FurPus63
12-05-2013, 03:18 PM
I've got a lot of things to say and more to come as my personal transition is getting better. My realtions with my family are improving and I'm seeing things from a different point of view. I'm trying my hardest to understand others who don't understand us (transsexuals) and realize that they are going through a lot too with all this change in me.
At first I thought others should just love me and accept me without question and was really angry when they didn't. Now I'm starting to see things from their point of view and that is increasing my emapthy for them. I know a lot of us get offended by the misgendering that goes on, especially with family and friends. I also have had views in the past that made me feel like there's two seperate people or persons who lived in my body. "Paul" my male self who lived for 48 years and experienced life as a depressed, miserable boy/man and "Paulette" my new self who has lived her life as a woman for the last 19 months.
Somehow I had seperated the two of these lives and referred to the one before as being "dead." I wanted to completely disolve any memories of him and transform myself into a new person, totally alive, healthy and full of joy. I told myself constantly that I was not that person anymore and anything negative about myself could be attributed to "that other person," "my old self" or "Paul."
Therapy has helped me to see that these two people are one and the same. Paul and Paulette are each a part of each other and I am a whole and complete person, with aspects of each in that which makes up me. I know this sounds a little crazy but I think it's something that happens to a lot of us who begin to transition. I am glad my therapist helped to point out to me the unhealthiness of that kind of thinking and I'm starting to get better now. I realize that I don't have Dissoaciative Disorder (multiple personalities) and I am one whole complete person.
Yes I hated living my life as a boy/man. It was terrible. But....that doesn't mean that "Paul" was bad and "Paulette" is good. Paulette is both good and bad; and so was Paul!
Paulette
At first I thought others should just love me and accept me without question and was really angry when they didn't. Now I'm starting to see things from their point of view and that is increasing my emapthy for them. I know a lot of us get offended by the misgendering that goes on, especially with family and friends. I also have had views in the past that made me feel like there's two seperate people or persons who lived in my body. "Paul" my male self who lived for 48 years and experienced life as a depressed, miserable boy/man and "Paulette" my new self who has lived her life as a woman for the last 19 months.
Somehow I had seperated the two of these lives and referred to the one before as being "dead." I wanted to completely disolve any memories of him and transform myself into a new person, totally alive, healthy and full of joy. I told myself constantly that I was not that person anymore and anything negative about myself could be attributed to "that other person," "my old self" or "Paul."
Therapy has helped me to see that these two people are one and the same. Paul and Paulette are each a part of each other and I am a whole and complete person, with aspects of each in that which makes up me. I know this sounds a little crazy but I think it's something that happens to a lot of us who begin to transition. I am glad my therapist helped to point out to me the unhealthiness of that kind of thinking and I'm starting to get better now. I realize that I don't have Dissoaciative Disorder (multiple personalities) and I am one whole complete person.
Yes I hated living my life as a boy/man. It was terrible. But....that doesn't mean that "Paul" was bad and "Paulette" is good. Paulette is both good and bad; and so was Paul!
Paulette