Looking Past the Guy

[dreamer_2.0]

Finally having my own place again provides a long needed opportunity to explore the gender realm. As many have said, exploration is integral to self-discovery, yet, despite this, I'm still standing in my own way and struggle with allowing myself freedom.

This is partially from my own stubbornness in self-acceptance but it's also from the fact that, currently, I can't see past the guy in the mirror. I only see a man in a dress with stubble (would like to begin laser but want to wait till I'm closer to HRT).

Rather than feeling better from exploring, I actually end up feeling worse as the feeling of being an imposter floods my already crowded brain. This results in a futile attempt to suppress everything leaving me vulnerable to depression. It's a ridiculous cycle that is counter-productive.

Does anyone have some advice for finding a way to see past the guy and let the girl out?

How did you "see" yourself before you began your transition?

[PaulaQ]

I only see a man in a dress with stubble (would like to begin laser but want to wait till I'm closer to HRT).

Start now. Why wait? In fact, start a year ago, if you can manage that. ;) No matter how perfectly you pass otherwise, faint beard shadow = dude. End of story. Getting rid of your beard will likely take longer than you can possibly imagine.



Does anyone have some advice for finding a way to see past the guy and let the girl out?
I hope someone else has a positive suggestion for you - I don't. I'm four months into transition on HRT, and frankly I find it's easier to see the stuff that's wrong with me rather than the stuff that's working pretty well. This is actually worse than when I started. I'm reasonably sure in my case that it won't get better until I get some plastic surgery.

[Janelle_C]

When I first started to think about transitioning I would sometimes look in the mirror in the morning and see a old man looking back at me and it would make me feel really sad. But the more I moved forward the less I would the old man and the more I would see Janelle. And the more I saw Janelle the better I would feel. And the better I would feel the more I saw Janelle and so on........ I know it's hard but try to be focused on what your heart wants.

[Ann Louise]

I would suggest that you keep a serious, private daily diary of your thoughts. I did, for at least the first three or four months while I was getting into the thick of it. Now when I read back on it I see that I was all over the map about this "man in the mirror" stuff. But, too, an undercurrent of an evolution of thought and observations became evident in the thoughts and words. This small diary also proved invaluable in the first months of serious gender counseling, as it's been so easy for me to forget a day later some issue that was of an "end of the world" calibre the night before.

But pragmatically, to get past the "man in the mirror" right now? Ge on with your laser and electrolysis, hair removal. Really, no kidding. It's a seemingly innocuous thing right now given all the heavy duty stuff you're working your way through, but it IS a definitive, positive step, takes years to accomplish. and provides concrete dividends starting from the first moment you lay back in the chair. Hang in there sweetie, Ann

[stefan37]

Start facial hair removal yesterday.

[mary something]

if your natural hair color is brown and based upon your skin tone in your pic I would start laser asap. Look on groupon or living social and find a package deal. Last winter I bought a package of 6 sessions for $300. Right now is the best time of year to find deals on laser treatment. Research the different kinds of lasers and call prospective places to find out what type of laser they use. I could have saved $100 by choosing a different place in town but the laser that I chose supposedly works best with my skin tone/hair color combination. I have one session left and my incredibly heavy beard shadow has been reduced to a few spots totaling a few square inches in total. If you look at my pic you'll see some light shadowing on my upper lip, for whatever reason those hairs are really tough to zap away. Start laser BEFORE hrt and you'll most likely see much better results. It has been less effective for me since hrt started to produce changes in my body. Hrt will not make your beard hair go away but it may lighten it slightly or reduce it's coarseness slightly, making laser less effective. I still have some colorless hairs that will have to be removed by electrolysis later but it's only a few around my chin and lip. If I shave first thing in the morning around 5:30 or 6 am I'm fine until much later that night, and that is good enough for me right now.

Each little step you take like that will make you feel better when looking in the mirror. Try not to get overwhelmed with the enormity of it all, I let that happen to me for years. It's an incremental process that one must be patient with. Start now.

[dreamer_2.0]

This thread wasn’t intended to focus on hair removal however it is something a few of you commented on.

I keep getting contradictory information regarding when to begin laser. While all sources agree to begin as soon as possible I can’t find a concrete answer on whether it’s best to start before HRT or around the same time as HRT.

Some say beginning before HRT (more specifically, anti-androgens) would be less effective as male hormones would lead to hair regrowth. Two doctor’s I’ve spoken to (GP and dermatologist) followed this belief. A couple sources actually said laser hair clinicians like male to female transgenders not on HRT as it means more sessions required thus more money for them.

On the other hand, some say not being on anything is what makes laser more effective. Unfortunately I haven’t heard this from any doctor’s or professionals as of yet so, frankly, I don’t know what to believe.

I’d hate to drops hundreds of dollars on something that may or may not be effective. Although the Groupon idea helps make that decision a bit easier as spending $200-$300 instead of $900+ is much more appealing.

For the record, I haven’t come across any ambivalence regarding electrolysis. The reason I’m not considering it at this time however is financial. The plan is laser first, electrolysis after.



Try not to get overwhelmed with the enormity of it all, I let that happen to me for years. It's an incremental process that one must be patient with. Start now.

This is actually a big part of my struggle. All I see is MAN so the idea of becoming a woman is so overwhelming. I often feel the decision and process is too big and impossible, a common thought it seems shared by others pre-transition.

[mary something]

If you want to pm me your email address I will send you a pic or two of my results so far after 5 laser session. I've been under the weather and haven't shaved in 2 days. Before I started laser I had constant shadow that was impossible to hide without pancake makeup

[barbie54s]

I hope this will help.

http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/hair/zappriority.html

[Rachel Smith]

How did you "see" yourself before you began your transition?

I was much like you in that I also saw a man in a dress and makeup. After about a year of RLE everywhere save my job it faded over time. Now after 2 years of the same RLE and coming out at work 2 months or so ago I no longer have that feeling at all. Now when I look in the mirror I see my Mother :eek: not sure which is worse :laughing: . Before I transitioned everyone said I was the spitting image of my Father.

Now the issue I have is when people say I am a beautiful woman. I have heard that from acquaintances as well as friends. As nice as it is to hear it makes me somewhat uncomfortable and I don't know why.

I hope it passes for you as it did in time for me.

Rachel

[dreamer_2.0]

I hope this will help.

http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/hair/zappriority.html

Thanks for that link. It was still a little vague on whether one should begin facial hair removal before anti-androgens or not. There presence slows hair growth but that doesn't confirm whether they make laser more or less effective. The article does seem to advocate beginning hair removal around the same time as HRT however, which is what I'm aiming for unless I can find something concrete that would lead me to start immediately.

Until then, have to continue finding a way to look past the guy in the mirror. Perhaps I should be learning make up in the interim.

[Badtranny]

There isn't a trans woman alive who would suggest waiting for hair removal regardless of the methodology.

HRT will have zero effect on facial hair if you already have it.

[celeste26]

The key as I understand it is that after electrolysis there is still plenty of room to go back to being male should you change your mind since being a male without a beard is no handicap. Going through all that pain is a real "test" of your determination. There is a point in HRT where it is not really possible to go back to being a fully functional male. Its all designed to slow down the process and allow for adjustments both for you and for those around you. By going too fast it is traumatic for everyone involved.

[dreamer_2.0]

There isn't a trans woman alive who would suggest waiting for hair removal regardless of the methodology.

HRT will have zero effect on facial hair if you already have it.

True, zero effect on existing hair but wouldn't it affect the rate at which dormant follicles awaken? I guess what I'm trying to say is, would not being on anti-androgens stimulate dormant follicles to grow faster allowing you to get rid of more follicles providing better results in the long run? Or would slowing down the regrowth process with anti-androgens prove more beneficial by keeping follicles dormant for as long as possible? Does that make sense?

Perhaps another question, do men have a infinite amount of facial hair follicles or is it possible to get absolutely rid of everything? If the follicles are infinite then it probably makes no difference to begin with or without anti-androgens. On the other hand, if the number of follicles are finite then I'd think it would be best to begin without anti-androgens in an attempt to stimulate as much regrowth as possible in hopes of eliminating everything quicker.

I'm leaning towards infinite follicles as there have been some women on here who transitioned years ago but still get electrolysis suggesting facial hair removal is lifelong.


If you ever do transition, you will wish you had started hair removal sooner than you did...... HRT or not.

One day you will look back and remember you were told this.

You're probably very right here. Still no harm in seeking knowledge, unless it prevents you from taking action...which it probably is in this case.