She told me she loved me...

[jenny_cheerleader]

Hey All,
Well, a while ago i posted a thread about how i thought i may have found the love of my life. It seems that i was correct. She told me a few day ago that she loved me. I told her the same back because i feel the same way. I'm not sure where to go from here. Please i need some advice as to where to go next. PM me if you wish.

[Phoebe Reece]

I think it's time to go ahead and tell her about your CD side, before it goes further. You owe it to her to be honest. If she can't handle it now, it's unlikely she ever will.

[CharleneCD]

Its worth saying again. If you havn't told her about your dressing now is the time to do it before you and she have alot invested in the relationship.

[Bonnie D]

Jenny

I'm echoing the same advice. You have to tell her now if you haven't already. I was not completely honest when I told my wife before we were married. I told her that I had dressed but didn't anymore. She was okay with that but wouldn't have married me if she knew I still dressed. I still haven't told her and it's slowly tearing me apart. If I had to do it all over again I would have told her and then learned to deal with it. The internet didn't exist back then but it does now so there's all sorts of support if she decides that she can't deal with it but at least she will have a say. Also don't think that you will stop dressing so don't try to compromise and say that you will. You'll just be fooling yourself and her.

Bonnie

[Olivia]

Yep, you need to tell her now. If you don't, I think it'll come back to haunt the relationship later and then the damage will be much worse. It's gut-check time now dear. If she truly loves you, I think you won't have to worry about her reaction; she will appreciate your honesty. It's tough to build a lasting partnership when a big secret like that is lurking underneath. Good luck and my best wishes. I'm betting she won't let you down. Olivia

[Jillian310]

I wish I had been dressing before I married, but I didn't. So when I started dressing mid marriage I felt that I could not lay that on my wife, so I am a closet dresser! I do go out dressed every so often with friends, but I change at their place. And when I am out of town where there is a friendly bar or club, I visit them dressed. My wife is a peach, but she doesn't have a clue. She knows I shave and wear panties 24 7, and one of these days I have no doubt she will find something that I misplace.

[Rikki Elisabeth]

This is really tough. I know what happened when I told my wife. I know she would not have married me if I told her before. I was selfish. I wanted to marry her.

I knew that she was too "puritan" or conservative to accept it before we were married. I hoped that time would take care of that.

You have to gauge her. You have to gauge what crossdressing means to you versus her. If you tell her and she goes ballistic, can you deal with it? If you tell her and she thinks it is really a turn-on, can you handle it?

Good fortunes......

[DonnaT]

If you can't be open and honest with her, is the relationship complete?

Tell her, and start from your beginning.

[Deborah]

Usually i'd say keep it to yourself. If you do though sooner or later she's going to find out and then it will get ugly. I just hope for your sake if she doesn't take it well that she won't spread your secret around.
Catch-22

[jenny_cheerleader]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice. Please keep it coming. As for her, if she decides that she is ok with it but needs support or other info or anything else, can i send her here?

[kathy gg]

Hi Jenny..gonna give some "biased" advice here but I think if you present this side of yourself in a way that is positive and lets her know how special she is for being part of your deepest feelings chances are she will apprecaite that you have been honest and open with her about who you are.

While it is true that many women will turn and run ...if this girl really really loves you completely and believes in you she will value that you have been honest. NOw please know she might be confused and have a zillion questions, that is normal okay....and she might even need a few days to wrap her head around it all, but she does need to know. She has a right as she has given you her heart.

If she is kind and a good person she won't use this information agaist you if things dont' work out. There are plenty of women who have broken up with crossdressers and nothing bad has come of it. But real kindness and empathy for others has to be a part of who they are to begin with. You can't expect a woman with a cold heart and no respect for others to suddenly find morals. So I hope she is the kind to understand and be sensative to what you are sharing.

As for sending her here...well really cd's come in every vareity. maybe when you do tell her try to explain just about yourself to start. Let her know what being a cd means to you and what role you envsion the love of yoru life sharing in that. Get her as much info as deals with you only. In time let her know you have resources lined up for her if she wants to interact with other women also in relationships with cds. Hopefully by then she will know where you stand and that the expericnes of others do not all apply to where you are on the spectrum.

When I was dating in this community I would often ask quetstions like where do you see this progressing? Are you solid about your sexuality? and what would your idea situation be for a girlfriend in all this? She needs to know what is expected of her in all this.

Who knows she might surprise you!

Alot of people lament on here about having a supportive wife and if they could go back in time they would have never married. And I know you are just dating now, but dont' try to surpress or downplay what this means to you. Don't make promises that you can't make happen. There are enough exapmples of mistakes people have made and the consequences that they now have to live with on this board. Dont' add to that statistic of regret and 'coulda-shoulda-woulda'.

And by taking charge of your life and being honest abotu who you are you are IN COMPLETE CONTROL of your future. And dont' you want that future to be full of happiness...not regret.

And please know, if per chance she does turn and run...well she was not the one. Not every woman is up for this lifestyle and it is her loss. I think it shows alot of smarts and compasion to want to be and do the right thing. I can certainly apprecaite that, and msot gg's who were not told and are now married and never had that choice can applaud a man who takes the ultimate chance to be honest.

Godo luck and let us all know how it works out....

[DonnaT]

As for her, if she decides that she is ok with it but needs support or other info or anything else, can i send her here?


Of course.

[jjjjohanne]

You should tell her. My wife agrees. A lot of guys here REALLY hurt their wives by keeping it from them. Once they find out, it is really hard on them. I think because they were deceived.

[Rikki Elisabeth]

I have to admit that it may be a factor of age. I do admit that I see cultural changes. I would like to believe that you could tell the truth. All I have to go by is: when a genetic woman tells you that lies hurt more than the truth...tell me the truth...LIE.

[JocelynG]

It would definitely be a good idea to tell her before it goes any farther and send her here with the knowledge that each of us are different and some ladies here may not think like you do