My best friend almost made me cry tonight

[Violetgray]

Last weekend my best friend got engaged.

And I'm going to be her maid of honor. On the way back from gaming we had a conversation concerning all that entailed, from the rehearsal dinner to the bachelorette party, and what colors she's going to put me in, and the logistics of changing in the bridal suite.

One issue that came up is her stepdad. He is very, very conservative. And on top of that he's VERY conservative. We've not layed eyes on each other very much at all, but he's seen pictures and heard about me. And he does NOT approve of me. His ideal society he says is the 1950's, he's literally said that aside from the racism everything else was perfect.

Personally, It would make me happy to make HER happy, and it is not my role to make any sort of statement or a point, and I would be perfectly willing to show up in boy mode if she wanted me to. I want her day to be perfect.

But she said she wanted me there as Violet to be her maid of honor. "Some people will that will be there will have seen you as a male before and know, others I don't think will. But anyway it doesn't matter if they have a problem they can bite me." She said she realizes that her stepdad is going to be really bothered by it but it's her decision. Then when I got out of the car she hugged me and said "Thank you for accepting."

I try to avoid having emotions whenever possible, but I'm as close to crying now as I've ever been.

[MichelleinEugene]

That is wonderful. What a great friend you have!

[paulaprimo]

that is wonderful!! you are so lucky to have such a "true" friend like her.
now have yourself a good cry... :)

[bridget thronton]

Enjoy you will make your friend happy

[kimdl93]

Good for you. Her step dad's approval is clearly not worth having.

[Beverley Sims]

Violet,
I know how you feel, one of my house mates got married and I along with the other girls attended all her pre wedding nuptials.
All dressed as they were all girls affairs.
I felt left out at the wedding as I had been asked and refused to be in the bridal party.
My reason is that it would have taken the day away from her a bit and there were a lot of conservative relative that would not have understood anyway.
I should have done it as it was a missed opportunity.
She then asked another friend that was about to transition to be in the bridal party.
Those that knew never let on and all the conservative relatives were none the wiser.
As they walked down the aisle, my partner said, "It's okay, men are allowed to cry at weddings".
I was unable to tell her the real reason why though.

[Maria in heels]

Violet...what a beautiful story. Your best friend, who truly loves and cherishes you, wants you there, by her side, on her most important day. I applaud you for offering to appease her stepfather, but you know, you must do whatever she says, because it is her day. AND he should understand this too...

[Majella St Gerard]

Wow, great for you, I would love to do something like that. I'm trying to get my wife to take me to her jobs Christmas party dressed en femme, I'm like, just dare me to do it, I'll do it you know. Hope all goes well, be there for her, don't worry about her step dad, its not his day its hers. By-the-way you look great in your avatar.

[Raychel]

Sounds like one pretty awesome friend Violet. :thumbsup:

[Miranda09]

Wow Violet. That is awesome. I know you will make her day a perfect one. I'm sure you'll make a gorgeous maid of honor. :) :hugs:

[Lexi Moralas]

That's pretty awesome !

[STACY B]

Well if He is as CONSERVATIVE as they or you say He prob won't open his mouth ? Would you confront or out a Cd or Trans person in the middle of a Big wedding an risk the relationship of His wifes daughter an maybe get his a$$ kicked for ruining the wedding ? I thought not ,, Just stand up strait an act like a Lady an have FUN !! Let all the other closet folk bask in your courage ,,That they don't have !!

[looking_good]

You have an amazing friendship - which says a lot about both of you. Here is hoping that her step dad rises to the occasion and realizes it is about her day, not his views.

[JackieInPA]

I'd have cried like no one's business!!

[vallerie lacy]

There's no doubt that if we all had someone like her, that this would be a much better world. She truly is the definition of a best friend. Hope all of you have the time of your life.

[Jamie Lynn]

Awesome friendship Violet! That's why we call them "Best" friends! Go and return the honor of being asked and be proud! And have fun!

And don't forget to tell us all about the wedding!

[daviolin]

Oh you lucky girl Violet. I hope it all works out for you and your best friend. Remember, your friend is the one who is getting married, not her step father. He will get over it. Enjoy, its a once in a life time event. Daviolin

[KayleeTaylor]

You have such an amazing friend Violet! You are going to have such a great time, just remember it's her day :) I wouldn't worry about the step-dad at all, he is very unlikely to start anything. Have a great time, I am sure a lot of us here are jealous. We will be thinking of you and I look forward to hearing about how it went :)

:hugs:

Kaylee :)

[Cynthia Anne]

Let the tears flow! Just reading your story put happy tears in my eyes!!!

[stephNE]

You can't beat a true friend! That is wonderful!

[MatildaJ.]

I try to avoid having emotions whenever possible

Why? What's wrong with having emotions?

[sweetshauna]

Jealous.

Congratulations!

[Monica2013]

Violet, I am so very happy for you!! What a great friend - I hope you have a great time. I spent literally decades, that I can't get back, worried into paralysis about how closed-minded men would treat me. Wait no more - have fun! Are there other friends like yours out there???
Monica

[Stephanie47]

Yes, you have an awesome and understanding friend. On the other hand the memories of the day will be forever engrained in every attendees mind. Who will the talk of the wedding? You or the bride? When people look at the bridal pictures years or decades later, who will be talked about?

Once I attended a wedding of a very close friend of the family. The bride's cousin, who is a gay man, showed up in a cream colored tuxedo with little pink roses all over. The tuxedo pants were shorts. He was a total distraction from the beautiful bride. He was a jerk. Not because he was gay, but, because he upstaged the bride's day.

Think about it in the long range sense.

[Linda Leigh]

She is what you call a TRUE friend that likes you for you:) Go and be the best Maid of Honor :)

[carhill2mn]

What a great friend you have! It is her "day" so make her happy. It seems as if she is already set to deal with her stepdad.

[Tracii G]

Violet you have a great friend there, go have fun and make the day all about her!!

[Chickhe]

Maybe you should figure out a way to meet the father in-law before the big event. Then he can get over you before the wedding and maybe see some redeeming qualities in you. Do something he will see that shows how much you care for the bride. Someone who is conservative is not going to do anything in public to bring negative attention to himself unless you force him to react.

[Jessica giovanna]

That's is awesome!

[Jilmac]

Your friend asking you to be a bridesmaid and your acceptance is a decision made by both of you. Non acceptance by her stepdad isn't your problem but his. It's something he hs to deal with but don't let his negativity spoil the moment for you or the bride.

[Michellegryl]

Violet that is wonderful, I am very happy for you. She is a wonderful friend you have there and the fact that she chose you to be her maid of honor, speaks volumes about the kind of friend you are to her. Make her day the most special day imaginable and do not worry about her step father or any one else for that matter. Just be the special person that you are.

[Violetgray]

Yes, you have an awesome and understanding friend. On the other hand the memories of the day will be forever engrained in every attendees mind. Who will the talk of the wedding? You or the bride? When people look at the bridal pictures years or decades later, who will be talked about?

Once I attended a wedding of a very close friend of the family. The bride's cousin, who is a gay man, showed up in a cream colored tuxedo with little pink roses all over. The tuxedo pants were shorts. He was a total distraction from the beautiful bride. He was a jerk. Not because he was gay, but, because he upstaged the bride's day.

Think about it in the long range sense.


Stephanie I have thought quite a bit about it, I would never want to be a distraction on her wedding day. So I am committed to blending in as much as possible. Our mutual friends are already familiar with me as Violet. I'm aiming for the other guests not to know at all.

[Marcelle]

Hi Violet,

What a great story and what a wonderful friend.

Hugs

Isha

[Sarasometimes]

Interesting position to be in. One thing you left out was how her fiance feels about her plan. How will her fiance side approach you being there dressed? True they should all be above board and be approving but we now that isn't often the case. I think a conversation with at least her and maybe even her fiance about all the concerns you have. Also how will the bridesmaids feel and the Best man who will walk down the isle with you?
I cross-dress and honestly I will admit that i wouldn't "WANT" to be your escort. Also I can't imagine a wedding with a cross-dresser as a Maid of Honor not being remembered by most in attendance as "so and so's wedding...Oh yeah the one with the guy as the maid of honor. Yea yea who got married"?
Sorry if this rains on your parade, but I'm being the devil's advocate. Anyone else see it this way.

[Violetgray]

Sara, Rachel and I are well aware that this is in some ways non-traditional. Her mom is planning just about everything, and she and I have discussed details unique to the situation, like where I'll be staying, changing, etc. I've met and hung out with most of her fiance's friends as Violet already, and they've all seemed neutral at least. As for the people who haven't met me yet, again, i'm aiming for maximum passability. And considering most of my time with the best man will be spent walking down the middle of the room and then standing over here while he stands over there, I'm hoping he'd get over it.

Even if they do figure it out I'm sure it will have occurred to them beforehand that transgender people exist, and I don't think it's enough to eclipse an entire wedding.

[Sheren Kelly]

Violet,
I think you have the right attitude. It's the bride's day and she sets the rules and if she wants you as her MOH, then she gets it.
Leave it to her mom to keep the step Dad in line. I don't think you will have any passability issues, and it would be hard to upstage the bride by fulfilling your duties as MOH in the classy way I expect you will. The Best man may be an issue, but you don't have to kiss him, but are you expected to dance (at least once) with him?

[PretzelGirl]

I don't blame you for wanting to cry. That is a friendship to cherish. Keep doing what makes her happy, it is her day after all!

[MsMandy]

Wow! Congratulations! What a sweet friend.

["Mary"]

That's so great - What a terrific friend you are. Being a bride's maid / MOH is a CD's dream, but you were willing to set that aside for her. What agreat freind she is, too. Very happy for both of you. I hope you can share some pics, discreetly and with permission of course. Thanks for sharing.

[Brynna M]

Good friends have a way of surprising you.