Urge is coming back strong :(

[jeniinnylons]

So I have been able to keep the dressing urges under wraps pretty much for the past year and a half. Fell off the wagon big time today. :sad: Bought heels, panties, a cincher, bra and dress today from Kohls online. I've been struggling lately bad trying to stop the urge but it has been very stressful lately. :cry:

[PatChick]

You say it like it's a bad thing.

[Adriana Moretti]

yes....those urges have never gone away for me...I have purged a few times, and here I am again...I too am in the process of getting EVERYTHING back AGAIN . This time around I decided to do my best to stick with it, have fun and enjoy it , sounds like you really like to dress and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Have fun

[jeniinnylons]

I am curious as to why you are trying to stop?
If you inbox me I can give a few more details. Tried to inbox you but I can't. It comes down to personal/family and the fact I am so tired of being alone. :( I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.

[Rachelakld]

Sorry, the urge either gets stronger and tears you apart, or you embrace it.

Remember, you only have 1 life, you can live it for others, or you can live it for yourself

BTW
Good luck :)

[AmyGaleRT]

Jeni, I've long said that, once the crossdressing bug gets into your veins, the only thing that gets it out again is embalming fluid. :)

Being alone is a separate issue; it comes down to finding someone who will accept this part of you. The only way you'll know is by being honest with them early on in the relationship and seeing how they react. (I should have been more honest with my fiancee sooner...I missed out on years of dressing because I didn't know she would be as accepting and supportive as she is!)

- Amy

[PaulaQ]

I hate to say it Jeni, but trying to abstain from CDing is only going to make it worse. It will make you miserable. Depending on what's going on with you, it can wreck your life. I urge you to try to understand this part of yourself, and understand that it is a part of you, and you are basically powerless to do anything about that. That can be pretty hard to face. Best of luck.

[Beverley Sims]

Have you just split with a girlfriend, or have you had a few refreshing relationships lately?
Now life has gone quiet?
If you answer yes to either of these questions I have the answer. :)

Paypal accepted. :)

[Annaliese2010]

Oh Jenii. Just give in. Be yourself. It's ok. God made us this way. It's good and your a beautiful girl. K?

Luv you xx

[daviolin]

I have learned to incorporate crossdressing in my every day dress mode. I pretty much wear feminine clothes all the time. I keep it suttle, but feminine. Nobody really notices. If they do, its always been positive. I wear what is comfortable. Daviolin

[robindee36]

Sounds like you are struggling with your feminine identity. Until you resolve this, it will be a carousel of desires to dress and desires to purge. I know its not easy and many here have been where you are now. Bottom line, if you are not having fun with your dressing then you need a new pastime. On the other hand, if its fun, then stop worrying.

Not being a psychologist, its all the advice I can muster.

Hugs and good luck. Robin

[Chari]

Jeni, We at this forum are all special individuals, but others may consider us "different". Perhaps we are different, as we can feel, understand, and express our feminine side. No matter what we do to try to rid our selves of that feeling, whether purging, ignoring, abstaining, it will never go away! Many of us have lived with our femme needs for decades, going through similar moments as you are now. We survived, and those urges still remain. It is up to you to discover what makes you comfortable and confident in who you are, and live to enjoy those special facets that makes you unique to everyone else.

[PatChick]

I'm pretty sure you expected these kinds of answers here since you've been a member for 8 years, so I think that maybe on the inside you really do want to continue this, and just wanted some positive responses to say it's okay. And it definately (I can never spell that darn word correctly, I always get that red line) is more than okay to be yourself. I had a non-accepting GF in the past, and "forgot" about my CDing for a few years as well, but it came back. We broke up for different reasons after a 6 year relationship. Then I had 2 supportive GFs since, and the most recent one I think is a keeper. I'm just trying to say there is hope. You make it sound like smoking when you say things like "off the wagon" or you did it bc of the "stress." But you don't get cancer from the silk against your lungs, and you don't get bad breath from the lip gloss. And there is no 2nd hand crossdressing, well I guess there kind of is, but you get my point!

[mykell]

can only speak for myself,
anytime i thought i had defeated the beast that i have grown with (purging, denying, ignoring...) the beast would clench me in its grips prettier and prettier each time i embraced it back, at this stage of my life im in total acceptance i like being pretty and fortunate to have friends here to share with about it .

[Dana M]

Jeni,

I hope everything goes well. You could always just try to underdress if that would help. You are not alone.

[Lynn Marie]

Is this such a noteworthy thing? We're all addicts, if it isn't smoking, it's eating or drinking or fishing or working or Sunday football or guns or religion or crossdressing! Oops, I almost forgot to mention shopaholics! Tis the season.

CDA....... Crossdresser's Anonymous! "Hi, I'm Lynn Marie and I'm a crossdresser".

[jeniinnylons]

Its frustrating because I was doing so well (except for a few occasions of panties or hose) and I just so don't want it in my life. For it to come out would be a huge problem. Anyone wanting to know what exactly I talking about can PM me. I don't want to post the "major" issue in the thread.

[Barbra P]

I told my Doctor that I thought I had some gender issues and she referred me to a Counselor in her Family Practice Module. I spent a pleasant two hours with the Counselor and she referred me to the Psychiatry Department. One of the first things I was told on my first visit to the Psychiatry Department was that there was no known “cure”, there is no CD twelve-step program. They would attempt to help me accept my condition, and attempt to alleviate the depression I was feeling but if I was seeking a cure I was wasting both my time and theirs. I now realize the urge is always going to be with me and nothing I, or anyone else, can do is going to make that urge go away. I’ve been seeing a Licensed Therapist since June 2011 and I feel a lot better about myself. I now openly dress around the house about once a week and I sometimes go to therapy dressed en femme. My Therapist told me I could fight the urge and feel miserable and depressed or I could yield to the urge, dress, embrace my feminine feelings and experience some enjoyment and happiness in my life – she highly recommended the latter.

I seriously doubt that the urge to cross dress is ever going to go away. I believe you are living in denial and I think you are in for a rough time ahead. You may be able to stop cross dressing but I am pretty sure you will experience a lot of frustration and very possibly some major depression by doing so. You might be better served by seeking out a Therapist trained in dealing with gender issues and let him or her help you deal with the frustrations and depression you are feeling. I know that isn’t what you want to hear.

You wrote how you met a woman through emailing but when you finally met and you told her about your cross dressing she ended the relationship, But it sounded more like she was upset by your not being honest with her from the start more than your cross dressing. Most people dislike being lied to or misled. You’ll never know for sure but she just might have accepted your cross dressing had you been honest with her earlier in your relationship.

Yes there is a risk in telling a woman that you cross dress early in a budding relationship, but I think there is a greater risk in waiting. So she breaks off the relationship early, isn’t that better than investing months or years and then having her break off the relationship not because you cross dress but because you were basically dishonest by not telling her?

There are accepting women, I read posts every day from members who have wives or significant others who not only accept their cross dressing but actively take part and encourage it. Finding the right woman to share your life generally tends to take some time and effort; being a cross dresser in all likelihood means that you have to invest some extra time and effort.

It’s your life and it’s what you make of it. Generally happiness doesn’t seek us out we have to find it and quite frequently finding that happiness requires a good deal of effort and time on our part.

[Karren H]

You say it like it's a bad thing.

You notice it never comes back with a whimper? lol

[Nadine Spirit]

I would have to agree with the others in there is no ridding ourselves of these urges. We can push them off, but they come back, always.

The only way I have learned to feel "normal" is by determining that CDing is in fact normal. We are all special unique humans and just as normal as any other human.

Good luck to you, you do sound quite troubled about this.

[Cheryl T]

Been there, done that!!
If I had all the things I threw away, swearing to never dress again, I would have to have a second house with a huge walk-in closet just for them.


We've all said that and many of us have given up the fight. As the Borg said, "Resistance is futile!".
This is part of who we are. Few of us do this for fun. We do it because it's a part of our being and denying that works only for short durations. Once we accept this we can begin to understand who and what we are and love ourselves.

[FloridaCD]

I'm in the same boat, threw away what I had collected early this year and actually felt relieved, now here I am back online and looking to replace what I had. I had just gotten to the point where I could buy stuff without being paranoid that they 'knew' it was for me. Finally just told myself that they are just doing their job ringing me up and couldn't care less.....

I had a few hundred dollars of clothing that I have to replace. Some of it I needed to get rid of anyway, just never wore it any more, other things (like shoes) I really regret getting rid of now, I loved the heels I had.......

For me it's a huge secret, my wife doesn't know and the constant fear of her finding my things was always there, don't miss that part of having pretty things to wear.

[Tina_gm]

I cannot count how many times, especially driving to work when I will get this sense of WTF am I doing? why am I going through all this, I should go back to where I used to be and lock the feminine side back up and then dig a hole and bury it. Deeper this time, then last time, and the time before that. Before it was just the desire, now I am dressing and setting the fem side free when I can. Life is better in ways and more complicated in ways. I think often of going back to repression mode, but I know that I will always have the desires, and have the feminine side. I know too that now that I have experienced dressing and have allowed myself to be more of myself, going back would likely be harder than ever, which was very very hard at times.

[kendel]

Jenij I also am in the same place and know how you feel I am just now accepting it I am just taking it one day at a time