel like I am in the wrong body...I just want to be a woman.

[Gillian Gigs]

The first place to start then, is counselling. You need help in sorting out all of the stuff going on within your mind. Then once you have total clarity in your mind, you can move forward to the next step.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think many of us feel that way! Present company included! If that's what you want then only you can make it happen! Good luck!

[Lorileah]

Common misconception is that every TS hates who they are. It is not true. Most are ambivalent until something triggers a thought. We live in our brains and in my case anyway, I don't stop every 10 minutes and say "gee I wish my body looked like_____ ." But when I do think of who I am I always think of myself as female. I don't hate any part of me, but I would not hesitate to correct it either

[PaulaQ]

I feel like I want to live life as a woman. My issue is I have never hated being a guy...I don't feel like I am in the wrong body...I just want to be a woman.

I agree with the others, and definitely think you should seek out and speak with a gender therapist to help you understand your feelings.

Do you want to be a woman - or ARE you a woman? That is a key question you have to answer.

I'm transsexual, I've been on HRT four months now. I'm living 24/7. If I can arrange to get SRS by this time next year, I'll do it. (I have lots of red tape and scheduling to fight though.) So understand that I believe that transition can help enormously - HRT is saving my life. I was suicidal before starting it, and now I have hope and want to live.

That said, transition is not something to be considered lightly. I am not trying to be negative here - there is plenty of that on this forum - but I'll give you my honest observations from my own personal experience:

1. If I'd had a choice between being trans, or having cancer, I'd pick cancer without a second thought. I'd still have a wife. My life would be intact. I wouldn't feel that every part of it up until August had been a lie. I'm serious about this. But I didn't get to choose.

2. The process of transition is designed to be as degrading and humiliating as it can possibly be. The medical community, by and large, doesn't want to deal with us, and some are quite prejudiced against us. (The worst prejudice I've encountered, by far, has been from medical professionals.)

3. Prepare to be the lowest of the low in society. There is much prejudice against us, and few will understand what you go through. Even the people who are sympathetic - and there are more than you might expect - won't really get it. Some places pass laws that attempt to segregate us - things that are unthinkable now for people of different racial or ethnic or religious groups here in the US.

4. You have to be prepared to lose everything and everyone in your life. That may not happen - I've been lucky. But I've still lost a lot. And I know people who've literally lost it all - friends, family, career, home, everything but their lives. It's cruel that it's like this - but that doesn't change the reality of it.

5. People will stare at you - unless you pass rather perfectly, and this is unlikely at first. (A lot depends on your genetics. Some are luckier than others. Some will never totally pass even with extensive plastic surgery.) This doesn't bother me - but I have skills. It bothers the hell out of most of us.

6. The medical risks of transition are not negligible. Although most of us do fine, this stuff is serious, and for some, even HRT can be dangerous. (Although the trans men have it far worse - T is really hard on your system.)

7. Being a woman means getting the short end of every short stick there is. Ask many of the GG's here. They'll tell you - from lower pay, to impossible to achieve expectations (you can have it all! Family! Kids! Career! Power! Money! Bullshit!!!!). Women have it tough. They face physical danger on a daily basis that men never even think about. But you will. (I know several girls who've been raped - only if they rape you, you are lucky if they don't kill you.)

So why would anyone transition exactly? Well, for one thing, the only thing worse than being a woman is, it turns out, being a woman trapped in a man's body.

I will also tell you that despite all the negative sounding things I posted above, if you asked me "would you start transition again?" I'd tell you "yes." And everyone I know who's far into transition, when asked "would you do it again", says "yes." Because if you need it - it is literally the only thing medical science has that can help you.

Please also note that I'm not trying to discourage you. There are a lot of paths through and into transition. You may really need to do this - I can't answer that, and neither can anyone else on a forum, but if you are serious, call a therapist, and find a support group for trans people, and attend it a few times.

[barbie54s]

The question you need to asked yourself is I want to be a girl or I am a girl. Seek help to sort this out before going forward with HRT. I been through this but I was sure that I was girl. However, if I only wanted to be a girl I would not think I would had been able to survived my transition. Since you stated you never hated being a guy, I would look hard into why you want to be a girl. Best of luck sorting this out.

[ReineD]

I've read a few of your thread starters and I think you're frustrated for several reasons: the confusion you feel over who you are is becoming overwhelming, you do have sexual urges when you dress (for guys) but at the same time you're not attracted to them and you want a girlfriend, and you don't have many outlets for the CDing yet. Oh ... and also, you are young.

I wouldn't rush into changing your sex just yet. Instead, I'd work on finding a CD support group that you can join, and start bringing the CDing out there, in safe places. Get to know others who CDress.

Talking to a gender therapist is a good idea as well, but while you're waiting for your appointment, be a bit more proactive with the CDing and get to know other real people while you're dressed. This way, I think the mystery over what it's all about will dissipate somewhat and you'll have instead real life experiences that will inform your thoughts and desires.

:2c:

[Michelle789]

My suggestion is I would go to see a therapist to help you sort this out. Find out, why do you want to be a girl? Do you just "want to be a girl" or are you a girl, and "wanting" is just a manifestation or way of expressing the fact that you are actually a girl trapped in a guy's body.

I've been through a lot of this questioning, and have had thoughts of wanting to be a girl. I've come a long way in the past 3 months, and am planning to see a therapist after the new year. Hopefully I will know for sure who I really am and what I need to do about it.

Personally, I found that I actually do hate being a guy, and sometimes I just don't know why. Hint: it's not about the few areas men get short sticked on.




7. Being a woman means getting the short end of every short stick there is. Ask many of the GG's here. They'll tell you - from lower pay, to impossible to achieve expectations (you can have it all! Family! Kids! Career! Power! Money! Bullshit!!!!). Women have it tough. They face physical danger on a daily basis that men never even think about. But you will. (I know several girls who've been raped - only if they rape you, you are lucky if they don't kill you.)



I will have to respectfully disagree with part of your statement. Yes, I agree that women have it tough and face physical danger that men have no idea about, and that includes danger in the home from the men in your life...sometimes your husband can be the biggest source of danger. But the part I disagree with you on is women getting the short end on every single stick out there. I'd say women get the short end most of the time, but there are a few areas where men get the short end. Everything I will say I have confirmed with a few GG's I know personally of all different ages, including my own mom.

Now, maybe I'm biased because I've always lived in rich, liberal parts of the country, and have no clue what life in the conservative south or 3rd world countries is like. Maybe I'm biased based on a bad sample.

1. Military draft. All men in all countries are expected to register for the Selective Service, or whatever their country's equivalent is, and must be prepared to go fight a war at any time. Even though war may not happen, all men must be prepared for it. I've never been in a war, so I can't say how bad a war actually is, but I'm pretty sure war sucks, unless you really really like combat. 99.99% of all women on this planet will never be have to be prepared to be forced to fight a war, except those who live in Israel or who were born in male bodies.

2. Some women falsely accuse men of rape or physical violence they didn't commit. Once, my neighbor, a GG, told me about her friend (a guy) who was falsely accused of hitting his girlfriend and he spent the night in jail over it and faced criminal charges later. My neighbor swears to god that this guy would NEVER hit a female, not even in self defense.

3. Men have unrealistic financial expectations too. Expectations to provide, provide, provide, and be strong and stoical. Oh, and real men NEVER cry.

4. I was bullied by girls in the past. I was not good at being firm or intimidating, so any time I told them to stop it was a weak "bully me more reaction" rather than "don't mess with me", and because of codes that men should NEVER hit a woman, not even in self-defense, I was completely defenseless over what these girls did to me. Some of the abuse was verbal, and some of it was physical. Even the school I went to didn't take disciplining them seriously.

5. Divorce. As seen on this forum, we constantly advise men to protect themselves in case of a divorce. The truth is that there are some women who take every cent a man has.

6. Can you honestly tell me that women in America have it worse than men living in 3rd world countries, North Korea, dictatorships, and blacks in the 1800s who were slaves and were counted as 3/5 citizen at the very best. Even the psychic whom I hate with a passion and said how being a woman sucks said that it's worse to live in North Korea than to be a woman.

7. Children usually prefer to be around their mothers, not their fathers. Unless the mother is a real goddamn witch. Children respect their fathers, and like their mothers.

I will say with all things equal (same race, same country, same socioeconomic class) that women have it tougher than men in 90% of the sticks in life.

I will also say, based on conversations with GGs, that for women the idea of good neighborhood vs bad neighborhood goes out the window. To women, all neighborhoods are equally dangerous..all neighborhoods are East LA or 6 Mile Detroit if your a woman.

Add one more thing, women have a much harder time losing weight than men.

Now with all that said, I the above reasons are not the reason I hate being a guy. Although some of the above reasons have been triggers of GD, I found I still hate being a guy even when confronted with GGs who have told me the harsh realities of being a woman. Believe it or not, negative aspects of being a woman like facing physical danger, also have been triggers of GD for me. Some other GD triggers have been things like looking at a woman in public and wishing I could be them, or seeing a group of girls walking together, pressure to date and fulfill the male gender role, and non-gender related stresses such as being without a job for a long time. I started feeling like I was or should be a girl at age 5, long before any I developed any kind of biases on life.

So definitely see a gender therapist and begin talking and working through your issues. Just don't rush into anything you'd later regret. That means
1. Don't transition unless you discover you're actually a woman trapped in a man's body
2. Don't get involved in a serious relationship or married until you figure yourself out

Do try CDing more including head to toe dressing and going out in public.


Common misconception is that every TS hates who they are. It is not true. Most are ambivalent until something triggers a thought. We live in our brains and in my case anyway

Agreed. I don't hate myself, nor hate being a guy, every single waking minute of my life. In fact I didn't really start hating being male regularly until two years ago. A thought, or something someone says or does, acts as a trigger. The question is, once the GD is triggered, how long does it last for and how intense is it. Sometimes it's so powerful I wish I could die on the spot. Sometimes I'm just miserable but don't want to die. Sometimes it means start crossdressing as soon as I get a chance. Sometimes it lasts for just a few minutes. Sometimes it can last for months on end (this is usually when I want to die).


Edit: Something interesting, very insightful into gender issues

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Entertainment/story?id=1526982

[Beverley Sims]

Julia,
The way you are talking now, I suggest you see a gender therapist.
Asking questions here you will only look for the answers that suit you.
One on one in a conversation about your desires will turn out quite differently.
I have aired my views on therapy and.....
I only suggest therapy on the rarest of occasions.

[Tracii G]

I will agree you sound like you need a gender therapist.
I think a lot of young people don't really consider the whole picture and the financial and personal costs involved.
We live in the "I want it and I want it now" age and seek quick self gratification or a quick answer to everything when there is soo much more to it.
You have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt and have a professional diagnose you before you can even get approved for HRT and that is just the beginning.
I will say and I feel its true at least it was for me the person I was at 19 was totally different than what I was at 25 there is a lot of maturing that takes place during that time.
What you want or think you want at 19 is going to be very different than what you want at 25.
My Dad told me that when I was 18 and I thought he was full of it but guess what it was the truth.

[Raspbewwy]

I agree with all of the other posters. It's always best to consult with others (professionally) to confirm your decision. Hormones is a very long, stressful, and often times depressing process at first. You'll need a support system, and an healthy body + mind as it is (to counter minor side-effects). I hope all the best.

[SabrinaEmily]

7. Being a woman means getting the short end of every short stick there is. Ask many of the GG's here. They'll tell you - from lower pay, to impossible to achieve expectations (you can have it all! Family! Kids! Career! Power! Money! Bullshit!!!!). Women have it tough. They face physical danger on a daily basis that men never even think about. But you will. (I know several girls who've been raped - only if they rape you, you are lucky if they don't kill you.)

Say what? Women live longer than men. The vast majority of those who die due to workplace injuries are men, because the vast majority of those who work in physically dangerous jobs are men. As for violent crime, men are the majority of victims of murder, assault, and armed robbery. Domestic violence is about 50-50. Conventional definitions of rape find mostly female victims, but conventional defintions don't count prison rape or being "forced to penetrate", which are the vast majority of rapes against men. (See, for instance, http://www.genderratic.com/p/836/ on the "forced to penetrate" issue.)

Michelle789's statement that "all neighborhoods are East LA or 6 Mile Detroit if your a woman" is nothing but hyperbole. Men are the majority of victims of violent crime, and even more to the point, most places are far lower in risk than the worst neighborhoods, no matter who you are. Anyone who seriously thinks otherwise either has no idea how high crime is in some places or is incredibly and unjustifiably paranoid.

[Michelle789]

The truth is both genders have things that suck.
Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
Thank God you don't live in North Korea.
I like to be fair to both sides.

There are men who think women have it better.
There are women who think men have it better.
There are men who think men have it better.
There are women who think women have it better.

Read the article I posted at the end of #8
A woman who tried living as a man
Highlights many truths for transgender people
Gender is really in the brain

We're spoiled in the USA
We see things through rose-colored glasses
People in 3rd world countries are lucky to eat one bowl of rice a week
We Americans think "my life is over" when we have to sacrifice a football game or day of shopping

So who has it tough?
North Koreans have it miserable.
Living in a 3rd world country sucks.
Yet they say the poor people in 3rd world countries are happier and more spiritual than many in America.




Michelle789's statement that "all neighborhoods are East LA or 6 Mile Detroit if your a woman" is nothing but hyperbole.

Exactly what I intended. Of course it's safer for a woman living in a nice area than a man or woman living in the worst neighborhoods. But the point is any neighborhood is automatically less safe for a woman than it is for a man.

[SabrinaEmily]

Exactly what I intended. Of course it's safer for a woman living in a nice area than a man or woman living in the worst neighborhoods. But the point is any neighborhood is automatically less safe for a woman than it is for a man.

But that is not true. As I said, men are the majority of victims of violent crime.

Edit: Also, more on topic to the thread, let me say that I agree with the various people who are giving realistic advice for the OP about using therapy to figure out what they really want and need.

[Stephanie47]

The other responders have given you sound advice-see a therapist. Frankly, at age 19 you really haven't lived long enough to conceptualize being a man or a woman. You need to figure out why you think you want to be or live as a woman. Are you trying to get away from some perceptions of being a male? Or, do you think the 'grass is greener on the other side,' .e., being a woman. Is there some stress in your life that you find being a woman would solve?

There is a world of difference being a recreational cross dresser and a "woman trapped in a man's body."

[LelaK]

I'm a woman in a male body, but I don't feel like going to a lot of trouble to reveal myself to others.

[Michelle789]

As I said, men are the majority of victims of violent crime.

Many men who are victims of violent crimes are involved in gangs and brought it on themselves for being involved with the wrong company. Either men or women may be simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and therefore a victim of violent crime.

Realstically, women do have to worry about being sexually harassed and raped when they walk outdoors.

IMO, both sexes have it tough. Men might be victims of more violent crimes, but women can be victims too.

Women might be victims of most rape, but men can be raped too.

You said my comment about

My advice for everyone who is debating whether men have it harder, women have it harder, or both sexes have it equally harder -- listen to the other side. Chances are if you hear enough of the bickering you'll come to the conclusions that both sexes have it equally tough.


Michelle789's statement that "all neighborhoods are East LA or 6 Mile Detroit if your a woman" is nothing but hyperbole.

Sabrina, do you know what hyperbole means? Use best friend Google to find out. It's an exaggeration to prove a point. East LA and 6 Mile are exaggerations. The fact that women do face danger that men don't when walking outside is the point I was trying to prove. So if you still think that my point was false, you shouldn't have called it a hyperbole.

I will say one last thing before I move on to the OP. Being a CD, TG, TS, or any other gender variant, is far tougher than being a cis-gendered male or female.


Frankly, at age 19 you really haven't lived long enough to conceptualize being a man or a woman.

Some TS girls do transition at 19. Our gender identity forms at age 5, and some never repressed it and start transitioning as kids, although it's extremely rare to transition at age 5. Most of us repress it to varying degrees causing our true gender identity to come out later in life. This gender stuff is very complicated and you need time and professional advice to help you sort it out. You ultimately know the answer of whether you're male, female, or maybe even gender fluid or bi-gender, or something else completely. You know, binary male and female aren't the only options.


Are you trying to get away from some perceptions of being a male? Or, do you think the 'grass is greener on the other side,' .e., being a woman. Is there some stress in your life that you find being a woman would solve?

These are good questions to think about. Are you a woman trapped in a man's body, or do you simply think the grass is greener on the other side?
Are you a woman trapped in a man's body, or a crossdresser?
Or are you something else in between?

Did you have any inkling of being different from the other boys, or of even thinking you really are a girl, or wanted to be a girl, before age 10? Do you feel like you don't fit in to this world?

If you're under high stress, sometimes gender stuff starts coming out. Why? We have a limited amount of stress we can handle. If we have gender issues going on, we use a good amount of our stress tolerance to fight gender issues, and when life gets more stressful and we need to start handling the other stresses life throws at us, it taxes our stress tolerance capacity, hence gender issues start coming out.

Being under stress does not automatically prove your TS. Being under stress does not automatically disqualify you from being TS.

In the end of the day, you should seek help from a therapist. As other TS girls have said on this forum, you know the answer. A therapist will help you to figure it out.

[emma-louise]

i think a lot of us feel like that i know i do

[AmyGaleRT]

We all approach this subject differently. In my case, I enjoy being a lady, but I don't hate being a guy; I'm OK with it. I believe myself to have a part-male, part-female soul, and switch between the two. I cross between the poles, like Tiresias incarnate. :D

- Amy

[JamieTG]

I never hated being a guy and for most of my life I was comfortable with masculinity. It was in my late 40's that things began to change. I felt the need to feminize my daily clothing and appearance. Even when going to work. I don't know why though I think hormone changes at that stage had something to do with it. I'm somewhere in the middle ground now.

[Annaliese2010]

Im starting to want to be a girl more and more. I have never hated being a guy but I have a growing desire to start taking hormones. I have a weird desire to want to transition to be a woman...crossdressing is just a way to wear the clothes. I feel like I want to live life as a woman. My issue is I have never hated being a guy...I don't feel like I am in the wrong body...I just want to be a woman. LOL...I feel EXACTLY the same JuliaC. I actually don't feel there's anything wrong with being somewhere in the middle of the male-female extreme. Or...making excursions from one to the other, authentically so. OR finding that sweet spot that's You. More female than male, yet not ditching outright that interior male'ish part of you - not completely anyways.

In one manner or other we are all hybrid creatures in the eyes of God. 'Tis intended that way I believe. Else the world would be overly defined, etched in stone, forever predictable and in a word 'boring'.

[JuliaC]

Yeah Annaliese2010 you are right! Just at some points I really wish I was a woman. It sucks how these transsexual feelings have really crept up on me. It was easier just dealing with thinking I am a crossdresser but now this idea that I might be transsexual is scary!

[Michelle789]

Julia,

I understand. I had TS feelings since I was a child, and shoved it aside for years. I cross-dressed on and off for 20 years. I thought I was a cross-dresser, and not really thinking I could be a TS. The funny thing is, I was drawn to every documentary about transsexuals and every time I saw a doc, or in some cases heard a story about someone transitioning in real life, I always wish I could have that opportunity. It's really screwed up to me why I would feel as I do. The GD really hit me hard the past two years and I plan to seek therapy in January.

Once again, I didn't think in my wildest dreams 3 years ago I would ever have severe GD and face a real possibility of transitioning, in spite of the fact that I knew something was different about me since age 5. If you asked me three years ago what was the worst thing about my life, I would've said that LA weather sucked in 2010, it felt like anything but California weather, it was an unusual year of cold, dreary, suicide weather. Today, LA weather is back to normal, and I was praying to God for much of the past two years to please let me die and be reincarnated as a woman. I never wanted to commit suicide over the suicide weather we had in LA 3 years ago. I wanted to commit suicide over my gender issues. This gender stuff is so scary that I wish we could have our 2010 suicide weather back.

The good news is if you're TS there's hope, there's a thing called transition, and although the process is extremely difficult and expensive, it does relieve the GD. Ask any TS, it works. But like Paula said, be prepared for a difficult road ahead. But, you may not be TS, maybe you are still a cross-dresser. Maybe you're neither CD nor TS, but gender fluid. I think therapy will help you to sort out this mess of whether you're a CD, TS, or in between gender fluid or mixed gender. Either way I hope you get the help you need, and begin on the right path for you.

[Annaliese2010]

Gee Michelle, as depressed as I've been over the past several years (all of this came up on me quite suddenly) and as transgendered as I have been behaving lately (as if a on it's own...even as I continue denying it) you got me wondering if I'm truly TS...or I mean...should go the TS route I mean. Gee I'm confused...

[Michelle789]

Annaliese2010 - I think you, me, and Julia should make a new year resolution: Go see a gender therapist.

Also to Annaliese2010 and Julia, try to dig back to childhood. Was there any inkling of feeling like you are a girl, or wanted to be a girl, when you were a kid? Any feelings of being alienated or not fitting in?

[Amanda_P]

I don't know about the whole woman part but I would like to have my own real breast

[JuliaC]

Annaliese2010 - I think you, me, and Julia should make a new year resolution: Go see a gender therapist.

Also to Annaliese2010 and Julia, try to dig back to childhood. Was there any inkling of feeling like you are a girl, or wanted to be a girl, when you were a kid? Any feelings of being alienated or not fitting in?

good idea. I will make it a new years resolution. I never really felt like I was a girl. But I do remember sometimes not feeling like I fit in. One of the reasons I kinda doubt I should transition is because i didn't feel like a girl as a child. On the other hand I am definetly feeling some gender disphoria now.

[PaulaQ]

I don't know about the whole woman part but I would like to have my own real breast

So here's the problem with that, and why many of us TS girls push others to conform to the gender binary. The world doesn't deal well with a man with breasts, and that's what you'd be if you grow breasts, but present as a male sometimes. There are lots of bigender / genderqueer folk who really don't belong at one end of the gender binary or the other, but would be most comfortable somewhere between. For example, non-op, HRT, androgynous presentation.

The world doesn't deal well with this, and I've known of bigender folks who have trouble being gendered correctly in either presentation they make, because they don't quite look like a man, but they don't quite look like a woman, either, and so they still suffer significant dysphoria when they interact with others.

I know some are able to deal with this, and it is totally unfair - but that's the world, or so it seems to me. For my part, I support whatever anyone needs to do to deal with their GD, and the hell with the rest of the world. But that's easy for me to say - I'm a girl.