Is it possible

[JuliaC]

to live a happy life as a crossdresser. I really want to be able to live a happy fufilling life. But I have such strong desires to dress as a woman and spend some time as a woman. I even have some bisexual desires to be with a man while being a woman. The issue is I still want to have a wife and kids someday....that is my main goal. I feel like crossdressing will make this impossible. I can try to live part of my life as a woman and make this happen. why do i have to crossdress it just makes life so hard...

[MichelleinEugene]

It might make your life more difficult. It will almost certainly make it more interesting. Explore your fantasy safely, cut yourself some slack. Nothing says a little safe exploration now will haunt you the rest of your life. It might answer some questions and give you some relief.

[Kate Simmons]

Some of us are destined for greater things Julia. We are exactly who we are supposed to be. Listen to your heart Hon and you will be happy.:)

[Helen Grandeis]

Choose your partners carefully. Be honest with them sooner and not later. Be a value added partner that enriches the life of your SO.

[docrobbysherry]

Happiness comes from doing the things u love. Living your dreams. And, being able to separate reality from your fantasies! (I admit to having some difficulties with that last one!)

Figure out what u want and plan your life around that. If u wish to dress? Dress. If u want to be married? Tell your fiance u dress. If u find years down the road that dressing has stood in the way of a wife and family? THEN, u need to make a critical decision.

Of course, by then, u mite have found out you're TS and/or prefer men! Problem solved with a happy ending!

[kimdl93]

It's not nearly so difficult as you may imagine. Many, if not most of us, are married, have kids and even grand kids. This despite the fact that many of us grew up in years long before the level of open mindedness you find in today's young adults. The crucial factor in getting what you are seeking is to meet women of your age, get to know them as people and let nature run it's course. When you are well enough acquainted, then share this about yourself.

Remember, this is just one part of you. A future partner will make her choice on the entirety of ho you are.

[Candice Mae]

Desires and fantasy while dressed are a lot different then actually being bisexual.

[JuliaC]

Desires and fantasy while dressed are a lot different then actually being bisexual.

I understand that. My main problem is not the bisexual part but how my strong desire to crossdress will affect my relationships with woman.

[Julie Gaum]

There are a number of factors that will determine whether you are able to handle a future fulfilling family life. One frequently mentioned in posts is the need for "balance". Balance in not allowing the pink fog to dominate your time and financial resources, the ability to allocate more than equal time required to raise a family, to provide a wife with the time she needs to have a satisfactory personal life both socially and in the bedroom, and to expend more effort than what might be demanded by an employer in order to make a good living. After you are determined to do those things then one more that frequently is a deal breaker. Without taking a census, a conclusion might be drawn that more CDs than in the rest of the male population tend to be submissive sexually. While switching roles - always or sometimes - is perfectly fine with many GGs --- for some it's not. So please be careful with this issue. I'm sure there are other things for you to consider but for me these are among the most important. Hope this helps picking the right cross-road.
Julie

[Michelle789]

Julia,

Based on reading some of your other threads, it sounds like you have some serious gender issues. I would seriously go get some professional help and sort out exactly what is going on with you and your gender before even thinking of getting married or having any kids. Once you know who you are, and what you're going to do about it, then you can consider a partner. Remember there are many paths to go down, and make sure you follow the right path first. Although finding a partner for any CD or TG person is more challenging, it's more important to be true to yourself, and the younger generation is far more accepting of gender variance than the older. So whether you end up transitioning or living in some sort of duality between male and female modes, I think your chances of finding a suitable partner are far better than if you had grown up 20 or 30 years ago.

Please, whatever you do, don't get seriously involved with someone and start repressing your CDing/gender identity, because it will come back to bite you later on. If you're true to yourself, and find someone who accepts you as you are, you'll be a much happier person, not to mention you won't have to worry about wrecking a marriage with transition or lying to spouse about CDing after 20 years of marriage that many CD's here face.

[Brynna M]

Could you live a happy life not crossdressing? Some of us have harder more complicated paths to happiness than others.

[Michelle789]

It's not possible to give up cross-dressing and be happy. Cross-dressing is a part of you, and sometimes may be a sign of deeper gender issues. It's a bad idea to repress a part of yourself, or in some cases to repress yourself completely (in case of TS).

[renaej7]

It's not possible to give up cross-dressing and be happy. Cross-dressing is a part of you....

How true. How true. I just recently went through my "I'm going to quit dressing phase". To answer the question in the beginning post, it can be possible, but you would have to make sure all the stars align. Those stars being your employer and future spouse. I have seen it in the past, where people say it is accepted but change their response as soon as obstacles appear. Would you be able to stomach that? If so, you have won half of the battle. I solute you for whatever decision you make.

[Krystenw]

Been with my wife for 40+ years. Sure we had our problems, but we made it just fine.
Whatever you do, don't start out with a lie, If she can't handle it before your married, she'll never handle it later.

[Rachelakld]

Happy is a choice we chose (or not) every morning.
I've got wife, 4 daughters, but haven't had bi-sex nor have I won Lotto.
Again, every morning I chose to be happy

[Lynn Marie]

"Is it possible to live a happy life as a crossdresser"? Yes, but it would not have been possible when I was 19! I was way too full of doubt, lack of self confidence, and "what's it all about" questions. Crossdressing is confusing enough, add to that adolescence and a desire for a "wife and kids" and you've got a real mess on your hands. Oh yeah, and you probably can't afford a therapist!

I wish you well. Hopefully you can find some answers here, find a few friends to share with, and live a few more years. Wisdom and peace take a while to develop and mature. Relax, and enjoy your youth. Oh to be young and thin with a killer wardrobe!

[Kate Simmons]

I understand that. My main problem is not the bisexual part but how my strong desire to crossdress will affect my relationships with woman.That really depends on the particular woman Julia. :)

[sweetshauna]

It is possible. 10+ years with my accepting and supporting wife. But I told her within weeks after we started seeing each other.
I've raised her now 12 year old daughter, but have kept that part of me from her for now. Life has been great so far. Of course we have our bumps in the road just like every other couple.

The right woman makes ALL the difference.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep your dressing to a lower percentage of your daily activities and encourage other activities to keep yourself occupied.
Your feelings about men are a normal fantasy and the discovery of women in you life will let that pass.
Be honest and tell your proposed partner about your dressing before things do get serious.
I see a family and happiness in your future life. :)

[Jaylyn]

I firmly believe it is possible to live life as a cd and have a happy male role in your marriage, kids and employment. I just looked at cd as something I do along with my other long list of hobbies. Also my wife is ok with it. My kids didn't need to know and after they all left the house and I retired I get to do more of CD. It can be done just take things slow and roll with the bumps in the road. Life is not hard it's how we react to what life throws at us that's hard.

[laciewhite]

it is possible to be a secret CDer and still have the wife and kids. i did stop completely for a few years because it was just too difficult to get privacy but recently i am able to have a little extra 'Me' time, which i've been putting to very good use.

[Eryn]

My life is a lot more pleasant as a crossdresser than it was before I came to terms with myself. Better to say "The heck with it, I'm going to have fun! than to experience the stress and self-loathing of concealing something that wants to come out.

[Tracii G]

See a therapist and figure out who you are first then proceed from that point as to what you do in life.You are 19 and just starting out so in that regard you are lucky.
Just because you CD does not mean you are bisexual or gay.Gender and sexual preference are two totally different things.

[linda allen]

You don't have to crossdress, it's a choice. If crossdressing is making your life difficult, don't do it.

That said, many of us live what we feel are happy lives and continue to crossdress. Not every woman will be as accepting as some of our wives and many, perhaps most women will not want their children exposed to a crossdressing daddy. You're just going to have to find someone you love who loves you back and is willing to accept that you like to wear women's clothes from time to time.

As for your bisexual desires, you're going to have to get that out of the way before you settle down and start a family. Being married means beinc committed to your spouse and only your spouse.

[NicoleScott]

You don't have to crossdress, it's a choice. If crossdressing is making your life difficult, don't do it.

As for your bisexual desires, you're going to have to get that out of the way before you settle down and start a family. Being married means beinc committed to your spouse and only your spouse.

No, you don't HAVE to CD, but at what cost? You don't have to eat, either. But at what cost? The drive to dress is so strong that total denial may seriously affect you mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and even physiologocally. Most of would agree that we are compelled to crossdress, and for different reasons, but compelled anyway by some unexplained inner drive.

CDing and having a wife and kids don't have to be incompatible. Before you wed, be sure to tell her about your CDing. Better sooner than later. Plenty of us here can testify to that, whether outcomes were good or bad.

I strongly with Linda's comment about your bi-sexual desires. Except under the most convoluted marital arrangements, being with a man while en femme and married would be incompatible. Better sort this out.

[Sarah21]

Great advice Traci.

[Sarah21]

You don't have to crossdress, it's a choice. If crossdressing is making your life difficult, don't do it.

That said, many of us live what we feel are happy lives and continue to crossdress. Not every woman will be as accepting as some of our wives and many, perhaps most women will not want their children exposed to a crossdressing daddy. You're just going to have to find someone you love who loves you back and is willing to accept that you like to wear women's clothes from time to time.

As for your bisexual desires, you're going to have to get that out of the way before you settle down and start a family. Being married means beinc committed to your spouse and only your spouse.

It's not a choice Linda, I wish it was.

[Chickhe]

Sure it is possible. But, figure it out early instead of allowing fear to delay everything until you are old.

[linda allen]

Crossdressing is a choice. It is you who choses what clothes to put on each day. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. Saying that it's not a choice is just making an excuse for your lack of willpower. Saying that it's not a choice also makes it harder for those who want or need to stop.

If you have some sort of compulsive behavior that you want to stop but cannot stop, you need to seek professional help.

Again to the OP: You don't have to crossdress, it's a choice. If crossdressing is making your life difficult, don't do it.

[NicoleScott]

If CDing is a choice, EVERYTHING else is, too. That doesn't help.
There are consequences to everything. We don't live in a world of absolutes.
We must weigh the benefits against the drawbacks both for doing something and for not doing it.
Passing it off to a lack of will power only heaps guilt upon someone struggling with their CDing.

How easy it is for CDers to tell other CDers they don't have to do it.

[Katey888]

I find myself heavily in agreement with Nicole and Sarah21 - while CD has aspects of OCD about it, I suspect it's a lot deeper and more complex. I can reflect a lot of others' experiences, echoing LacieWhite's in stopping/ repressing CDing for years before finding the need (and opportunity) returned.
To reassure JuliaC: Yes, I believe it is possible and there are many ways to achieve what we each individually need to get too. Take your time in understanding what those needs are and be prudent about how you progress. I'd like to paraphrase Linda Allen a touch (and, sort of agree): If CDing is making your life difficult, don't do it OR find a compromise to safely explore what it really means for you and whether you must have it or something else.
Good luck, take your time and take heart from all the different stories on this forum - you're not alone... :hugs:
Kateyx