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View Full Version : back to therapy, but I need some advise please!



Sephina
12-05-2013, 04:33 AM
Hey girls, good news for me I'm currently planning on finishing up my therapy sessions I'd be on my 7th done 6 already and my therapist is ready to provide me with a letter of recommendation for HRT. The reason for my unfortunate hyatus was due to finances. Car transmission went out. Lost my Job and insurance :( I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to pull the extra money togetger to finish therapy but money is really tight. Anyway I am about to get on Insurance at my new job and that will help. I have a question though. I already presented my 1 year plan on hormones to him and I even went as far as a 2 year plan. (Over Enthusiastic much?) ;) but he wants me to revise it and present it to him again. So I'm stumped I'm not sure what to adjust I mean I had Month to month planned out including electro, working on voice, even start gradually moving to full time. I'm just not sure how to represent my 1 year plan any advise? What was your 1 year plan like?

AllieSF
12-05-2013, 04:58 AM
Not sure what type of plan he was asking for and it appears neither do you. Why not ask him for clarification or some sample of what format he is looking for.

Ariamythe
12-05-2013, 06:14 AM
Your therapist has asked you to make an itinerary? That's a new one on me. My therapist and I talked a bit about what I might do after I started hormones, but a full schedule was never something demanded. My worry would be, what will your therapist do if you go off the schedule? Refuse further treatment? Yeah, gatekeepers ....

Aprilrain
12-05-2013, 06:22 AM
Yeah that sounds a bit strange, never heard of that before. You're paying him don't let him push you around, get a firm date of when he will be willing to write the letter, no caveats. Plans are great but they often change so a detailed description of the next two years of your life is a bit ridiculous.

Angela Campbell
12-05-2013, 06:56 AM
My therapist did ask me to develop a plan, but at the same time warned me it will change, probably several times. It was not a detailed plan but he wanted me to think through what I was going to do. It cannot be too rigid and is only a way to clear the path so you know what you are getting into. I included, coming out to family and work, voice, hair removal, head hair, legal matters, any surgeries, and how I was going to pay for everything. There were no dates or time limits. Mostly just showing thought on how to handle the important and difficult things.

I think the idea was to make sure I was going into this with a clear head.

linda allen
12-05-2013, 07:20 AM
I suspect your therapist thinks you need to do some more thinking about this and developing a new "plan" is one way to do this. Remember, it's a plan, not a "schedule".

kimdl93
12-05-2013, 07:32 AM
If it's a bit unclear to you, ask your therapist for help. My guess is that he wants you to look farther down the road towards goals what you want to achieve in two years, the tasks you mentioned could be viewed as milestones or objectives leading you there.

Sephina
12-05-2013, 07:55 AM
well the thing is i dont think he meant it as a scheduel but more of a guidline as to where i plan to go in the next year he just called it a 1 year plan i think he wanted to get an idea of if i knew where i was headed. He liked the plan that i had drawn up, more of a timeline then anything i guess. I know what he wants the problem is i cant really add anything to it, that im aware of here hence asking for advise. He set me out on some paths to help me but the "plan" that i drew up wont change much if at all. Strange that some of you dont recall being asked to do something similar, he stated to me that it was pretty standard. thats why hes the therapist and im seeing him i guess lol. Anytways thanks for the tips always appreciated!

mary something
12-05-2013, 07:57 AM
It sounds like you're wanting to start hrt but you have one session left out of a series of seven and because of a financial emergency completing that seventh session is out of the picture right now and so is hrt?

Have you contacted your therapist and told him about your life changes? If it has caused you anxiety, depression, or stress let him know. If the idea of having to wait to receive medical treatment for you condition makes you feel distress make sure to include that also.

Was something magical going to happen on that 7th meeting? I would imagine by this point that your therapist would have a good idea of what the treatment plan that he will recommend would be. If he considers the treatment necessary then withholding it until you make your last appointment doesn't sound very nice.

Perhaps your therapist has a sliding scale based upon income. Have you explained your financial situation to him? If you truly feel this way then let him know that you consider it an emergency situation. Perhaps he can be flexible since you have completed 87% of your sessions with him. My gender therapist helped me out when I had some difficult situations arise during that time of my life.

I didn't have to schedule out my transition with my therapist, so I'm not sure if I have anything to offer there. We covered basics like what to expect, common problems that people run into, managing your emotions on hrt, and how to reframe my perspective to meet my changing reality.

She did want to know if I would be able to stay employed and able to support myself during transition. Perhaps that is a concern for him? Only one way to find out I suppose

Good luck!

Angela Campbell
12-05-2013, 08:02 AM
The things mine wanted to see

What I am going to do about coming out to everyone - family, friends, work...
what kind of social situations I am going to partake in and what kind of support network I have.
How I am going to improve my appearance. Voice, hair removal, face, body, hair,
What I am doing for legal name and gender change,
what plans for surgeries I have such as FFS and SRS.
What I will do if - when some relationships I have now end or change,
romantic desires - needs
financial plans
Wardrobe - presentation.

He explained to me why he wanted me to do this. He has seen too many girls just jump off a cliff with little or no preparation and it ultimately ends up with many more problems and a much more difficult time in transition. Many of these mistakes can be avoided if the urge to rush can be overcome with some planning and clear thought. For instance just showing up at work or a family get together in a mini, fishnets, and a long blond wig with an obvious 5 o'clock shadow speaking and walking like a man when you are 50+ will not bring about any kind of acceptance. Coming out at work with the same male name and DL is going to be awkward, getting started and not being able to afford things like the hormones will not be very good, No support network to be around people who understand is not a good idea.

Just pulling the pin on the tranny grenade and waiting for the smoke to clear usually will not end up well. My therapist specializes in transitions and has done so himself from FtoM so he understands and is very good at assisting in a smooth transition. I trust him as, so far, things are going well. He has little time for fantasies, wishes, or lottery tickets.

Sephina
12-05-2013, 08:15 AM
Well Angela you hit it right on the head! Through the course of the previous 6 sessions weve covered all that. I was just kind of upset and confused because he told me at my 5th session that he was going to consult with his Wife and partner.(Also a specialist, the only 2 im aware of in the area that deal with Gender related issues.) and he stated that he was ready to do my letter of recomendation for treatment then i show up the 6th session and he says the same thing and he will give it to me in our next session wtf? but on top of that ive had some familial problems on both sides of my family that have kept me pretty occupied. I got into a fight with my Dad and step mom about my decision to transition. Then not long ago i found out my Biological mother in Vegas has cancer in a few areas of her body, SO needless to say my heads been everywhere. BUT hopefully this is the session he gets me that letter.

rachael.davis
12-05-2013, 09:13 AM
Good luck going forward Sephina

Just a thought - are you building an OH CRUD!!!!!!!!!!!! fund into your financial plan for the transition year to make sure a problem doesn't de-rail you?

Sephina
12-05-2013, 11:19 PM
I haven't begun yet but will be able to start here soon. Probably bout Jan I'm going to have a bit of money free up starting Jan, a great idea for sure.

JAS
12-27-2013, 11:34 PM
Lot's of good advice here especially, '...he wanted me to think through what I was going to do. It cannot be too rigid and is only a way to clear the path so you know what you are getting into. I included, coming out to family and work, voice, hair removal, head hair, legal matters, any surgeries, and how I was going to pay for everything. There were no dates or time limits. Mostly just showing thought on how to handle the important and difficult things.

I think the idea was to make sure I was going into this with a clear head. "

How old are you and just what is your plan?

Angela Campbell
12-28-2013, 05:35 AM
My Plan?

I am 55 and my plan is total transition. I have gone a long way so far. I have come out to family and my employer, done over 100 hrs of electrolysis, have been working on my head hair and wardrobe, lost 130 lbs, began HRT, and much more.

This year I am having FFS in about 2 weeks, then ears pierced, name change and begin full time RLE within two months. In about a year I will go to Thailand for SRS.

hannahbear
12-28-2013, 06:45 AM
i've never heard of needing a "plan". usually I just talk to my therapist, we talk about all aspects, and the next step and I report back in on my progress. get a new provider if this guy seems fishy to you. I've had 2 therapists and both have been fantastic and didn't need a "plan".

Kathryn Martin
12-28-2013, 07:06 AM
It might help you to go to TS roadmap. They have a transition plan outline that helps you to ask all of the right questions as you lay out your future.


Remember, you want to be successful and so planning every step is important. Plans will change significantly as you move forward. I found http://www.tsroadmap.com/start/transsexual-transition.html very helpful.

Angela Campbell
12-28-2013, 08:58 AM
No plan will survive implementation in full. However using a plan is going well for me. If you want no plan then you should do what works for you. I think a plan is a very good idea but to each her own.

Sephina
12-28-2013, 09:20 AM
Well thanks everyone for your advise, that does seem strange that many of you girls say your therapist didnt need a plan and mine does. Well i will just go back and ask him what exactly he wants me to change i guess.

FurPus63
12-28-2013, 10:56 AM
Sounds like your therapist wants you to do some "homework" and this is not unusual. Most good therapists will ask those who have the ability to write to write in a journal, write a therapeutic letter (one that's never sent) or write an aftercare plan of somekind. There might be some other assignments along the way, i.e. workbook exercises, etc.... This is par for the course. However; I also am reading in your post that YOU have chosen to write a more detailed plan. I'm sure your therapist understands that nothing is written in stone and change is expected. Nobody can write a plan for the next year and state in specific details how it's going to go. That is ridiculous, and if that is the case you need to ask her what she wants or expects.

My gender therapist didn't ask for anything in writing. He had me doing other things though which are just considered homework. It helps move through the therapy process.

Paulette

Jorja
12-28-2013, 11:05 AM
First, remember you are not the only client this therapist has. After awhile I am sure things can get jumbled in their mind. I think this plan they want isn't so much a blow by blow account of how you expect your transition to go but a guideline. As they review your record, it serves as talking points. For example, you listed permanent hair removal would start on January 15. It is now February 10th and you haven't started hair removal as yet. Why? Are they booked solid? Is it financial? Are you afraid of permanent removal? It also could be an accountability thing. You said you were going to do this and you haven't. Why?

KellyJameson
12-28-2013, 01:10 PM
The therapists job is to protect you but I have noticed an age bias in that the older you are the less reluctant they are in giving a letter "all things being equal"

I suppose on some level this may be understandable even though I do not agree with it, in that transitioning in your teens and twenties means you are dealing with issues that may not be there in you thirties such as less financial resources or greater pressure from family not to transition.

One thing that stands out with therapists is they do not like overly optimistic attitudes and in hindsight now I understand why.

I made the mistake of communicating to my therapist that transitioning was "not going to be a problem for me" because I thought putting on a brave happy face would simplify the process and like a horse running for the barn she jerked me back hard.

I was simply trying to control the therapist by appearing overly optomistic.

Its possible that your plan may be conveying the same sentiment and your therapist is worried how you will cope with any shocks and set backs (and there will be many).

Be as realisitic as you can be about trying to anticipate that which cannot be anticipated so he can have confidence in your surviving them because you are doing one of the hardest things a human being can do in life.

Sephina
12-28-2013, 02:02 PM
Thank you Kelly, thats a good point i seem to have maybe come off as overly optimistic that i can work on toning down

JAS
12-28-2013, 04:29 PM
Perhaps I was unclear. My comment is/was addressed to Sephina.