How Far Into Your Relationship Were You When Outing Self?

[Jaime77]

Hi Girls!
Just wondering how many weeks/months/years you were into your relationship with your wife or SO before you finally let them know of your dressing up 'hobby'?

[Ressie]

ASAP. As soon as dating becomes something more serious it's time to let the SO know what's she/he's getting into. As a result, I've been single for 8 years.

[thisgal16]

For me I told my now wife shortly after we started dating, in hs, about another fetish that I had that eventually led into my now cding. Due to lack of resources is why I tried on my first pair of panties in forever and it's been growing since. Imo it's best to be upfront as soon as it gets beyond just dating.

[Laura28]

For me i told her when were dating in High School, Just kinda in passing that i like to wear panties. That was 38 years ago and needless to say it has progressed over the years. There many years were there was no dressing at all but now i am always wearing something. I am lucky she is fine with it.

[Kate Simmons]

Two years with my former wife. Third date with my current GF.:)

[Karren H]

33 years.... 3 months... 5 days ... 12 hours.... plus or minus a few minutes....

[Dianne S]

I told my wife before we were married, after we'd been dating for about 18 months.

[Kristina_nolagirl]

For me, once I decided that I was going to ask my wife to marry me, I decided I was not going to ask until she knew about Kristina. If your not married yet, I highly recommend doing the same. There is no way I could have went through life with a person that does not accept 100% of me even if my male side was in love. She had no idea that there was such a thing as heterosexual married crossdressers, but after a long talk and a lot of crying on my part , she even ordered me my first wig and heels! Wow every time I write something on here about her I think I fall more in love :)

[mikiSJ]

First wife - last month of 5 year+ marriage (not the reason for the divorce)

Current wife - before we were married 38+ years ago, coming out as transgender, last year.

[Nadine Spirit]

I have been with my wife since 15. Dated for 10 years, then got married. She knew as soon as I did. I never kept it a secret.

[Siobhan_Cross]

I had a long talk with my now ex wife several months before we were married I thought it was important to reveal that I enjoyed wearing panties and lingerie as well as my desire to eventually. At the same time I told her I was bisexual. She embraced the panty and lingerie wearing even going as far as buying me some lovely items. However several months after we were married and the bisexual topic she claimed no recollection of the conversation. Things went downhill quickly after that.

[Valarie]

We have been together for 6 years, living together for 5 years, have a son that is 4 years old, and married for 3 years, and I told her 4 months ago about my dressing, and I am proud to say that she loves it.

[JustMee]

I was married for about a year, however I never really acted upon my desires before, as soon as they became too strong to ignore I told my SO and we have been on the journey together ever since.

[Suzanne F]

I came out after 10 years of marriage about 10 months ago. Thank God I married a loving, open woman! It has been a tough great year.
Suzanne

[Beverley Sims]

It was resolved before we got married.
Acceptance has been slow though.

[ReineD]

My SO told me the first week we began dating. Sparks were already flying between us and had he told me months or years into our relationship, I would have felt deceived. I don't think that learning later would have been enough to end our relationship, but there would have been major trust issues to resolve.

[Jenniferathome]

more than 20 years of marriage for me. I wish I has not waited but that was my cowardice. And I do not think "hobby" is the right word for this.

[Laura Collette]

I only told my wife after 20 years of marriage and it was rocky for a while but we both love one another too much to let this come between us. I would have told her long before but was in denial myself. I advise everyone to be honest with themselves and their wives at the outset if they can, not to do what I did.

[Gillian Gigs]

It was about 20 years into our marriage. I was tired on sneaking around, and I figured that the law of averages was going to catch up with me, so I outed myself rather than getting caught. There was a general acceptance with small concerns, which has grown over the years into a full acceptance. That was 20 years ago, I do as I please now with one compromise, outside of the home my outward appearance is guy clothes. What's under my shirt and jeans is for me to know only! This works very well for me.

I agree with Laura on this comment, "I advise everyone to be honest with themselves and their wives at the outset if they can, not to do what I did."

I agree with Jennifer's comments also, "I wish I had not waited but that was my cowardice. And I do not think "hobby" is the right word for this."

Too much time lost when I could have had my freedom sooner!

[MatildaJ.]

When we married (17 years ago) I knew he was holding on to a French maid costume and a pair of high heels in his size. I figured it was a minor kink -- he had other, more major kinks that I loved -- and didn't pay much attention to it. He also always sat down to pee, which struck me as odd, but within normal gender variance. I'm not the most girly girl, and I didn't need to marry the most manly man.

Around fifteen years later he started wearing panties, then got rid of his male underwear. He also bought me some wigs ("for fun") -- which seems dishonest and creepy now. About a year later, he went deep into the pink fog and started buying full outfits, forms, wigs, makeup. And expecting closet space for his outfits. And wanting to wear all these clothes in the evenings. That's what brought me here, trying to understand what was going on and where it was going to lead.

I have figured out that there's no way of knowing where it will lead. I read threads that say "when did you figure out that you were not just a CD" and I realize that many people evolve from CD to TS in midlife or beyond.

It's a wild ride, that's for sure. I don't feel my husband has been very trustworthy in this area, but I also think he got dealt a bad hand and doesn't know exactly what to make of it. And the bottom line is that we still have a lot of fun together and have a happy home.

[5150 Girl]

My first wife stumbled onto my stash about 3 months into dating. It was a very ugly "are you having an affair" scene!!!
My current wife, Well, I was dressed when we met.
And the next one, with any luck will never know I have an "ugly" side. (not that we're having problems, it's just she has some bad health problems)

[Madilyn A.]

Second night after we were married, which was the first night of our honeymoon. We were in Milan, Italy; I bought her several pairs of stockings, garterbelt, and other pieces of lingerie. When I surprised her back in our room, and asked her to wear them for me, perhaps I asked her several times ??, anyway; she said if I liked them so much then I could wear them, so she "helped" me into them..... Like I really needed her assistance. LOL ! I wore them every night while on the honey moon and the rest is history !

[UNDERDRESSER]

Actually told before "dating"

I had asked her out about 2 months previously, but at that time, she had not long been out of a bad situation, and most of her previous relationships had not been much better. She didn't want to get into anything right then, but was cool with hanging out for a while as friends (we already worked together and had many similar interests) and just "see where it went"

One thing I didn't know was that she had decided before we had this conversation at the restaurant, that she was not going to be anything other than what she was. She had previously kept her considerable intelligence under tight reign, as many men can't deal with that. (silly girl, she might as well have coated herself in honey and walked into a bears den! I am strongly attracted to intelligence in women)

Anyway, at about the 2 month mark, it was becoming apparent to me that this was actually going to take off, and having been thinking about it for a while, decided that,

1. Didn't want to start off dishonestly.
2. I am a crappy liar.
3. She is as previously mentioned, very smart, also very perceptive.
4. She is very open minded and well read (understatement!) and had good feeling about her response.

So I told her, total non-event. "Oh cool!" and we carried on talking, with the added subject of underwear choices.......Looking back on it, it was a very surreal evening.

I am sitting here typing in the apartment we now share, while she sits behind me on her laptop. I'm in a skirt, men's sweater, and stay ups. Life is good.

Not saying that everyone can follow my course, but if you can, it is the best way.

[Stevie]

16years into our marriage. It was the third time she found my stash. Couldn't hide it anymore. I just let it all out. While waiting for the hammer to come crashing down I ran across this forum. This has been very hard on her and now a year has gone by and even though she doesn't approve she has given me space.

[MarciManseau]

I met Julie well after I'd gone full time, so much of what is being said here doesn't apply to us. I do, however, feel that it's best to be open about it as soon as you think that you're starting what might be a lasting relationship.

Women feel they've been lied to, albeit lies of omission, when you open up about it after you're either married or in a committed relationship. I agree with that, but they also need to realize how totally terrifying it is for some of us to admit to being what many would call a sexual deviant, not that I'd ever agree with that description, plus having a high risk of losing someone we deeply care out. So there's good reasons on both sides of this issue.

I guess there is no one simple answer... sigh.

[Tallulah Rose]

I told my SO pretty much at the beginning of our relationship - it seemed the only, honest way. We've been married for several years since and it feels good that I haven't misled her. I can understand how difficult it is to bring the subject up though.

[Allison2006]

I told my wife about a year before we were married and her immediate reaction was that I could keep my fem stuff but she didn't want to see me in it. Never pushed the issue with her, kept it out of sight for a long time. About 4 years ago I found an opening to talk about it and found that without any encouragement from me or anyone else, she had come to accept it, and has been cool with it ever since.

[sweetshauna]

within 4-6 months. been smooth sailing ever since.

[Connief]

I told my ex about it in the early days of dating, she was very accepting even during our marriage, buying me several dresses and lingerie. Then 26 years after we got married, she said she wanted a divorce due in part to my dressing. Found another woman, again told her early in our dating, a year later she told me it was over. That was 8 years ago, no one since. So much for being honest upfront. Now at 56 I have given up on finding someone and live alone, no dating.

[SashaJade]

I told my wife a few weeks after we started dating, while I was single I was able to dress as often as I wanted and I wasn't able to those first few weeks. Since telling her I have come to understand myself better And dress more than I ever thought I would.

[Mssusan]

My CD SO told me before we even met. I had time to do my own research and asked a lot of questions. I highly recommend this course of action, even if it results in a "thanks but no thanks". What would you prefer, a polite brush off now, or a freak out later?

[Launa]

I told my SO right from the get go about my hobby, 2nd - 3rd week of dating.

Problem is its not a hobby anymore!

[Andi.Devine]

Took me over 20 years before I told my wife. I didn't tell her because I couldn't explain it at all. Finding this forum and realizing I wasn't alone, helped me to talk with her about it and why it took me so long. We are still together, and our relationship is stronger than ever. If I knew then what I know now, I would have told her along time ago though..

[MichelleinEugene]

One month shy of the 4 year anniversary of our first date. Don't wait if it is at all possible to tell your SO if you haven't. It will cause a lot of hard feeling. Think 3rd date material.

[AmyGaleRT]

We'd been together for several years when I told my fiancee. I did so because I thought we were going to be forced to get married soon, and she needed to know before that happened. Based on her reaction, both she and I are agreed that I should have spoken up a lot sooner! :)

- Amy

[Tiffanyselkoe]

20 years. Wish I had come clean long before that.

[paulaloha]

I told my ex girlfriend about 3 months into dating that I was a crossdresser. She freaked, told me she wasn't a lesbian and asked me never to do it again. 5 months later we broke up. I have been single ever since.

[stephNE]

I told my wife on about the second or third date. That was 34 years ago and we are still married.

[linda allen]

30 plus years.

[I Am Paula]

Told my wife while we were still dating about crossdressing. About ten years in I told her about gender issues, and growing GD. Last April I told her that I was seeing Doctors and therapist about HRT, and possible transition. July 12 started HRT. She knows all about my plans to transition.
We're still married. It has NOT been a piece of cake.

[NicoleScott]

For those that told after years into the marriage (Jenniferathome 20+, and others) and had a good outcome but regret not telling sooner, there may be an assumption that the results would have been the same. It may have been, but maybe not. Maybe it took as long as it took for it to feel like "now's the time, before now it wasn't". Revelations may not survive a young unstable marriage but may survive a more mature and stable one. Who's to say? Don't we all wish we knew then what we know now? Tell your wife 35 years ago "I'm going to put water in a plastic bottle and sell it for a dollar. We're going to be rich". "You're NUTS!"

p.s. I'm not implying that all young marriages are unstable.

[il.dso]

We had been together for 4 years as boyfriend and girlfriend.
We were about to get engaged but I had never told her that I was a cross dresser (sound familiar!).
I was completely afraid to share my secret but knew that she should know before we got married.
She was definitely shocked, asked me to quit, learned more about it, become somewhat interested and supportive.
As the years have passed, my passion for cross dressing has substantially increased but my wife doesn't know about what an essential part of my life this all is.
Will have to tell again someday, just now sure when or how...

[Desiree2bababe]

I was about a year or so before I told my girlfriend, now wife. She wasn't thrilled about it, couldn't believe it, asked if I was gay, etc. Trouble came after marriage when she realized it was more than a lark.

[mariehart]

Eight years in and I still haven't told her. Very much doubt I will now. At one stage I thought she might suspect it. Now I don't know. Trouble was that I figured out I was TG before I met her. When we first started dating it was a non issue as I expected to be dropped anytime and I was just enjoying being with someone for a change. But the relationship developed, one thing led to another and somehow the subject never came up even though she has referred to me as 'a bit of a woman' and told me that at one stage she actually wondered if I was gay during the early stages of our dating.

Now I don't know where I stand. What do I tell her? I don't even crossdress that much anymore. Do I tell her I'm TG but don't intend to transition?

Maybe as the judgemental types who like to pontificate on the subject I am deceiving her. Or am I protecting her?

I don't know.

[Ressie]

Good point Nicole. And it could go the other way too. Some marriages become unstable much later on. Long time dressers that sense this should probably keep their dressing a secret for life!

[DAVIDA]

I told my wife on the night that I asked her to marry me. It was the hardest thing that I had ever done.
She just said one word......So.:D
We will celebrate our 23 anniversary right before Christmas.:)

[Sarah Beth]

My wife found out after we had been married about three years, we had gone out off and onfor about five years prior to marriage. A lot of the time we were going out I wasn't dressing a lot, deep into denial and trying to be macho. I got caught and so dumped almost all my stuff trying to keep the peace. A few years later I was working out of town and she hadn't move yet and I had gotten some things I was keeping where I lived. She came and surprised me one weekend and found the stuff in my drawers. She asked me if it was mine of it there was something else I needed to tell her. I told her it was and she just said ok. Then about a month later she was there and asked to see me in something. She has since then at times been really into with me while at other times she doesn't seem to like it.

If I had it to do over again, if I had known then what I know now, I would have talked to her about it long before I did. I can see the value in being open and honest about but I kept trying to stop doing it and at times hated myself for doing it. So how could I have told her what I couldn't explain or at times live with myself.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together, so she knew as soon as I did. We had been married 32 years at that point.

[JamieRog]

Three months after we got married. We had been together about 3 1/2 years. It had taken me that long to figure it out myself and coming out to her as a C/D and bisexual was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. We have been married now for 3 1/2 years and it may have taken a while but she accepts me now for the last two years or so and has been so supportive the entire time. I'm lucky.

[WandaRae2009]

unfortunately it was over 25 years. Perhaps if it was soon she might be more accepting by now

[JessMe]

I decided that when I felt like we were meant to be together for the long run... it was a good time to just blurt it out. Lol ...it worked out very well for both of us, because she felt the same way I did about us. ...she said it was ok, but she didn't want to see it... and asked for pictures 2 days later. ...after giving me a huge box of clothes she bought me, the rest, as they say, is history. :)

[PaulaQ]

20 years. Came out. Marriage died.

[JamieG]

I came out to her one year into our marriage (and we dated for four years before that). I feel guilty about not telling her sooner, but I didn't completely understand it myself before then. I had thought that marriage would "cure" me, but all it did was surround me with cute, feminine clothes, and our schedules had me often home alone with temptation.

[Raychel]

I have been sitting here trying to figure out just when I told my wife. It seems like it was about 10 years ago.
so it would have been after we were married 10 years, it did not go well at all, at the time, things have changed a lot over the years
and no I can pretty much dress whenever I want, My wife and kids are totally accepting and life is good.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I told my girlfriend about 18 months after dating. We got married 24 months later. She tried to get involved but cooled after a disastrous double date with another couple with a cross dressing husband. I could pass but he could not and it scared my wife. Since then I dress without her involvement. She has no idea that I can still easily pass and go out day or night en femme when I have the chance. We've been married 42 years. By the way, JaimeG, your picture falls into the "WOW' category. I hope your wife does not feel threatened. My wife sometimes bristled when she saw my pictures because she does not dress that femmie and it sometimes bothered her. This has not helped my cause over the years.

[Tamara Segunda]

Almost 17 years. As a young teen, I discovered my mother’s lingerie drawer, and a bit later, her makeup. The first time I saw my reflection in a pink nylon full slip with poorly applied mascara, eyeliner and lipstick, I was simultaneously excited (and that word doesn’t begin to describe it) and frightened to death. I looked like a *girl* -- or so I thought. I did it once or twice more, but, consumed with guilt and imagining the results if my mother were to find out, I repressed it.

After high school, I went into the military for four years and I don’t recall ever considering cross-dressing during that time. In my early twenties I realized that I had a lingerie fetish and that, in an ideal world I’d love to wear the stuff and look like a pretty girl that other pretty girls would swoon over. I realized this was pretty delusional and that it was an impulse that I need to control in myself.

After I married, the urges returned periodically, and I confess to periodically trying on a pair of my wife’s panties. When we married, my wife had an eight-year-old son who had some fairly obvious gender issues that she was having trouble dealing with. The last thing I wanted to do was to add to her insecurities. Today our boy is a happy and well-adjusted gay man accepted and loved by both his parents, but there were some rocky patches with his mom as he was growing up.

For a time, I was an aspiring novelist and it occurred to me that opening the pandora’s box of my own gender weird stuff might result in a more honest -- and perhaps more interesting -- work. It took me about four months, but I did finish the book, and after a lot of soul searching I decided to share it with my wife. At the time, I’d never read any TG fiction (using the Internet in those days still required at least a passing acquaintance with UNIX), and I thought I’d really produced a highly original, albeit somewhat pornographic novel. My wife had never seen such a thing, either, and professed to have been riveted by it. [In retrospect, it was a pretty ordinary bundle of TG fluff written by a pretty ordinary TG (albeit mildly so).]

Anyway, I used our discussion of the book to finally come clean about my CD/TG feelings. I’m pretty thoroughly heterosexual, and never considered myself to be TS, but neither was I a macho male. There were some tears from both of us, and a day or two of tension after I told her, but then she not only accepted it, but said she wanted to support me. I started wearing panties, and bought a fluffy nightie. We had some dynamite sex (just like in so many Fictionmania stories), but she gradually became less supportive. Finally she told me that she wasn’t a lesbian, and that if she were, she could do a lot better than me. That one hurt, but it still made me laugh my head off.

Well, that was some 25 years ago, and I’m still wearing panties and sleeping in smooth nylon sleep shirts. She still doesn’t support it (she’s never given me any femme clothing or other “gender inappropriate” stuff, but she *does* accept me, and we both still love each other very much.

Knowing what I know now, I would never start a serious relationship without disclosing my CDing, but looking back and considering our unique situation, I feel pretty good about my decision to keep it to myself for as long as I did. Of course, as we say in cyberspace, YMMV.

Sorry for being so long-winded, but that's one of my *other* faults. :-)

[GemmaK]

Over 30 years, here, but then I didn't realise I really wanted to dress for most of that time. Very occasionally, I'd try something on - maybe it was just suppressed. What changed? Well, we watched a film partially about cross-dressing, and I decided that I'd like to try it as a New Year dress-up. It felt so great I've wanted to keep doing it, but my SO does not really approve. I'll try again this NY. Partly, I think she feels its a case of "nice legs, shame about the face", and partly she's uncomfortable with the whole idea. It was her suggestion, though, that I wear women's jeans, as they suit me better.

[mary something]

in my marriiage well before we married I would frequently partially cross dress and sometimes go full ensemble, for days at a time. When it ended she of course blamed my gender expression lol. I think that is just standard fare for almost anyone under the TG umbrella who experiences a relationship ending for that to be called out whether it was true or not

[Angie G]

37 years after she became my wife and she as accepted it right off the bat.:hugs:
Angie

[alice clair]

I have known my present wife since we were three years old. So after many years with the wrong persons we got together and I told her on our first date. She has never had a problem with it and supports me fully.

[Majella St Gerard]

With my first wife, my CD'ing came into being during the marriage so she knew but was fickle with her support. I told my new wife the first week we were together, the second time we were in bed and she was like Cool! I kind of knew that she might be OK with it from getting to know her that fist week, I learned quickly that she as No Prude.

[Carroll]

First one was in to it about 3 years...was not a fan...ended at 4 years. Second one told her on our fourth date...not a fan...ended at 7 years. This one, I told her the day we started to hang out Still a fan :P

[alwayshave]

I was 1.5 years into our relationship when I told my SO. It was very difficult and I did it VIA email as we were several hundred miles apart at the time. Yes, a little cowardly, but I was so afraid of the outcome that I just didn't want t face her. She is accepting and encouraging.

[ColetteB]

About four years in. We've now been together 15 years now, so I guess she was okay with it!

In fact, for birthdays and Christmas, she usually picks up a "just for us" gift with some new lingerie/swimwear.

(For the record, the purple shirt in my photo used to be hers!)

[VickieFairfax]

We had been married for approximately 4-yrs and had moved into our 1st home. We had 3-small children and were struggle to make everything work. She found a pair black pumps and assumed I was having an affair with a neighbor. I came clean by writing a letter to my wife explaining that I had always had part on me that was hidden away. We cried together, we talked about where this was going and what did I want .... 20+ yrs later ... we're together, our kids have grown up and provided us with 6-beautiful grandchildren ... Vickie is still hidden from general public view, but she is always there ... The wife supports and has helped with Vickie's evolution and development, but still is very protective of the family and her husband