Internal vs External

[Elizabeth36]

I am a woman in a relationship with a man who doesn't know how to classify himself. We are both highly educated professionals. Soon after we met he revealed to me that he had chatted online for 20 years as a woman. He had never spoken about this with another person while revealing his true identity. He owned no female clothing and never dressed up. He expressed to me desires for female hormones and removal of his male genitalia. He did begin buying female clothing and dressing this year. From the day I met him I could see how tormented he was inside and I vowed to myself to help heal him. Is he transgender or cross dresser? He says he doesn't know and asks me what he is... My thought is since he did not dress this is more internal than external and therefore he is truly a transexual. I would welcome thoughts from those living this also.

[Marcelle]

Hi Elizabeth,

If he is talking about removal of his genitalia due to a sense of loathing (he hates it) it is likely he is transsexual. My recommendation if you wish to help him would be to convince him to talk to a gender identity therapist as they will be able to determine the level of TS/TG and bring some order to chaos for him. As a side note, it is quite nice to meet someone who truly cares for those around her.

Hugs

Isha

[Laura912]

First as a CDer and professional, may I suggest that you be supportive like you are but that you have your friend start some counseling with a therapist trained in gender issues. If your professions are in medicine, he may be very reluctant to reveal this to a therapist because of fear of cross talk among colleagues. That should not be a worry because we know the HIPPA regulations and know that therapists do not tell. You may not be completely unbiased which is what your friend needs. Your willingness to help is wonderful and he is lucky to have you. And as far as a label such as cross dresser, transgender, or trans sexual or wxyz, it really does not matter. He just needs to find where he/she is going. Thank you for helping.

[sinderella]

You're a wonderful and caring friend, and I agree with the previous post about her (I will identify her as female because that's what she truly is inside) identity. Not many have had a friends support and hand to hold onto through their journey...my wig is off to you and to her for the steps you're about to take.

[Beverley Sims]

I offer little more advice than others here only support to see a gender therapist and see where she wants to go both mentally and physically.

[Jenniferathome]

Cross dressers don't want to lose their junk. He's transsexual or thinks he is. He needs real gender therapy.

[Elizabeth36]

A week ago he decided to purge and told me this was not as big a part of his life as he had thought. I am included in that purge. He told me he wants to put his life back together. Family and career will not accept this. Speak again at an agreed upon date. It's so complex. I agree even medical professionals don't have a consensus on what is happening with gender identity issues and their treatment but I see society's attitude shifting toward understanding. Is he evolving or regressing?

I'm glad you have all clarified to me about the genital dislike from a cross dresser vs transgender point of view

[Megan Thomas]

sounds like he's in denial. Everyone's journey is different. His will be too...

[JamieLeigh]

I agree with Jennifer cross dressers don't want to lose their junk.

[irene9999]

Yeah, I think the genital removal is too extreme to crossdressers, more than likely transgendered

[AmyGaleRT]

Yes, Elizabeth, your friend needs to speak to a therapist specializing in gender identity disorders. If he is truly transsexual, seeing a therapist will be the first step towards getting the help he really needs, including hormone and surgical therapies, if indicated.

He may be in denial at the moment, but I guarantee you, if he truly has the feeling of wanting to lose his male genitalia, this feeling will not go away over time and may even drive him deeper into depression. Some TSs who don't or can't get therapy wind up committing suicide, so this can literally be a life-or-death issue.

He may have dropped you from his life, but it sounds like you still care enough to try and help him. Getting him to see a therapist is the best thing you can do for him.

- Amy

[Eryn]

Elizabeth, please understand that all the advice that you've received is on the basis of the information you have provided in your post. There is absolutely no way that any of us can be fully aware of your situation. Anyone who is giving a diagnosis or applying labels to your SO at this point is guessing at best.

Your SO is feeling pretty much the same thing as many of us have. He may have expressed his feelings toward his genitalia a bit strongly which indicates to some of us that he might be TS, but this is not assured.

What he does have on his side is time and a wonderful friend with whom to share his journey. Nothing has to be done immediately and he is free to explore aspects of gender as he wishes. As he does so, he may find that CDing is sufficient to satisfy his gender issues or he may find that it is one step along the path to becoming TS. Time will tell and you have plenty of that.

After you get 10 posts you will be eligible to join FAB, a private area of the forum only for genetic females. You may find that this is a good place to discuss issues with those who are living experiences similar to yours.

[Mimi]

Hi Elizabeth--welcome to the forum. I think you'll find good information here regarding your SO and his particular unique situation, and you'll also have the opportunity to ask many questions. Once you have ten posts outside of intros and the gallery, and have been a member for a week, you can apply to FAB. That's a subforum just for the GGs who have SOs who are TG (is that enough initials for you?)