Inna
12-28-2013, 01:10 PM
What defines me as a woman?
As I travel through conceptualization of gender, how better understood, then people like I who had been granted lovely burden of contradiction, I am starting to shape an image of self.
As I grow in intensity and spirit of gender which always felt like home though for most of life was a mere interpretation instead of embodiment, I tend to feel its power and beauty more intensely every day.
We often describe gender reinforcement through internalization, the process of self expression which in turn makes us more and more in touch with feeling of actuality of being a woman. However, I now see that the majority of concrete evidence about my projected gender comes from environmental reinforcement such as my peer and social mirror.
Daily interaction and dynamic of finding my self in comfort and entirety within the social group make for deeper and stronger feeling of being who I am, a woman.
I suppose, looking back at the struggle of in-transition turmoil, and finding my self struggling to go on within rigid critique of public, who easily labeled me a FREAK due to my then, duality, I can observe that in fact I am made of two parts, societal gender which reinforces my being a woman, and that of inner gender, the feeling of femininity.
Woman and femininity then seem not to be the same, but rather two distinctly separate states.
One can appear transgender or visually male with very strong feeling of femininity and to them they in fact feel like a woman, but it seems that, to honestly receive the full on embrace of womanhood is to be accepted undeniably as a woman, by society at large.
So in other words, if a transgender person gives in to the relentless push to transition from ever so vigil Dysphoria, but does not apply all the rigors of becoming congruent externally and in manner, they will be sentenced to life time of being labeled trans by those with lesser understanding and perhaps, lacking compassion or effort to see such individual as whole.
Tough and somewhat uneasy subject of having to do absolutely everything to satisfy society at large.
Based on my own experience though, I can not say it more clearly that even though the road here was treacherous and thorny, and even though it isn't over by far, being taken as a genuine woman is priceless!!!!!
As I travel through conceptualization of gender, how better understood, then people like I who had been granted lovely burden of contradiction, I am starting to shape an image of self.
As I grow in intensity and spirit of gender which always felt like home though for most of life was a mere interpretation instead of embodiment, I tend to feel its power and beauty more intensely every day.
We often describe gender reinforcement through internalization, the process of self expression which in turn makes us more and more in touch with feeling of actuality of being a woman. However, I now see that the majority of concrete evidence about my projected gender comes from environmental reinforcement such as my peer and social mirror.
Daily interaction and dynamic of finding my self in comfort and entirety within the social group make for deeper and stronger feeling of being who I am, a woman.
I suppose, looking back at the struggle of in-transition turmoil, and finding my self struggling to go on within rigid critique of public, who easily labeled me a FREAK due to my then, duality, I can observe that in fact I am made of two parts, societal gender which reinforces my being a woman, and that of inner gender, the feeling of femininity.
Woman and femininity then seem not to be the same, but rather two distinctly separate states.
One can appear transgender or visually male with very strong feeling of femininity and to them they in fact feel like a woman, but it seems that, to honestly receive the full on embrace of womanhood is to be accepted undeniably as a woman, by society at large.
So in other words, if a transgender person gives in to the relentless push to transition from ever so vigil Dysphoria, but does not apply all the rigors of becoming congruent externally and in manner, they will be sentenced to life time of being labeled trans by those with lesser understanding and perhaps, lacking compassion or effort to see such individual as whole.
Tough and somewhat uneasy subject of having to do absolutely everything to satisfy society at large.
Based on my own experience though, I can not say it more clearly that even though the road here was treacherous and thorny, and even though it isn't over by far, being taken as a genuine woman is priceless!!!!!