An emotional mess

[Billiejosehine]

As I begin to come to terms more this year then in the past of who I am and what I want to do. I noticed (or it may be I have become more aware). I feel like I am more emotional towards things that never used to affect me before. Even my SO as joking said awe you are crying, you are such an emotional mess. For example I will be watching/looking at something, especially related to family and I begin to cry and think about my own personal life. One of the biggest impacts is looking at pictures of me holding my son when he is a baby and it brings on guilt, how it may impact my children, and afraid of how my life will change. Has anyone experienced themselves being more emotional at certain things? If so how does it affect you? And how do you Handel these emotions?

[CarlaWestin]

So, what is wrong with having a beautiful heart?

[JamieQ]

Well...sort of same happening with me. For me I think my perspectives change almost like letting go of one thing for another. I am very emotional now compared to a flatter emotional state in the past. I am the type of person to just take it as is and go on...

[Julie Gaum]

Your OP, Billie, appears to contain two issues. One is the guilt being carried regarding how your CD activities might affect your life and family. You need to get on this ASAP as you're wasting emotional capital. Suggest first another talk with spouse --- purpose: more of a sounding board --- in order to spill out specifically --- write it down --- in what way are you presently ruining their lives and how do you foresee that you will in the future? Once this immediate issue is resolved then look at your problem being human. If what happens in your surroundings leaves you apathetic, if love, hate, anger and, happy things and tragic events bounces off your emotional facade --- then you need help because in the span of your life-time it becomes very unhealthy --- yes, physically --- heart and stroke problems result. How much can a "real man" show their emotions? Allowed to cry? Watch TV and you'll see so-called "macho" men break down --- it's being human. And I can guarantee you that it'll happen far more often as you age and come to realize how mortal we, you and I, are.
Julie

[kimdl93]

No I don't think that coming to terms with your gender would make you more emotional. To the contrary, if you get to the point that you accept yourself, really accept and appreciate yourself for the whole person that you are, then you will probably be less emotionally volatile.

Get the real facts about coming to terms. You may or may not come out to anyone beyond your wife. And there is no reason to assume that your acceptance of self, even if it involves living more openly as transgendered, will have any adverse impact on your children or family.

[Tristessa]

For me anyways, CD'ing is in part about playing with gender roles and norms. An important one is giving myself more license to explore my emotional side without having to feel shame because "boys don't cry". I think it is natural that, in your exploration, you are getting more in touch with this side of yourself. This is a good thing - it will make you a more well-rounded person, and more emotionally available for your wife and children. However, people will react to it, and even if they are joking, little comments can hurt. I think it is important to address these little comments when they pop up, so larger and more damaging patterns don't develop. This is particularly important when we are nurturing a new part of ourselves that is more vulnerable.

As for how it is affecting or will affect your family life, I agree with Julie - talk about it with your wife now, and keep talking about it. She might see it as a lot less potentially damaging than you, and it would be very helpful to have her be able to remind you of this from time to time.

T

[Susan.]

I have been crying practically non-stop for several months. I even started back with my therapist because it is so bad. It has little to do with CDing. I went through a divorce after being married for over 30 years. I was dying of a fatal disease when she left me for another man. I ended up going through a transplant and am recovering.

[Tristessa]

Oh Susan, how awful. You go ahead and cry! Glad to hear you are recovering physically.

[Rachelakld]

And there was I thinking I'm just getting softer in my old age.
Really and honestly - I like being more emotionally connected to wife and kids, plus they like the girl in me.

I cry more than I used to, and growl less than I used to

[Beverley Sims]

Billie,
As you progress through life emotions do change and as a CDer you have a psyche that is a little more emotional than most males.

[Tallulah Rose]

No I don't think that coming to terms with your gender would make you more emotional. To the contrary, if you get to the point that you accept yourself, really accept and appreciate yourself for the whole person that you are, then you will probably be less emotionally volatile.

This is really true. Coming to terms with who you are is key to longer-term happiness and stability. I just wish I'd worked on it sooner, as I feel way happier these days than when I was going through turmoil because of my CDing in my late teens / early 20s.

[carhill2mn]

Yes, it seems to follow being able to accept the fact that you can be more "feminine".