I Went on a Date Tonight!

[steph1964]

Tonight I went on my first date since I met my wife 27 years ago and my first date with a male.

I was talking to a gg friend of mine last weekend and told her that I was ready to start dating but didn’t know how I was going to meet anyone. Gay males like men and straight males like genetic females. I did have one previous experience where a guy spent the evening at a bar trying to pick me up, but wasn’t interested once he learned that I was a transsexual.

My friend told me that I should join a dating site but my response was that no one would be interested, especially if they saw my pictures. She was on a trip and waiting at a hotel for her flight the next day so she asked me if she could make me a profile. She texted me later that day and told me that it was done. I asked her if she needed photos and she told me that she had pulled them from Facebook so I checked and thought I looked terrible. She did a good job on the writing but didn’t say that I was transsexual. She said that she could but maybe it would be better to message with them first.

To my surprise I had 18 men want to meet me in a matter of hours and 11 sent me messages. I messaged with some but a lot more guys sent me messages and I got overwhelmed, so I stopped for a few days. Then I decided to pick a few who sounded like they may be accepting and messaged with them.

Yesterday I finally told two that I was a transsexual and expected them to both run for the hills, but the unexpected happened. I had a date with one tonight and I’m going on a date with the other after I return from a trip next week. The date went OK. We met at a nice but casual restaurant for happy hour so I wore nice jeans and a sweater. We hugged when we met. He was easy to talk with but he was very into himself and at times I wondered if he would notice if I left. When we left he gave me a hug and said that he had fun and wants to see me again so I will see. Maybe it was nerves and he will be less conceited next time. I had fun, he treated me like a female, and I was able to get the first date out of the way.

Tonight I have been messaging a third guy for several hours and I am at the point where it is probably time to tell him. We shall see.

[Angela Campbell]

Ok so how do you go about telling them? That seems like the difficult part to me.

[Michelle.M]

I love stories like this! Every time I tell someone that it’s entirely reasonable for a trans woman to date a straight man I hear all the naysayers throwing up arguments as to why that can’t happen.

I am so glad that you had a nice date and that you found out that it’s not as scary or weird as people want to believe.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Same as Michelle!!
I'm very happy for you..

His behavior is biology...this is what they do... its ok...it probably means he liked you and wanted to impress you...if he impresses you then you do it again, if not on to the next one...

[JayeB]

You seem to be such a lovely woman, and I wish you the best. I truly hope that you are treated as the lady you are.

[DeeDee1974]

The best advice I got when I started dating men was "just have fun with it". Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I'm glad there seems to be a lot of interest in your profile.

My boyfriend of 2 years is proof that there are normal, nice, sweet, attractive, straight men that can confidently and openly date trans women. When I'm with him I just feel like a woman.

Don't get discouraged because finding the right partner can take some time, but I'm sure you will find one.

[steph1964]

Ok so how do you go about telling them? That seems like the difficult part to me.
I thought so too but it has gone very well so far. After I have messaged with them for a while, and it is to the point where we should be exchanging phone numbers or making plans to meet, I send them a message explaining that I am transsexual. I told a third guy Friday night after messaging him until 3:30 AM. He wanted to know what part of Phoenix I lived so we could get together and I sent him the following:

You’re right it is better to be real and now that we have chatted a little I need to tell you something about me before we go any further. I hope that you will read the whole message and think about it without making a gut reaction.

I'm a transsexual. I don't know how much you know about transsexuals and the media does a terrible job portraying us, but I would like to tell you about myself. I've known since I was 4 that I was a female and struggled to keep it a secret for most of my life. I live full time as a female, including work, and I'm on hormones. I think of myself as a female and my friends (none of whom are transgendered) tell me that I act the same as any other female. I tried to post pictures that represent me, other than the Halloween pictures, so you know how I look.

I didn't post this in my intro because it is considered best to try to get to know someone first, as most guys won't even respond if they know up front.

I would like to get to know you better and hope that this is something that you will think about, even if we are just friends. But if it is an issue I would appreciate you telling me so I am not waiting for a response that never comes.

I am happy to answer any questions you may have.

Stephanie

He responded that it must be frustrating having to tell guys this each time, an acquaintance just had her surgery, he used to date a post op transsexual, and I still didn’t tell him what part of the city I lived in. Then yesterday he sent me a message asking if I would be willing to meet for coffee or drinks.


I love stories like this! Every time I tell someone that it’s entirely reasonable for a trans woman to date a straight man I hear all the naysayers throwing up arguments as to why that can’t happen.

I am so glad that you had a nice date and that you found out that it’s not as scary or weird as people want to believe.

I have told three guys and all three still wanted to go out with me. Maybe this is just a fluke and I will have several who don’t, it is definitely not what I expected. I do message them a lot first and the ones I like are probably guys who would be more likely to be accepting, but none of them to my knowledge had a clue before I told them.


Same as Michelle!!
I'm very happy for you..

His behavior is biology...this is what they do... its ok...it probably means he liked you and wanted to impress you...if he impresses you then you do it again, if not on to the next one...

That’s what my friend told me, but not so eloquently. :)

[Leah Lynn]

Stephanie, I wish you all the best. There are some guys out there that are decent, and hopefully you won't run into the thrillseeker type.

Hugs,

Leah

[tori-e]

Hi Stephanie,

You are absolutely awesome. I think the way you are handling this is probably the best way to do it.

But, I don't know that I would be so surprised that the guys aren't running away screaming. There's lots of stories of successful marriages between men and transwomen. I know two couples personally and then there's Lynn Conway and her husband Charlie.

But for sure there will be creeps out there. Be safe. All the best to you!

Victoria

[Flirty_Fantasies]

Congratulations, Stephanie.....you have given me such invaluable direction. I hope to learn much more to enjoy the successes that you have had.

Janelle

[TeresaL]

Very interesting thread. You are quite cute and probably will have many men admiring you for a long time.

[Sephina]

Awesome story Steph, I'm so glad things are working out for you.

[Chickhe]

I don't live life as a woman, but I did get hit on in a bar before and I can tell you many guys do like to talk about themselves...from what I understand, most woman don't talk much on a date and the guy is trying to sell himself. So, maybe the dynamics your know are different for your new situation...I know I was shocked how guys act around me when I present as a female...from my point of view as a CDer it is fascinating and an eye opener.

[Nicole Erin]

It's all good. The third guy is still interested, Even if he doesn't care for what you are packing, you two can work around that.

Dating is actually not as hard as we think.

[nervedisc]

I am happy for you hope you had a great time and get to have more.

[FurPus63]

This is fantastic and I love it! Do you mind some suggestions? I did online dating for over a year before I met my current boyfriend. I'll post some suggestions if you're interested. I do think it's exciting to date guys for the first time. It's cool when you are getting some attention and being treated like a girl should be. I like the pic you have posted here. You're very pretty! How cool.

[STACY B]

I'll take you out ,,, Heyyyyyyyyy ,,WHY NOT ,,LOL,,,

[hannahbear]

sounds like you're doing better than I am. I can't find a date to save my life.

[I Am Paula]

Sounds like you did right by not posting your trans status. Select the interesting ones, and then tell them. A few years ago I tried a personal ad. Disaster! I mentioned I was TG, and I got a pile of responses that pretty much all started with 'How big is your d...?'. Lost a lot of faith in men on that one.

[KristinTX]

Thanks for sharing this Steph......I'm glad you're taking the time to get to know them a bit first and do encourage you to be careful. So wonderful that the first gent treated you like a lady! You deserve it!

[vikki2020]

Good for you, Steph! You are going to be surprised--maybe--by,how many guys are ok with girls like us. In my experience, after a few chats, telling them usually doesn't change the interest. They get to know you as the woman you are, and nothing changes. I've changed my profile, and let everyone know right upfront, expecting a big drop in the response, but, the "volume" is the same. My only advice, is to vett them wisely, and the pretenders give up quickly. There are real men, that will court you like you deserve!

[SweetNikki]

Well Done Steph :)

I knew you would get this far & have happiness..

[Daphne Renee]

very happy for you.. Glad things went well.

[CDKarissa]

You are right on it being dificult finding someone that would be interested in a TS/TV/TG/CD. It would be nice if dating sites had a few other options rather than the standard men seeking men. How about the option, men seeking TS/TV/TG/CD.

[tori-e]

I wonder though. Do you think that would bring out all the crazies? I think I'd prefer the way Steph did it. Looking for a guy that's looking for a girl. Then early on giving him a way out.

Victoria