how to make my SO-wife think its her idea

[Patsy Ann]

After twenty plus years of marriage I have learned that if its her idea or plan or at least she thinks it is it all goes much better. Does rhis work for anyone else and anythoughts on how to make it her plan that I start dressing. Whitj that neing said several years ago while planning for night of fun I put on one of her teddys all I got was a laugh guess it could habe been worse.

[PatChick]

LOL... you could somehow have her watch my Youtube channel. It's all about the woman "forcing" the man to crossdress, even though it was all really my idea.

[Kate Simmons]

You are kidding, right Hon? This would work about as good as a rusty door knob or a busted crutch or a bucket with a hole in the bottom. :battingeyelashes::)

[Cynthia Anne]

I think IF anyone has the correct answer to this one then it must be a very well kept secret!
As far as the bucket with the hole in the bottom goes all you need to do is walk faster!:eek::brolleyes:

[Miriam-J]

Let me see ... deliberately manipulating your wife to initiate something that you suspect she might not like. Everything about this one sounds bad. Please rethink your approach.

Miriam

[JUSTME]

I see a train wreck..... But I can't turn away... :)

[Mink]

Inception!

[Jenniferathome]

that will NEVER work. Even if, as some joke, you do dress for/with her, she will not think that you are a cross dresser and that game will not lessen the blow.

[AllieSF]

Bad, bad girl. Now go lay in your corner until they feel like forgiving you! And if you are going to try that bucket with a hole in it trick, you might as well walk with it over those plants that need watering. No sense watering the concrete unless that needs watering too. Most of us dumb husbands never realize that our wives and children manipulate us all the time. I am single now and now it is my cat that manipulates me. Bad, bad cat!

[docrobbysherry]

It COULD work, if she's ever interested in sex, Patsy? After 20 years, she mite not be. But, if she is?

"Honey, u remember that nite I wore a teddie? Ha ha, yeah it WAS funny. But, I get turned on thinking about that nite. I wonder what would happen if I dressed in a ___________ and we made out? Probably silly thot, tho, isn't it?"

[JessMe]

I can't really speak from your perspective, per se., but I will offer my 2 cents from my experience. I've had a few serious relationships, all with heterosexual women, and without a doubt, honesty has served me well. I've been in relationships where I've kept it a secret, relationships where I've lied about it, and the absolute BEST (my current and hopefully last one ever until I keel over) where I waited a while out of fear, and then just calmly told the TRUTH... no games, no gimmicks. .. just a serious talk...and, yes... a LOT of explaining to the woman I love. ...it all came out just fine, but, as always, ymmv. I'm no expert, nor am I a counselor, but if I were you, I'd ask myself a few questions, then tell her from your heart.

[Jacqui Summers]

Thread title = wrong approach. If she has fun, she'll have her own ideas. If she cares about you, she'll at least indulge your own ideas now and then...

[MatildaJ.]

After twenty plus years of marriage I have learned that if its her idea or plan...it all goes much better... Any thoughts on how to make it her plan that I start dressing.

I actually think this is true for my marriage. When I get an idea in my head, it does feel more important than whatever crap he's going on about :-)

If the two of you have a strong sex life, it might work to start bringing these ideas up in the bedroom as fantasies. When something I say or do in bed has a powerful effect on him, I often go back to it to see if it works again. And then again, and again. The complicated part would be to just start the ball rolling, but then let her pick it up and run with it. If she will, you might have found a great solution. If she doesn't, then I guess you're back where you started.

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the recommendation Jess from your side. I called it manipulation in my other post above, but even if it is, I like to think of it as an alternate approach that may set the stage for that eventual need to tell the whole story and truth. As most women know and few men do, setting the stage, picking the right moment and then using the correct words, sometimes very indirect words gets them to their eventual target with the least commotion. Good communication to me is a process, approach and an art that is not easy for many of us to learn.

[giuseppina]

Hello Patsy

I don't think your idea of manipulating your wife is a good idea. Chances are very high it will backfire in a big way.

JessM has good ideas. I might leave a book about crossdressing around someplace, after reading and making notes like "I like this idea" and "this does not apply to me" throughout the book.

[kimdl93]

Not gonna happen. Let her know you enjoy dressing up and would welcome her help and participation if it ever strikes her fancy. Then, should it happen, it will be her idea!

[AllieSF]

Yes, honesty is always the best policy and after the stuff hits the fan and all the walls and floors, guess who gets to clean it up? The guilty party of course. You will do what you feel is necessary when you discover what is necessary for you in your unique situation. That is all you should do. Our advice is just our opinions on what we think you should do, and not necessarily what we would do. But if you do decide to follow any of this wonderful advice, including mine, please share the results. We will also enjoy reading that too and making our individualized comments pro and con regarding whatever you decided to do and the results of those actions. You do know that you probably cannot win here, no matter how hard you try.

Anyway, read, analyze and then decide what is best for you. And remember you actually got some advice from a GG here, which may or may not be any better than the rest of ours, though I like what she had to say.

[Wildaboutheels]

One way to "break the ice" and at least get the ball rolling is with some type of TG/CDing movie that you can watch together. Try to [subtly of course] watch her reactions during the movie and then hopefully have some discussion after the movie.

Maybe some of the other ladies here can recommend something?

The only "CDing" movie I have ever seen is The Crying Game which I thought was excellent but unlikely to fulfill your needs.

[IMJenn]

LOL... you could somehow have her watch my Youtube channel. It's all about the woman "forcing" the man to crossdress, even though it was all really my idea.

I just went through them on a marathon. Just found your channel and then came here, and one of the first posts I see is this. Small world I guess.

[Lorileah]

One way to "break the ice" and at least get the ball rolling is with some type of TG/CDing movie that you can watch together.
Maybe some of the other ladies here can recommend something?

The only "CDing" movie I have ever seen is The Crying Game which I thought was excellent but unlikely to fulfill your needs.

Silence of the Lambs probably won't work either. Tootsie and Mrs Doubtfire? Ah both very sexy chick flicks, not.

There is a fine line in that plan...the good movies IMO the star is a TS...most women won't like that. The rest are comedies or the TG is some sort of criminal. Maybe if you use Tom Hanks, John Travolta, Patrick Swayze or similar telling her..."hey look those hot guys can wear it...just fantasize that I am a hot guy...in a dress"

[linda allen]

Yes, if an idea is your wife's she is more likely to go for it. It's no different than you having an idea.

Planting the idea of you crossdressing in her head will be difficult or impossible, especially if you start in the bedroom. Better choices would be to suggest that you two go as a "reverse couple" to a Halloween party (a little late this year for that one) or take her to a drag show and get her reaction. Say "Hey, I could do that!" or "I bet I could look good as a woman."

Every person is different and every relationship is different. You know her best so give it some thought, be patient, then take it slowly. I don't recommend starting in the bedroom. "I am not a lesbian!" is probably what you will hear and that may end the whole idea.

[mary something]

there are so many different approaches to answering this question Patsy! I suppose it all depends on what you're comfortable with and how interesting you want to make this thread :0

Sure it's manipulative to try and make it her idea but I don't have a problem with manipulation. Everybody is manipulative. The question is are you satisfied if you try to manipulate her ethically and she doesn't respond with what you want will you let it go?

You could give her a roofie in her drink and then let her wake up to you the next morning in full ensemble with her lipstick kisses all over you. Tell her that she insisted that you be "her girl" and even though you were skeptical you tried it and now can't get enough of it. Tell her you love her no matter how odd she is and that of course it will be both of your's secret just like she wanted. Ethically I'd say it would be a rather poor choice but it would make for an exciting thread!

Or maybe you could focus on the relationship first. See if you guys can agree that the primary purpose of the relationship is to love each other and never stand in the way of the others happiness. Model this to her first, put yourself out there and be selfless. If you do a good enough job and she loves you the time will come when she approaches you about how to do the same for you. Tell her that you're too scared to tell her because you're afraid of her reaction (that's the truth right?). Go ahead a shed a tear of two if you can squeeze it out. Wait at least a full day before telling her. By this point she will probably be thinking cancer, affair, gay, something pretty awful and scary. If she still wants to know later tell her what you want. You might not want to go full monty right away but certainly don't deceive her by thinking it's less than what it is. Women are much more likely than men to be content with a version of "I don't know the extent of this feeling, that is why I want to explore it a little with your love and acceptance, sorry I don't have more answers, maybe we can learn those together?". Don't tell her right before she goes to work, or right around a holiday no matter how nice of a present you might have gotten her, or at a stressful time. Bring it up during a really nice normal day. Matter of fact if you could watch some lifetime movies with her first that would be great, get her emotionally primed.

Avoid labels, they are scary. Focus on how you feel and communicate your feelings to her. If being able to wear a skirt makes you feel good don't analyze the why's of it to her, it doesn't matter. Ask her if that is something that you can explore with her loving consent. If she gives anything less than an unqualified yes then don't push it. Let her know that you care more about having a harmonious loving relationship than finding out what a skirt feels like to wear, because the idea of it sounds good doesn't always mean that the reality is as nice. There are plenty of past threads by crossdressers who wrecked their relationships and then when they have all the time in the world to dress up it's the last thing they want to do. Ask her if her feelings change towards this request in the future (being able to explore this feeling) if she will let you know. This will help her not fear it, she will feel a measure of control that will hopefully keep her fears at bay.

Both ideas are equally manipulative, and I really don't want recommend you do either one lol!

Just trying to make the point that sometimes being manipulative is playing with fire, and having some fun too of course.

Be loving and ethical with her however you decide to handle this and the result will be better.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Just be honest with her. No woman likes being lied to or misled. My own wife appreciates the trust I placed in her by telling her about Tiffany. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

[Samantha_Smile]

Methinks someone has been reading too much fantasy fiction and hasn't done enough serious, logical and well...
Morally pure thinking about this.

If you want to crossdress, tell her and go from there, but be prepared, whether you try to manipulate her or you just come out and say it, be prepared for the worst.

I would just like to say that Im shocked that you would ask for advice on how best to manipulate your wife of 20+ years into dressing you up.
If she was game, Im sure it might have been raised in 20+ years of you guys being an item.

[NicoleScott]

I must disagree with those who say it's a bad strategy. It is the ultimate victory in diplomacy - getting the other side to think your idea was theirs. Who knows it if will work or not in your situation. I have had this happen several times, but not about CDing. I suggest something to my wife and get a negative reaction. So I drop it. After thinking about it, she says "I have a great idea. We should [do what I suggested]. I say "Great idea, I'm glad you thought of it". win win

If your wife is one of those women who think CDing is outright creepy, any strategy is unlikely to change that. But it's worth a shot, huh?

[Beverley Sims]

Auto suggestion is a wonderful tool when used correctly.
I use a lot of visual cues to get things going my way.
I do not mean just dressing either.

[Patsy Ann]

Thank you for so many replies and different levels of support. Manipulation many times is used as a negative word isnt looking for a positive first impression very manipulative in its own right. I really enjoyed the ruffies post but dont think ill go there yet.LOL