The Purge :(

[SelfMade]

I have been transgender mtf since I was 19 now I am 24 and I have purged 5 times I tried going back as male , I just cant,my last purge was very serious, I threw away almost 12000 worth of stuff, have you guys ever got rid of alot of things you wish you had back? and did you realize how much money you wasted?? its all starting to hit me, I only wish I had half my stuff back, have any of you been threw this? :sad:

[Melissa73]

i can relate! ive purged numerous times. The last being over a year ago and for 2 yrs. (i got married, and convinced myself i didnt need the clothes). I wish i had mine back 2... but now, i came out to my now ex wife (not divoricing due to cding). and i am so more comfortable with who i am


Melissa

[AngelaKelly<3]

I've never really had a serious "collection" of stuff.

But I did sort of purge a few months back, and I regret it.

I lost a gorgeous dress (pictured) and a miniskirt I've had for over 10 years (still a pretty skirt after all this time lol!)

[(Sara)]

I purged a few times as a teen, went through so many nice things - I was fortunate in a way as they'd not fit now anyhow now I'm taller and have broader shoulders. Hoping to never have to go though that again, I'd hate to start again now!

[Jordan]

I have had the impulse to purge but always fought it off thank god because I would be out as much as you

[dana 1]

I have purged several times over the last 60 years, clothes you can replace, it's the pictures I destroyed that I regret.

[*Maya*]

sorry you had to go through that... perhaps next time consider giving it to a T* friend who would be happy to have it, and gladly give it back to you if ever needed again..

[SelfMade]

aww Thank you but I have no friends like me, I wish there was cds and ts woman out here that I can become friends with but I havent meet one yet.. so I have moved on.. but thank you

[Adriana Moretti]

i think everyone here purged at one point or another...myself included...threw EVERYTHING out...I am in the rebuilding stage now. After a few purges you realize this lifestyle isnt going away and you accept it...and least thats what im telling myself now

[Desirae]

I don't think I've ever had $12000 worth of stuff, girl OR guy clothes, but I have purged on at least 3 occasions. A lot of the stuff should have been thrown away, anyway. But, there's been a few things that I regret getting rid of. Don't do it anymore. It's way too expensive. And it really doesn't solve anything. It's not anything that needs solved anyway. That's the point you need to get to.

[Courtney Ramona]

Yeah, I purge last august! Trashed alot of cute tops ,skirts, and wigs! Purged only one time not going to do that again!

[Jenniferathome]

Here's the half full glass observation: fashion moves very quickly, especially for women. You may have purged but anything over two years old is REALLY old and worthy of goodwill gifting anyway.

[MissTee]

I probably have a dozen or so purges in my history. Been over a decade since the last one and I think I'm cured of that guilt. So, yeah, I can relate.

. . . and, Jennifer, thanks for trying to get us through the guilt with a dose of reality. Nevertheless, I think I will forever pine away for the collection of bell bottoms I slaved over with a Ronco Rhinestone Stud Setter to make girly. Certainly there's still a huge demand for those :)

[Elisa Lace]

I've sometimes thought about purging a few times in the last couple of months but I still cling to it all in hopes for better days (is not really much anyway...). Although I've learned through forums and sites like these that you should never purge, and if you do, it's all going to goodwill. No burning stuff, no throwing stuff away... So that's something that has helped me.

Regrets are nothing but anchors and dead weight. What is done is done... bad poker bet, that's all. Forget about the cards you just folded and wait there's a better hand to play (I just love poker analogies lol).

[Ciara Brianne]

I have purged several times. I also found it rather costly. So many cute outfits gone.:sad: I promised myself not to do that again. The last time I thought I wanted to stop dressing I boxed up all my girly stuff and stored it where it wasn't readily available. As usual it was not long before the desire to dress returned and I retrieved my stash. I'm happy I did not throw it all away. Apparently I just needed a break from it to help sort it all out. :confused3:

Ciara:<3:

[Beverley Sims]

We have all been through it for a lot less than you.

[Sonya]

yes purged more then few times and it is such a waste of money and time...

[Lacey New]

If you can avoid the urge to purge , do so. Yes, it is costly but what I regret most is losing some wonderful stuff that is almost impossible to find anymore - at least in stores. I've bumped some lovely flora print panties, a few garter belts and regular nude, seamless stockings and beautiful camisoles. So, yes, not only is it expensive, but when the urge to dress- or the ability to dress comes back, replacing all of your wonderful stash can be darn near impossible.

[kimdl93]

Wow, was there an extra zero there? Discarding $1200 would be bad enough ...but $12,000? Let's hope you didn't, but either way, next time the urge to purge strikes, just box everything up and store it. You'll thank yourself later.

[mmandy31]

I used to purge but then you get rid of certain pieces of lingerie that you can't replace so now I store every thing away if I get the urge to purge.

[Katey888]

I'm just adding to the woes - yes, been through that more than once, barely remember anything from what were previous wardrobes as 'Blue Rage' tends to overwhelm the Pink Fog - the urge to remove everything once and forever and never, ever, go back to this weird, wonderful passion... Well, you get the gist. The only thing I think I regret was a pair of black suede boots that fit really well and were fully knee high...
And about four weeks ago I'd pledged again to purge at the end of this year... and then I found crossdressers.com... :D the rest, as they say, is history.
If you must purge, pack it and stash it - but I suppose you get that now - never mind :hugs:
Katey x

[EllenJo]

Yes I have purged many times mostly when I was married to my first wife. However Jennifer is right fashion moves forward so some of it would have gone anyway. I do regret some of the lovely vintage slips and garterbelts that I lost and have not been able to replace along with a fabulous baby doll nighty that I loved. We have all been through it and it is not worth it.
Ellen Jo

[Lexi Moralas]

I think we have all been through it , and it sucks!

[Cheryl T]

Who hasn't purged???
And the thought of all those pretty things, not to mention the money wasted by throwing them away was always part of the guilt I felt until I came to accept myself and come out to my wife.

[Tallulah Rose]

I have purged in the past and always regretted it - do not purge! If you feel the urge, store it, put it away and forget it, but don't purge.

The worst purge I had was when I was forced to. My mother found my stash and it all had to go. If only I still had my first few pairs of high heels. I still remember them. :sad:

[Jessica Keys]

I have purged several times over the last 60 years, clothes you can replace, it's the pictures I destroyed that I regret.

I agree that time I threw my pictures away was not a good thing.
I had two CD's of myself as a female taken over a fifteen year period...and a lot thinner.
The last time I purged I took a picture of the nice cloths in the dumpster and the big truck haling my stuff away.
All the while thinking to myself, "there, I am done with that forever". Silly girl!

[robindee36]

We have discussed this purge thing before and there were some excellent ideas on managing the need. Yes, I have been there several times also, but no more. Just pack things away and store them against the day you get over the urge to purge. Yes, it does keep a girl's wardrobe current, but so many of the items are not subject to fashion trends and quite expensive or impossible to replace.

I like this new concept, at least new for me, of giving things to a friend to hold and use. Next to simply packing things away, this is the second best idea I have seen. Thanks girls.

Hugs all, Robin :bunny:

[Kate's at home]

As I've shared in past related threads, I "tried" 2 major purges in the past, the 1st about 25 years ago, and again maybe 8-9 years ago. In retrospect, they both remain quite painful, both for the loss of things no longer available, and emotionally in denying this part of me. Never again.

The gradual journey to acceptance apparently has lots of twists and turns for everyone.

Now, I have a wardrobe that I've worked hard for, am proud of, and expresses the girl inside well. I've been through much to get to my levels of acceptance and can now finally appreciate and enjoy the various parts of me in context. Also, the idea of even trying to replace the clothes, lingerie, shoes... is just too much to even consider.

And in the spirit of real acceptance without narcissism: "Close your eyes. Fall in love. Stay there." Rumi

Happy New Years,

Kate

[heymj]

Yep been there done that too, however as you can tell from so many replies, you'll always come back. For me shutting down the desire to dress is like telling the sun to stop rising the tide to stop rolling in and the NSA to stop snooping, just ain't gonna happen. Hang in there and know that you're not alone on this often messy and confused path to understanding and accepting your true "you" ;-)

[MonicaCD]

I most recently purged this Fall. Slacks, shorts, tops, bras, shoes, skirts, makeup, wigs, jewelry - everything but my panties - all went in a clothes recycling bin. I didn't have too much but what I did have was comfortable and for the most part fit my style.

It wasn't a week later that I started rebuilding my wardrobe.

What a waste.

[Hell on Heels]

I don't know if this has been posted somewhere to help the "newbies".
But it may be helpful to let them know how common this is.
It may save them a lot of cash , time, and possibly relieve a little confusion.

[Tina B.]

I purged once, it was after my first wife left me, I was done with this part of my life, after all if it was going to ruin marriages I figured I better give it up.
I was surprised just how soon I regretted that purge, lost a beautiful pair of ostrich heels, I've never had another pair of heels that felt so good to wear.
I didn't like the feeling of being without anything feminine left, it left an empty feeling. I also didn't like the person I became while not dressing, so I never did it again.

[brassieres]

I've purged many more times than I care to admit. And yes, I miss some of the stuff that I had tossed and kicked myself for spending money on clothes as well.

[Krosstina]

So far I have not purged. I did throw away panties that were cotton and just not sexy enough for my liking. Since my wife accepted it I dont think I will purge!

[SelfMade]

who hasn't purged???
And the thought of all those pretty things, not to mention the money wasted by throwing them away was always part of the guilt i felt until i came to accept myself and come out to my wife.

i love this response@

[Brandi1980]

I purged once. Threw out two nice pair of ankle boots and eighty dollar dress, among other things. Hopefully I won't be doing that again.

[Ellie52]

No Never, my wife would kill me if I threw all the stuff out she has bought me.:) Ellie

[Karren J]

Yup I've done the purge like everyone, but now the wife knows everything I swore that should the purge beast rise up again I'll have a soft one and put things in storage instead of the trash, I'm hoping out of sight and out of mind works on that monster.

The only thing I truly miss is a pair of slightly stretchy zip up the back pants, they felt great. Too bad the 90's are gone forever .....

[Marcie]

I purged roughly about a year ago thinking I would return to a male life. It didn't work and now I'm starting over

[Jillrox]

Love these responses . 30 days ago I did not know what a purge was. About 23 years ago ,I apparently purged .it won't happen again.

[DivineMissAmber]

Purging? Ben there. Done that. I think most of us girls have at least thought about it at one time or another. I've read about this on a lot of different sites. I felt a little better when I found out how common it is. It made me feel that I wasn't alone.

There are a lot of bad feelings involved in the purging process. I've felt shame, denial, disgust, and a whole host of other emotions. There's also the feeling of regret when I realized what I had done. Looking back, I find a couple of bright spots. First, I needed to get rid of some of that stuff anyway. It was hideous! What was I thinking? Second, purging gave me the opportunity to enjoy one of my favorite pastimes. Shopping!

I don't feel bad about it now. I just keep moving forward while enjoying the memories.

[Connie.Marie]

Self Made,

Yes I've purged several times. Once was when my wife found it all & threw it out.
But I have a story that I'd like to tell. I was in my early 20's, recently married, living in an apartment complex & I decided that now that I was married, I didn't need to CD anymore. So I took my brown paper grocery bag with all my stuff (not much) & threw it in the dumpster. Turned my back on it & walked away.... I got about 20 feet away. Went back & retrieved it. Walked away with the bag about 50 feet, but a voice said NO, go throw it away.. so back to the dumpster & threw it in again but deeper this time. Walked away without it. Made it about 100 feet & I said, What Have I done.. Went back, climbed INTO the dumpster, and got my bag of stuff back. That day I went back 1 more time, threw it in & left it. I just hope no one was watching my indecision. But the urge to dress is strong & within a few years, I had a bag of new "stuff".

You mentioned in post #8 that there were no CDs in your area... I think that you would be surprised. I have found that we live everywhere. Just check out our profiles & see where we are. I think that you'll find somebody close to you.


To AngelaKelly<3 in Scotland, I would be sick too if I lost such a beautiful dress..

Hugs, Connie Marie

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've purged a couple of times, only serious ones involved moves, and it has been so long since the last one that realistically, the stuff wouldn't fit me now.

And 12 thousand? Was that a typo? I doubt I've spent $12,000 on clothes of all types over the course of my life.

[Donna Jean GA]

I've purged more times than I can count, but I never got to accumulate that much. Hopefully that is over for good now.

Donna Jean

[kelly10]

Yes of course I have purged over the years a number of times. I always regretted it at some point. The real battle is between wishing you could be someone other than who you are and trying to be someone who you are not by imposing a socially acceptable version of yourself. In a society where a rationally (if I can use that word in this context :battingeyelashes:) harmless activity receives such censure and ridicule one can side with the irrational and reject who you are or you can ally yourself with the rational :battingeyelashes: and accept who you secretly are and deal with the consequences. Gay people have had this same struggle as have many others. Some survive the battle and some don't. It's a cruel choice and both choices have consequences for you personally and others. Neither choice is easy.

Weigh that against the sense of self betrayal that you suppress when you purge and the self rejection that purging represents. Can that path truly lead to a happy life? A very difficult path to support.
We all have different lives and we each do our best to adapt our desires to our circumstances...part of the human condition...so I'm not preaching 'the way.' I've lived too long to not have learned humility.
But if you can accept yourself as you truly are and embrace it, at whatever level you are comfortable with, you really are on the side of the angels.Truly the argument for accepting yourself in all your facets (and the problems that gives rise to) is a hard one to trump.
As for me, to paraphrase Charlton Heston (a real girly girl as we all know) you can have my 'stuff' when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

[karenroberts]

I've purged 3 or 4 times and each time regretted it, losing many special things. My first purge contained the first two outfits I ever wore out and my last included hundreds of photos. Lucky for me there is great file recovery software out there. Sadly, the outfits are gone forever but the memories of wearing them strong as ever. I never purged 100% but always kept a few things around.

Next time, I'm going with the wonderful idea of packing it away.

[karenroberts]

No Never, my wife would kill me if I threw all the stuff out she has bought me.:) Ellie

What a lucky lady you are!

[Saikotsu]

I have only purged once. My mom found a few of my bras and asked me to explain myself. I made some stupid excuse which I think only worried her more and she had me throw it all out. At the time I was a bit upset, but I'm kinda glad now. I've since accumulated a bigger collection and live on my own, so I no longer worry about people finding my stuff. I also keep a small "essentials" collection in a locked firesafe in case of emergency.

[serena_mcd_wa]

I did the purge only once back when I was in college and I totally regretted it. I made a promise to myself that I would never purge everything again and just to hopefully find someone someday that will accept this part of me.

[KristinTX]

I mainly miss my boots and shoes..........for me, it's so challenging finding a comfortable fit so having a bit of a boot/shoe fetish, that's the wardrobe item that really helps me complete my fem feel. Wish I could correct my mistakes........but hopefully I'll learn from the past and others.

[Carla_68]

I have been dressing for 3 years or so and probably should do a purge of some sort I can only just get rid (resell on ebay) of items that don't fit or look hideous

It took nearly a year for me to get rid of some of his drab clothes to make space (the 90's T-shirts didn't make that cut)

I have around 100 dresses and 70 pairs of shoes and boots hidden all over the house