The need to socialize in femme?

[Briana90802]

Well my wife was asking me about the pink fog and then she asked if the reason that i wanted to go out en femme was a part of the pink fog. I told her that I didn't know. After thinking about it for a bit I thought that it was because part of being feminine, at least in my mind, is being social with others.

What do you think? I've noticed that many want to adventure out into the world, to take the risk of being exposed. But for what reason? Are we thrill seeking? Or seeking something else?

[Eryn]

When I first started going out it was mostly about the challenge or thrill. As I became more experienced it became much more about the social aspects. At a CD social event with a mixture of GGs and CDers I usually end up in the middle of a group of GGs.

[Beverley Sims]

I ventured out to parties years ago, they all knew me and it was lots of fun interacting with girls that did not know.

[Ellie52]

I dont socialize as a guy so why should it be any different in a skirt? I have been out solo 3 times and found it ok. I didnt get any adverse reactions but I am not bothered about doing it again. I went to a marina and a couple of shopping centres and ordered coffee etc and on the whole it was fun but not something I would make a habit of (unless I was dressed as a nun ha ha). Being dressed at home is fine for me, and being able to wear nice things in the comfort of my home with my wife by my side is equivalent to a lottery win for me....Ellie

[Persephone]

Like most, those first voyages out were all about the clothes, the shoes, the mystery and the excitement.

Now, for me, it is all about just being a "normal" woman in the "normal" world. I have been a member of a women's gym, I'm an active member of a couple of women's groups, I hang out with both men and my gal pals and I'm Barbara.

Today really drove it home to me. One of my GG friends sent me a beautiful femme Birthday card addressed only to Barbara. I get a lot of mail and phone calls as Barb, I don't know why this simple but lovely card had such an impact, maybe it was just the perfectly casual, perfectly "normal" nature of it, but it sudddenly meant so much to me.

Hugs,
Persephone (Barbara in the real world).

[PattiAllison]

I have found that I love being among people as a woman much more than as a guy. Maybe it really is part of being a girl, at least it is for me.
Patti

[Kate Simmons]

I just want to be myself Hon. Caring about others and sharing is a natural part. If that makes me a woman, I guess I'm guilty. :battingeyelashes::)

[Marcelle]

Hi Briana,

I am still very new to the whole going out "en femme". At first it was to challenge myself in an effort to get comfortable with who I was in public. Now, I find I go out more to socialize with my GG friends and just normalize the whole experience.

Hugs

Isha

[samanthasolo]

Brianna, There are a lot of us CDer's who would never think to venture outside the house for a multitude of reasons but as time goes on and we hone our skills, evolve, and become more in touch with who we are IMO I believe that some of us come to a point that what we feel inside beginsto match up with what we see in the mirror. We gain an aacceptance and comfort within ourselves and then feel a need and desire to step out of the cyber world and our homes to have real human contact. I don't believe the so called pink fog has anything to do with it. It is evolution in a way. My wife used to ask me the same WHY question all the time and the day I answered the WHY DO YOU NEED TO GO OUT DRESSED question with BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID, THIS IS PART OF ME, AND JUST BECAUSE I CAN GO OUT!

I think she might have realized at that point that getting out for ME was freeing myself from all the years of hiding and shame I felt before I finally accepted who I was, and she accepted ME for who I am.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I dress because I want to be "just one of the girls" and they, of course go out...

[kimdl93]

It's something else than thrill seeking or fog. This isn't about an adrenaline rush...it's about being true to yourself and experiencing life. I don't get dressed so I can stare at myself in the mirror. As a social animal, I need to interact with others and I prefer that I interact as a woman. I don't consciously change who I am, but certainly want people to know that this is me.

[Sally24]

Just as my male self would not be content to just sit at home my female self also wants to socialize. There are many levels to it. Partly it is about feedback and reinforcement about my appearance from others. Also, people treat females and the feminine differently then they do males. When that happens to me things feel "right". But for me I think the feeling of freedom and joy that comes from showing and living my true self has the biggest appeal.

[Adriana Moretti]

I am a social person I like people....no matter what I am wearing...both sides of me are going to want to go out and interact with people. Being so close to NYC has also helped besides being the social mecca that it is,...our lifestyles are alot more accepting there

[UNDERDRESSER]

I have become more social over the last few years, and now some people around me know I like to wear skirts, it's nice to feel relaxed around them. I think I will be going out more mainstream this coming year, and it is a bit about letting this side of me out. Very hard to explain, must think about this more.

[Lexi Moralas]

I think our male sides would not want to be isolated and never interact with another living soul. So why why would t our gem sides want to get out in the world

[stephNE]

I sort of feel the need to be accepted into a community. So being out with other CDers, is a very nice feeling.

[Davi]

I love to interact with females. A lot more fun and interesting than, "Go Niners!" The more I learn to be a "girl" the more I like it. I can smile, I can giggle, yes giggle, can you believe it? I can even cry, for happiness or sadness. It's so wonderful! The more I interact as a girl, the more I enjoy it. Men can be so boring, sometimes (myself included) and it can be so freeing!

[bimini1]

I had always been curious about going out and what it would feel like to the point of being stressed out about it. I remember once while in college in the 80s and buying a pair of hose, slipping into them on the 3 hour ride home once. Just driving up the expressway with them on under some shorts. The feeling was so breathtaking I wanted to know what it would feel like the whole presentation outside the confines of a car.

I did not get bold enough to try it until 1999 when I sought out a Triess group. They told me well you're out and about now and it's all downhill from here. I'm no longer pressed or stressed about going out. It's like take it or leave it, even though I do plan on going out in the future, it's no longer something I feel I have to do, am compelled to do.

My advice is to safely try it at least a couple of times. I know for me it had to be done, or I would forever be stressed about what it would be like.

[Jaylyn]

I probably will never go out dressed but have thought about it. I would have many miles to drive to really do it. The pink fog to me is different than the going out would be. The fog just kinda controls my mind and senses, going out would definitely be a nerve racking emotion. One day the gals in San Antonio might see me come walking in to their favorite dive but I doubt it anytime soon. Who knows I wake up every morning thinking about lots of things to get done that day. Maybe I'll wake up thinking about going out farther than then gate dressed one day.

[Jenniferathome]

This question has been asked many times on this forum and I always answer the same: its a validation of who I am. Kind of like screaming from the top of your lungs, "I am this!" without saying a word.

[Suzanne F]

For me it is a must. I love being out in the mainstream and interacting wih the world as a woman. I also love meeting girls from this forum while out. It validates who I am and I have to have it now that I have experienced it. It seems so natural to me now and there is no sense of nervousness. It's just who I am!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Tracii G]

I feel its a validation to some extent yes.
I'm with Suzanne it just feels normal to go out and let my female side enjoy life.
Why stay locked up and live in fear and torment your male side?
You don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the world or dress to the nines or even worry about passing to be honest.
Do your best and go out and be happy.

[rachaelsloane]

The need to socialize in femme?
I don't need to go out and socialize, I WANT TO GO OUT and socialize. It's the interaction with people in mainstream venues that makes going out totally great.

[rita63]

I rarely dress and stay home anymore. I am fortunate to have an active local community that presents a lot of opportunities to get out. Now if only I would fall in love. sigh.

hugs rita

[Stephanie47]

I think the feeling or necessity of going out en femme depends upon where you fall on the transgender spectrum. I've been out for strolls on occasion at night. It was for the thrill being totally en femme. I did not go out with the motivation of interacting with the public, although I did do that several times at Halloween. I found it rather boring. I did it! Now what? I now confine my femme time to my home and backyard where I can leisurely spend quiet time or do household chores. I dress for the stress relief. So going out en femme as a six foot, 190 pound man in a dress would defeat that purpose. Would I like to sit around dressed as a woman with other cross dressers? I suppose if it was a support group- yes. I couldn't imagine attending a non cross dressing event en femme. As a man I only interact with others when I have a reason or common interest.

Frankly, at my advancing age I have no need to validate who I am. I way past that hurdle.

[Valarie]

I have the urge to go out, but the area we live in is very traditional Hispanic and machismo so I have to be cautious of where I go out. Right now I enjoy just being at home en femme with my wife, so I got to be happy with what I got :)

[PretzelGirl]

There are two parts of it to me. First is, that outside of work, I am Sue most of the time. So if I didn't socialize as Sue, then I would be pretty lonely. Second is that most of my friends are Sue's friends. The others know both sides. So it is a natural. Mostly for me then, it isn't about self affirmation as it really is about spending time with friends.

[Cheryl T]

As someone else said, I don't socialize much as a male, but as a female ... well that's another story altogether.
At first I just wanted to go out to be out, to be out of the closet and out of the house. That shortly became a desire to meet others who felt as I do and talk to them sharing experiences and feelings. Of course once I had done that it evolved into just wanting to be a part of the world as a whole and that includes interacting with others.
It's fun to socialize and be part of "what's happening".

[Lorileah]

Considering that what CDs do, and that it is really no different than what GGs do (with exception of those who dress for sexual purposes only) why wouldn't you go out? The more the TG community stigmatizes itself, the slower that acceptance will come. You don't have to go out and be flamboyant, but you should be able to, if you want, to do your daily life tasks. You are who you are. No one should tell you you can't be

[Heather-Barbie]

I have rarely been out as I'm mostly an introvert and feel nervous being out even as my 'guy' self. My wonderful SO is encouraging me to go out and she is willing to be with me. I'm slowly working up the courage. I know she wants to help me accept myself (something I still struggle with) and help me get more out of my shell. Everyone is different and how they live with their CD self is unique to each one. I think as I get over my fears, I will find being out as either my guy or girl mode will be rewarding. I think for most, being out will help themselves in many ways.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm quite happy spending time alone, but after a while I get tired of it and need some people around. Then I get tired of people and enjoy a little solitude again. It seems to be another of those things that need to be kept in balance.

[Sophie Yang]

Briana,

Happy New Year!

In general, women are more sociable than men. I think that evolution and the human condition has a socialization component built into us. It just manifests itself in different ways. For us, the dressing may or may not trigger it. I suspect, that even the most introverted of us would not look forward to an extended period of solitary confinement.

We that venture out into the world, do it not to be exposed. That is a possible consequence. Some of do it because it we find it both a challenge and an adventure, at least initially. We continue to do it to learn something about our selves and those around us. We do not want to be the chained prisoners in Plato's Allegory of the Cave. We want to experience the world like the prisoner who ventured out into the real world.

[MayaMe]

I am someone who has not really gone out to socialize. Having to hide part of yourself does a number on ones self-confidence, but since I have told a friend about me I have seamed to have gained some. The urge to just be me has grown and with is the want to go out some and to make new friends and just be me.

So as your accept who are you begin to want to just be you and live your life and that includes when you leave the house.

[Genny B]

Wow! Interesting answers. For me, part of the desire was to wear fem cloths such as a dress, but I wanted to wear it outside from day one. Not to interact with others or be social, But to enjoy the feel of the dress flowing around me as I take a walk in the woods and enjoy nature. Guess I'm different on this one...
Genny B

[heatherdress]

I get dressed, feel good, look good - and want to go out and have fun. I go out for my own pleasure, a sense of excitement, a feeling of fulfillment. I am not making a statement or trying to change the world. I enjoy the feelings of happiness and maybe freedom. I am still me - but I feel different, enjoyably different. If I can socialize with others with acceptance, or be out and about fully dressed, it is more fun than being dressed alone.

[natcrys]

I love being around people regardless how I'm dressed, so I will always enjoy getting together in a bar, restaurant or at my (or other people's homes). :)

Having said that, when I first started dressing at age 19, I also wanted to get out of my student-house to walk outside.. mainly for the thrill, the adrenaline rush and to see whether "I could get away with it".

Now, it's mainly because I want to hang out with friends and do fun stuff.. and of course I want to dress up and be pretty! :P

[robindee36]

In drab I am pretty quiet and introspective. Dressed and in the company of others, it is quite the opposite. Don't know why but it is.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Hugs, Robin :bunny:

[grace7777]

For me, oututside of work I am increasing the amount of time I am out in public dressed en femme. Before I started CDing I tended to not socialize much outside of work, but it would be nice to meet other cd's/tg's for socializing.

[KristyE]

Maybe not thrill seekers but acceptance seekers. I hope to go out dressed some day and not turn a head, just another person walking thru a mall in a nice skirt.
Love KristyE

[julia marie]

After getting through the original look at the "girl me" in the mirror stage and working on my appearance, the first step was to get out and see if I could walk through a mall without causing a ruckus. Hey, I could! Now, it's more about interacting with people (smiles, "Happy New Year", "Have a great day" and the big one, "Do you have these sandals in a 10?"), and ordering a meal or a drink. Good progress there. Next step is to deal with other women on a more social basis in clubs, and maybe some volunteer work. It's tough to pin down. Some of it is acceptance, some is a bit of rebellion against the stereotypes, and some is about getting closer to a world of womanhood where I've always had close friends but still with the shadow of being the guy in the girls' world. Maybe the end game is that I can be an even better friend with them.

[MascStilettoBoy]

I haven't gone out dressed, but even at home, I feel so much less inhibited and more open and interesting when I dress up. It would be great to find a CD meet up where I could really express that side of myself

[AllieSF]

I am a social person I like people....no matter what I am wearing...both sides of me are going to want to go out and interact with people. Being so close to NYC has also helped besides being the social mecca that it is,...our lifestyles are alot more accepting there

This is me. I knew from the first time that I totally dressed that I wanted to take my show on the road. I do not look for validation, though being out and interacting with others does that does happen. I do it for the social and fun aspects of it all.

[lingerieLiz]

I like socializing with women. Love to go shopping and lunch with them and talking about clothes. Not a big nightclub or bar person. Dinner with friends is nice.

[Alice B]

With out question it is for me. I like meeting and talking to new people and going out dressed open the door a lot. Love it.

[LaraPeterson]

Briana, we are all social creatures, it's just hard for many of us to figure out to do it, whether we're dressed in male or female attire. For a lot of us here, it appears we started out for the thrill or to prove we could do it. For me, I was scared as h*** the first few times I ventured out. Now, many years later, going out en femme is quite natural. It's still a thrill, though.

[suchacutie]

I'm an only child and my drab self is very talented at amusing himself in complete isolation. My wife has suggested that dressing droughts could be eased by getting a hotel room for the day, and likewise Tina has been brought along on business trips for after-work in-room dressing. Neither of those solo dressing arrangements us anywhere close as satisfying as a girl's night with my wife, no matter how"ordinary"those nights. I can't explain it logically, but I've experienced that difference on numerous occasions.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I go out quite a bit, but usually to one or another CD social group, often in a public place. To me it's a kind of affirmation.

But to take a different look at it, would you prefer to drink alone or with a group? It would seem that there is a stigma about drinking alone.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm one who can never be mistaken for a female. So, going out in vanilla land for mundane tasks like shopping r stressful and pointless to me.

On the other hand? Going out with the girls for dinner, drinks, and dancing? PRICELESS!

[KaceyR]

I've already thought that I'd be getting out sometime with Kacey...and maybe sooner than later.
(I've technically got 3/4 of this month off with vacation days-starting in 2 hours so time to Kacey it up :) )
I've kind of pushed thru some of these stages of CDing quickly (although that's primarily due to limited family/friends and no SO,etc so it's been easier to do).
Can't say what percentages though are the reasons though.
Mainly as I'd like to think Kacey's a bit of an alter-ego.. while I'm a bit introverted I keep feeling a bit more outgoing when she's out. (well as much as I can tell solo in the apartment currently). For me half is the loving the clothes+femininity,and the other is bit of trying to be what I've not been able to be originally. I know nothing probably would be a "full" turnaround from my usual silent self in public, but hoped Kacey'd bring a bit more out of me that I could maybe use to help both sides of the equation.



But to take a different look at it, would you prefer to drink alone or with a group? It would seem that there is a stigma about drinking alone.

I think it'd have to be with a group. In my thought, being out just drinking solo is counter-productive from what I'd like to do/be. Plus when I do that..I just get moody and it's not the best. I'd have no problems if there were additional factors (drinking a bit but while out for a dinner,etc) but to just go to a bar/club and start chugging...nah. Also if actually drinking alcohols, When grouped, there's more time talking,discussions,etc. Slows down the imbibing rate a bit. And may need all the stability I can get when in heels :)

[felix.samora]

I've only go out once in femme with other woman and crossdressers for karaoke. Make sure you look nice and comfortable.

Surprisingly, not many people cared we were all man dress up as woman.

I am looking forward to try shopping when I feel ready to go out for my second time.

[Erica_xox]

Thinking about going to NY this spring all en fem the whole weekend! Any recommended places?

[Erica_xox]

If anyone is in the North East. Montreal Canada has a large section called the village where differences are very much accepted. It is known as a gay/les area that is the biggest in N America. TS/TG and CD are normal sights and welcomed in the area.

[Angela.Moni]

I developed a strong need to socialize en femme a long time ago. It is a crucial part to feel that inner completeness. We need to be seen so our femininity is exposed and joined by other Trans girls and those who admire them. When I go to Tg clubs, it helps me release that energy, be a girl for real. I love to show my outfits and be looked at as a woman. Can't live without it...

[HeatherMmm]

I've found the desire to get out en femme very strong, while as my male self couldn't be bothered to leave the house other than to work. If only I could make a little room in that work schedule to make it happen. I'm not sure if it's a desire to socialize or validate my female identity, but it can be very strong at times.

[CDKarissa]

I really want others to appreciate my feminie apperance and sometimes even hope for them to appreciate me on an even more personal level.

[Marcie]

I haven't gone out fully dressed for a long time. The urge is coming back. Generally when I have done it in the past, I go to the next city where I'm not known. I would usually dress in skinny jeans with nice black boots. On top I'll be wearing a scoop blouse with a nice female black leather jacket. All the other necessary items, wig, makeup etc. will be properly in place. Looking over the wardrobe above there is nothing to draw anyone attention. That, in my opinion is the secret to being successful, going into public.