Its Time!

[Anne Elizabeth]

After 3 plus years of counseling and many more years of thinking and trying to figure why I am who I am it is time to step off the cliff and transition. I have been going through some personal very in depth soul searching. I have spent countless hours trying to find a solution and I have come to the conclusion that thee is only one way through this. I have become the person I was born to be. I will be ending 30 years of marriage and putting the rest of my life at risk. I have no Idea how this will become. I have no idea what will become of me or how I will interact with others. Will I be able to develope friends or will my life be a lonely existence of one.I have no idea where the money will come from. It is a scary prospect and I am totally scared to death. There in no way out. I can't go back, I can't not be me, I can't live my life so my wife can be happy. I have to look after my own happiness and can't be responsible for others happiness. If others want to accept me as I am great if they don't great also. It is my life, I deserve happiness with out hiding for others,I can't be a shell and walk around on egg shells for others. I just hope that I can find an inner peace within myself and finish a life worthy of my place. As I always use to say Sh-- Happens!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Anne, I know that this is a very scary time for you but I'm sure that you will have your network lined up and raring to support you.

I think that the old Chinese proverb has a lot of significance in your circumstances
The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step
We both know what the final destination is like - we have been waiting all our lives for it - but there are a lot of steps between here and there. I'm glad you have joined us on the road. :hugs:

[Ann Louise]

The following are my opinions, only, and not presented as immutable "truths" of transsexualism:

Your comments strike me as very similar to my thoughts about my transition Anne, especially being able, finally, to be the person you were born to be. You may have to end 30 years of marriage dear, but perhaps you do not have to "put your life at risk" in exactly those terms. Let's say it will certainly put "this form of your life at risk." almost certainly, and if it's anything like my old male shell was, good riddance to bad rubbish.

No honey, you have no idea how this will turn out, except that "it" certainly will be different, you will be different, those you come into contact will be different (or surprisingly indifferent), and even your relationships with your gods, if you have any, will be different, or evaporate completely. So I suggest that you be open to these differences, and don't judge or exclude any suitably moral or ethical form of a new life outright without the same keen analysis you've indicated went into your decision to transition. And embrace your new life as exclusively, solely YOURS. Your thoughts, your decisions, and your emotions, not those of others who may seek to influence you for whatever personal reasons they may have to lead your life in their direction.

Financial security will come from your investments if you have any, savings if you've banked any, and working if you're still able to. If you haven't taken measures to protect these matters in your current marriage, which you indicate is not likely to continue, then by all means safeguard these things to the extent that you can, or at least seek out sound legal counsel giving you facts by which to base your decisions, and by all means now is the time to do so. Your spouse of many years, your former best friend and confidant perhaps, knows more about you, your tendencies and inclinations, strengths and weaknesses, and the extent of intertwining of your financial affairs and how to undo them to her advantage (at least her attorney will, in short order) better than your worst enemy possibly ever could. Don't let sentiment force you into a 400 square foot rental unit in a bad part of town fearing for your safety, and boxing your future into the leftovers of a life that you worked every bit as hard to assemble as your former partner did.

Some others will not accept you, but I think you will be pleased to find that most of them, especially the loving women here, will. Resolve to surround yourself with those, and only those, that love and accept you. You do not have to settle for less.

And drop that male shell like a hot rock. It has served you well perhaps, and may have protected you for many years, preserving the precious girl inside who's just looked out into the sunshine. Here you are honey. Now is your time, and you deserve it. Now go live it! Yaay!

)0( Ann )0(

[Anne Elizabeth]

Thanks for you reply Rhiana. As far as network I do have a daughter and one son there for me. Daughter stated "Dad you have always told me whatever you do be happy in your life and what you do. Well dad it is you time to be happy." One son told me that what ever happens not to go back to the past life. The other son does not discuss personal things very well so I know he is confused but I am still all right. My parents still think the world of me and still love me no matter what as a brother also. The other two brothers I have not told yet.

Thanks Ann I appreciate you comments. Sometimes the most affirming and telling words are those that say I know what you are going through, or it sounds like me, that is what I said or felt like before I transitioned. those words tell me that I am not crazy. They tell me that the feelings I have are valid. that means a lot to me.

You know I have thought this and even said it to my wife. The decision to transition is not a decision to become a female and change my life it is a decision to get a divorce. Also, the thoughts and pain associated with it I can understand why people kill their selves over this. I mean really why would a perfectly sane person choose to change their body to a different gender, Why would a person go to the effort to subject their self to ridicule, Sacrifice retirement, Friends, Relatives, Lose Jobs, etc.

On some ways I feel line I am giving up everything which isn't much as I have sacrificed job consistantcy (sp) to move with my wife's occupation, 401 k,s, etc. I know that I won't lose close family. Maybe I ned to look under the coin to see the bright side. But, It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel seems so long and dark.

[Rachel Smith]

But, It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel seems so long and dark.

Yes Anne it is but believe me it will not be long until you can see the light. It may be barely a glimmer at first but in the end it will be the brightest sunny day you have ever seen.

Like you I ended a 30 year marriage and that in itself is scary. As Ann said first things first GET A LAWYER. You may feel like you won't need one but whey your best friend feels hurt and lied to for a lifetime you may see a side of her you didn't know was there, I did. Having the support of your family members will aid you greatly. Lean on them when you need too but not too much. When they see how happy you have become they will be happy for you. At least mine were.

Read old posts that pertain to your situation and never be afraid to ask questions of the ones here they helped me alot through my transition.

Glad you made the decision to take this journey and like me I hope you find a happiness you didn't think was possible.

Hugs
Rachel