Suggestions on 1st time going out?

[PatChick]

So, I was talking with my GF, and she asked me why I wouldn't want to go out in public dressed up, and I said I do, but I'm scared, and she said we could go somewhere where nobody knows me. So I'm no genious here obviously because I spelled that word wrong, and won't try to look up the correct spelling, but I'm pretty sure I have the green light. Does anybody have a suggestion for somewhere me and her could go to ease me into this, and won't scare her away from the experience?

[Marcelle]

Hi Pat,

Well . . . it really depends. My first time out did not go so well but we (my wife and I) chalk that up to the venue (a restaurant with a bar attached . . . booze and knuckle draggers never mix well). If you just want to go out and do something, malls tend to be quite safe (I have never had an issue). A movie or a nice family restaurant might a good choice as well. Other options could be a museum (if you are in to that type of thing). When out and about though, remember that restrooms can be tricky and it depends on what the local laws say WRT to using restrooms . . . I try to find the type of single restroom for both men/ladies.

Just some random thoughts

Hugs

Isha

[NicoleScott]

Let her have the lead, go out and have fun.

["Mary"]

Let her have the lead, go out and have fun.
I agree - this will be lots of fun. Very excited for you. Keep us informed on this please. Thanks for sharing.

[Kristina_nolagirl]

I agree to let her pick for the best results. I can tell you that for me and my wife, our first outing was to a drag show. I think it's a great way to ease you guys into being out with you dressed because there will be others who are in your same heels :) that you guys can relate to and feel comfortable in front of. Of course you have to go to a gay bar to see a drag show so you have to make sure she is comfortable with that. My wife had the most amazing time at the show and we met some really nice people who were extremely friendly and welcoming to us.

[jenni_xx]

Break it down.

First of all - you have part of the answer to your question straight away - somewhere where nobody knows you.

Secondly, do a bit of research - in areas accessible to you, find out which are trans-friendly. Bars, clubs, malls, cafes - take your pick

Thirdly, be confident - be sure that it's something that you want to do, and be confident doing it.

And remember you're doing nothing wrong. You're just being yourself. And we do belong in this world, simply because we exist within this world. Just go out an enjoy yourself. It can be scary - it will be scary, but all you're doing is expressing yourself in a public domain. Many have done so before you - many will do so after. Try not to make it a bigger deal than it is - simply because it won't be as big a deal for the majority, if not all, of the strangers you encounter than it will be for you. The ultimate fear, the utmost worry, often always resides only within ourselves.

Embrace yourself, be proud, be happy, feel like you belong. Because you do belong, and you have every right to be happy.

x

[Kristina_nolagirl]

Everyone I type on the phone I accidentally hit submit before I'm done!

My last point was to go out of your way to make it as enjoyable an evening as possible for HER. We all know you are going to have a great time but first impressions are everything! A bad experience on her part could mean her not wanting to participate again. So take your time, talk over different scenarios and make sure she is comfortable. For the best results With a SO in any part of life, I find that when I put my wife's needs in front of my own...she returns the favor :)

[JennyLynn]

I would suggest a public park somewhere. Of course, it depends on where you live. If you are in the city, you're a go pretty much anywhere that is populated. If you live in a more rural area, maybe a quiet little park somewhere where you will not encounter alot of people. Either way, I would go with what's already been said... let her take the lead, as long as she is supportive. This coming from someone who has only gone out once or twice and totally at night, so take my advice for what's it worth :)

[thisgal16]

I agree with the rest of the group about letting her picka place. I just had my first time out and it was with my wife, we just went to get ice cream and as we sat inside the store It got to where my wife was uncomfortable thinking that we were being judged so we left and went home. I guess the point I'm trying to make is the more comfortable she is the better you will be

[Barbra P]

First time out I’d keep it simple, short and sweet. Maybe go to a Starbucks for coffee; oops I see you’re in Philadelphia and this time of year might not be the best time for Starbucks. As mentioned, malls, preferably indoor malls in Philadelphia, are generally safe, other than groups of teenage girls can be a major pita – no real danger but the laughs, giggles, and comments can be a bit hard to take.

I said short and sweet for a reason, as you’re not used to going out your obviously not used to using public restrooms. One of my first times out was to a dinner meeting at a crowded restaurant with a support group. After about an hour I had to go to the restroom and I was informed that I had to use the Women’s Room; well all sorts of scenarios ran through my mind as I walked through the restaurant in route to the Women’s Room. Turns out it was empty but my fear factor was close to a ten as I pushed the Women’s Room door open. While a movie or a restaurant meal might be a very nice, both are going to require that you be out for an extended period of time, I’d wait until I’d been out a few more times.

[KayleeTaylor]

I agree with what has been said. Let her take the lead but try to stay away from alcohol, don't drink your first time out! Dinner and a movie is what I would do, I would also recommend taking her out before to a drag show or an LGBT friendly bar just to see if she is really okay with it :)

:hugs:

Kaylee :)

[Nadine Spirit]

My first few times out were to - movies, restaurants, & museums. In the 5-10 years I have been going dressed as a girl, I don't think I have ever been to a LGBT "friendly" venue. I just go to places I would normally go as a guy. Movies are possibly the most comfortable place where my wife and I have gone. We choose to go to a town that is about an hour away, as opposed to the theater down the street. As some have pointed out, the restroom can be concerning, but while out with my wife, we just both walk in, use the facilities, and leave, and have never once had any issues. So, yeah, my vote is for the movies!

[samanthasolo]

Pat, I see you are from the Philly area? If so you are quite fortunate because there is quite a lot of CD/TG events, and support groups right in your general area. If you are interested in ALL the possibilities available to you I would be more than happy to give you any info I can. I will certainly steer you inthe right direction as far as fun, safe, and supportive places you and your SO go. Feel free to contact me if you are interested.

[Cheryl T]

So, I was talking with my GF, and she asked me why I wouldn't want to go out in public dressed up, and I said I do, but I'm scared, and she said we could go somewhere where nobody knows me. So I'm no genious here obviously because I spelled that word wrong, and won't try to look up the correct spelling, but I'm pretty sure I have the green light. Does anybody have a suggestion for somewhere me and her could go to ease me into this, and won't scare her away from the experience?



The advice I was given when I began going out (with my wife) was to be about 25+ miles from your hometown to minimize the possibility of being recognized by someone you might know.
If you are comfortable then try the movies. It's quick and easy and a good first time outing. If you are more at ease, go to the mall and walk around.

[linda allen]

While you might not be recognizable by yourself, your wife will be and you by association. I'm going to second the advice to go away from home. How about Atlantic City?

And you don't have to go places where you would have to interact with people. Walk the city streets. Walk the parks. The shopping malls. I'm assuming atlantic City still has a boardwalk so walk that.

[DianeDeBris]

.... it won't be as big a deal for the majority, if not all, of the strangers you encounter than it will be for you.

This is such a clear, simple and wonderful insight - and it applies across the whole spectrum of human experience!

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Wherever you will be most comfortable that is safe. Safety is key to making it a good experience.

[Rachel Morley]

My very first ever time outside the front door was for a "dress and drive" (with my wife doing the driving) and we stopped off at a strip mall to do a little window shopping and that was it. It lasted all of 45 minutes.

My next outing with my wife was a wig fitting at a wig store downtown. It was a busy Saturday afternoon. After that, with me wearing my new wig, we went shopping at the Mall.

The following outing was at night to a gay bar to see a drag show.

Whatever you do or wherever you go, try to make it fun for her too. Let her be in charge and "look after you" :)

[Ruby John]

The first time out with my wife was a the local TriEss meeting. I had it set up with a few wives to stick with her for a while. It worked out well for both of us. Check out the place before going with her. Good Luck. Ruby

[Sometimes Steffi]

Pat, I see you are from the Philly area? If so you are quite fortunate because there is quite a lot of CD/TG events, and support groups right in your general area. If you are interested in ALL the possibilities available to you I would be more than happy to give you any info I can. I will certainly steer you inthe right direction as far as fun, safe, and supportive places you and your SO go. Feel free to contact me if you are interested.


There are a lot of CD/TG groups in the Philly area, in addition to one of the greatest CD makeup artists in Bethlehem PA (Amanda Rich). But it sound like Samantha is more in the know than I am.

[PatChick]

CD makeup artist? I'm sure I couldn't afford that, but it's nice to hear that I have all of these nice places in my backyard. Thank you everybody for the great friendly advice. Think I may try a movie for the first time, and we'll see how that goes!

[Beverley Sims]

Drive fifty miles away into the country and have a picnic.
Is there a thinly populated place fifty miles from Philly?:)

I do suggest a shopping mall, look around some of the nice parks and attractions that are on offer.
Take a hammer and thump the liberty bell.
It is a little chilly at the moment though for going out.
Stay warm and inside for now. :)

[Majella St Gerard]

try the local grocery store

[Sometimes Steffi]

CD makeup artist? I'm sure I couldn't afford that, but it's nice to hear that I have all of these nice places in my backyard. Thank you everybody for the great friendly advice. Think I may try a movie for the first time, and we'll see how that goes!

A makeover without pictures is $60.

http://truecolorstg.com/TrueColorsTG/Makeup_Services.html

At the current price of movie tickets, I figure that's about 2 to 3 movies for 2.

[Kate Simmons]

Other than taking the plunge and "just doing it"? Nope. This is the way we gain real time experience. We can talk it to death but until we actually do it, it's just theoretical. :)

[JenniferR771]

Its easy...IF...you let your wife choose the outfit. And the venue. Sure, drive around for a while. Visit a couple malls. Maybe the food court. Walmart in the next town over. Don't drink anything. Less visits to the women's or family restroom. And scout out family rest rooms, Porta pottys or unisex restrooms in advance. Locked single occupant gas station jons are good.
And most of all...at least for the first time--dress to blend--no heels and short skirts with smoky eyes; dull that is true, but you don't want to be conspicuous, or do you?

[Barbra P]

Hi Pat

I think Jennifer has a great idea with her scouting recommendation. You and your GF should decide ahead of time where you are going and then do a walk through. The walk through should be on the same day of the week and approximately during the same time of day as when you plan to go out. That way you will get a fair idea of what the crowds will be like and what the de facto dress code is – semi-dressy, dressy-casual, casual. But I think more importantly your clothes should closely mimic what your GF will be wearing. If she is in jeans and t-shirt you’ll look out of place wearing a dress or skirt with hose and heels; women who go out together tend to dress similarly.

As many of the girls on here can attest the secret to success when out and about isn’t so much “passing” but blending. If you dress pretty much like the majority of the other women you tend to blend in. When you blend in you become just another woman in the crowd and virtually nobody notices you. Wear something like a short dress or skirt, low neck-line with cleavage showing, four-inch heels, and dramatic makeup when the rest of the women are in jeans and drab t-shirts and minimal makeup and you’re going to stand out like a cat at a dog show. When you stand out you draw attention to yourself and that attention quickly turns to scrutiny and my guess is that isn’t your intention.