A Big Step Today

[dreamer_2.0]

Many of you who have read my posts know I am struggling a lot with being TG. I'm gradually making progress in self-acceptance and am slowly coming out to various people in my life (all women so far though, no men). No doubt like many of you, my mind is processing billions of thoughts regarding every aspect of transition from facial hair removal to family and, of course, work.

I've been extremely worried about how my office would take the news. Working in a male dominated department certainly didn't fill me with optimism. It would also be my first time coming out to people outside of those who know me closely. I'd finally see how these people would react to someone who's transgender working along side them.

Despite my decision to transition or not still be a little ways off, I just had to know where my office stood.

Today I had a meeting with my supervisor. Of twelve supes there are only two women, I was so thankful to get one of them. We're not very close, only meeting once maybe twice a month, but today we started talking and didn't stop until an hour later. It was a great conversation and I felt I could trust her. I asked if we could speak somewhere privately and we found an empty office.

Man, I was nervous! Lots of stuttering, staring at my hands, but I told her. I told her that over the past year I'd been doing a lot of soul-searching and recently came to the conclusion that I'm transgender. I admitted that currently I don't know exactly what direction I want to take this but it was important to me to know the company's stance before making any decisions.

She personally hadn't had any experience with anyone transgender was so appreciative of me telling her. She recognized how hard it was and commended me for doing it. She'll speak with HR to get details but knows my job is safe and that they won't stop me from becoming who I am. Granted I don't know who that is yet, but I have a feeling we're about to find out soon.

I can't believe I came out to my boss...am I really doing this!?

In other news, a couple friends got together and got me my first make-up kit as an early Christmas gift! There are so many colors I don't know what to do! Thank god for youtube tutorials. I am so not looking forward to the clown/hooker phase. Gotta learn somewhere though, right?

[Christa Race]

That is a big step for you to tell your boss and go through with transitioning. I have no words to advise you but I hope everything works out for you.

About your other news about going through the clown/hooker phase you don't have to think like that all you have to do make sure you do it right and dress conservatively, but yet fashionable. I have been fully dressing for 3 years and only now I have gotten to that point, but I did not know where or how far I was going to take this. I am still a guy but I just dress to push myself to see how well I can pull off looking like a girl. It does take time but if you have the right people around you then you can do it well.

Crissy

[Angela Campbell]

Every step into the unknown is a big step. You are doing well. Sometimes fear is bigger than reality.

[Rachel Smith]

I remember that step well. I felt so much better after I got that accomplished. I often feared the worst in possible outcomes but that never came about.

Congratulations
Rachel

[Marleena]

Congrats Dreamer! Nice to see you finally dealing with your issues. You're fighting the good fight now.:)

[Carlene]

Good for you Dreamer. I wish the very best for you........Carlene........:daydreaming:

[mary something]

I can't believe I came out to my boss...am I really doing this!?

yes you really did this (past tense)! :hugs:

This is my advice only, but it might be helpful to you. Try not to see transition as one big huge decision. It is really a long series of small decisions each about an incremental step. It is easy to think so much about the point B that you want to get to that you don't work on changing point A, which is where you are right now.

Each step I've taken has made me feel better and more confident in my choices. It has also given me insight about where I want to be when I finish in order to be happy.

For many people the first step might be finding a therapist, or it could be facial hair removal so when they are out in female mode they don't have to worry about wearing pancake makeup (that was very helpful to me).

What is important is not letting the enormity of the task stop you from getting started and spending what energy and resources you have wisely. Who you come out to and when should be a strategic decision on your part so that you don't unintentionally make your transition harder than it needs to be.

[Foxglove]

Dreamer, you seem to fear the reaction of the men to your news. It's generally accepted on this forum that women are more accepting of TGism than men, but to my knowledge no one's ever presented any hard evidence of that.

I kept a diary for the first year after I came out, one of the main purposes being to keep a tally of positive and negative reactions from women and men respectively. Negative reactions from women = 0. Negative reactions from men = 0.

Men who know you, like you and respect you won't necessarily reject you. Depends on the man, but they're not all trans-despisers by any means.

[dreamer_2.0]

Thanks for everyones comments, particularly Foxglove. You are right about my fearing the reaction of men to my news and you're probably also right about them not rejecting me. The chance is there, of course, but maybe it's not as big as I think it is.

[Foxglove]

Dreamer, I was thinking that your situation is very different from mine. I work on my own from home. I don't have an office environment to deal with. If yours is a male-dominated place, then that's something very different. You could perhaps run into some negative reactions. All I'm saying is, don't assume that these guys will reject you. Not every guy in the world is a jerk.

One thing that I've learned that I think everybody here will agree with: people will surprise you. They certainly surprised me. I never expected the acceptance and understanding I got. So try and be positive. I know where you are. It scared the bejaysus out of me. But I've survived.