Dressing and children

[Mags]

I have a son almost a year old. I still dress around him, but keep the contact to a minimum. My SO doesn't want him to to know about it. What is the general consensus about crossdressing and children here?

[Marcelle]

Hi Mags,

Can't really give you any true advice as my daughter is 28 and I never dressed at all around her when she was young but then again I only started dressing in any sense in the past three months. However, IMHO I would recommend that this is a decision for you and your SO to make together. As your son gets older and begins to process more on a higher cognitive level, he is going to notice that "daddy" dresses like "mommy" and this could be confusing for him. In addition, should publically others know you dress then you have to think about the cruelty of other children who may tease him at school or in the playground. My advice, teach him tolerance of all things allow him to discover what a good and kind person he is, be "daddy" for him while he is young and be a positive role model for him. There is plenty of time when he is older for him to meet Helen. If you lay the groundwork of tolerance now, when he does meet Helen, it will most likely be a positive experience.

That is my opinion only and what I would have done with my daughter had I been dressing when she was young. I am sure other gals will reach out to you soon.

Hugs

Isha

[suzy1]

I find the consensus very mixed here Mags.
There is no doubt that at one year old they will only see it as normal. [which it is as far as I am concerned]
For me the problem is when they get a bit older. I will always say that children are the most important human beings on the planet. They come before anything including our desire to dress.
So its when they go to school and the bullying starts that one has to think of. [his dad wears a dress and all that] And then they become aware for the first time that their dad is doing something that is not acceptable in society.

The counter argument to this is to stand up for our rights to dress. But should we expect our son or daughter, at a very tender age, to join in that fight?

[Posted this and then see Isha has made the same points]

[Mags]

Thanks for the comments, mostly my SO is afraid if I dress around my son it will turn him on to crossdressing. Most likely will have to hide my dressing when he starts to process everything more, maybe when he is around 2-3 years old.

[suzy1]

I think that is highly unlikely to the point of it never happening!

[Steph_CD_62]

Both my current wife and my ex-wife felt the same on this matter. They both wanted me to keep my dressing behind locked doors so they would not find out. I could wear panties 24/7, but that was all I could do in front of them.

[Jennifer in CO]

we were very open but at the same time I had already been living 24/7 almost 5 years as a woman so "open" may not count in this respect. Wife was very supportive (ok she all but pushed me to transition) but when our oldest was about 3 and started calling me "Mommy" as well I think that set a trigger off in her and she asked me to transition back. I did but it took almost 2 years and a relocation to pull it off. A round-a-bout question to the daughter several years ago asking her what her earliest memories were and she went as far back as around 4-5. She remembers toys and such when shown photos but nothing of having "two Mommies". We don't have to worry about her seeing any of those photos as we lost all of those in a house fire some years back.

[Teresa]

I think most try to keep cding from our wives but if she knows the thought is the children need protecting. So the can of worms is open, protect from what exactly ?, a corrupting influence, a child molester, a homosexual the list goes on ! You are more likely to be a better more protective father if you are allowed to live with the way you are . How would it influence your child if you wore a kilt all day or a lesbian couple had him ? As long as he receives love and care it won't affect him. Another point to consider is your child already has areas of the brain programmed for his development he will be drawn to certain outside influences that affect his sexual development, even if you don't wear a dress, he could still be influenced by what your wife wears. How many times have we seen it on this forum!

[Tina B.]

If your going to be out, then dress in front of the kid and get him used to it, if you are planning on keeping it on the down low, never tell a kid, they will tell everyone.

[Rogina B]

It is all going to depend on how important it all is to you. However,you have a few years to decide...

[Jenniferathome]

Thanks for the comments, mostly my SO is afraid if I dress around my son it will turn him on to crossdressing. Most likely will have to hide my dressing when he starts to process everything more, maybe when he is around 2-3 years old.

Mags, "monkey see, monkey do" is not reality in this area. While a very young child might "mimic" an adult, young children are equally likely to play dress up and wear clothes of either gender. It means nothing. Go to any pre-school, all should have clothes for dress up, and you will see.

Children are resilient and adaptable. They can handle your cross dressing BUT they can not keep it secret. If that is important to you, do NOT dress in front of them. If you are "full time" dress as you would any day. The bottom line is that you will not "turn them" into cross dressers any more than you will "turn them" gay, or green or ...

[Wildaboutheels]

Many folks here claim to want rights to dress in public and not be ridiculed... which is downright silly. MOST adults in public will react based on interaction and NOT presentation. Children in public are a whole other matter. Unless someone has "informed" them about books/coverings and leaping to conclusions.

Do YOU need or want to dress in public? If so, only YOU can determine the best time to inform/show your kids/lead by example. Only when they are mature enough to "deal with" their [most likely clueless] friends.

[Amanda M]

Frankly, as far as I am concerned, Suzy, Teresa and Jennifer are right on the money. There is absolutely no way that you are going to 'drive' your child into crossdressing.

That is simply not what happens. At one, he has no concept of gender. A year later, he may well have. However, if as he grows up, and Daddy wears a skirt, he may well grow to be open minded and well adjusted in this area, so long as their is no great family angst about it. He will, almost certainly, experiment with wearing girls' clothes - most boys do. He may think it's a good laugh, and that's that, or he may like it, and carry on with it.

As long as he knows he is loved and supported - whatever happens - that is what will determine his final outcome.

[Beverley Sims]

In order for them not to remember it do not do it after about three years old.
Or another rule, when they are starting to have a comprehensive conversation with you.
Memories do go back to age two or three.
You are not likely to turn him into a crossdresser but if you don't want him to know do not let him see you dressed after about three years old.

[bimini1]

This is going to be an issue we deal with as our 3 year old daughter begins to come of age. We want to teach her to accept LGBT. And also to be proud of who she is. But at the same time I feel ashamed of her knowing about me. Which to me is hypocritical.

[Jaylyn]

I did not and don't want any of my already grown kids to know of my CD. I have been knowing I loved wearing the clothes since a four five or six year old but I put it on hold except for when my wife and played after getting married. When kids came I was totally a mans man to all of them. I think we should teach them what some called the norm. I did start back after they all left home. They are all well adjusted and quite happily married and have given me many Grandkids who all think Grandpa is the best guy around. I say teach em right from wrong about playing fair and square with every one in life, not to judge others, and also let them develop there own personalities. If they want to be cross dressers, lesbians, or gays it's there decisions. That's my thoughts about raising kids and cd. I don't condemn people but live my own life to the fullest and enjoy what I can along the way. It does seem though that from my school teaching carrel that what the parents do does show thru their off Spring and kids are very judging and can be very cruel to others.

[Mags]

Currently still in the closet, and probably will never fully come out. Only a select few know. I think the best for now is to keep my dressing in the closet for nice and teach him acceptance of the LGBT community. Thanks for all the responses.

[LadyInRed]

my son is a bit of a parrot and would tell my parents, while he's only 1 i'll be keeping this secret from him till he's a lot older.

[Rogina B]

This is going to be an issue we deal with as our 3 year old daughter begins to come of age. We want to teach her to accept LGBT. And also to be proud of who she is. But at the same time I feel ashamed of her knowing about me. Which to me is hypocritical.
You can teach acceptance of diversity to her as you learn to accept yourself..

[Lorileah]

Thanks for the comments, mostly my SO is afraid if I dress around my son it will turn him on to crossdressing. Most likely will have to hide my dressing when he starts to process everything more, maybe when he is around 2-3 years old.

With that logic maybe you should dress as a wall street banker or football player...You might consider stopping other things you do that may rub off like drinking :idontknow:

[Shari]

I think your first consideration is to your SO's feelings. If she doesn't want you to do it, case closed.

Also, I've always felt that growing up is difficult enough these days, no need muddying the water even further with two "mommies" in the home.
If you must, let the children know about you much later in their lives when the trauma won't affect them so badly. Allow them have an awareness of differences and teach them to accept these differences as they mature.

[Allison2006]

I did not and don't want any of my already grown kids to know of my CD.
I'll second that. My kids are adults and as far as I know, they know nothing of my CD'ing and I don't want them to know.

[Carroll]

This topic is always a touchy one. As for me, my children have known about my dressing for a long time. Now a days I don't dress in front of them, but they still know and sometimes will crack a joke about it. When we are out and they see another crossdresser it does not phase them at all. As far as kids telling others, I simply told them that my dressing is a private family matter and need not be talked about with others. If you tell them it's a secret, there is a better chance of them talking. Both my kids are being raised with open eyes and minds. When we got new neighbors, my kids did not question, and understood that they were a married lesbian couple.

[5150 Girl]

If they're raised around it, they'll never know any different, or that anything is out of the normal about it.

[CDPheobe]

I wear two pairs of tights, compression leggings, thermal silky pants, with long shirts and both my girls just think of it as nothing. They know I wear mommys tights and occasionally her tops. They did ask why and I just said to them its comfy. I love how they feel and during the cold, they keep me warm. And thats the extent of that.

[heatherdress]

A lot of interesting opinions, but that's all anyone on this site can offer regarding this question. I doubt there is much research or behavioral studies which address the effects - both immediate and long term - of young children who see their father crossdressing as a female. I would guess possible influences or effects would depend upon the specific circumstances and environment, communications, frequency, female attire worn, behavior of parents when dressed, etc. Much would also depend upon the acceptance of the non-dressing parent.

How you dress is only a small part of parenting. If you are a good and loving parent, you will influence your children positively no matter what you wear. BUT - why expose them to any behavior that might have some negative impacts. Until children are mature enough to understand and free from possible teasing if discovery by their friends, I think it is best to keep crossdressing private.

[Valarie]

Hi Mags, like everyone has said it is something between you and your SO. I have a 4 year old, and he notices when dad wears toe nail polish. We try to teach him tolerance and acceptance of all people even at his age. The best thing you could probably do is lay down some ground rules with your SO about dressing at home.

[Brooklyn]

My kids have known for sometime that I live part time as a woman. They know I am different, and I do not dress in front of them or show them photos. However you handle it, the main thing is not to lie to your kids or your SO, ever. IMO, it's better to let them grow up knowing something than to get caught during their teen years when they have enough struggles of their own. :rose: