First step on the NHS pathway

[Carla Stevens]

I'm not going to go into a big back story about my life here, but suffice to say I've struggled with gender issues for as long as I can remember.
I've tried to suppress them, lived in denial, self-loathing etc, etc as probably many others have done.
The past couple of years have been hard as I've tried to explore this part of me & feel comfortable with who I am.
I've come a long way in the past two years, from being so deep in my closet that I couldn't see the light, to actually getting out & about presenting as female on a semi-regular basis. I spent three days & two nights in York at the beginning of November. This was an important step for me. I needed to see if I felt comfortable presenting as female for an extended period of time (well more than the odd hour or so I usually get) & I needed to see how others would react around me.
The conclusion was positive.
Well today I finally got to speak to my GP (after a three week wait :rolleyes:) about my gender issues.
I was surprisingly calm & relaxed.
As to be expected though, she had very little knowledge of the subject & had never had a patient with GID or GD.
After reading some of the advice from others here on this forum, I went prepared.
I gave her a Disc with some Department of Health publications in PDF format for her to look at & hopefully point her in the right direction. I also had to advise her as of the next step for her to take. ie: refer me on to the Local Mental Health Unit to see a Psychiatrist.
We then chatted a little about me & I gave her a potted history of my issues.
She will now digest the info I gave her & do some research & will refer me on, but as with anything NHS, this will take some time, possibly up to six weeks.

This has been a life changing decision I've made & I know that what lies ahead will be far from easy, especially telling my father. He's 78, retired & unfortunately I live with him. I really worry about how he'll take the news as I really worry about his health.

[Amy A]

Hi Carla! Wow I'm so happy for you, I was thinking about you just the other day and wondering how you were getting on. Seems like we might have both been doing the same kind of test run in York at the same time, shame I didn't bump into you!

Anyway, I'm glad that you are moving forward because I've felt in the past that you were denying your own happiness to spare other's feelings, most notably your father's, which is noble of you but not in your best interests.

We should meet up in the village before long and catch up properly.

Amy X

[Rianna Humble]

I know that what lies ahead will be far from easy, especially telling my father. He's 78, retired & unfortunately I live with him. I really worry about how he'll take the news as I really worry about his health.

Congratulations on taking the first step. You may well be pleasantly surprised by your father - I was by mine and he was 9 years older when I told him. Given my dad's shaky memory, he still often uses the wrong gender when referring to me at home but always makes a special effort when we go out.

[Carla Stevens]

Thank you both for your replies. It's reading other peoples posts on this forum that has helped me make my decision.:)
Amy, I was in York on 31st Oct to 2nd Nov & then I headed to Whitby for the Goth Weekend (not Gothic Carla though this time, only everyday Carla). I had a great time & it really boosted my confidence. However I think the sight of a single girl wandering around the National Railway Museum may have drawn a few Quizzical looks.:heehee:
We do need to hook up soon, but at the moment, getting out of the house without probing questions from my father is awkward.
Rianna, I really hope my father is accepting of me. He has always told me that he wants what's best for me & wants me to be happy, but I do fear this may well freak him out & have a detrimental effect on his health. He does seem to worry & work himself into a stressed state about even minor things in his life.
I also worry about how we can both live together once he knows. I know I'm going to feel awkward & even considering dressing at home or leaving the house dressed is going to be a hard issue to overcome.
I think it's going to be a while yet before I tell him, but I do have other things to be getting on with in the mean time, like hair removal.

[Janelle_C]

Hi Carla
I am so happy for you I know how freeing it is to let go of the person people think you should be and be who you are. I know what a hard decision it is to make. But I do know in my coming out to my friends and family that a lot of them have surprised me, in a good way. Best wish & thoughts Janelle

[Amy A]

I was staying near Rippon from the 9th, we went to York on the 10th and went to the Railway Museum... it was predominantly men there when we went! Nice day out though.

With regards to hair removal, I'm currently getting electrolysis at a beauty training centre in Bolton. The girl who does it is a student but she seems very competent and she's really nice. Best thing is though it's way cheaper than most other places. I just hope I don't end up regretting going for the cheapest!

Good luck with your father. Believe me there was a range of scenarios that I didn't ever think I'd be able to go ahead with including being dressed in front of family and colleagues, but I did it and none were anywhere near the terrible events I had imagined. It's suprising how quickly things become the norm.

[Carla Stevens]

I've already invested quite some time & money on facial hair removal, all to no effect.:sad:
Nearly 2 years ago I started with Laser & electrolysis, but I'm no closer to being hair free than I was when I started & all the dark hair that had started to show signs of giving up the fight has now returned.
Now either I've got unique genetics when it come to face hair or the technician was at fault.
I'm due to try a different Laser specialist in Bolton today who has experience with TG clients. Unfortunately Bolton is about an hour away from where I live, so there are issues with having to travel so far for each session & trying to fit it in around the rest of my life.
I'm going to try to find an electrolysis specialist more local to me, but again someone with experience with TG clients.
Shaving is an issue for me & I do find I need to shave twice a day if I'm going to be presenting as female for a long day, but even shaving once a day, everyday makes my face raw.
I can't even consider going fulltime with RLE until I can be almost hair free as I do have quite a lot of grey hair which will require electrolysis & this requires several days growth before treatment & I'm not prepared to be a 'girl with a beard'.
As for telling my father, I think I may take some thoughts from your coming out letter Amy as I think you put it very eloquently.:)

[Nigella]

I don't know if this will help but I had electrolysis at Face the Future (http://www.facethefuture.co.uk/hair-removal/), they are based near Wakefield, just off the M62. My treatment was on the scrotum, in preparation for SRS, however, the girls there were brilliant and the Leeds Gender Clinic use them for NHS funded hair removal, along with others :)

The NHS route is long winded, but time will fly. I would suggest you tell your father ASAP, it will only get harder for you the longer you leave it and the older he gets.

[Jessica63]

Hi
My doctor was the same when i told her,but she as been brilliant.I told her about a year ago things have run as smooth as possible with the nhs, I have recieved a letter saying I have been accepted by leeds gic next year so very excited.
Good luck with your father
Jess x

[Carla Stevens]

Hi Nigella, Unfortunately Wakefield is just too far to be practical.
The Laser clinic I'm using is over an 80 mile round trip & about 1 hour 20 minutes each way, so not ideal as I'll be going every 4 to 6 weeks for over a year possibly. I really need to find an electrolysis specialist much nearer home.
Someone recommended checking out the British Institute & Association of Electrolysis website (http://www.electrolysis.co.uk/) & I've found one in my home town, but need to contact them to see if they have experience with male facial hair removal. Failing that there are a couple of TG experienced ones listed about 20 miles away from where I live.
As for telling my father, I'm inclined to leave it until after Christmas. I don't think either of us need that much emotional turmoil over the festive period.

Jess, glad to hear your on your way too.:)

[Rianna Humble]

Hi again, Carla. I think that you are very sensible to hold off until after the festive period. I am sure your dad will be fine with it, but judging from my own experience may be inclined to blame himself for something (my dad wondered how he could have been so blind to my turmoil so I told him that it was because I did not let him see it).

[Amy A]

Rianna, that was the thing that upset my parents more than anything, that I'd been depressed and they hadn't picked up on it or been able to help, but I explained to them that, like you, I'd hidden it from them.

Carla, yeah it would be best doing it in the New Year, but make sure you do go through with it. I got into a cycle of putting it off because of various upcoming events that I didn't want to spoil, but I realised after a while that there was always something on the horizon that gave me an excuse to postpone.

Also, with electrolysis, given the nature of the job I'd be surprised if there were many practitioners who hadn't treated trans women at some point.