Came out to my younger sons today

[reb.femme]

Christmas day was spent with my wife and our two youngest sons, who are grown men I should add. I had already discussed the possibility of coming out to them with my wife but I was reluctant to do so today. We had just finished dinner and as I started clearing the dishes etc. to the kitchen, I heard my wife broach the subject of cross dressing with my sons and how they felt about it, especially if it were a close relative.

So I came back in at this point and stated that she was talking about me. Whist it came of something of a surprise to them, both were totally accepting and I got a cuddle and kiss from both of them. A little while later, I showed them my website, so they are up to speed on the real me now.

Now, I only have my eldest son to tell. However, this could be the difficult one, so it's a case of choosing the right time and place. He is here tomorrow with our granddaughter but I don't think this will be the most opportune moment, as he took it badly to start with, when one of my younger sons came out as gay years back.


Rebecca

[Genny B]

Not to be a downer or enemy, but why tell this one son? I would wait till the right time... Not when your granddaughter is with him. Just saying...
Genny B

[reb.femme]

My thoughts exactly Genny. And no thoughts of a downer or enemy either. We put up our woes or happy points here so that people may give an opinion, and that's what you have done, so thank you!

[Jaylyn]

I would never tell anyone in front of a granddaughter, especially if they were young. Some people don't want their kids to know some things. While we sometimes as cross dressers think nothing of it. Some parents may not want the kids to hear things at the age their kids are. I would wait till the time is right and it just you, him and your wife. Then if he should have a problem with it he won't have to explain something he is not comfortable with. You don't want to lose a sons trust. My thoughts this is private anyway and if you feel he must know then tell him when the time is right....

[KayleeTaylor]

Congratulations!!! I know you must feel good and also relieved to know that your sons are accepting of you :) While your oldest might not be accepting based on his history with your other son, maybe it might not be a good idea unless your plan is to go fulltime. His daughter should take it well, kids have an easier time accepting things outside of societal norms. It's too bad the she is being raised in a close-minded home :(

[reb.femme]

Thanks to all that have replied so far.

"...........I don't think this will be the most opportune moment...." is my way of saying I wont be telling him tomorrow. Obviously, I wouldn't want to put him in such an invidious position should it all go pear shaped. I just hate the thought of not being able to tell him right now. He and I are very close in age, I was a young dad, and we get on extremely well.

This will most certainly destroy his view of his 'manly' dad, I'm sure.


Rebecca

[DebbieL]

Often, our family, especially our children, will surprise us. Whatever else we might be, we are people that they have known, loved, and enjoyed life with. Initially, there may be a sense of shock, but most end up accepting that this is part of who we are.

My first wife told my son when he was 10, she was hoping to make him hate me, but I had raised him, loved him, and was part of his life for 10 years. It backfired completely and he thought his mom was stupid for letting that end our marriage. When he told my daughter, they both accepted completely.

My brother knows and accepts me, but doesn't want to know all the details.

When Debbie came to my second wife's family Thanksgiving, it only took them a few minutes to adjust. They actually liked Debbie BETTER than Rex. At Christmas, all of the presents except one from my father-in-law were for Debbie. The kids were worried that they didn't get gifts for Rex, but I let them know it was perfect. I was so touched and moved, and felt so loved that I was moved to tears - several times. They realized that these were tears of joy. My Brother-in-law still starts by offering to shake hands, but then gives me a hug. My father-in-law gives Debbie a hug right away.

I'm transsexual and transitioning. For me, being accepted was much more significant. For them to accept me as Debbie was to accept the REAL ME! I could actually experience their love and kindness without the filter of "but if you really knew me, would you love me?". I could just experience their love!

Debbie

[Ceri Anne]

I agree that telling him when the grand daughter is not there would be wise. You said he took it bad when your younger son came out years ago as gay. I would look at how his attitude has been since then. Has he grown, come around to accept his brother, or is it something he openly disapproves of. Let this be your guide.

[Marcelle]

Hi Rebecca,

I am so glad it worked out well with your two younger sons and what a great XMAS present for you and your family.

Hugs

Isha

[mary something]

that's great that you were able to come out to your younger sons! Ceri made a great point about your other son, everyone changes with experiences. When you do come out to him best not around the granddaughter, and if he is struggling to accept maybe less info and no pictures at first until he tells you he is ready. Happy Holidays!

[kimdl93]

Well done! You raised good kids and this is the positive return! I hope your eldest has mellowed since adjusting to the reality of his brother's sexual preference.

[Beverley Sims]

I wish you well with the third one, but all situations can be quite different

[reb.femme]

..............You said he took it bad when your younger son came out years ago as gay. I would look at how his attitude has been since then. Has he grown, come around to accept his brother, or is it something he openly disapproves of. Let this be your guide.


................Ceri made a great point about your other son, everyone changes with experiences......... and if he is struggling to accept maybe less info and no pictures at first until he tells you he is ready. Happy Holidays!


Well done! You raised good kids and this is the positive return! I hope your eldest has mellowed since adjusting to the reality of his brother's sexual preference.


The coming out event happened about 13 years ago and my eldest son came round after a short while. He was more worried about how his mates would be, as we had quite an open house policy with our kids and their friends staying over and all got on really well. My eldest sons mates' were absolutely brilliant about it, so all issues quickly disappeared. All three of my sons get on so well, it's pretty unbelievable really.

Finally, yes he has mellowed, as he was in his early twenties when this happened. As I've said before, life's experiences generally makes us more prone to a mature thought process rather than a knee jerk reaction. I think he'll be OK, but unfortunately, this can never be considered a definite with anyone.


Rebecca