Disturbed & envious

[erica12b]

I get so disturbed and envious when I get on here and see some of the girls pic that pass even right up close, and then when they say they can talk and have a great time out and about shopping with wife or gf, I will never pass (unless it’s snowing and I’m 100 yards off the road) and my voice is a base ruff gruff,
Sometimes I know with the right foundation garment and shoes my body might pass but I have the unibrow Neanderthal forehead and an Adams apple as big as my nose and that’s big. I’ll never pass and if I can’t blend in sometimes wander why bother, I have never left the house dressed , so I feel I’ll be a shut in , and may just stay in the closet

I now Erica is a part of me and always will be but when I see some of you and how well you can and do blend in I’m envois and disheartened too

Anyone else feel like this? Maybe at times?

[Kelly DeWinter]

I don't think there is a person on this planet male or female that doesn't look in the mirror and find a laundry list of what they are dissatisfied with at one time or another,myself included. Today I'm envious of they kids out in the snow, with busted ribs I feel OLD, but I know that once i'm healed, I'll pop 20 Advil and be out there with them :) There are groups you need to find a local tg support group that will help you with your image.

[Rachael Leigh]

Erica I'm with you hon, some of the girls here are just so pretty. I know it takes a lot of work to get that look and for me I would love to get that look but most of the time I don't have the time. Now if I could find a support group and my wife would be ok with it I might consider that for sure, oh get than that I'm happy just being me and maybe someday try a blend

[KayleeTaylor]

Yes, I think we would all love to be a supermodel, or passable, or blendable. The pretty girls I see on here just gives me more motivation to improve on myself. Am I jealous of them, no I am not. They have worked very hard to look like they do and I am also working hard to improve on my appearance as well. Beauty definitely doesn't come easy and often comes with a price. The price for beauty can often be explaining to your SO why you shaped your eyebrows. Now since you say you have a unibrow, you need to get rid of that no matter what. A unibrow doesn't even look good on a man. Good luck on the difficult neverending road to beauty :)

:hugs:

Kaylee :)

[Stephanie47]

You're not alone, Erica. My height turns me off to walking out and about with the exception of a Halloween or two. I've been out for strolls in the evening when there are few people around and darkness will hide my masculine face, although my face does not sound as unforgiving as your face.

I would suggest that you find an area of your city that is safe and take a stroll in the evening. Heck, with the snow season upon us you can doll yourself up in a nice pair of boots, tights or hosiery, a sweater dress and coat with scarf and pretty hat and walk through the gently falling snow. It does not snow much in my area of western Washington, but, I've been out with an umbrella in a gently falling rain. The umbrella does wonders to obscure a manly face.

[LelaK]

I've thought about dressing like a Saudi Arabian woman, except that I like to wear very short dresses. If you don't mind wearing a foot-length dress, then try the Saudi style. I forget the name of those dresses.

[PatChick]

Yeah, some of the pictures on here, if I seen them on a different site, I wouldn't give it a second thought that they were a GG. I admit that could be a little discouraging, but I use it as motivation. I'm sure their process didn't start out perfect. The more you work at it the better it will get.

[Brooklyn]

Passing is mildly fun but does not really matter unless you're TS. Self-acceptance counts far, far more. I have a uni-brow too, BTW. :rose:

[AmyGaleRT]

Erica, I may work hard on my presentation, but there are some things about myself that will cause me to never be mistaken for a GG...chief among them my height (6'2") and my weight (pretty massive...I wear a size 26, if that's any indication). But I discovered the secret...if you have confidence in yourself and confidence in your presentation, you are more likely to be accepted as you are, which could be considered "passing" after a fashion.

So don't lose hope! Keep working on your overall presentation, and develop confidence in it. It's also possible to work on your voice and develop one that sounds more feminine, if that's what you want to do. If possible, find a local CD or TG support group that can help. (I'd suggest you come to the one I organize, but I doubt you'd want to do the 200-mile I-70 drive in wintertime. ;) )

Incidentally, I use one of those battery-powered "Finishing Touch Diamond" trimmers to fix my eyebrows, including eliminating any unibrow. And some contouring can help de-emphasize your neck, including your Adam's apple.

- Amy

[erica12b]

as for the unibrow , i do pluck the center ,but i don't try to shape it (lol) its hard to shape a strait line .lol i have hooded eyes (is that the right term?) they are not very lady like

when im dressed i feel (proper) and i want to act and look proper in all ways , its just part of my fem self there is a new trans group in town but i have not been trying to get up the nerve (could never go dressed) im too far in to the back of closet

[Rachelakld]

Meet a new office girl today, 6 foot 3 at a guess, large manly face, big hands.
Regularly meet cool people without legs

Point being, be MORE than the sum of atoms that make your body, be who YOU are

[AmyGaleRT]

Erica, I've only been going to the group I'm now organizer for since this past March. I was nervous too, my first time, but I learned that I really have no need to worry; the other ladies there made me feel right at home! Our group doesn't care if you come dressed or not; any good support group should have a similar policy. I really do recommend it; you'll be glad you did!

- Amy

[Zylia]

as for the unibrow , i do pluck the center ,but i don't try to shape it (lol) its hard to shape a strait line .lol i have hooded eyes (is that the right term?) they are not very lady like.
Very few people win the genetic lottery, other people just have to make do with what they got (and that includes me). I have a nice pair of sagging eyelids as well (as seen in my avatar), as do many women. There are a few makeup tricks for them, the most important one being to slightly exaggerate your eye makeup which is something cross-dressers tend to do anyway :D

[Beverley Sims]

Erica,
The silent majority out there is greater than those that you read about here shouting from the roof tops.

To that silent majority, I wish you well stay safe, and live your dreams.
I invite more of you to share your experiences though, this is the place to do it and I am interested in your struggles.
Even if it is in the safety of your homes.

I know you are all out there. :)

[kimdl93]

I go out regularly know I will routinely be read. I'd go out with that knowledge than operate under the illusion, or delusion, that I am passing. Most of us GM are simply never going to pass. If I live my life jealous or regretful about not passing, I'm needlessly denying myself the joy of experiencing the world as a woman.

[CarlaWestin]

Erica, I've felt your frustration. I do even believe that some of the posters here are actually GG and we just don't let on that we know. I have some fortunate genetic attributes, height and weight, that get me close to passing but there is inherit maleness that is impossible to cover. My blending in public depends mostly on my attitude of not caring if I'm clocked but that's another story. You really have to play with makeup to get a great look dialed in and I'm nowhere close to perfection. As far as producing good photographic images, I scan through video for just the right pose and then adjust the color and lighting. You should see the clumsey bloke in a dress in the outtakes. Check out the difference in these images. (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205711-Good-photos-and-reality&p=3373833#post3373833)It's only my second attempt at makeup but now I know what to work on. Everything!

[Kate Simmons]

I stopped being envious of women or other CDers long ago Hon. Work with what you've got. I think you will end up being surprised. :)

[linda allen]

Just remember, this is the Internet and sadly, you cannot believe all you see and read here. We like to think we're all being honest with each other, but some of the photos you see may have been touched up or may be actual GG photos passed of as crossdressers and some of the stories may be embellished, either a little or a lot.

We all have to do the best with what we have and for some of us that means we will never pass as a female. You can certainly do something with your eyebrows and there are makeup and wardrobe tricks for the rest. Bangs can hide the forehead, a turtle neck or scarf can hide the adams apple.

Do your best, take photos, then study them to see how you can improve your presentation. Check here and on youtube for hints and instructions.

[Nadine Spirit]

I never thought that I would pass. Especially when I first started. I still remember the horrid outfit I wore out for the first time, ewwwww! Though I wish I had pictures of it. It would be a funny comparison to where I am now. Quite a difference!

Small changes made big differences to me. A change of a necklace. Different types of earrings. Clothes that were more my style, and not just female. The right wig makes a huge difference. But the biggest change for me was once I stopped caring about passing and just concerned myself with being the best me I could be regardless of how I am dressed. Once I no longer cared if I passed or not, people began to think that I actually am female.

Oh and yeah I do nothing to change my voice. My wife says that maybe I speak softer, but it really is not feminine in anyway.

Oh and one last thing, to all of you internet folks who tell me I totally and completely pass as a GG, I am VERY picky about which pictures I choose to post on the net, there are plenty where I do not look very feminine at all. I take lots and lots of photos and pick one or two that I think look the best. IRL I think I look very much like a dude in a dress!

[Rachael Leigh]

With practice I have got better and as some say here Ive looked at my pictures and see some where Im like yeah I could blend with that look others not so much. I figure if I venture out I'm prob going in jeans and a nice top. I've even thought of just going to dress barn since they seem so CD friendly but still not got that courage yet but Im good with what I have and in fact have got some very kind complements from many girls here and it is so refreshing to hear that.

[arbon]

You really need to not worry so much about passing.

I live full time, have a huge adams apple, and everyone around pretty much knows what I am
Just live your life, if you want to go out then go!

[Majella St Gerard]

You don't have to pass and blend in to go out dressed, I'm comfortable with how I look without trying to pass, why drive myself crazy, I will never be able to pass as a woman. I do wish I looked better, but then don't we all wish that, in either guy or girl mode.

[Jenniferathome]

...Just live your life, if you want to go out then go!

and along with that, when you are living your life, they will live theirs. And Arbon, ease up on yourself. You have it together.

[alwayshave]

I have posted my picture here al a my avatar. However, that picture and others were taken as part of a transformation done by a professional service. I normally do not look that good. I wish I could replicate the look. I have gotten better over time, but no where near my avatar.

And while I care about how I look, I am more concerned about how I feel.

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

Regarding the pictures, as most have said, you only see the chosen pictures. Personally, I will go through about 20 or 30 before I get one where the light hits just so and tones down the harsher points. It is a small percentage (miniscule) of males who can truly pass and even they will have male features which just don't look right. I blend due to height and weight, choice of clothing, mannerisms and so forth and even a quick glance will get me by. However, on close examination, I never survive first contact. The salient point I have learned is to stop caring what others think. I don't care if people see a woman or a "dude in a dress" because I know I am not fooling anyone. Don't get me wrong, I use every trick in the book to blend but in the end, I know I will not pull if off. So I try to be confident, look people in the eyes, smile and go about my day. I am still a guy . . . just dressed differently. Surprisingly, nobody seems to care and most are quite congenial about it and those who do stare are mostly doing so because they have probably never seen a CDer in the wild before. :)

The best advice I can offer, is practice. Not just make-up but mannerisms and walk as well. Be confident when you go out, act like you belong and most people will most likely not even notice. You don't need to pass or even blend to go out, you just need to be you and enjoy.

So please don't feel bad when you look at others pictures believe me . . . it is all smoke and mirrors as I doubt any of us pass on close inspection.

Hugs

Isha

[Jacqui Summers]

Well all this is refreshing to read! I too have felt envy on here, but it is encouraging to hear about the progress. Taking a look back at some of my pictures there is definitely a progression. I hope to share some soon.

Also great to hear that we don't have to pass to walk out the front door. :)

Y'all are so gorgeous. xoxo

[RenneB]

Not much more that I say, but we do come in all shapes and sizes. What lets any of us go outside GG/GM is confidence or a whole lot of the IDC 'tude. Heck, the other day, I saw a middleaged GG out with a pair of spongebob squarepants pajama bottoms and a sweat shirt. She was not the most attractive, but she had confidence. Okay, a whole lot of non-fashion sence, but I'm sure she just got up off the couch and headed on out to the grocery store without a hesitation.

With regards to the hooded eyebrows, most fairly good medical plans will cover the operation. Had mine done and it didn't cost me a dime. I still want a laundry list of things done, but after looking in the mirror and putting on makeup for about an hour, I just head on out...

As one of the girls on this site once said, that hardest thing to pass is the front door. It's 90% 'tude and 10% all the rest of the stuff....

Hope this helps....

Renne.....

[erica12b]

to me- --- I do not want to look like a guy in a dress, I want to blend not stand out (over looked ) but I also want to be proper I don’t know how to say it when I’m in the pink fog and dressed at home (with shades down ) I try and do everything the right way I even clean -and pick up , it’s like a mindset or something , if I have done my nails it needs to be right , not just a quick job , one of my big hang ups on going out is none of my out dates outfits are a complete outfit shoes do not match , wrong color hose wrong bra for that dress, kind of stuff also now most is just on the too small size for me , all of this is I know just an excuse to not go out dressed but with what we could loss if we were found out about , that lady on the school board is just one town away and the people around this area are slow in changing their ways , I hide , it’s not a perfect world and we do what we can when we can how we can , if I knew 20 yr ago what I know now I would not be in this place and spot , but we do what we do ,

for the girls that dress and go out , take a min and tip you hand to the moon for all of us that don’t or can’t go out , but keep doing what you’re doing k and tell us every flippen detail so we can see just some of the world you’re in, and for the girls that have a So or wife that help or even just puts up with your hobby , give her an extra hug every day k she supports you or just puts up with you but some of us have now one and can only express our self’s here in type set and have bad spelling(thank god for spell ck )

some of you look so good as girls im just loss for words (and envois)

[Lainie]

I have a world-class handlebar mustache that would look natural on a Civil War general in a Matthew Brady photograph. I've gone out fully en femme--skirt, dress, heels, hose, necklace, &c--to boutiques, malls, restaurants, art galleries, grocery stores, on the street, pretty much everywhere, in Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Boston, The Hague. I also dress completely en femme but unisex--women's pants, tops, shoes, lingerie--on weekends around the house, at the local Starbucks & Panera's, and in the men's locker room at the gym. It's a bit of a challenge in the gym, but I wrap a towel around my waist & pull my panties on under it, then put on women's jeans or slacks. Standing in front of the locker, I grab a sports bra & put it into a woman's polo shirt, then pull them both on over my head at once. Sit on the bench, pull my pants legs up over my shaved legs, to put on nylon knee sox, then girl's trainers. After that, sit in the cafeteria having lunch & coffee for a couple of hours using the internet. Nobody ever makes a remark at the gym. Maybe no one ever notices. Guys are pretty oblivious.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you get what you need.

[linda allen]

You cannot go out "fully en femme" with a "world-class handlebar mustache". That is unless you're in the circus.

[Lynn Marie]

Some of my CD girlfriends are absolutely stunning in their presentation. I can manage a pretty good picture now and then, but nothing like these girls who look fabulous all the time! You bet your a$$ I'm envious!

[valerieg]

One of my very first times out of the house dressed was almost 15 years ago. It was to a local support group that was meeting in a hotel near my home. I remember the trepidation I felt as I walked into the lobby and saw there were no signs directing me to the meeting. Now I had to ask the desk clerk how to get to the meeting room. No hiding now... since I just told her exactly which meeting I was there to attend. Following her directions I headed up the stairs to the second floor. There was a registration table in the upstairs foyer and a ballroom to my right. I looked through the two big sets of double doors and my heart just fell. Good Lord, these women were gorgeous!

You see, one of the things I had been silently hoping as I worked up the courage to walk into that building was to please just don't let me be the ugliest thing in the room. No, I believe the term I had in my head was "hideous". Yes, it was please don't let me be the most hideous creature in attendance. A bit narcissistic, I know, but it's what I was feeling at the time. I wanted to just turn around and go home. No, I said, I'll just soldier on. If I don't do this now, I never will again.

I turned to the registration desk. Two lovely ladies waiting to hand me a name tag. I cannot believe how great they look. Then I see the sign.

That was not my meeting. It was a high school reunion. Those women looked so convincing because, well, they actually were females - irritatingly young and perky ones. Add to that, they were all dressed to the nines for a party. It also answered the question that had flashed through my mind -- how did they all manage to bring such nice looking male companions?

My meeting was down the hall at the other end of the foyer. The scene was a little bit different once I found the right room. Let's just say that I was less overwhelmed when I got into the correct meeting. I was neither the most nor the least attractive attendee, and I'm talking about both inside and out. Here I found real people who were just trying to express themselves and doing the best they could given their varying circumstances. I did a little bit of growing that evening. I didn't become an active member and didn't attend another of those meetings for almost twelve years (due to other life circumstances) but I learned so much that night, chief among them that these outward appearances that we all love to work on are just the outer shells covering people who range from the equivalent of frightened little children to supremely confident mature adults. Thank heavens the latter still bothered to attend the meetings to help the former.

So, yeah, I'm envious of everything and everyone that is more beautiful than I am, both inside and out. It gives me something to work on.

[Desirae]

I, too, am envious (is that a better word than jealous?) of all of the beautiful gurls like us who I see around the Internet. I know that a lot of work went into perfecting those presentations. Still, I'm not so naive to believe that all of us, including me, can achieve that same level of "passing". Genes play a tremendous role and let's face it, some people are just blessed with better ones. All you can do is be the best you can be. Better to be a nice person first, anyway.

[Karren H]

Passing isn't about looks.... its about attitude.... lucky for me I could care less about passing...... which I don't pass.... and don't try don't more.... but that doesn't stop me from going out enfemme....

[laciewhite]

i wish i wasn't so tall but i think my legs are quite shapely for a fella.

i wish my feet weren't so big, but my hands are just right.

my nose is a bit too big and my eyebrows too thick but i think i have naturally full sexy lips and when i put that pink lipstick on the whole world dissolves in a gooey girly rush.

what i'm trying to say is that maybe some bits need work, but try to remember of the bits that look good and cherish that.

i'm sure there's plenty of real GGs who have the same body issues as us.

[dana digs sweaters]

You don't need to pass or even blend to go out, you just need to be you and enjoy.

So please don't feel bad when you look at others pictures believe me . . . it is all smoke and mirrors as I doubt any of us pass on close inspection.



This, be yourself & enjoy

[Launa]

Yes I feel the pain of only being able to look like a dude in a dress. I have got my look nailed down to the very best it can possibly be. It costed a lot of money for example my wig is 275 bucks, boots were 250, winter coat 300. The clothes I could find "some bargains" and was able to put some things together but it took a lot of time and now I am at the end of that line. There is nothing more I can do unless I go see the surgeon....Even then theres only so much they could do for me.

When I go to the Imperial Sovereign Court events I see those girls that look extremely close to being GG's. And even though you can tell they are males, they really do look fantastic.
The last event I was at I showed up early to the hotel and looked my very best I could be. As the gala got started about 20 girls came in, they were a little bit late. I watched them very closely as they were the supermodels at the hotel. So there are some of those girls out there. I'm not one of them and that's a sad fact of life right now but I won't cry over it.

I love going out in public so I've decided over the last 2 years to grow some thick skin and just go out looking the best I can....


Find a way to get some help with your looks. Don't cheap out on a wig or your clothes. Buy things that can mix and match, shape those brows, use some face tape, get rid of any unwanted hair and hit the go button!

[adrienner99]

Impossible to say, but I bet not more than 10% of all CDs truly pass...tho some are really to die for gorgeous....also, those of us who won't pass probably feel similar to GGS who self-flagellate over the barrage of beautiful GGs they see on the street and in the media every day....I suspect our feelings are much the same...Personally, I won't pass either, but even the FEELING of feminine clothes, satin, high heels and lipstick is so wonderful that just dressing up and staying home enough to make me very happy, if not blissful. No one is immune to envy...

[NicoleScott]

I've thought about dressing like a Saudi Arabian woman................ I forget the name of those dresses.

In Iran, it's called a chador (with other spellings).
In India, a sari.
In Arabia, a sarong.

If I have to apologize for using the incorrect term, I'd say "I'm sari I was sarong".

[Marleena]

I'm envious of the younger girls. It reminds me of my lost youth. There are some beautiful girls here and I really doubt if they are using GG pictures. There have been a few that tried and were caught. The boy/girl transformation thread is always fun to look at.

You have to work with what you have.