is it possible to live a double life?

[cdinto]

Hi there,

I've been CDing for a bit, but I think I want to go through HRT M2F. I want more of a fem body, but I still don't know if I can live as a full women yet. I want to know if I take the treatment and get a more female body, will I still be able to get away being a man half the time? Will people notice that I look fem?

[Candice Mae]

If you to take HRT eventually people will notice, your body changing. It will be gradual but when your growing breasts, getting a more feminine shape and face people will start asking questions. Until you are sure of who you are just stick to CDing, HRT is not something to take lightly it will majorly change your life.

I have to wear a tight sports bra and baggy clothes to hide my body, and I still look like a small guy with some humps and curves in the wrong places.

[Beverley Sims]

Once you start a hormone regimen you will not want to lead a double life.
The questions you ask are not simply answered as you also need detailed information as to what you are getting yourself into.
When you get answers you need to understand what they mean.
You need to see a doctor in the first instance and he will refer you on to other specialists.
This process takes a considerable time.
I suggest you start looking in the internet to see what it all entails and then ask questions that are relevant to a particular course of treatment..

[Tracii G]

Beverley is right thru a doctor only do not buy hormones online or self medicate.Hormone misuse is very dangerous.
Remember once you start hormone therapy you won't stay the same mentally, hormones effect everything about you.

[NathalieX66]

Hormones (HRT) are/is pretty powerful.

You are either in the game, or your not. There is no hiding.

[Nigella]

The way you describe your reasons for HRT means that you are very unlikely to find a medical professional willing to assist you. HRT is one way of getting "femine curves" but once you start, you will need to continue. The effects of HRT are not permanent, with the exception of breast growth remaining. Every other effect is only maintained by continuing with HRT therapy.

By far the better way, especially for some one who is clearly not TS, is to use mechanical aides, padding, shapwear etc.

[Sabrina133]

Hi there,

I've been CDing for a bit, but I think I want to go through HRT M2F. I want more of a fem body, but I still don't know if I can live as a full women yet. I want to know if I take the treatment and get a more female body, will I still be able to get away being a man half the time? Will people notice that I look fem?

Hon, you cant just "take the treatment." You need to seek counseling with an expert. Then you need to consult a endocrinologist. While wanting a more feminine body is something many of us want, it isn't just a matter of going to your local drug store and getting hormones. And please, whatever you do, do not self medicate. Thats is extremely dangerous.

Bree

[kimdl93]

I would suggest that you are not a good candidate for HRT at this time. HRT is serious medicine...and there are incumbent risks. It's not a recreational drug and not just there to feminize the body. Only proceed to HRT if you has serious gender dysphoria, have been in therapy and have made a commitment to move towards transition.


If you want to live part time before making such a commitment, as many of us do, there are lots of enhancements that can feminize your shape.

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

I can only echo the warning of others here. HRT is serious business and by virtue of your statement, I don't believe you have really thought this through. If your desire is to get a more femme shape, then mechanical aids, diet, exercise are your best bet. HRT will get noticed and highly unlikely you can live a double life not to mention potential health risks. Hormones can do so real nasty things if not monitored by a medical professional. Now if you truly feel as though you are a woman trapped in a man's body and HRT is the way ahead for you then I recommend you start down the "gender identity" therapy road before you even consider HRT as this will allow you to make sense of what you are feeling.

Hugs

Isha

[Allison_Leslie]

WOW... this thread has FLOORED me and also stabalized my entire view of this entire family here.. and yes in a GOOD way. I am floored by the amount of care that has gone into the warnings here and all seem to be in agreement on this matter as well. This means that you are all the appropriate family for myself as well and I feel that by watching these loving posts come to pass, I see that I am in the right place and will not be lead astray here or enabled for the wrong reasons.

I was never thinking of HRT myself but was curious about what it was, and indeed I think I've found the answers I need.. I too love the double-life Idea.. but I feel to fully do so, mechanical and visual aids are all I am going to stay with.. I can always ditch the clothes and go with emergency guy-wear when I have to, hidden away.. but I see that if one were to be under such meds, they could not IMMEDIATELY slip back into an acceptable male-figure so suddenly if the need had arisen.

Always better safe than sorry. This whole thread has also convinced me to pack shorts and a t-shirt away yet in a tight little ball. . someplace.. JUST IN CASE... This is why I don't do fingernails or anything that can't be suddenly ditched in an emergency. . I prefer opera gloves that cover my hands and I'm always in opaque tights.. 'cause I dont shave. I couldn't pull that off at all if I were taking HRT myself... and I SEE all of this through all of YOU. .caring SO much to make sure the original poster is not misguided into something that might end up with possible failed or unwanted results!!

This is the most loving online community I have experienced in ages.. and I used to run some of the tightest BBS's and forums back in the early 90's.

YOU ARE ALL EXEMPLARY PEOPLE FOR BEING SO CARING!!

[linda allen]

I don't think there is anything to add except perhaps to seek counselling to find out what you really want to do.

[Chari]

Please be very careful about considering HRT as it can & will change everything about you and those that are in your life now! Your face, body, and mental attitude will certainly change, as well as the attitude of those around you. A few relatives and friends will continue to be supportive, while most others will not have anything to do with you! Consider also the financial requirements, your employment, even your neighborhood may become hostile to you. IMO, best to do a lot of questioning & research before going down the HRT road!

[Adriana Moretti]

if a more fem body is what you are after...why dont you work on that simply thru diet and excercise at first...get yourself as fem of a body you can...and see how you feel...just a thought

[Jenniferpl]

To answer the original question "is it possible to live a double life?"

My answer is no. It becomes too mentally draining.

As far as the rest of your question...... be careful what you wish for. That will rough road to travel.

[PaulaQ]

The main problem with HRT if you aren't transsexual is there is a fair chance that they will hurt you badly. I'm transsexual - my brain under the influence of testosterone wanted not much else but to die. Taking estrogen and blocking testosterone in my body did more for me in a couple of months than antidepressants did for me in six. So consider how you might feel if you flood your male brain (if that's what you have - I have no way to judge that ) - you may well start feeling analogous gender dysphoria to that I felt before starting HRT.

How bad could that be, you ask? I attempted suicide in may of this year bad.

HRT has saved my life of this I have no doubt. Like any powerful medication, misused it can be very dangerous.

As for living a double life - in some sense yeah, many on this forum lead double lives. As you begun to feminize your body? No, at some point you begin to look like a girl wearing men's clothes. Bigender people attempt this, and I've never heard any of them say it was easy to pull off.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Think of it this way... ask an F2M how much fun it is to have to tightly bind your breasts all day to pass for a man.

[Allison_Leslie]

Vickie

So are you IN support of HRT due to this angle? I totally sympathize with a woman trying to be a man as well, as I've often wondered how they CAN pass while CD-ing and just
how DO they go about hiding breasts in the first place... .. so I GET the frustration completely and can see a case maybe for FTM ... just is something you HAVE to be certain of and not the least bit doubtful

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think there is anything to add except perhaps to seek counselling to find out what you really want to do.
Best advice so far! U need to think this thru more completely, Linda. Figure out what u REALLY want.

My CDing began with a desire to have real breasts and I fantasized about becoming a female. After 10+ years of fantasies, and experimenting with herbs and suction devices, I got my silicone female suit. Now, whenever I wish, I can see myself with a naked female's body. My desire for breasts and to become a female has disappeared. Apparently, I simply wished to LOOK like a woman. Not become one!

A good counselor mite help u figure out what u really want a lot faster than working it out on your own as I did!

[mary something]

You are worrying about the wrong things. It is VERY good that you are listening to your feelings and posting this question. If you are feeling the desire to take hrt then it is very likely that you should, under medical supervision and with a competent therapist to help you deal with the possible feelings of guilt, shame, or denial that many people deal with. The concerns that you have are normal, I think many other people have personally felt that way.

The first thing that someone should do is to find a competent therapist to help them understand what to do with feelings like these. An internet forum is certainly a safe place to begin discussing this but the responses will range from helpful to simple examples of other people projecting their personal situations upon you which is not helpful to you.

It is much better to be honest with yourself and your feelings than to try and live in a state of repression, denial, and shame. You will have a much happier life if you can be as mentally healthy as possible and frankly I don't think it's possible if your actions are guided by fear, shame, guilt. Good Luck!

[Angela Campbell]

Hi there,

I've been CDing for a bit, but I think I want to go through HRT M2F.

Will people notice that I look fem?


All else aside.....the answer is Yes. People will notice. And comment.

[cdinto]

Thanks for all the replies!

Hmm, since I am unsure maybe I should try to just get padding and maybe get a second place away from my city to try to live as a girl.

I'm 27 right now, at what age is it too late?

[PaulaQ]

When you are dead.

[Candice Mae]

Thanks for all the replies!

Hmm, since I am unsure maybe I should try to just get padding and maybe get a second place away from my city to try to live as a girl.

I'm 27 right now, at what age is it too late?

As Paula said it is never too late...

But if your considering getting a second home to live as a woman part time, there is better ways to spend that money. I would suggest therapy to help find out who you are and what you want to do and if these desires are reality or fantasy. I don't know what the housing/rental market is where you live, but getting a second home to live a second life unless your "insert really rich person here" is obscene.

[NicoleScott]

...will I still be able to get away being a man half the time?

You might get away with being half a man all the time.

[Kate Simmons]

You can probably do it Hon but it can wear you out as many of us here know. Sooner or later you will forget something. This is why it is better just to be yourself, whoever that "self" may be. It's a lot easier. :battingeyelashes::)

[mary something]

I agree with the posters above. A double life is no life at all, but it is also very telling to me that you feel it is something you want to do. To me that means your current life is not emotionally satisfying to you?

Find a therapist to talk to, figure out what YOU want. Make it happen at an early age in life and you'll be happier in the long run.

Sitting around and making up fantasies that are impossible might help whatever you're feeling a little bit right now but it is not a way of living a life and being fulfilled OR happy.

[cdinto]

If you to take HRT eventually people will notice, your body changing. It will be gradual but when your growing breasts, getting a more feminine shape and face people will start asking questions. Until you are sure of who you are just stick to CDing, HRT is not something to take lightly it will majorly change your life.

I have to wear a tight sports bra and baggy clothes to hide my body, and I still look like a small guy with some humps and curves in the wrong places.

Do you have any pics i can compare boy and girl version? Why do you dress up like a boy sometimes?

Also my current situation is i've recently moved back home and been saving a lot more money. I used to pay about $1200 a month where i lived and now im renting it out for $1600 getting a $400 profit. I saw a few bachelor pads in LGBT friendly places renting for $600 that are far enough where I won't know anyone.

The reason I'm looking for part time living as a women is because I don't think I'm ready to let the world know. However I plan to live as a women for about at least 90% of the time. Most of the time I'm hoping to live as a women.

Currently I work from home so I can live anywhere, but sometimes I have to go to meetings in the city and I work in a a place where 99% of the people are men, and for me to one day come in dressed up with a women would raise a lot of un needed drama and question, potential lost of respect. As you know, men in general are usually pigs, and have no respect for women, most of them at least and based on the jokes I hear them, they don't have respect for LGBT people either, but more so gay men. :( Though I don't consider myself gay, but a women trapped in a man's body and is bi.

What I'm hoping to get from the HRT M2F treatment is fat being stored on my hips instead of my stomach(can anyone confirm if this is true), softer skin and small breast development. Having my face change to look more fem is something i question. How can it do that as it can not change bone structure? in what way will it be noticeable? I also wonder and on breast development and what does it really do? does it just make it more perky? I've seen a few pics with TG that went throught HRT and that's what I can see from it. They say women can wear mens clothing but men can't wear women clothing because it looks weird. I want to correct that with potentially HRT.

Out of curiosity, how much is HRT in Canada? Toronto to be more exact? And how long do you have to take it? what happens if you stop taking it? side effects? will I go back looking more like a man? I see people showing videos of 7 year long processes.

[Candice Mae]

Why do I dress up as a guy? Well unfortunately I am a GM (genetic male) and some things are just easier to do as my male self since I still am male in a legal sense. As for pictures I will not post a picture of my male self, but if you want to see my female self I have a link to a you tube video in my signature below.

HRT will not move fat, it will just change the way your body distributes it. If you gain weight you will gain it in the areas a woman would, if you lose it you will notice it in your waist, upper body, stomach, and then from your hips and chest.

If you stop taking HRT the effects depend on how long you were taking it for, but in general you will loose some breast development and you will regain male fat and muscle distribution.

Also hormones are not something to fool around with, please do not self medicate as that can lead to serious health problems. This is due to incorrect dosage and the inferior non-prescription hormones.

Although HRT is a slow process no matter how you hard you try to hide it people will notice the changes. After probably a year you will be unable to hide that you are take HRT so your "secret" will be out eventually it is only a matter of time.

As for cost it all depends on what Ontario's provincial and Canada's federal health care deal with HRT.

Also that your sub renter is paying $400 more then you are is mind boggling and would be something I would count on for long term. If the $1200 was your mortgage payment then your renting it out for $1600 makes sense, however since you moved back home it shows finance is a problems. I'm no financial advisor but getting a bachelor apartment to live a second life when you had to move back home because you couldn't afford your first place doesn't make sense. Also a second wardrobe is not cheap either...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Your whole idea is a fantasy. If you are serious about it the things you are looking far are not going to work out the way you hope..

The fat redistribution is unpredictable...it may barely happen at all.. and for it to happen you need to get all the testosterone out of your body
... transsexuals have found that fat redistributes much more after srs..

Also, the reality is that many (Most? can't tell without a pic) people will know you are not a genetic female...everyone in your "male life" will notice if there is any feminization...just consider your eyebrows...you'll either have to make them femme or not..


Also as Candice points out, your finances will be very stressed....especially when you consider ALL of the costs...

By coming up with this fantasy I would speculate you are avoiding your real issue, whatever that is. ...you won't get any more or less respect in a 2nd place.

it's very common to wonder about this btw...but I do think its a disservice to you to not point out that this idea has zero chance of ever happening in a way that would improve your life right and meet your expectations...

enjoy your life.. ..the good news is that you can live your own life...but there is a better way...get some therapy to really understand what you are and what you want from life...and then do what it takes to get what you want..