How did you do it?

[Kyle]

I'm not only new to this forum, but to this exceptional life style. If I didn't have an accepting community like you girls, things would be much worse, by lurking on the forum for a little while I can already tell it has increased my confidence and made me a happier person in general. I don't have a giant hole inside me anymore. I don't feel so alone. I know there are older people on here and I wanted to take a moment to appreciate you fabulous ladies! How did you do it? You must have been alone, maybe you felt helpless, or maybe you just did what felt right. Also where would you be today without a community of people like you?

Thank you for being you, I don't take this community for granted. :hugs:

[Karren H]

I started at 7..... but It wasn't until I was 16 when I saw an article in Look magazine about transvestites in NYC that I realized I wasn't a freak.... ok that I wasn't alone... lol. That was the same year I ventured out enfemme.... 45 some years ago.... It was pretty much on and off till 10 years ago when it all came back with a vengeance.... totally changed my life around..... I have no idea how I did it.... I taught myself makeup and fashion...... always loved to shop.....

[Beverley Sims]

Alone till I was about eighteen.
Three girls wanted me to organise a share house for them.
They wanted a male to be their body guard and mentor.
I was a 98 pound weakling then and always had sand kicked in my face.
I took up the offer they thought I was lonely staying home by my self so they decided four girls were better than three one night.
That was a big jump in my life.

[Sarah Beth]

In the beginning there were a lot of times when I felt really alone. I was in college before I found out there were a lot of others out there who were like me. Knowing that did make me feel somewhat better about me but did not help much with the feelings of being alone. This forum helps a lot with information and support and someone is always willing to listen even to the little things we just feel the need to share. Still there are times I feel lost and alone still. I have no one like me to physically sit with and talk to or share with.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've been very much alone for...40 years? For the longest time, it was just something I did, and was ashamed of, I didn't understand it. (I still don't, fully, but I'm starting to get a grasp) The I found this forum, and started to realise what I was, or rather what I wasn't. (not transsexual, not, I think, transgender) Then I took a big chance and told this girl that was considering me as BF. That was the big step, she is very knowledgeable about gender issues, and just being myself around her has clarified a lot of my thinking.

Now, I don't think of myself as a crossdresser, but i like to wear some items of women's wear, but trying to work it into a style that I can wear as a male, in public. Some friends have seen me, some of the neighbours, baby steps.

[Jaymees22]

I first dressed when I was 7, then again at 17, then pretty much took a fifty year break until I was 67. Now I realize I shouldn't have waited so long, to feel better than I have ever felt in my life. This community is a big help, to not feel so alone and confused. Hugs Jaymee

[Kate Simmons]

I've felt I was a girl for as long as I've been self aware which was around 3 0r 4. I just kind of hung around with girls and played until puberty when my desire was to look like them also. :)

[wilt575]

I guess it all started with my sister and her friends, when I was young 7 or so ,they had girl parties and sleep overs and would dress me up in their clothes and it just grew from there. Sister let me wear her clothes whenever we had house to ourslves. She left me her old clothes. Few years later when I moved out went full time. I don't look on myself as a crossdresser, just being the person I really am. Now have a succesful business of my own. few years ago got breast implants to complete the girly look and feelings.

[Tina_gm]

I am still in the process of learning how to deal with it all. Look at many of my posts and I am sure you can see the confusion and how I am working it all out. I was a little older than most when I first got the actual desires to dress. I was 17. But totally alone with it till a year ago. (about to turn 49) It was rough at times. I had a lot of inner turmoil. I hated myself because I had the desire to dress. I tried to do everything I could to make it go away. Finally a year ago I gave up the fight. I am coming to realize I am a good person, not a freak, and even a good man too.

[docrobbysherry]

Just beware of the Pink Fog, Kyle. It's NOT unusual for closeted girls to arrive here and soon feel this site gives them the affirmation they need to become dress-a-holics!

It happened to me after I arrived here. Soon, I felt compelled to dress nite and day for nearly 3 months. When I wasn't dressing, I was thinking about it. It took nearly 9 months to strike a reasonable balance between dressing and my real life.

That was 6 years ago. Now, dressing has become an active part of my "real life"! Altho, I still identify as a closet dresser.

[dana digs sweaters]

Glad that you are feeling better about being a part of this community. Depends on the situations that we grew up in. Big city, suburbs or small town that affected our desires to crossdress. What info was out there before Donahue, Oprah and all? Not a lot as you already know. Each individual has their feelings to deal with along the TG spectrum.

[suzy1]

That was a lovely comment Kyle.
Spot on and so nice to read. This community is special and I am another girl that has been helped more than you will ever know.

For me this is the thread of the month.

A big hug from Suzy

[Kyle]

That was a lovely comment Kyle.
Spot on and so nice to read. This community is special and I am another girl that has been helped more than you will ever know.

For me this is the thread of the month.

A big hug from Suzy
Awe, thanks Suzy, that's really sweet of you to say. :)

[LelaK]

Kyle, my cultural conditioning wants to call you Kyla, or something, but oh well.

I was lucky that I never felt guilt about crossdressing. All I had was a bit of fear of getting caught doing it. I only had the urge to CD occasionally, maybe like once a month. I had other more interesting interests all my life, so I never felt that my CDing quota was too greatly unmet. Only last year at over age 60 did I feel the need to connect with other CDers. CDing still isn't the most important thing in my life, but it's much nearer the top of my list now.

I was somewhat contradictory in my younger years. I didn't have a "male" identity, but effeminate behavior in boys seemed repulsive to me, maybe because girls' behavior didn't appeal to me either for the most part. My cousin used to play with the girls at school much of the time, instead of with guys. Some of the guys tended to beat on him, so that may have encouraged him to play with the girls. He sometimes wore his coat over his shoulders, like a cape, the way girls did, and that repulsed me for some reason. I think I had wished that he'd play with me, because there weren't many other guys that I liked to play with either.

[Ressie]

As soon as I got my first internet connection (around 1997) I did searches for crossdressing and similar key words. I used to put on girlfriends' clothes while they were gone, but it all started out about 50 years ago with mom's and sister's clothes. I have lived alone for a few years now and my wardrobe keeps increasing every month!

[robindee36]

Even in the closet, you are not totally alone. There are forums like this and opportunities to get out and meet other girls. It just may not be possible to share your interest with everyone near and dear to your male persona.

Hugs, Robin

[NicoleScott]

For us pre-internet CDers, we just got by, usually by keeping it very secret, telling no one in fear of punishment or finding ourselves dragged to therapy the next day after being discovered. After I was caught playing with lipstick and subsequently humiliated while being punished, I made sure I lived deep in the closet.
Through books, magazines, and finally the internet, we realized we weren't the only ones. There are LOTS of us. Something in common, something different.

[RADER]

HI Kyle; Welcome to the forum.
Like you, I thought I was the only pebble on the beach; Through this forum,
I found I am not alone.
Read through the posts, you will find you are one of many.
Rader

[Katy120]

You have certainly struck a pleasant chord with your message. So many of the thoughts you expressed have been lurking about in me for many years. I'm even newer to the forum than you, but am better for having someplace to go to connect with others who know a thing or three about what I feel. Thanks for sharing, Kyle.

[Gillian Gigs]

How did you do it? You must have been alone, maybe you felt helpless, or maybe you just did what felt right. Also where would you be today without a community of people like you?

Thank you for being you, I don't take this community for granted. :hugs:

I must admit that this community has helped me to come to the point in life where I can love and accept myself, inspite of the past ups and downs. I found that before I could have a healthy love for others, I had to love myself first. To do that required self acceptance and putting the shame and guilt into the past where it belongs. This forum has been loving and accepting, so welcome aboard.

[Julie Gaum]

Kyle, thank you for you kind thoughts. Karren, Bev, Suzy and others still visiting this Forum from time to time only hint on what it was like before the advent of the Internet in the 1970s. As us oldsters have recounted: Believing we were some kind of pervert and alone in the universe. For me it would be 50 years before I knew of sister travelers. For those like Kate who knew from an early age that they were somehow different --- their feelings were in turmoil not just because of the desire to cross dress, so they have to travel an even more bumpy road than the rest towards an unknown goal. At least the rest of us usually find a satisfactory balance betwen out male side and in what degree of dressing that makes us contented. Sarah still feels that lonliness and I urge her to get out to meet people --- you will NEVER find a kindred spirit at home. I digress. Thank you Kyle and thank you Forum.
Julie

[julia marie]

Kyle. I'm glad this community is helping you. You can ask pretty much any question in this forum and someone will be ready to help. Just understand two things: We all have a few things in common -- like every wonderful bit of clothing and every accessory made for girls -- and a lot of differences. We cover the whole spectrum in terms of how often we dress, where we go, and sexual orientation. Second, I'll echo the others who warn you to beware the pink fog. If not you could see your paycheck going directly to Dress Barn, Walmart, Payless and others.

[Helen_Highwater]

How did I do it? This community gave me the support to know I was not alone and sound advice about staying safe. What it didn't give me was the desire to go out. That came from within. And for me there in lies the question; do YOU want to go out into the wider community? Don't be influenced by what you read here unless it's within you, the desire, the longing, to take that further step and be part of a wider world.

I'm in the closet: I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend extended time as Helen from time to time. Being out in public is a truly liberating experience but one not undertaken lightly. With it comes danger, physical danger. Also emotional turmoil, why do I do this? After years of cross dressing I still can't answer that question.

What I will say is, I would have it any other way.

[Desirae]

I'm in my late forties and like most others have been dressing since an early age of 4 or 5. I'm still in the closet. I don't know whether or not I'll venture out someday. I might just end up doing so. To tell you the truth, I still feel a little "freakish" every now and then. I assume that's because I haven't gained the level of acceptance for myself as many of the other gurls on here have.

[suchacutie]

In my case Tina suddenly appeared one day just after I turned 55. My wife was as fascinated by it as I was so there was never guilt or any other bad feelings about Tina. I found this forum in the 48 hours AT (after Tina) and the wealth of information here has been incredibly helpful. Basically, Tina grew up with this forum!!!! :)

[Christina Kay]

Started dressing about 11yrs old. Continued sporadically thru high school. Read anything you could find about Christine Jorgensen . Pre internet, knew there was others. But so alone and afraid of being caught. Married thought that would cure my CDing. NOPE, but went it came and went , life and such things would distract you. But never far from your mind. Did things , plucked eyebrows, grew my nails long. Would wear a natural tone lipstick when driving to and from work. Anything to just have a little femininity , to make you feel normal/pretty. Needed to feel girly. Then this year , it hit me with such a vengeance . I didn't understand the feelings, was I really trans? CDer? Tg? Then I found this forum. It helped me figure out where and how I felt comfortable, expressing this women inside me. Thank God for a loving understanding wife. Who helps me understand this feminine side of me that I so love expressing. ,,,,,Really don't know the path I would have chosen if the internet was around when I was younger. Thank you Kyle , for letting us tell our story. Hugs :)

[kimdl93]

You presume a bit too much. Yes, I was isolated from other CDrs, but I had and have a wife, great kids, a good, solid extended family...and even when rumors about my predilections started to circulate family and friends stuck by me. No, I didn't have the resource of this group and I think I may have altered my life path if I'd known at 20 what I know now, but that's true for everyone.

[Katy120]

I still feel a little "freakish" every now and then.

I wish this feeling would completely go away, but it hasn't for me. Yet... I keep striving to create a look that is completely convincing to me, but I still haven't passed muster. Perhaps the notion that I am "freaky" will disappear when I finally give up the notion of being beautiful in comparison to others and discovery a less critical way of looking at myself and find the unique beauty that is me. (Assuming such a thing exists.)

[NathalieX66]

Crossdresser since age 6, 7, or 8......can't remember which age.

Denial and suppression until my mid 40's

Stock market crashed in October '08.....my company, my job, my romance, my life tuned upside down. The coping mechanisms went full throttle.

I accepted my transgender side, even though I like women.....and now I prefer to dress as a woman. You do the math....because I can't.

And now here I am. Someone who presents female or male at any given time.

[Kyle]

Thanks for all the reply's, ladies. Very interesting to read :).