Gay... Finally!

[Rhonda Jean]

It's been almost 3 years since I posted on the forum. It was an abrupt departure, not that many would care or notice. For those of you who did, I'm sorry. I just had to get some distance. I was too far out for my own good, and I had to rein it in.

In that time away, I've changed. Three years ago I had a GG girlfriend and was wavering on whether or not to marry her. We're still very good friends. Without her I don't think I would have ever found the courage. Might not have ever even had the inclination. Lots of things going on there, but this isn't an autobiography.

I've missed interacting on the forum. I'll begin participating again now. One thing that's kept me from participating is that I know that wives and girlfriends come here looking for answers and insight. Some of them feel very lost and afraid. Probably their biggest fear is that their SO is gay, or will turn out to be. Nobody appointed me role model, though. Everyone and every relationship should be judged on it's own merits. Everyone is entitled to that.

Even as a lifelong crossdresser, I've also been a lifelong heterosexual. I had absolutely no homosexual tendencies, desires, or fantasies. That's the truth. It just wasn't there.

My GG girlfriend encouraged me to try sexual things that I'd never thought about trying before. Probably things we can't openly discuss on here, but you can easily imagine. Honestly, I didn't really even like it at first. I did it because it was something new and erotic, especially for her. It wasn't long, though, when I finally was able to relax about it, that I started to like it. Then I started to like it A LOT! And I became curious about the real thing.

I'm not attracted to masculine men. Bottom line, I need someone like me. When I first experimented, I thought it would be just that, an experiment. A bucket list kind of thing. Wasn't long before I knew it was more than that. I continued to tell myself that it was just sex, just for fun, that the relationship part of me was inclined toward women only.

What I found was a different kind of relationship. This is a relationship with someone who knows exactly what it's like to be the only skinny, long-haired boy in school. Someone who knows how scary it is to walk in to work wearing earrings for the first time. You get the drift. A real live person who's done the things I've done! Someone I don't have to hide from.

Midnight on New Year's Eve will be a watershed moment for me. It'll be our first together. I'm literally shivering from excitement as I type this. I feel like I've resolved something, yet I didn't know there was anything to resolve. I'm scared, too. Another secret to keep? I don't know where all this will go. For now, it's wonderful, and I'll take it for all it's worth. To be in a relationship with someone who loves and encourages the very things that others hated about me... that's a pretty cool thing! To have someone to so openly share with... That's pretty cool. More than pretty cool! To experience love and sex in a way that I never imagined I ever would... I can't express how wonderful and right that feels.

I don't hedge my bets and tell myself that because she looks like a woman that I'm still straight. I may technically be bi, I guess. That's an insignificant detail right now. Make no mistake about it...

I'm GAY! And it feels so good to finally say that!

Glad to be back!

Rhonda

[Jordan]

Wow good luck hope all works out for you?where are you from

[kimdl93]

Welcome back! I do remember you and was surprised it had ben so long since we last saw your smiling fade. I'm glad you've found something that works do ya. Be safe and enjoy life.

[dana 1]

I hope everything works out, great story

[Genny B]

Its great to hear when one has reached peace with themselves! Congratulations! Although I may be different, we are the same!

Genny B

[Barbara Dugan]

Great to hear you have found happiness Rhonda:hugs:

[Kristyn Hill]

I am newer here and love the story of you finding happiness. You look very pretty by the way!

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Oh Rhonda, what a lovely story of finding some happiness. I am so glad that you have shared it with us. We read a lot on this forum from CD'ers in hetero relationships but not so much from gay CD'ers and I find this very informative in my own journey through these murky waters.

My question for you would be what is the reaction to you and your SO from non-CD gay folks (lemme see, would that be "straight-gay" folks, LOL)? Do you find yourself mingling (for lack of a better word) socially with mostly other gay people or with hetero people?

Thanks again and congratulations on finding some peace and obvious happiness with your identity.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[ReineD]

Rhonda, I'm so happy that you have found yourself. Congratulations! :hugs:

[Katy120]

Doing an about-face isn't easy. Sometimes we get locked into a mindset that makes the kind of changes you are about to undertake virtually impossible. My imagination, or lack thereof, can't comprehend the journey you are about to begin but I can appreciate the courage you possess. Best wishes.

[Tracii G]

I'm happy you finally found a direction to go in.Good luck!!

[Kate Simmons]

Being yourself and having the courage to admit that is the important thing. I wish only the best for you Hon. :)

[Desirae]

I'm fairly new here and don't know you, but I'm all for anyone who finds happiness in their life. I hope everything works out fantastically for you and your partner. Still, I bet there are going to be a few SOs who read this who are gonna have their thoughts go into overdrive about this. I know that there is no typical "CD", and the SOs should know that, too, but still it'll get more than a few of them thinking.

[AndreaSC]

Hello Rhonda and welcome back! I am so very happy that you found yourself, that you can be TRUE to yourself and to those around you! I wish you the VERY BEST!!!

Hugs,
-Andrea

[Beverley Sims]

Rhonda,
One day you will test that, Happy new year.
Please stay this time.

[Jessica giovanna]

What a nice story of passion...just wonderful!

[PaulaQ]

Rhonda, why do you say that you are gay, rather than a lesbian?

Labels aside, I'm really happy you've found love!

[Erica Marie]

Welcome back.
I do know your feeling. I too have struggled with heterosexual relationships. I also am bisexual, but like you only towards other cd types. It is comforting to have a friend who can understand the struggles that people like us go through.
Good luck and I hope you find your true happiness.

[AngelaKelly<3]

Always warms my wee heart to hear of someone finding their true self, and happiness within! :)

[Rhonda Jean]

Girls, y'all are so sweet! I've really missed everyone! Thank you so much for your well wishes!

I may not have been quite clear about how this came about... It wasn't that I was unhappy. I was actually happy, and in a good place. I just became curious. The open forum isn't the place for more details. If this had been right after my divorce, that wouldn't have been the right time. Now is the right time!

I was hesitant to explore, a little afraid that I would like it. There are a lot of unknowns, but there always are. The nagging question... Is this sustainable? I'm a long term commitment kind of girl, and still a question hanging out there is, "Can I visualize myself in 5, 10, or 20 years in a gay relationship mired in trans-whatever while maintaining an identity that'll keep me employed and in a good relationship with my son?" I can't answer that question, but I know what I'm going to be doing Tuesday night, and for many days and nights after. I cannot put into words how exciting it is!

To answer Stephanie's question about who we hang out with... At this point we don't hang out with anybody. Not that we stay home, we go places all the time but it's just us. Not sure we really fit in anywhere. I don't have a problem with that. This is all pretty new. That's another thing... We've both been crossdressing for a long time and that tends to make you a bit of a loner. Now we'll just be loners together, I guess.

There are a lot more questions that answers. I'm typically logical and analytical. This was not a logical decision.

For any wife or girlfriend reading this and thinking, "Ah ha! I knew it! This is where it's all leading!" Not so fast! I still believe there are more of us who are straight than gay. More importantly, I think we tend to be a very loyal and monogamous group. I'd bet we're more so than the general population. I'm sure many of you know non-crossdressing men who came out as gay later in life and straight women who "became" lesbian. I'm no more an example of what crossdressers become than lesbians and gay men are representative of straight men and women. I was not secretly gay during my marriage. I just wasn't, and you'll have to believe me on that one. I have no reason to lie about it. If my wife hadn't left me, I'd be very happily married right now, with no desire to sleep with ANYONE other than my wife.

To answer your question, Paula... I say I'm gay because I'm in a relationship with someone who has a penis. That simple. Neither of us are full time. We're a pretty androgynous couple when we're not dressed, but I don't think anybody would think we're lesbians. Actually, I haven't even figured out whether to refer to her as my boyfriend or my girlfriend. For now I'm going boyfriend. I've had girlfriends. This one's different!

I missed you girls. So glad to be back!

Rhonda

[AngelaKelly<3]

I definitely agree on the "more of us straight than gay" thing. So I second that message to any worried wives or girlfriends reading these posts :bg:

[Katie_Did GG]

[...] Still, I bet there are going to be a few SOs who read this who are gonna have their thoughts go into overdrive about this. I know that there is no typical "CD", and the SOs should know that, too, but still it'll get more than a few of them thinking.

You're right Desirae. I am in overdrive. I am so very very happy for Rhonda. I count her as a dear friend who deserves joy and passion and love and all the good things life has to give. Way to go Rhonda. :cheer:

Welcome home Rhonda.

Sisterly hugs,
Katie

[PaulaQ]

To answer your question, Paula... I say I'm gay because I'm in a relationship with someone who has a penis. That simple.
Am I then gay if I'm in a relationship with someone who has a penis? I'm transsexual, and I'm, unfortunately still, a woman with a penis. I know that if I were to try to date girls, I'd either meet them in a lesbian bar, or look to another trans woman. If I'm dating another trans woman, it's very possible we'd both have penises. (At least until I get that corrected for myself.)


Neither of us are full time.
What's being full time have to do with it? I mean, I am, and I'm on HRT and am actively transitioning, but:
- the state still says I'm a dude.
- me, and everybody else that likes me, says I'm a chick
- my wife most decidedly doesn't think I'm a dude anymore. Otherwise, she could probably stand to look at me.

Falling in the TG spectrum kind of makes these gender relative labels not very useful for us, in my opinion. For example, if you both declare "I dress as a woman, but I still mostly identify as male", then sure, you could consider yourself gay. But what if one of you then decides "I'm a woman, I'll transition." Are you both still gay, or are you straight now? Nothing has actually changed physically - just one of you said something different. What if then you both decide to ultimately transition did you just go, as a couple from gay -> straight -> lesbian?

I don't think those labels make a particle of sense, that's all I'm saying.

But if you are happy in your relationship with another CD, then I guess I don't much care about the label as much as I care that you are happy. And I am happy for you. Many of us on the TG spectrum find relationships with another TG person.

For what it's worth, if someone insists on a sexual orientation label for myself, I answer that "I am a queer woman." I mean - I like guys, but have never been with one. I am not very interested in women, but have been with lots of them. If that isn't "queer", then I don't guess I know what is! :)

[Katie_Did GG]

Paula your questions where answered honestly, so why are you apparently trying to explain to Rhonda why they are the wrong answers?

Sweetie this is a celebratory thread. No need to debate things or question Rhonda's opinion or mind set is there? She never once said anyone had to think exactly like she does. So return the favor and stop trying to explain to others why they should think more like you sweetie. Ok? :)

Now go have some cake and punch and tell Rhonda how happy you are for her...then come sit by me and gossip a bit. Tell me about all the fun you've been having with your hair.

hugs,
Katie

[Katey888]

Welcome back Rhonda - Happy for you and yours.
If anyone can find happiness in this rather messed up world for just a brief time (hopefully, a long time, though...) that's worthy of a cheer from me. :cheer:
Congratulations Rhonda - hope your happiness (but not necessarily your orientation...:heehee: ) is contagious.
Katey x

[KristyE]

Rhonda, So happy for you, you found a place of happiness. Go on and live your life and be fabulous!
Love KristyE

[Maria in heels]

Rhonda Jean..welcome back, and WONDERFUL NEWS to find yourself. Happy New Year!

[Mssusan]

Great original and follow up posts, Rhonda. I'm very happy for you that you allowed yourself to discover who you are and live it. With regard to the "GG worry that he's really gay" I think that's an initial question and it's answered after doing some reading and asking questions of your SO. What I see more on this forum and others is that cross dressing is a gateway to gender change, not sexual preference change. That is of course not a given at all, just happens more often.

Anyway, Rhonda I wish you happiness in your continuing journey and hope you keep an open mind to all of the paths that are open to you.

[Sara Jessica]

Rhonda, I'm so glad you are back with us. And now I get to publicly thank you for your many words of support last spring when I was getting my hair cut. I really appreciated it.

And of course I'm glad that you are finding happiness on this new and exciting path you are on. A couple points...

1) I echo what has been said, that your story is simply that...yours. It doesn't mean that anyone else is more or less likely to find their sexuality on a slippery slope towards being gay just because of the clothes one wears. That is an important message for the SO's who are trying to get their heads around this whole world of ours.

2) Paula, I totally get where you are coming from. I think what's throwing people off is that usually you get the fantasy element when people here talk of their sexual preference, ie - "I'm not into men but when I'm dressed and with my woman, we're simply lesbians". These comments often get called out because on face value, it's somewhat ludicrous. Especially when it's all about the clothes for some, the clothing you wear does not define...or even re-define, a person's sexuality.

I think Rhonda's answer is very accurate given her situation. You, as a woman in transition, can just as easily address your sexuality from a slightly different angle and that is just as valid of a description. It just shows how the lines between gender and sexuality can blur and I think both of you are very honest and realistic in how you approach this.


Again Rhonda, welcome back. I hope tonight is as wonderful of an experience as you are anticipating.

[Annaliese]

Glad you are back to Rhonda, your story that is pretty cool.

[Rhonda Jean]

Am I then gay if I'm in a relationship with someone who has a penis? I'm transsexual, and I'm, unfortunately still, a woman with a penis. I know that if I were to try to date girls, I'd either meet them in a lesbian bar, or look to another trans woman. If I'm dating another trans woman, it's very possible we'd both have penises. (At least until I get that corrected for myself.)


What's being full time have to do with it? I mean, I am, and I'm on HRT and am actively transitioning, but:
- the state still says I'm a dude.
- me, and everybody else that likes me, says I'm a chick
- my wife most decidedly doesn't think I'm a dude anymore. Otherwise, she could probably stand to look at me.

Falling in the TG spectrum kind of makes these gender relative labels not very useful for us, in my opinion. For example, if you both declare "I dress as a woman, but I still mostly identify as male", then sure, you could consider yourself gay. But what if one of you then decides "I'm a woman, I'll transition." Are you both still gay, or are you straight now? Nothing has actually changed physically - just one of you said something different. What if then you both decide to ultimately transition did you just go, as a couple from gay -> straight -> lesbian?

I don't think those labels make a particle of sense, that's all I'm saying.

But if you are happy in your relationship with another CD, then I guess I don't much care about the label as much as I care that you are happy. And I am happy for you. Many of us on the TG spectrum find relationships with another TG person.

For what it's worth, if someone insists on a sexual orientation label for myself, I answer that "I am a queer woman." I mean - I like guys, but have never been with one. I am not very interested in women, but have been with lots of them. If that isn't "queer", then I don't guess I know what is! :)

Labels require such intricate dissection. It really doesn't matter. But, I'll expand on this a bit just as a point of interest.

People have assumed certain things about me for my whole life just because of the way I look (I'm talking about when I'm not en femme). It bothered me when I was younger, but it usually wasn't worth the effort to correct them. I guess I could have worn a sign that said, "I know I kinda look like a girl, but I'm not gay", but, really, what difference would it make.

So now I am what people have always thought I was. There's something freeing about that, and I embrace it! Besides that, it's completely and accurately descriptive about certain things. For instance, if I say I'm digging the whole "gay sex" thing (and I REALLY am!), everybody on this board knows what I'm talking about. No ambiguity, no "I like this but I don't like that". That gets the point across with no further explanation. Like heterosexuality, though, gay isn't without distinction. I don't like big, hairy, masculine men, but I don't think it's necessary to clarify my personal preferences, just like it wasn't necessary to declare my preferences in women when I was straight.

Admittedly, our experience with going out as a gay (not cross dressed) couple is limited. Here again, just because of the way we look I think people pretty immediately identify us as a gay couple. (Side note: People are SO nice to us!) I can see in their mind this big flash that says "GAY!". That's OK! It would be very tedious to go into a 15 minute explanation into why we're not really gay because we both feel like we're girls on the inside, blah, blah, blah. Please. I don't think I'd be any more gay if my boyfriend has a mustache.

I know I'm just in a different kind of pink fog right now, but aren't those pink fogs awesome!

Hugs,

Rhonda

[Lacyfem]

Rhonda what a nice story with a nice ending. I've always thought myself to be heterosexual too though have dressed since I was a child. This changed several years ago and though still married I'm without question bisexual and if single I rather think I'd be gay. Like you not into the muscle boys or over the top fems but want a nice man to treat like the woman I want to be or another gurl like myself who we can share dressing, shopping and a nice time in bed... Good for you gurl!

[EllieOPKS]

PaulaQ - Are you trying to tell us one size doesn't fit all? Well, you're absolutely right. What your mindset is can be totally different but still 100% right.

Rhonda - Congrats to you for entering a new chapter in your life. It sounds like you have found someone that you can share a journey with. Finding yourself and being comfortable in your skin is an awesome thing. I share this same comfort level with you but I am not gay, I am bi, which is just another size, right? Enjoy your times together, I hope you both find long term happiness. Have a great 2014 & so on.

[Michelle V]

Rhonda, I enjoyed your writing style, you said it all without being vulgar and the fact that you are so tactful and respectful of the SO that are involved in this forum speaks volumes about your character.
You sound very happy and as someone who understands the difficulty of going through life trying to find yourself I am very happy you finally did. You know that saying... There is always a woman behind every great man? Well in my case there is (no pun intended) I have found and accepted myself with the help of my spouse. It sounds like you have too, regardless of your sexual orientation happy IS happy, and I am happy you found someone who makes you happy and who is helping you discover yourself. I hope you both enjoy your New Year and the best of luck.

[johnboy23]

Hey Rhonda. This is a great and informative post. I'm glad your happy and I'm sorry you had to go through a breakup. My finance just joined this site so I am glad that you spoke to the GG's here too. Hopefully this question isn't to blunt, but did you or your ex blame your ex for starting the experiment? Or is there any sort of regret for experimenting?

[becky77]

Congratulations Rhonda.
I'm on my own learning curve and understand much of what you say. There is a moment when you stop trying to be, what ever the perceived person you think you are meant to be.
Then it becomes so much easier as you just think. "Hey this is me, I like what I like!"
I wouldn't even bother with the gay label, you are happy and don't need to explain yourself to anyone. All the best, I hope it works out well for you.

[gatorgirl]

So happy you have found where you are meant to be, Rhonda! Congratulations to you and your partner!!

And thank to all of you thinking of us GGs that go into mental overdrive!! Always good to remember that we are all individuals and each relationship is it's own being.

Happy new year!!

[Rhonda Jean]

A couple of points of clarification...

Tonight is just symbolic. The sexual aspect has been going on for a while. The "relationship" part is new, and a surprise to both of us.

To the genetic girls... THIS IS NOT A CONFIRMATION OF YOUR FEARS AND SUSPICIONS!!! It's just me.

Take it from someone who's been ALL the way around the block... Some of the finest, most dedicated and loyal husbands wear dresses!!

There are "girls" on here (and elsewhere) who are just drop dead gorgeous! The bodies, the hair, the makeup, the heels, the nails... OMG! Yes, boyfriend material to me, but they're not sexually interested in me, or any other tranny, or any male. They're interested in YOU! Dedicated, loyal, giving, and totally in love... with YOU! Trust me. Sara Jessica is the poster girl for this, in my opinion. If there's a crossdresser you'd want your daughter to marry, it's Sara.

My observation is that most gay men are very masculine. The tranny chasers are typically respectable-looking married men.

So, before you go off thinking that your crossdressing hubby is one mani-pedi away from gay, think again. Judge him for who his is apart from the clothes. Not that every man who knows how to blend eyeshadow is God's gift, but it doesn't mean he's not.

Stepping down from my soapbox.

Rhonda

[PaulaQ]

@Rhonda - thanks for saying some more. I respect you, your reasoning, and how you feel about this. And yeah, once you stop giving a damn what "society thinks ", it really is liberating!

I think symbols are important. For me, tonight will mark the the first new year I've had living as a woman.

@EllieOPKS - I agree that one size does not fit all! But really what I was pushing for was an answer from the heart , not the head, and I got that . I think the logic of the "normal" world doesn't work well for us , and in its failure, all we can really do is follow our hearts!

[CONSUELO]

I am just so pleased for you and wish you the very best. I understand how you feel and it is amazing.

[STACY B]

Gay or strait doesn't matter ,, You just found someone to go through the struggle of life with that knows up close an personal what it is to be you EVERYDAY good or bad .
As far as the plumbing sure it feels good but so did the other back in the day . You just found out that there is more than one way to get off like most others think .

Hell who wants to row the boat alone ,, Many hands make light work !! I guess you have to forget everything you thought you knew about sex an sexual realtionships an had to start all over again your way !! Enjoy yourself ,,Remember we only get one shot ,, So make it a good one ...

[rita63]

Glad you have found some happiness Rhonda. It's always good to remember love isn't about sex or gender, its about people who care about each other and share enough together to make them special to each other.

hugs rita

[MatildaJ.]

wives and girlfriends come here looking for answers and insight...Probably their biggest fear is that their SO is gay, or will turn out to be.

Hi Rhonda,

Thanks for sharing your story - it's great to hear about happy relationships. Just wanted to add my perspective that I would much rather my husband turned out to be gay than transsexual. I think our kids appreciate having a male father figure, and I think they would have a harder time with the adjustment if he becomes a woman, especially if she then tells them that the father they knew up to that point didn't really exist. I think everyone in his life would have an easier time dealing with him dating men than with him becoming a woman.

That said, I know that it's not up to him to decide what he is. So we'll just have to wait and see.

[Sara Jessica]

You make some interesting points Jess, particularly about it being perceived as easier if your husband ended up being gay rather than a transsexual. It reminds me of something my wife said...and I've heard it shared by others as well, that she would almost rather hear that I was having an affair than to deal with a TS spouse. It is a sad but telling commentary on the enormity of what we bring to the table when in a relationship.


What she said...

I'm going to have to think really hard to remember if anyone has ever paid me a nicer compliment. So rather than think so much on this New Years Eve, I'm just going to smile for the rest of the year (and into next) at being on the receiving end of such a sweet sentiment. :hugs:

[Lorileah]

Rhonda isn't a lesbian because she still dresses as and is a male. TSs may become lesbians if they stay with women through transition, but sorry and man who dresses and has no aspirations to become female will not be lesbian but heterosexual. Rhonda is a man who dresses who is in a relationship with a man, so as she states she is gay. She likes sex with men over sex with women. Seems easy enough to me. :) Or maybe she is a bisexual who prefers men?

Congrats Rhonda, I am happy you have found happiness and peace of mind. You know it doesn't matter who you love but that you love and are loved. Look at the spirit of the person you are with not the shell. Which is one way of saying to the GGs here that when your SO does that, you won't have to worry they are anything but your partner.

[JenniferLynn0370]

Welcome back Rhonda and congratulations! I wish you all the best as you continue down this wonderful road of self-discovery; I hope it is every bit as rewarding as can be!

Hugs,
Jen

[irene9999]

Congrats Rhonda! give this relationship a try and see how it goes!

[Anneliese]

Rhonda, I'm happy for you.

Personally, I am confused about my gender. I've been hetero my whole life, with no gay sexual experiences, so far anyway. However, I have always gone through long periods of voluntary celibacy, including currently. I still like women, but I'm curious about men...especially men who are like me. I too have no interest in a manly man. Unless the perfect woman literally falls into my lap, and, since I'm not looking, I don't see ever being in a standard hetero relationship again. Been there, done that. Soon I will be sixty, and as each day passes, I think to myself, "Should I take the leap?" with a feminine man/CD/transsexual and see whether it feels right. It may, it may not. Who knows?

[JocelynJames]

I'm happy that you're happy. I believe to be happy with others, you must be happy with your self. Good luck!-JJ

[Teresa]

Rhonda I may be a little out of my depth here but on UK tv two English guys were featured on a program about ladyboys in Thailand, both were engaged to ladyboys and both claimed they weren't gay. What came across to me was the girls ticked all the right visual boxes perfect makeup,good boobs great legs, they were a perfect girls. The two guys picked up on that and became totally blind to their gender so in their eyes they aren't gay. I had thread with Isha, somewhere along the line her 28 year old daughter was mentioned, I thought she looks good to have a daughter of that age then my brain said , Hold on you have a son and daughter in their thirties, we'll be talking about stretch marks next. I think our brain can make a fool of us but hopefully not a fool to other people. I'm new here I hope it doesn't show too much .TERESA

[Rhonda Jean]

Rhonda I may be a little out of my depth here but on UK tv two English guys were featured on a program about ladyboys in Thailand, both were engaged to ladyboys and both claimed they weren't gay. What came across to me was the girls ticked all the right visual boxes perfect makeup,good boobs great legs, they were a perfect girls. The two guys picked up on that and became totally blind to their gender so in their eyes they aren't gay. I had thread with Isha, somewhere along the line her 28 year old daughter was mentioned, I thought she looks good to have a daughter of that age then my brain said , Hold on you have a son and daughter in their thirties, we'll be talking about stretch marks next. I think our brain can make a fool of us but hopefully not a fool to other people. I'm new here I hope it doesn't show too much .TERESA

I think some people will stretch their imagination in any way necessary to keep from admitting to themselves or anyone else that they're gay. Gets back to the penis thing, in my opinion. I can't for the life of me understand why its such a big deal to admit to oneself. I get being private about it. I also get being attracted only to people who look like women. I'm only attracted to those who look like women. For me, though, one who looks like a woman but has a penis is what flips my switch. Nothing straight about that.

[PaulaQ]

I think some people will stretch their imagination in any way necessary to keep from admitting to themselves or anyone else that they're gay.

I dunno Rhonda, I actually wish I'd been gay, instead of being trans. (For that matter, I really would rather have gotten cancer, than being trans!) Seriously, if I were gay, my wife and I would still be separated, but it'd be a LOT easier on her - she's told me this. For that matter, I live in the gay part of Dallas - the gayborhood. If I were a gay man, I'd have had lots of dates already I think. If nothing else, from my gay AA club. There are lots of nice guys there. There are lots of good looking guys there. I'd guess about 95% of them are gay, and they have absolutely zero interest in me. :) In the meantime, my wife feels like a lesbian if she stays with me. If I went to bars, I probably could get hit on sometimes at the nearby lesbian bar, Sue Ellen's.

But I am with you in that I think describing myself as "straight" is a total crock. I don't live in hetero-town, and I probably never will. So I describe myself as Queer. I am a Queer woman.

I guess my point, and the point I've been trying to make in your thread, is that *all* of these labels are in our heads anyway. Who the hell cares what the regular people think, anyway? We live outside of their world, at varying distances from it. We can pretend to be a part of it, and actually be a part of it in many respects, but we aren't them. And their little categories and pigeon-holes they try to file us in make no sense whatsoever, when you really stop to think about them.

So my feeling - and I think this is the same conclusion you've reached - is to just be myself, and anyone who doesn't like it can get the hell out of my life!

edit: I just realized that since I declare myself "queer", and live in a predominantly LGBT community, it's possible that I'm just bowing to peer pressure in a different way, and am still just as much of a conformist as ever? ;)

[laura.lapinski]

Rhonda, I'm glad to hear you've reached a happy place. Good luck with your relationship.

I think that although I like to closet CD for fun, I am leaning more towards staying in the man role and dating a CD or transgender. I am attracted to the female form and not to the male form, but I like the fact that CD's have something extra.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not nearly that cavalier about it. I care a lot what people think. I get along a whole lot better at my job and with family and close friends if I fit the responsible employee/father/friend mold. I actually like being all those things, too. I've managed to privately balance a trans-something lifestyle against those things for a long time. Sometimes successfully, sometimes less so, but there's some sort of balance there. Also, I like just being nice to people, and considerate of their feelings. I've had my moments where I didn't quite pull that off, but I don't think putting on a miniskirt makes it necessary for me to flip the bird to the rest of the world, even those who don't like it. It is very rewarding to me to create/leave a positive image.

I used to go to a beauty school to get my hair done and other things if I had time. I had gone this time to get color and highlights, but ended up getting roller set and a mani/pedi. I wasn't dressed to pass. I may not have even been wearing makeup. I don't remember. Anyway, where you sat to get a pedicure there was just a long bench instead of individual chairs. I sat right next to a lady who was probably in her 70's. We were all talking and having a good time. She got through before I did and as she was leaving I noticed that she called her nail tech over away from the rest of us. When the nail tech came back she said, "That lady asked me if that was a man or woman over there. I said man, and she (the customer) said, Well SHE sure is pretty for a man and SHE was just so nice!" Made my day, so, yeah, I care.

[aussie cd]

what a great story Rhonda

[mary something]

I'm very happy for you Rhonda! Good to see you living a good life!

[laura.lapinski]

Rhonda,

Yes, I completely understand what you say about caring what people think. I am the same way, and I have balanced it all by being in the closet about things. You sound like a wonderful person. I salute you for that. Keep up the good work. Keep us up to date on things once in a while if you feel like it. Thanks for sharing.

[Taylor Ray]

Great post, Rhonda!

Thanks for sharing the joy of your new relationship with the forum. I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

[Rhonda Darling]

I used to go to a beauty school to get my hair done and other things if I had time.

Rhonda (great name, by the way), I was thoroughly enjoying your story until I came to the quoted line, above. Now I'm on the horns of a dilemma. Can I get past the fact that you have your own hair sufficiently thick that, not only do you not need a wig, but you can grow it out and actually go to a salon for styling. Not fair at all, but I suppose you're a good enough soul that I can see past that inequality.

Kidding aside, I'm very happy that you shared your story. You've clearly hit a topic of great interest to many. Your writing style (self exploratory of a topic that could spin off to the vulgar, yet handled in good taste with great care) is rather enjoyable, and you've done quite well explaining your own transition, of sorts. Glad to have you back in the fold and look forward to seeing more of your comments.

Best regards,
Rhonda (the other)

[Jenn868]

congrats girl, I kno exactly where your coming from, so happy for u!

[Deborah]

The thing that we can't say OMFG yes ;) don't knock till you try it. I'd rather have one in the part that i wasn't born with though. :(

[Lucy Lou]

Hi Rhonda, I agree with you about the attraction thing. I would though feel OK being with a man who liked me for what I am as well as a CD. Finding one is harder than it seems, but I live in hope.

XX lucy lou

[NathalieX66]

What else can I say?
Everyone is gay.
-the song All Apologies,Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)

I agree with PaulaQ "I dunno Rhonda, I actually wish I'd been gay, instead of being trans"......That's the exact quote I have said many times.
For one thing, if I was gay, I'd save a ton of money by not buying big wardrobes, beauty products, and permanent hair removal.

Being gay is way easier and more accepted than being trans, I think.

Rhonda, I'm glad you finally reckoned with yourself . That is an important step in life. When we accept the truth of who we really are, then there is no more denial. As for shame and guilt, I always say "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade!"

[kimdl93]

Gore Vidal once commented that there was no such thing as homosexuality, only homosexual acts. I'd probably turn that around and say there are no homosexual acts...only sexuality, heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual. Most of us have engaged in acts that might be characterized one way or another. If fact, what we do isn't nearly so important is whether we are attracted to the person we are doing it with. And in the context of intimacy between two people, its not necessary to affix a label to the acts or the participants.

Or to quote Steven Stills, "Love the one you're with! Do do do do do do do do!"