View Full Version : My Children's Conversation
jjjjohanne
12-19-2013, 06:16 AM
We have cups with "Cars", "The Avengers", princesses, and "Dora" on them. Girl cups and boy cups. Recently, I absentmindedly placed the wrong cups in front of my two children. My son said, "Daddy, you gave us the wrong cups!". I apologized and swapped them. Then my daughter volunteered to my son that she did not mind drinking from a "boy cup". My son retorted that he wouldn't drink out of a "girl cup".
The oldest is 6. They already are expressing the thing we see in society. It's OK for women to cross the gender line in some ways, but not OK for men to do it. I don't know how I could have taught them this. Perhaps it could be because she wears pants like him sometimes, and the gender line appears to be inherently less legalistic toward women. Perhaps it is that macho psychology thing that is common in men being expressed in my son. Maybe we are genetically this way. Perhaps all of our hangups about going in public crossdressed are internally originated... I have my doubts because, if this were true, it seems like our wives would not be so frequently known for being opposed to our dressing.
Anyhow, it is interesting and I thought I would share it.
Merry Christmas!
Rogina B
12-19-2013, 06:41 AM
Just tell them that there is no such thing that they need to be concerned with..Tell them that boys can like girl things and girls can like boy things..You don't need to make a long event of it,just always correct them when something gets gendered,unnecessarily. I speak from successful experience on this. The more macho minded you let your son become,the further it will push you into the closet..A friend just had a terrible experience from just that with two boys learning about their Dad. Keep kids flexible in their thoughts from early on. My opinion,of course.
mary something
12-19-2013, 07:01 AM
I agree with Rogina! Don't forget that one day that little boy will grow up and maybe be a father also. The lessons he is taught today will be HOW he fathers later in life. Do your future grandchildren a favor especially in case he ever has a child who is a crossdresser,TG, or gay
Beverley Sims
12-19-2013, 07:12 AM
I always respect childrens wishes without making a big deal out of it.
Guidance in the decision process may be necessary.
Sometimes later in life you may need to preach family values.
All you can ever do is give them guidance towards what is considered a correct attitude or decision.
If you make up their minds for them all the time, you finish up with children that have no initiative.
Jaylyn
12-19-2013, 07:55 AM
I would let them choose the cups they want to drink out of at the early ages. I guess I am really getting old, I never would have thought that cups were gender specific. My wife loves the color red and thus she had many kitchen objects that were red. My four kids that are all married detest a red appliance to this day. I wouldn't push any thing on young kids. They will make their own decisions one day. What you did have here on the other hand was a great learning experience here that could really do wonders in their future lives. I would have said " the cup really doesn't matter kids it's what's on the inside that matters, you see a cup is just like a person, the outside means nothing, it's what's on the inside that counts in life." Just maybe they might grow up and be more accepting of others that are a little different than themselves but can see the beauty of an inner person. No matter what color, race, or gender they are. I heard once that beauty was only skin deep and my dad always said then we need to skin em to see what's on the inside. Kinda holds true today. I think the heart of person is where the beauty lies and a very famous book reads for where the heart lies their the body lies also. Work on the kids from the inside out and they will be themselves later in life and probably not have hatred, bigotry, or gender hatred later in life... JMHO
CarlaWestin
12-19-2013, 08:25 AM
I believe it is necessary for children to naturally delineate and identify their physical gender. This is just part of the program. Males and females predominantly accept their genetic roles, hunter/gatherer or nurturer, and the two together advance the species. The key is to teach respect for others who navigate off the trail. My inherent curiosity and desire to boldly go where I want has been beneficial to learning about different cultures, perspectives, opinions and that other fabulous gender. If you teach kindness, honesty and respect, calmness and low stress maturity will follow.
I think. I mean, my kid is pretty wierd!
Connie D50
12-19-2013, 08:55 AM
If you would like another my 2 cents when i grow up I but the biggest front up so no one would no what was going on inside me. Now please don't be upset I know he's way to young. I just wanted to say that sometimes we hide things by acking the oppsite way.
Stephanie Miller
12-19-2013, 09:48 AM
Maybe dad should happen to sit by son while dad is drinking from a "girls" cup? Kids learn a lot by observation. When he makes mention of it ( and he will ), it would be a good time for dad to share the reasons about why it's O.K. to cross gender lines. Early learning goes a long way. If dad doesn't teach him he WILL learn something typically social from another source - be it television or other kids.
5150 Girl
12-19-2013, 11:30 AM
Just tell them that there is no such thing that they need to be concerned with..Tell them that boys can like girl things and girls can like boy things..You don't need to make a long event of it,just always correct them when something gets gendered,unnecessarily. I speak from successful experience on this. The more macho minded you let your son become,the further it will push you into the closet..A friend just had a terrible experience from just that with two boys learning about their Dad. Keep kids flexible in their thoughts from early on. My opinion,of course.
Yea, what she said!
Also, I might have reenforced my point by drinking from a "girl cup"
Marcelle
12-19-2013, 11:54 AM
I wouldn't get too hung up on this. At that age children are establishing gender identity based on what they see (e.g., hairy face - man, breast - woman). By not wanting to drink out of the girl cup it is most likely that he is establishing gender awareness based on "yes" stereotypes". Making a big fuss about it is okay to drink from the girl cup and trying force the issue won't do much good as cognitively, he is not likely to understand. I would be more inclined to simply ask why he can't drink out of the "girl cup" listen to the answer and move on. I am with Carla on this one, teach them to be good, respectful, tolerant and kind and the rest will follow.
My 2 cents
Hugs
Isha
Barbra P
12-19-2013, 12:35 PM
I agree with some ideas being voiced here and disagree with others. I don’t think a big deal has to be made over the incident but I do think that it’s perfectly all right to point out that nothing bad is going to happen if the boy drinks out of the cup with a girly design. On the other hand the children are in their informative years and if they don’t learn tolerance and respect at home they are very likely to learn bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance outside the home.
I’m sometimes amazed at some of the ideas my grandkids (age 7 and 8) come home from school with. Well not entirely amazed because I have spoken with their Principal; he is Black and he is also racist – my Daughter has been contacted by other parents who also think so and want to form a group and approach the District Superintendent. And it is not just the Principal, teachers frequently have a very one-sided view on social issues and they have no qualms sharing their views with their students. Frequently teachers spend more time with the kids than do the parents. My Daughter is constantly having to teach her two daughters that this or that is wrong, when it comes to social values, and we don’t allow that kind of thinking in our household. Don’t wait until the kids are in their teens because then peer pressure may have a bigger influence than what parents have to say.
Rogina B
12-19-2013, 03:04 PM
Isha,the boy is six.Old enough to learn..Some of us were exploring our gender nonconformance at his age. Stephanie Miller had a great suggestion about drinking from a girl cup..Kids have to learn at an early age to be cool with things that initially seem different.
MarcyRex
12-19-2013, 11:42 PM
My youngest daughter had a conniption once when I pulled a vitamin from a randomly selected jar. After I swallowed the vitamin, her eyes got big and concerned. Normally I pull from the Centrum Silver. That day I pulled the One-a-day Teen Advantage "Pink" bottle. I have also been known to throwback a couple of prenatal vitamins(wife likes'em). Whichever is in front. I took opportunity to teach her that the only "real" difference is marketing (Titles, colors, pictures), the nutrition label varied only slight percentages. "No I wasn't going to grow boobs, " [despite a internal monologue cursing otherwise] "anymore than prenatal V's making me pregnant." She is cool with it now and likes to offer her sleepover friends a prenatal vitamin as she pops one in her mouth, just see their reaction.
Connie.Marie
12-19-2013, 11:52 PM
Jjjj,
My mind was way off in left field.
You started talking about cups & I'm thinking bra cups...
So you had a bra with cars on it, one with princesses on it... LOL!
Hugs, Connie Marie
EmilyPith
12-20-2013, 12:49 AM
I like the idea of dad drinking from the pink cup. No big deal. Show them it's just a cup.
The container doesn't matter, it's what's inside.
Marcelle
12-20-2013, 04:44 AM
Isha,the boy is six.Old enough to learn..Some of us were exploring our gender nonconformance at his age. Stephanie Miller had a great suggestion about drinking from a girl cup..Kids have to learn at an early age to be cool with things that initially seem different.
Hi Rogina,
I did not mean he is not old enough to learn (cognitively we begin learning quite young). What I meant is that the concept of gender is broad based at that age "boy clothes, girl clothes, boy games, girl games etc. Making a large fuss about not wanting to drink out a girl cup holds not value. Asking why and listening to the response then explaining is far better than just saying it is okay to drink out of the girl cup.
Hugs
Isha
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