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View Full Version : Beyond confident - narcissistic.



Nicole Erin
12-31-2013, 03:00 AM
We worry about passing, acceptance, hormones, surgery, stupid letters, etc.
The biggest thing one needs is self-acceptance. But where does THAT lead? Someplace no one ever told me about...

I am an example of when self-acceptance goes too far. Kind of a narcissist now. :o
Yeah I struggled for years about self-image. Tried to worry about "passing" or some crap. though I was too fat. Hit the gym too much. Nervous about what I should wear.
So since I could not "pass", I decided to make the best of what I had and start taking pride in myself. Maybe I am just another tranny in the world. I no longer care.

About once a month some idiot laughs. But what about day to day stuff?
Not a day goes by when I do not hear a compliment about my hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, nails, legs, or whatever. In a weird way it almost gets annoying thinking, "Oh great, what is this person gonna notice and compliment?"
"But Erin, they are just being polite". You are right. But what about these folks -

Sister tells me my taste in clothing is awesome. She is kinda my fashion counselor.
Some lady I dated for a short while loved the shape of my arms (they are muscular and a good size)
The lady I am dating now likes "the best of both worlds". And she loves my voice (it is femme)
One guy who I sometimes see who buys my nice dinners and lingerie loves my legs and my...
Another guy I had a one-night stand with on Xmas eve was literally worshipping my legs, feet, and... all while saying how beautiful I am.

So now - when I look in the mirror, I do not see some "unpassable tranny". what I see is beauty! Soft skin over solid muscle. Legs for days. Nice ass, small yet perfect B cups (thank you HRT) thick, lovable body. I am the best of both worlds. The ladies and the gents seem to agree.
I think my next challenge is to lay with a woman who has better legs than I have. My head spins when I think of the challenge THAT would be. :eek:

Where does your confidence stand?

kimdl93
12-31-2013, 08:35 AM
I don't think self confidence becomes narcissistic until one develops an indifference to others...physically or emotionally, and I know that's not the case with you, Erin. It's great that you and those you're close to agree that you look great, dress well, etc.

Me, not even close to being a narcissist. I'm still getting used to seeing my reflection in the mirror, never like my photographs and compliments have always made me cringe.

StephanieC
12-31-2013, 10:38 AM
Whoa Erin. You are definitely in a good spot. Kudos!

Dawn cd
12-31-2013, 10:42 AM
I agree. The account you've given us, Nicole, doesn't approach narcissism. However I do believe that women in the culture we live in are more attentive to presentation than men are, and they get more comments about appearance—both from men and from other women. Transition likely brings a lot more comments about packaging than males are used to hearing.

DebbieL
12-31-2013, 11:41 AM
As a man, I hated my clothes. My shirts, button down oxfords mostly, fit like pup tents. My pants never fit around my butt right, and to get pants big enough around my butt, I had to have a larger waist and/or pleated pants. Another pup tent. The shoes always seemed like they were too long, too big, and ugly. Too often, the sides of the shoe would cut into my ankle bones, often causing blisters and even bleeding. Looking in the men's shoe department literally made me nauseous. And the Underwear! It was just gross. Mom and my wife always bought me jocky shorts that were always at least two sizes too big. Then they had that nice absorbent cotton crotch where it would catch and concentrate uric acid, which would mix with sweat, creating the sensation of an ant colony between my legs biting the most sensitive parts of my body.

In elementary and high school, I had a 38 inch chest, 26 inch waist, and 38 inch hips/butt. I had been told by a model who was my baby sitter that the perfect model was 36-24-36 - but I was just a bit bigger in each dimension. Of course I was also 5' 11". The problem was that even though I had a pretty hourglass figure, the clothes hid everything. When I had to take showers in school, I'd get lots of remarks, usually guys assuming that I was gay because I had such a cute body. A few even came out and admitted that they thought I was cute and wanted to date me.

When I finally came out as Debbie, I wanted to wear all the fashions I wasn't allowed to wear when I had been growing up in the 1960s and 1970s. I wanted to wear short skirts, black hose, heels, and shiny satin blouses. I still felt self-conscious about my big butt, so I usually wore a jacket or something, often a biker jacket. I hadn't started HRT yet, and I still had trouble covering dark thick facial hair. What I didn't understand was that dressing like that got me a LOT of attention, from men AND women. They would look too closely and would eventually figure it out. Of course, in Colorado, in the late 1980s and early 1990s, there were no diversity training programs, no LGBT acceptance training, and in Colorado Springs there were 5 military bases, 3 right wing fundamentalist megachurches, and Focus on the Family. As a result, manners were poor once I had been read.

I remember wanting to crawl under a rock when somebody would start singing "Dude looks like a lady" or "Lola", or when I'd hear "I'TS A DUDE". The thing I hated most was being referred to as IT! It was worse than being called "Sir" while wearing a 14 inch skirt, 4 inch heels, and full make-up.

Eventually, I learned to blend. I would dress more like other women my age. At 58, I don't have to dress quite as fancy, but I also can use little tricks like make-up and a few wardrobe choices to look about 10-15 years younger.

As for getting and giving compliments, I love that! I love being able to compliment a woman on choices she has made in her wardrobe, hair, or make-up and have learned that this is a bonding exercise that most women do with each other to affirm each other. Younger girls tend to reject the compliment, but older women really enjoy getting them, and are good at noticing choices that I've made as well.

When my breasts started coming in, especially when they were getting a bit large for the B-cup and not quite filling the C-cup, my wife kept telling me "God your worse than a 14 year old girl". I had to keep reminding her that I had been waiting almost 45 years for them to come in, and that's a long time to wait for something you've wanted since you were 11 years old.

These days, I'm not a stunning woman, but most people see me and relate to me as a woman. I have nice long legs, but I wear my skirts about knee length now, because that's what older women do. I have cleavage, but I don't make a big show of it because older women don't do that. I still have a big butt - which looks even bigger because of the curve of my spine at the lower lumbar, so I still wear Jackets or sweaters, but other women know that concern and identify.

With merchants and short conversations I pitch my voice higher, around Middle-C, but for normal conversation it's a G or an A, low but not unusual for an older woman. Even when I'm not trying, with no make-up, wearing pants and baggy shirt, clerks will call out "I can help you miss!. I feel so good when they do that. I also appreciate that they haven't raised an eyebrow when I give them a card with Rex's name on it and sign "Rexy". I plan on doing the name change next year.

I Am Paula
12-31-2013, 02:34 PM
I wouldn't call in narcissism. It's a combination of supreme confidence, and caring about your presentation. I think a lot of us spend more time preparing to be seem than GG's.
This morning I had a hair appt. I did full makeup, and dressed nicely, even tho' I'm going to do it all over again for New Years Eve in a few hours. I wasn't about to rush out in a track suit cause I'm saving looking nice for dinner out!
As late as I started transition, I will probably always look like an aging TS. But at least I'm gonna be the best aging TS I can be.

Foxglove
12-31-2013, 03:54 PM
Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, "You are so beautiful!" Is that narcissistic?

So what? Far and away better than self-loathing, right? And I do try to keep it within bounds. I always remind myself that others possibly might not consider me as pretty as I do.

It's a great feeling to be able to like yourself. If I'm being a bit conceited or just plain silly, still, I like the change.

Dawn cd
01-01-2014, 06:40 PM
@ Foxglove: It's not narcissistic (a) as long as you have your fingers crossed and (b) as long as others don't hear it.

Chickhe
01-02-2014, 01:26 AM
You don't sound like a narcissist. Hard to get used to accepting complements, but I get the picture its just the way it is in a female's world.