Foxglove
12-19-2013, 04:16 PM
Hi, Everybody!
I haven't posted for a long while, but I thought I'd report in and fill people in on my situation in case anybody's interested.
I've been out full-time for a bit over a year now (call it 13 1/2 months). I live in a very small town, and people continue to be very accepting of me. The adults, that is. The secondary school kids are another matter. I had no trouble from them last year because they didn't know me, but a while back somebody tipped them off. The result was that one day I had a group of boys giving me some pretty nasty verbal abuse, and a few days later another group were pitching stones at me.
I took the logical and easy step of simply staying out of town during the lunch hour when the kids are out in droves. This is an unjust limitation of my freedom, of course, but I find it the easiest solution. I generally would stay away from town during that time anyway. Whenever I had errands to do, I never enjoyed it when there were hundreds of kids out and about, so it's no real inconvenience to me to avoid them altogether now.
But this has been the only real negative over the last year. There's been lots of positives. E.g., I recently joined a book club, figuring that it would probably be mostly women. It turned out it was all women, and they've had no problem with me. It's an odd but fantastic experience to be "one of the girls", which is how they treat me.
And of course a lot of my interactions have changed completely. I'd be mostly dealing with women anyway, and it's a lot nicer approaching them from the other direction.
My brother and sister have been very good to me. There's an ocean between us, but I have regular contact with my sister by e-mail, and truth be told, I've got the impression she's enjoying the situation. She used to be outnumbered two to one, but that's changed now. She still can't bring herself to call me by my new name, but not long ago she called me "Sis", and that's not a bad substitute.
My dad is a different story. My brother and sister and I all quickly agreed that he simply can't know about my change of life. He's very religious and conservative and set in his ways, besides being very old and in rather fragile health, and we figure this would upset him tremendously, perhaps enough to damage his health. So I've simply had to accept this, however reluctantly and despite the inconveniences it's caused me.
On another front: I changed my legal name earlier this year and have been able to get most of my documents changed. E.g., I now have an American passport in my new name, with my new photo and with a gender marker "F". There are some documents where I'm stumped. E.g., my Irish passport. They'll give me one with my new name and photo, but they'll insist on putting an "M" in it. Hopefully that will change soon. There's supposed to be new legislation passed early next year which will correct that problem.
I've not done much work on myself as yet. I'd like to get electrolysis, but there's no one in our area, and what with the cost of travel and the cost of the procedure itself, it's simply beyond my means at the moment.
Neither have I made any move towards HRT or SRS as yet. I don't feel pushed about that. I want to be sure that's right for me before I proceed, and to be honest, the idea scares the hell out of me. I think the time will come eventually, but I have no plans to go ahead with that until I know it's time.
The odd (and most interesting) thing is the feelings that I've had, that have evolved quite a bit over the last year. I never used to feel too much GD. I always kept the lid on that, never allowed myself to feel it whenever it reared its ugly head. I have been feeling it lately. I don't rage or fume or fly into a panic, but there is a certain frustration there. I've come to the quiet and calm understanding and acceptance that my body simply isn't right. I'm not what I should be. That I know, and as I said, bit by bit I'll come to a decision as to how I want to deal with it.
At times I feel like a phony, like I'm pretending to be something that I'm not really. And yet most of the time, when I've been out and about, I have the certainty that I couldn't possibly live any other way than I'm living now. At long last my life-style is me, and if it's not completely what it should be, well, I'll take that up with God some day.
But I also know that I'll never go back to the old life. It was quite an experience, the day I got rid of all my male clothing. I was drawing a line, and I'll never cross that line again. Exactly what the future will be, I don't know, but it will never be like the past.
I had a birthday last week that made me officially "no longer young". But I'm not exactly doting and decrepit just yet. Best case scenario, I've still got a fair few good years in me. I'm at peace now, and I think I can live those years in peace. It's been a crazy year, which suits me as a crazy person.
Best wishes to all,
Annabelle
I haven't posted for a long while, but I thought I'd report in and fill people in on my situation in case anybody's interested.
I've been out full-time for a bit over a year now (call it 13 1/2 months). I live in a very small town, and people continue to be very accepting of me. The adults, that is. The secondary school kids are another matter. I had no trouble from them last year because they didn't know me, but a while back somebody tipped them off. The result was that one day I had a group of boys giving me some pretty nasty verbal abuse, and a few days later another group were pitching stones at me.
I took the logical and easy step of simply staying out of town during the lunch hour when the kids are out in droves. This is an unjust limitation of my freedom, of course, but I find it the easiest solution. I generally would stay away from town during that time anyway. Whenever I had errands to do, I never enjoyed it when there were hundreds of kids out and about, so it's no real inconvenience to me to avoid them altogether now.
But this has been the only real negative over the last year. There's been lots of positives. E.g., I recently joined a book club, figuring that it would probably be mostly women. It turned out it was all women, and they've had no problem with me. It's an odd but fantastic experience to be "one of the girls", which is how they treat me.
And of course a lot of my interactions have changed completely. I'd be mostly dealing with women anyway, and it's a lot nicer approaching them from the other direction.
My brother and sister have been very good to me. There's an ocean between us, but I have regular contact with my sister by e-mail, and truth be told, I've got the impression she's enjoying the situation. She used to be outnumbered two to one, but that's changed now. She still can't bring herself to call me by my new name, but not long ago she called me "Sis", and that's not a bad substitute.
My dad is a different story. My brother and sister and I all quickly agreed that he simply can't know about my change of life. He's very religious and conservative and set in his ways, besides being very old and in rather fragile health, and we figure this would upset him tremendously, perhaps enough to damage his health. So I've simply had to accept this, however reluctantly and despite the inconveniences it's caused me.
On another front: I changed my legal name earlier this year and have been able to get most of my documents changed. E.g., I now have an American passport in my new name, with my new photo and with a gender marker "F". There are some documents where I'm stumped. E.g., my Irish passport. They'll give me one with my new name and photo, but they'll insist on putting an "M" in it. Hopefully that will change soon. There's supposed to be new legislation passed early next year which will correct that problem.
I've not done much work on myself as yet. I'd like to get electrolysis, but there's no one in our area, and what with the cost of travel and the cost of the procedure itself, it's simply beyond my means at the moment.
Neither have I made any move towards HRT or SRS as yet. I don't feel pushed about that. I want to be sure that's right for me before I proceed, and to be honest, the idea scares the hell out of me. I think the time will come eventually, but I have no plans to go ahead with that until I know it's time.
The odd (and most interesting) thing is the feelings that I've had, that have evolved quite a bit over the last year. I never used to feel too much GD. I always kept the lid on that, never allowed myself to feel it whenever it reared its ugly head. I have been feeling it lately. I don't rage or fume or fly into a panic, but there is a certain frustration there. I've come to the quiet and calm understanding and acceptance that my body simply isn't right. I'm not what I should be. That I know, and as I said, bit by bit I'll come to a decision as to how I want to deal with it.
At times I feel like a phony, like I'm pretending to be something that I'm not really. And yet most of the time, when I've been out and about, I have the certainty that I couldn't possibly live any other way than I'm living now. At long last my life-style is me, and if it's not completely what it should be, well, I'll take that up with God some day.
But I also know that I'll never go back to the old life. It was quite an experience, the day I got rid of all my male clothing. I was drawing a line, and I'll never cross that line again. Exactly what the future will be, I don't know, but it will never be like the past.
I had a birthday last week that made me officially "no longer young". But I'm not exactly doting and decrepit just yet. Best case scenario, I've still got a fair few good years in me. I'm at peace now, and I think I can live those years in peace. It's been a crazy year, which suits me as a crazy person.
Best wishes to all,
Annabelle