New to TS forum

[JuliaC]

For a while I have just considered myself a crossdresser but recently I have begun to realize I think I am more female than I thought. I seem to have some gender disphoria creeping in. I am jealous of all the trans woman going through their transition. I really need to start exploring the possibility of transitioning especially if this disphoria continues to grow. So I was wondering if someone here could help direct me towards the steps to start the process of transitioning. I know for sure I am going to need to get counseling but what else should I start to do?

[Angela Campbell]

Facial hair removal. Start yesterday.

[Amy A]

I think a bit more info might be useful. Are you closeted, or do you go out? How long do you spend dressed?

The best thing to do (besides the counselling which is a must) is explore this side of you a bit more. I'm not far into transition but I recently went full time and I can tell you now it's not something I would ever put myself through if I didn't have to.

Also, research, reading other's accounts of transitions, figuring out how you'd go about it, the more you know the better.

[LeaP]

Facial hair removal. Start yesterday.

She's not kidding!

[Megan Thomas]

Work on your voice and mannerisms too, especially walking. Men often tend to hunch their shoulders and lumber when they walk. You can be as pretty as they come but those can be a dead give away at 100 paces if not addressed.

[thechic]

Facial hair removal. Start yesterday.

Would have to agree it takes forever that's what I started doing then of course the rest follows.

[JohnH]

Depends how much of a beard shadow you have a day after shaving. I happen to have a ruddy complexion and white or gray whiskers so even a day after I shave I do not have a beard shadow. All I have are very short whiskers that are barely noticeable. In my case I don't feel the necessity to pursue facial hair removal.

Johanna

[Ariamythe]

(1) Ditto the therapy / counseling. Find someone experienced with trans. Boston has trans-focused services (http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/PageServer?pagename=FCHC_srv_services_trans).

(2) Ditto the hair removal. If you can afford it, do laser. It's AWESOME.

(3) If you're overweight, start losing weight now. Not only will it make you feel better generally, but it will remove a potential barrier to HRT or eventually SRS.

(4) Start to get a new wardrobe. Crossdresser wardrobes are NOT the same as transgender wardrobes. Look at the way women actually dress everyday and buy what you see. Hint: lots of jeans and slacks, sensible shoes, comfortable cotton blend tops. Get a couple comfortable outfits and see if they feel right. Is this your identity? Or are you just chasing the feeling of "looking femme"?

[Nicole Erin]

Another Ts related thing to do is this -
If you are gonna be hanging out on the TS forum, please realize that though most are cool, we do have a few on here who like to make snarky remarks or tell others they are not real TS. They will say things to piss others off so blow it off best you can when it happens.

Real life stuff -
Do not forget to live life during transition. You may start out with low confidence and get a lot of blows to your ego but that eventually becomes minimal. More you get out and live, easier it gets.
Also start doing some real soul searching for what you want your new name to be and maybe why.
About a counseler - yeah you will need one for crap like hormones or if you eventually get SRS but in the meantime - why bother? It is just paying someone to pretend to give a damn how you feel.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Julia, :welcom: to the Transsexual forums. Other have given you a lot of advice, much of which you can follow even if this were to turn out to be the dreaded "Pink Fog".

Have you got the possibility of going away somewhere you aren't known for a week or so? If you have, take nothing but women's clothes and live 24 hours a day as a woman for the whole holiday. If this still feels natural after that time, then it is worth exploring therapy.

I am also going to offer you the advice that I give to many people who as me about transition: don't transition unless you really need to, but if you do need to then don't let anything get in the way.

You don't mention your age, but if you have any thoughts of becoming a father, transition will put paid to that. Yes, you could pay to store some semen, but depending on your future life partner, this may not work out how you had planned. If you are already in a long-term relationship, now is a good time to start to prepare your partner for the discussion.

[JuliaC]

I am definetly interested in trying to ago away for a week or so and live as a woman for the whole time. The issue is I am currently in college and don't necessarily have the time/funds. Thank you for all the tips though all of you ladies.

[kathtx]

Hi Julia,

Good suggestions all around.

Your college may have some services (such as a support group, social group, or therapy) for transgender students. At the very least, do they have a LGBT student group?

Katharine

[Marleena]

Hi Julia I found your other thread and you said :
I don't feel like I am in the wrong body...I just want to be a woman.

I can't speak for the others but there's nothing exciting about being TS so keep that in mind. I would also suggest looking for support groups in college and seeking out other TG people. The best time to find out what's going on is when you're young. Message boards are great to get suggestions but you need real contact with others like your self.

[Ann Louise]

Rianna's idea about leaving town for a week and heading to parts unknown with nothing but woman's clothes is an extremely good idea, at least it was for me. Early on, but certainly after the fantasy "maybe" stage with my counselor, I packed a week's bag of strictly woman's clothes, and my spouse and I drove our car up onto the ferry from Bellinham, WA, to Victoria, BC, then across to the big city of Vancouver, for a beautiful week's worth of modest lodgings booked in quaint old B&B's, eating in restaurants, and plain old tourism among complete, total strangers.

I spent my first entire week as me, and I hasten to add not as a "cross-dressing" me, either, but rather as a typical Canadian female (IMHO they are very beautiful women on the whole, I must say, and set an example of tasteful, practical womanhood that stays with me to this day - hey, I married a Canadian girl, so I'm biased, ok? LOL). Practical, everyday, "street style." Light makeup like I now wear any and every day at work. Not night-club wear. Not cross-dressing frillies or high-heeled pumps. I used my female voice to the best that I could at the time, carried my purse and pocketbook everywhere, and used womens washrooms exclusively (my spouse "standing guard" to protect me from the potentially indignant).

Honey, this was uncharted territory for me, as I was certainly presenting as a transsexual, transgender person, but not as a "woman." I did not pass as a GG, nor did I realistically expect to. This was a test of my "red face" factor. That is, did I really have the courage and determination that would be required to make this transition really happen? Or not? And I'm pleased to report that indeed, I DID have the courage and determination, and this trip proved it. There were episodes of beaming pride, embarrassment, amazement, and many cases, every day plain old "who cares" boredom in regard by others of me. And carrying a purse and pocketbook exclusively, rather than a wallet, was a learning experience in itself, and a skill that takes some getting used to I might add.

Given I had been on HRT for a while at that point, I certainly did not look one bit like I did on my passport, and having to explain to the customs agent on the Canadian side that I was a transitioning transsexual was an education in itself, like "well, sir, I HAVE changed a bit since then, I know, but Really, this is me..." That episode alone firmly convinced me of the necessity to get on with my legal name and gender changes, I must say.

That trip caused me to fully accept who and what I was - a transgendered transsexual. And very important, to TAKE PRIDE IN THE FACT THAT I WAS TS. No shame, no regrets, just ME. I gained such confidence and assurance that I was on the right track that it was from my car phone, on the waterfront right in front of the Fairmont Empress Hotel in Victioria, that I committed to and booked my facial feminization surgery that I just had completed three weeks ago.

Good luck to you honey, and go for it. Test yourself, prove or disprove your hypothesis, and then, for Goddess' sake, get on with it. Life is too short to hem and haw about something as important as this.

Love you, Ann

[I Am Paula]

I'm going to invent a new Yogi Berra-ism. Transition is 90% mental, and the other half physical.
Don't spend every waking moment on transition, take time to have a life.

[Angela Campbell]

I am definetly interested in trying to ago away for a week or so and live as a woman for the whole time. The issue is I am currently in college and don't necessarily have the time/funds. Thank you for all the tips though all of you ladies.

If you are serious, start working on developing a plan. Not that the plan is what will definitely be what occurs, but a plan nonetheless. Money will be necessary. This is not cheap. Facial hair removal can be in the $10,000+ range alone. There are the costs of Dr.'s and therapists, medicines, clothes, makeup, legal issues, the list goes on and on and on. Going into something like this blindly with a "whatever happens" kind of plan will get the "whatever happens" kind of results.

A little hint.....transition will be nothing like you think it will be. There is a lot more to it than just taking hormones and wearing the clothes.

You asked for info so I will give you what I have done, and what I am doing.

1. spent a year getting my appearance in order. Lost weight, a lot of weight, spent this time getting comfortable going out in public and working on mannerisms, walk, voice, building up wardrobe, and facial hair removal.

2. Began therapy and found a specialist on transitions. Worked out a plan, worked out the coming out, learned and did research on the legal matters of name change, and gender change. continued building wardrobe.

3 began HRT and continued research and developing a plan and working on electrolysis and getting my hair in order. continued wardrobe. Worked on voice.

4 Began the coming out process with family and work. Made plans for how to handle both and did so. Made plans for FFS and began the legal name change process. Still working on wardrobe, voice, and facial hair removal.

This is where I am at present. I hope to get the facial surgery in January and complete the "at work" transition, and legal name and gender change, and go full time in Feb or March. Total time spent so far is about 18 months, and there is at least a couple of years yet to go. You may not want to do it the way I am but I was just giving an example of one way it can be done. It is going well for me so far.

[Badtranny]

In my case I don't feel the necessity to pursue facial hair removal.

Said no TranSitioner EVER.

I've been full-time since April 2012 and have been getting electrolysis for 2 hours a week since sometime in late 2010. These days I only go once a month or so, but the bottom line is I still have waaay too much facial hair. You think it's tough to grow it out for a few days when you're cross-dressing on the weekends? Try being full-time and having to walk around in broad daylight with little white hairs sprouting out of your neck. If you're even thinking about transition than start getting that facial hair removed immediately. If you don't transition then you'll shave less often, but if you do you will be way ahead of the game because I don't know a single TS woman who doesn't deal with facial hair long after their transition is complete.

PS if you want real advice on transitioning than do yourself a favor and ask the advice giver how THEIR transition is going. The TS community is brimming with people who don't know the first thing about a real life transition. Which is fine I guess if you're looking for opinions, but if you're looking for actual empirical information, than ask somebody who is in the trenches, doing the hard stuff.

[Nigella]

...
PS if you want real advice on transitioning than do yourself a favor and ask the advice giver how THEIR transition is going. The TS community is brimming with people who don't know the first thing about a real life transition. Which is fine I guess if you're looking for opinions, but if you're looking for actual empirical information, than ask somebody who is in the trenches, do the hard stuff.

Never a truer word spoken, Been there, done that, got the T shirt.

[stefan37]

And i might add. Going fulltime ours way different than transitioning and living part time as a male. Not necessarily harder, but different. There really isn't any safe zone to run to. You are out for the publics scrutiny.

[PretzelGirl]

If you're even thinking about transition than start getting that facial hair removed immediately. If you don't transition then you'll shave less often, but if you do you will be way ahead of the game because I don't know a single TS woman who doesn't deal with facial hair long after their transition is complete.

If there is one thing that I have consistently seen here in this group is this message. I have no idea of my destination, but after 1 year and 70 hours of electrolysis, I can't imagine the difficulty and pain in continuing electrolysis after transition. I don't like going to work with what I have in my situation, so it is obviously has to be painful for those that are full time. I want to avoid that if I have the choice. So I would make it the #1 investment. And the #2.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are very young.. Get counseling as soon as you can...i say it this way...many of us grow up with being transsexual by repressing it or assuming it is something else... i mean lots of guys much secretly wish they were girls, right??? ummmm no...

Also ignore people that say its easy, that you shouldn't remove your hair, or that you shouldn't plan this out as best you can.

transitioning is possible and can really change your life in a positive way if you have realistic expectations and you do a good job of it..

you will need money and support from loved ones..

i would say that if you view yourself as possibly really truly transsexual, there is no amount of planning and thought that is too much...

[mary something]

you're in college? Does that mean you're in your late teens to early twenties? Do you live on campus? what about during breaks and holidays?

[JuliaC]

you're in college? Does that mean you're in your late teens to early twenties? Do you live on campus? what about during breaks and holidays?
Yeah I am in college. I am about to turn 20. I do live on campus. I think over winter break in about 3 weeks I am going to try going out some completly dressed as a woman. And see from there...

[mary something]

Have you researched your college's policies regarding ts people? Many larger universities will have social clubs or organizations for lgbt folks, might be a good place to start. Your age presents a different set of challenges and advantages from the average poster on this board. However if the will is there on your part then now is an excellent opportunity in your life to explore this.

Have you called or emailed the student clinic to find out what resources are available for you on campus? It is quite possible that you can find a counselor on campus who can assist you with this stage of your life. When you do maybe you should mention that you are considering transition and are curious about your university's housing policies regarding students undergoing gender role transition. Find out who to talk to in the student housing department at least.

HRT results at your age can be spectacular, also I can't stress enough the importance of taking care of this issue before you begin your adult career, in the future having one consistent identity on your credit reports and resume will be a great benefit for your earning potential and hiring potential.

Going out completely as a woman can be good or bad depending on your experience while out. Do a little research about where to go and when. Are there any gay bars nearby? That can be a wonderful environment to be in at first!

Before the semester ends perhaps you can get a good idea of the level of support that is available at your college and what a transition would look like in a day to day setting. For example, what dorm would you live in, would you have to get a private room, etc. Also knowing their gender policies would be very important to know if you can graduate with a female name and gender marker, find out what those steps are. If you are receiving financial aid or scholarships talk to the appropriate office and find out about any issues or steps you'll need to make to keep things going smoothly.

If you take care of the basics like making sure that you have access to medical resources for transition, making sure that you have a good lodging situation, and making sure that you understand the protections that are provided by the university to transgender students and don't let transitioning negatively affect your academic career then the more social aspects of transitioning will be a LOT easier to deal with.

Good luck!

[JuliaC]

No i have not reseached any of that and I probably should. Im just scared that things could come out too soon if I go to any one at the school. I was thinking of probably going to the mall when dressed as female is that a bad idea? I am considering pushing off any desire to transition until I graduate so i don't have to deal with getting money and things from my parents....Thats good to hear that the social aspect will be easier to deal with I was actually more concerned with the social aspect.

[Ariamythe]

Regarding the "social aspect" -- To be blunt, until you stop worrying about what other people think, you'll never be able to transition successfully. Every day I'm deeper into my transition is a day I absolutely MUST care a little bit less about what other people think than the day before. It's the only way I can make it out the door.

[Badtranny]

Yep.

Transition takes nerves of steel and a commitment to match.

Seek advice but not direction for in the end you spend from your own collection.

[mary something]

If you're worried about outing yourself to someone at school then the simple solution is to call them from a nonuniversity number and tell them that you don't wish to out yourself at this point in your transition but you have to get things in order. If the first person you talk to isn't helpful get the email address of their boss and make a new gmail account for yourself or whatever and send them an email from a local starbucks or something. Your identity is still safe.

I have no idea of what you look like but the hardest part of being TS (in my opinion) is having a body that has been shaped by testosterone for over 20 years. I had the same concerns that you do now when I was in college and was too scared to do anything about it. The world was a different place then, and I discovered that I wouldn't be able to live on campus at the time nor did I have the money to live off campus so that was that. I wanted so bad to go to the student health clinic and talk to a therapist about it but was too scared that I would be outed to my parents. I knew from past experiences how bad the reaction would have been. That was over 15 years ago though and times have changed significantly, especially the opinions of younger people. I was convinced that I could never pass as a woman. When I look back at pictures of myself back then I realize that I wasn't seeing the situation clearly because of my fear and dysphoria. Perhaps that is happening to you.

It is typically much easier for a male that is 20 to take hrt and pass as a woman after a year or two of treatment than if you wait until your 35, or 40, or 50.

This isn't fair or popular to say but your experiences around people will be shaped more by how you look than anything else. Transitioning at age 20 while in the college environment can be an excellent choice as long as you make sure that you have a safe place to live, you can keep finishing towards your degree, and you can make the day-to day living work.

I'm not sure I would go to a shopping mall first, I've done that before but it's not a very social environment really. If you go shopping go to the busiest locations. The more people there the less any individual is noticed. Bring cash to pay for your items.

I really can't think of a better place to go for the first time out than a gay bar maybe on drag show night. Call ahead and find out if they will let you in since you're only 20 if alcohol is served.

Are there any social clubs on your campus for lgbt students? You need to find other people like you, this is a difficult (but not impossible) thing to do at your age but the results can be really good.

[JuliaC]

Just an update for everyone. I am schedule a meeting with a therapist to talk about my gender issues a week from thursday.

[Rianna Humble]

I'll bet you're counting the days!

[JuliaC]

sadly I had to move the meeting. I am going to have it after I am done with finals.

[mary something]

that's probably a good decision, finals are important! If you begin to feel stress or anxiety as the apt. approaches just know that it is completely normal. I can't even describe the mix of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty I felt before I went to the first apt. I remember reading on Anne Vitale's web site about how common it is for those appointments to be missed and felt like she was talking to me lol

The reason it's important to see a therapist is because it is really hard to process your feelings in your head alone. That's why girls need to talk stuff out with their girlfriends sometimes and the conversation is about feelings not conclusions. A therapist is the safest person to listen to you voice your feelings aloud because they are paid to listen and sworn to secrecy.

People don't go to a therapist to hear the experts opinion, they go to hear their own opinion spoken out loud and heard by someone else. It's powerful. I hope you get the opportunity to experience it.