To meet another CD or not. What are the dangers?

[JennyLynn]

I have been contemplating maybe trying to meet another CD for a fun girls night away. Now, I know most of the precautions that should be considered, as well as understanding expectations, communication etc. Good to meet in a public place etc. My problem , I'm wondering if it would be best to meet as our guy selves first, as to meet dressed would require - at least for me - to be in a more private atmosphere. And NO, I'm not looking for a quick sexual encounter!!! Just a friend to get to know or maybe a few girls that would like to arrange a yearly get together in a nice resort.

Has anybody had any experience trying to arrange something like this? Successes? Failures?

I guess I'm thinking of that silly Alan Alda movie where once a year for years on end, he met up with someone and had a great distant, yet close relationship. I forget the name of the movie.

Or kind of a girls once a year hunting camp experience. Sounds silly, I know. But I'm just thinking.

Jenny

[ArleneRaquel]

Always meet in a place of your choice & one that is largely populated. I think that is always better to have many phone conversations before meeting also,

[GretchenJ]

Excellent question Jenny !

I had the same question in my head as well.

[kendel]

I have been wondering the same thing

[JamieQ]

I met two people so far from this forum. One with only emails and one by telephone. The first person I met both of us in guy mode...only due to a very tight time circumstance. We both would have been completely fine meeting in girl mode. This meeting I was helped in picking out a wig at a beuaty shop and then we talked for an hour or two at a Subway restaurant. We have since met several more times and each time in girl mode. We go everywhere so a private atmosphere not necessary for us, but I know it may be for some.

The second person by emails and then by telephone. We both met in girl mode and all went great and I hope we get together again...

I am going to meet another person from here too who wants a public but more private atmosphere. I suggested a city park and thats seemed ok for her so we are going to do that both in girl mode.

I have not had any failures yet of people not showing up as promised but others tell me that it happens alot. Meeting these people has really helped me in many ways...

Jamie

[Rachael Leigh]

Sounds like fun.
The name of that movie by the way
"Same time next year"

[JennyLynn]

Great responses so far. Very positive. I've often thought that if I ever had a CD friend, I would also have to be friends as guys also. It's okay, and a bit fun, to know that two people can be friends as guy buds, and girl friends. I don't see anything wrong with that. After all, we are truly both...are we not?

[NathalieX66]

It is a reasonable and valid question.

You can do a number of things, here's a couple of links to some upstate NY stuf if you are interested:

Tri Ess
http://www.oocities.org/vcassandra/triess/index.html

Empire Conference:
http://transeventsusa.org/empire/

[Flirty_Fantasies]

This is one of the best threads on this message board! Excellent perspectives and advice.....look forward to more.

[Jaymees22]

Always meet in a place of your choice & one that is largely populated. I think that is always better to have many phone conversations before meeting also,I would follow this advice and I did meet someone from here in male mode. I thought it went well and I felt a lot better afterwards, that I really wasn't alone and pretty normal. Good luck, Jaymee

[Lorileah]

Here is an easy idea...join a support group then you will have all the CD friends you need to go out. Why does it always sound creepy when someone says " I want to meet a CD to go party with"?

[Susan L]

Joining a support group near to you is the way to go as Lorileah said. i joined one near me once and it was great but unfortunately they are no longer in existence so I'm left here wondering the same thing, how can I meet other CD's in my area. Not out for any kind of sexual encounter, just want to meet and hang out with other CD's like myself.

[reb.femme]

Count me in on the CD support group wagon too!

It really ticks all the boxes as regards venue and safety. I've met some seriously nice people at our local group. I met some of them whilst in drab in our local town and none of them recognised me until I confessed who I was. Made me feel good that even the girls that know me as Rebecca, couldn't ID me in drab.

I think you've stated in a previous thread that there isn't a group near to you or one that you can readily attend. Therefore, as others have said, a known location and a healthy amount of people around should make for a safe environment. Good luck in your search for a friend, as closeted can be a lonely existence otherwise.


Rebecca

[Stephanie Julianna]

Here's my 2 cents. I have never met a crossdresser I didn't like. However, there are some Queens that were terrors. Crossdressers that I have known are caring family girls/guys. They also treat others as they would want to be treated. My experience is that you get back what you give. What I'm hearing from all the girls, since I came to this site, is that I do not have one new friend here that I would feel unsafe with if we ever could meet. Enjoy the LOVE. Can you tell I grew up in the sixties?

[Rachelakld]

I meet a CD in a coffee shop, Since then we have been shopping, walks etc (as per my blog).
I've only met him once (both of us) in guy mode, to help sort out furniture at his home to make way for his first baby.

As with most relationships, always best to meet in public, for a short coffee, and if things go well, stretch it out

[Kate Simmons]

If the person only wants to meet under certain conditions or insists on a certain mode, i would be justifiably cautious. :)

[Amy Lynn3]

I have met a good number of members off this Board. The first meeting is always in guy mode for me and I have never had one moment of trouble. I say go for it, as you know the rules to follow.

[danielle swenson]

Another thing to try b-4 meeting for real is using skype or a video chat service like paltalk. You can @ least See/chat w/ the person real time and get a vibe if you will for as many sessions as it takes from the safety of your home before taking the next step.
I have met a few people that way.

[JamieQ]

For me the closest trans support group is like 1 1/2 hrs away so I have not been able to get to a meeting yet. I do have plans to attend a meeting 2 hrs away with someone I know in Central KY in Feb. I really want to meet others for casual friendship. I am trying to meet others here on the forum too, but its a hit and miss and takes alot of time waiting for someone to come along willing to meet. As for someone wanting to meet in guy mode at a specific setting...I say many people are not very comfortable meeting others for the first time so maybe they want somewhat familiar surroundings...just a thought...

[LaraPeterson]

I've hooked up with a couple of U.S. girls--as the result of forum contacts and only dressed en femme. I've also gone out with some European girls and they were quite nice. Since I travel overseas fully dressed, it's pretty easy to get checked into a hotel, go to the bar for a drink, and meet in what I would call a semi-public place. I've just never thought about "dangers." Maybe I should. I guess I'm a bit too trusting.

[mikiSJ]

I have met with 4 Cders and 2 TGers (and their wives) that frequent this board. Had a great time with each of them and it was a nice girls night out with all.

I think the advice above is excellent. Bring your street smarts with you!

[brassieres]

I've been in contact with some new crossdressers via email during the past couple of weeks. Depending on your intentions, stay away from the ones that are looking for a "hook up" or anything of that sort. I also joined the local club here for crossdressers as well, but haven't gone to any of their meetings or parties yet.

[RenneB]

It was through this site that I managed to get in with a group of girls and we'd meet for not only a GNO at a bar (LBGT friendly of course) but also a dinner the next day. Met up with another group in MI and had a couple of hotel weekends on the lake. All of the girls that I've met on this site IRL are great... never had a bad experience...

Renne.....

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've met over a dozen girls from this forum.

I almost always meet for the first time in a public place. I did get picked up at my hotel by one girl, but only after I checked her out (for safety) with another girl that I knew. I've also met girls at various transgender groups when I've been out of town.

Sometime we are both in boy mode, sometimes both in girl mode. I generally won't go in girl mode to meet someone who is in boy mode.

[AmyGaleRT]

I've met a couple of ladies from this forum. One was at my Meetup group (hopefully, Bree will be back sometime soon!), and one was, well, performing in her cabaret show! (That's our Lori Leah...actually, I'd met her before that, but I do go to the cabaret shows when she performs. She has a great voice!)

Most of us in this forum are pretty harmless. Remember, though, when you step into the world as a woman, you gain the vulnerabilities of a woman. Don't just assume you can go anywhere you could as a man and be perfectly OK. Use your head!

- Amy

[docrobbysherry]

Jenny and others. Just don't make the same mistake I did!

After coming out of my closet on line here many years ago, I was overly paranoid. Because I got hit on so much on another dressers site. A nice dresser and I chatted here for awhile. He lived near by and wanted to meet in a restaurant in drab just to chat about out situations. (Both closet dressers). I had never met a dresser before then and came up with excuse after excuse to avoid him/her. He vanished from here years ago, I believe.

Since then? I've met zillions of Trans from here and others at conventions, clubs, and one on one. I've never had issues with any of them! And, after 15 years here? I've haven't been hit on yet.

I always regret missing the opportunity to meet and visit with a nice Tperson who mite have become a friend!

[Beverley Sims]

I think support groups are best first then meet in public places.

[Christa Race]

I have not met anyone on here in person as yet but all my encounters have been a mix of hook-ups and friendships. I am not to fond of the "hook-up" encounters....I think I will stop there with that statement. lol! The friends I have made are from various sites and from going to a club that holds a night only for CD's and Transgender people. I had the opposite reaction to meeting in person I have no problems meeting others in gurl mode but when came to meeting as a guy I was nervous and so where they. I guess want to keep that secret identity like Batman or Superman. lol!! Gurl by night and guy by day! Anyway good luck and always stay safe and try to have fun.

[Rogina B]

When I see some responses,I have to laugh! This forum isn't Craigslist !!! The chances of connecting in person to a "dangerous" forum member are about nil.Talk on the phone and see if you click,as that is by far a bigger issue! Support groups and national conferences create lots of friendships as they are a big "T meet and greet" ! Remember..."the perceived danger" is equal when you are "unknown" to another, they may think YOU are dangerous also! lol

[krisla]

I met a wonderful girl here on URNA that agreed to meet me at a support group meeting, that was over 5 years ago. It was the first time i was out in public place with other girls. Since then we have become best friends drab or drag. We meet for beers or Margarethas depending on mode. That meeting opened up Kris's world and since then I have met many other wonderful girls both drab and drag when I travel for business. It is lovely to have so many sisters willing to be friends. I hope you can find a nice girl near you, and I find it really doesn't matter how you are dressed. Hugs Kris

[natcrys]

I would also recommend going to CD/TG/TS support evenings as they are very safe environments in the first place.

I've made a lot of friends through Flickr and usually after having had extensive contact through mail, I have been fortunate enough to meet many wonderful and lovely girls, both in the Netherlands and abroad. :)

One thing about online pages, whether it's Flickr or Facebook or whatever, is that you can make a fairly good assessment whether the person on the side has good intentions or not by looking at the photos/profiles/status updates and the other friends this person might have.

[Lynn Marie]

There's a local TG conference in Port Angeles, WA that I've attended twice now called Esprit. It's in May of each year and well attended with people from Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, B. C., Alberta, and I've even met a couple from Holland there! There's another big conference held in Atlanta in the fall of each year called SCC that I haven't attended yet. These are great places for meeting at the "Same time next year".

I also meet with a local Seattle group at the" Same time next week" at a LGBT friendly club about 40 minutes away from my place. I'd be lost without the my lovely CD girlfriends.

[Christy Stevens]

I've been lately, trying to find someone to talk to about my need for femininity. I've told a few people but they are just like " that's cool" and that's usually the extent of our conversation. I've attended a few support group meetings but I feel really out of touch due to an age gap. Hopefully joining this forum will help my search.

[Karren H]

At least "getting pregnant" isn't a danger! lol

[PretzelGirl]

I agree with the groups as being the first option as you can develop friendships in the comfort of a safe environment. I have met many people outside of groups too. It is normally a few emails to coordinate and we meeting in a public place normally presenting as the other person prefers. I do that because either is fine with me, although I prefer to go as Sue, I know others could range from closeted to fulltime and there isn't an option. Be safe but if you overdo it, you could keep driving people away. It doesn't take months of emails and video. You are selecting a public place so that you will be fine. I had one lady here that before responding, said she read my most recent posts here to be sure that we had some level of compatibility. Great idea!

To me, meeting each other is about developing relationships, either new or something that had already started on-line. Take appropriate precautions but realize that making it difficult will potentially make it never happen. I have been exchanging emails with a local for about 4-5 years. Every time she says she wants to get together and I propose something, she disappears for a couple of months. Even though she seems like a nice person, it gets very tiring.

[Fiona Scott]

I would so like to meet another CD but it would have to be in a safe environment such as self help group or something like that. I'm to scared to just fix up a meet. I know that its worked for others but I'm just to frightened. Despite looking I've not been able to find anything like this in the UK. Does any one know if there are any such groups in England or Scotland ?

[Sarasometimes]

I don't have any interest in doing such. If you are out then some of the risks go away but you need to use the same precautions a GG would need to take meeting a stranger for the first several times. Be cautious and trust your instincts!

[Eryn]

I have been contemplating maybe trying to meet another CD for a fun girls night away.

Before you do this, make sure that you are somewhat compatible with the CD in general. I think it is better to get together for a lunch or dinner meet either dressed or in drab than to plan more extensively the first time. Otherwise you might find yourself pressured to do more than you want or frustrated that your new-found friend doesn't want to do everything you want to do. If the first meet goes well and you get more comfortable with each other you can plan more extensive outings.

[Jilmac]

I met a girl from this forum in 2007 and we've been the best of friends ever since. We met in guy mode at a McDonald's, found out we shared the same birth date, (although I'm the older broad), we both enjoy good music, and we've both been dressing since childhood. Now we do things together as girlfriends and enjoy each others company on various outings.

[Tracii G]

I have met 3 girls on this site and all have been very nice.
My support group has a wide range of TG people from TS -Cd both young and older all get along just fine.
I love the group as a whole and age really isn't a huge factor in our group.
We have them ranging from 16 thru 70, pre op post op TS(both male to female and female to male. CD, TG and some that have no idea where they fit in.LOL
We all try to help each other.
Keep in mind trans groups are geared more towards support than a group of people looking for a hook up.
I worried about the hook up aspect my first time and thought OMG what am I doing? This place is going to be full of sex freaks.
That was the wrong perspective I had and that vanished as soon as I sat down.
Very lovely people with the desire to actually help others in their journey.