Back in the box for the holidays

[JackieInPA]

I live 95% of my life en femme, almost everyone I know and care about knows about me...but I am being forced to go backinto hiding for Christmas/New Years for the sake of people I don't really know, see or frankly care one whit about.

I am having a really hard time with this...I am soooooo tired of 'mising out' on holidays and special occasions because I am soo depressed and stressed out i can't enjoy them.

I find myself getting angry and spiteful, doing hings I know I really shouldnt...dressing where I really shouldnt and just not caring in general. How do others deal with this?

[PaulaQ]

Refuse to do it. Be yourself.

[arbon]

If it is hard on you to do that, then why do it?

[mary something]

they'd rather have a happy jackie most likely, have you given them the choice?

[Jorja]

Tell them all you have a rule. No Jackie in the box! :)

This is where you need to make a decision. Do you crumble for people you don't know or do you grow a set and say NO? I know what my decision would be but them I am not you.

[Nigella]

I live 95% of my life en femme,

Do you feel this
anger and spite the 5% of your time you are not "en femme". If not, why feel it now, when people you
don't really know, see or frankly care one whit about are around.

Who is forcing you?

[Angela Campbell]

I did that at Thanksgiving and I made it clear I will not do so again.

[Badtranny]

95% ?

Is one of those "except for work" situations?

I'm not being snarky I'm honestly curious.

[JackieInPA]

The people in question ar my siblings in-laws. I am being pressured by my wife, mother and brother to 'keep the peace' during the holidays. My 95% is except for times like this or for professional reasons with my wife when I am at work in her office I am pretty much en femme except for a skirt which is the defining factor for her...i look noless like a girl in pants but wearing a skirt is over the line...still don't get it.

[Angela Campbell]

maybe ask your wife, Mother and brother to talk to the siblings in law about keeping the peace. Since it does not hurt them it seems kind of one sided.

[Aprilrain]

I told everyone that cared that when I changed my name I was going full time and would be wearing what I want when I want. If they didn't like it tough!

[mary something]

wear a kilt and keep the peace

[linda allen]

Why not suck it up and please your wife, mother and brother? Why get yourself all worked up over a few hours in different clothes? Life is too short for this sort of drama. You'll be able to go back to your choice of clothing after they leave.

[Chari]

You are who you are and should always be comfortable in whatever you choose to wear! Why should you have to "keep the peace" pretending to be OK with another's choice of attire, or because that is what society dictates whom should wear what? Be yourself as long as it is not breaking the law or harming some one else! If "they" don't like what you are wearing - it is definitely "THEIR" problem.

[I Am Paula]

When my GD got to the point I could not present as male anymore, I thought the only option was to stop going to family functions. My lovely sister helped pave the way to coming out to them, and now all my family knows, and accepts.
I hope you can get your family to see that this is something you need to do, and is a part of your identity. Often families are more accepting than we give them credit.

[mary something]

Why should you have to "keep the peace" pretending to be OK with another's choice of attire...
I was joking :), I didn't really think a kilt would be keeping the peace. Should have used an emoticon but didn't. For the record I agree with you mostly but there are situations where mutual respect and communication can solve misunderstandings better than a take it or leave it attitude.

[linda allen]

OK, I'll just be blunt. It's selfish to ignore your wife's wishes just so you can wear a dress for a few hours when she would rather you not. You are thinking only of your own pleasure, not the discomfort it will cause your wife. One of parts of a successful marriage is considering each other's feelings.

As I posted above, suck it up and be a man for the day. Do it for your wife and for your family.

[arbon]

Linda, isn't a lot more then just about the cloths? Its about being able to be yourself and identifying as a woman (assuming Jackie is TS)

Why should Jackie be responsible for other peoples discomfort?

The last two holiday seasons my father in law put the law down that I could only come to his house if I presented male - NOT A CHANCE! so my wife and daughter have been going without me. Selfish of me? I don't think so, I don't have to be something I am not because many from that family (and my own) are uncomfortable around me. Its their problem, not mine. (this year my wife told him I am coming, as myself, wether he liked it or not - should be an interesting christmas)

[nhlighthouse]

Try wearing a pair of Koolots, which is a cross between a Skirt and Pants...Problem solved....Next question?

Doesn't seem like the OTHER PEOPLE are concerned about Jackie's feelings or well being! Go with the Koolots!

[I Am Paula]

OK, I'll just be blunt. It's selfish to ignore your wife's wishes just so you can wear a dress for a few hours when she would rather you not. You are thinking only of your own pleasure, not the discomfort it will cause your wife. One of parts of a successful marriage is considering each other's feelings.
.


Linda, It's not about clothing, it's about identity. This is a TS forum.

[Chickhe]

Personally, I was going to say don't dress, but if you are living that way most of the time, just do it. Ask your wife why not? If it is that you don't look perfect...surprise her by getting a makeover done and classy conservative outfit so you will look 'respectable'. ...if you have a sense of humor, wear a kilt...

[stefan37]

Jackie, By your own admission you are 95% the other 5% for situations like you just described. Living in the middle is achievable as long as you are comfortable in a fluid role. By not committing to full time 100% you have put yourself in this position. You have 2 choices. your wife's or yours.

[Rianna Humble]

Linda, we appreciate that as a Genetic Male, you haven't the first clue about what life is like for a transsexual, but that does not give you the right to come into the TS forum and insult members who have posted here for support and advice. Please be more careful about where you post your condemnation of things you do not understand.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I am sorry you and your family are going through this..

there are practical realities to this and all I can say is that you need to make the best of it...
what I mean by that is not about what you wear or how you present, its about how this is impacting you and what its telling you about the choices you are making in your life, and the sustainability of those choices...

if you have not transitioned, then its a reasonable discussion for others to try to influence how you present yourself..
...you have to look at it from the other side...I would not be surprised to find out that for many people that know you, the 5% part of you is much bigger to them...

[Leah Lynn]

Jackie, I'm sorry to hear that the family is putting you through this. I'm not up to that stage yet, but I have talked to my sister, whom I've come out to, that next year I will be doing rle, and I will do everything as Leah. If anyone has a problem, it's his/her problem, and if the general concensus is to have me appear as the male, then I'll make other plans, do something by myself. Accept me as I am, or just forget me.

Hugs,

Leah

[JackieInPA]

I never said I was going to ignore them and just do it. I will be as male as I get these days. I jut get tired of 'Jackie' missing every occasion. Of being with others dressed to the nines while I am a plain Jane. Its not just about the clothes...it actually hurts that I cannot be me. I was just kinda looking for some coping strategies to not be totally miserable, and thank you to those who genuinely tried to help!

[donnalee]

Perhaps dressing as you do in your wife's office might be an acceptable temporary solution for you both? If it satisfies her and is acceptable to you it might work.