how to feel out a friend???

[Melissa_Rose]

I am thinking of at least partially coming out to a friend. I think she would be excited and supportive but want to try to test things a little further before I commit.
She knows I have a strong fashion opinion and asks for my opinion for outfits for her.
She knows I dont mind shopping and we have talked about going together so she could hear my opinion of potential purchases.

I have tried making jokes that could lead to her suggesting dressing and she laughs.. but doesn't make the intended suggestion.

Just looking for ideas for ways to get a good sense before I reveal something she doesnt approve of.
Thanks
CDN

[Allison_Leslie]

most people even close friends.. until you ACTUALLY come out and tell them, will ALWAYS overlook the bland hints... you can feel them out all day long but you won't know how they will actually react until you actually tell them... they will say "I had no idea!" even though you are looking at them going "I've been hinting at it for SO long!".. it's like Clark Kent with his Glasses on.

The world is clinically dense.. You have to scream it out loud.

[WITH THE EXCEPTION OF CLOSE FAMILY AND MAYBE LIFELONG FRIENDS OR EXTENDED FAMILY]
They seem to always just.. .know. Ya know?

[kimdl93]

I don't think that dropping broad hints or making jokes is how to gauge a persons likely response. Try being a little more straight forward. Ask her "how you would feel if one of your friends was to acknowledge being transgendered....like me for example?"

[Susan.]

Other than my former spouse and therapists, I have only come out to one person, a co-worker. I had been giving her hints for years, mostly complimenting her on her style. I finally came out to her and she was totally surprised.

[S. Lisa Smith]

As mentioned above, hints don't work. The people I've come out to, even after hints, couldn't believe it.... If you think she'd be supportive, just go ahead and tell her straight up.

[Ruby John]

Just go for it. Ruby

[Beverley Sims]

A statement that worked for me once.
Whilst holding a dress to my waist and fanning out the skirt with my legs I said.

"If I was a girl I would love this one".

It worked very well for me.
She bought the dress and I wore it.

In more ways than one. :)

[Brynna M]

Start a real conversation about transgenderism. Use the pretense of having read a news article or something. See how she feels about it in the not joking world. I had considered coming out to a friend is a similar situation. Shopping buddies etc. I didn't do it intentionally but we did end up having a more serious discussion about transgenderism and her opinions surprised me.

[Nadine Spirit]

Just tell her. If she is a close friend then she will have no issues with it. I came out to some friends that my wife thought would flip out. I told her that I thought they would be cool. Later that same night, they asked more pointed questions about why I paint my fingernails. It was then that I told them. They were both really cool about it and now I have gone over to their house several times while dressed and it has brought us all far closer.

Good luck!

[Lexi_83]

I usually start with "Halloween" pics. Then if they are OK with that I tell them that I've dressed at other times than Halloween. And take it from there. My batting average is 5-6 out of 10 will be averse, 1-2 will be blase', and 1 or 2 will be supportive. Only ever met one woman who was into genderplay.

[Jenniferathome]

There is no "partial" in coming out. You are either out or not out. Either is fine. Seems like you want to hint your way to her asking about you. It won't work. She's not tuned in to cross dressing. After you tell her, she may say, "That explains the ..." but she will not guess it.

I'll also add, why do you want to tell her? for you or for her?

[Marcelle]

Outing yourself is a big decision and once that box is open, it cannot be closed. So telling a close friend is not necessarily a way to keep a lid on things. I decided to come out to close friends and work colleagues over time. For those I am out to, I tried the hint game at first to no avail as most could only relate me to my past employment in the military. So I just bit the bullet and told them . . . they were surprised and said they never would have guessed. When I asked if the hints didn't lead them in that direction they said "no" as they thought I was just kidding.

However, you have to be sure you really want to come out. I have taken a leap of faith in telling close friends, but they are just people and in the end, should something go wrong in our friendship they could out me to everyone. It is a choice my wife and I have made and we are ready for the fallout should it occur. My advice is to be sure you are also prepared for such a potential fallout. If you don't care, then go forth and just tell your friend as the hinting game could take awhile.

Hugs

Isha

[lingerieLiz]

I don't think hinting works. I don't try to pass but do wear women's clothes. I also don't wear skirts or dresses most of the time, nor do most of the women in our community. If I wear a woman's top and bra it should be obvious. Some catch on right away, others are clueless even when you can see the bra under the top. It is interesting people's reactions when they realize what I'm wearing. I've only had a few acknowledge the fact. But, I wouldn't acknowledge a woman's underwear either.

[UNDERDRESSER]

What sort of jokes or hints? Beverley’s idea sounded good.