Georgie
01-01-2014, 02:12 PM
2013 a review......
2013 has been a huge year for me, prob one of the biggest and most important years of my life.
From coming out of the closet to the break up of my marriage. It's been a very dramatic and emotional year.
Quite a few of my friends knew I liked to dress in girls clothes, but thought it was just a bit of harmless crossdressing, I lied to myself for years that's all it was and tried to move on with life and be well as normal as I could be. Try to fit into society was like putting a round peg in a square hole. I was never going to fit.
This year I cracked and admitted that I had to be true to myself, my wife kinda knew all along and even though she asked me countless times over the years did I want to be a woman I always said no, not only was I lying to her I was lying to myself and I had gotten so good at it I actually started to believe the lie.So after we agreed that it was best to go our own ways but be the best of friends, as we still loved each other so much, I had the awful task of having to tell friends and family members, which believe me is not fun.
The fear of telling people and waiting for them to hurl abuse at you and disown you is heartbreaking, but so far I have not came across that. I know I will sooner or later, but so far its been so good and it makes me think why have I been in hiding for 30 years? But if I had of told the world about this when I was 3 when I first knew I was different than my brothers and friends. I know the world would not of accepted me. We live in a whole new world now than we did in the 80's.
The world in the most part is a lot more open and accepting. They might not understand or agree with it but most people it seems think we all have the right to be happy. We still have small minded bigots and idiots in the world and sadly it is them that always make the news. Belfast is the perfect example. Every summer we make world wide news with our parades and bonfires and downright backward views on politics, but does any nice stories from here make the news around the globe? Nope, not a single word.
I know many a trans person online who get hurled abuse everytime they leave the house, get spat at, etc. So far to this day I have not had any of this *touch wood* and in this day and age I have leave the house as a girl more than I do a boy. So this is encouraging and long may it continue. I just know when I do get the smallest bit of abuse it is going to hurt me hard, but I will try and keep my head held high and keep going.
The biggest most important moment of 2013 for me was my 3 day trip to Cork, I had been out and about a few times before this as a girl but only for a few hours each time at most. But this wasa huge step as it was going to be me outside for 3 whole days. My nerves was shot. But I did it and it was the most fantastic time. I made me certain that I was doing the right thing with my life.
But every time i go out or meet up with friends is a huge step for me, as its more time in the real world. When you just dress up and sit about the house like I did for so many years, you start to feel like your doing time in prison.
I know some people might find it hard at first seeing a person they have always known as a guy all of a sudden dress and act like a girl. Trust me I know that, and it's going to take time for you a well as me, to get used to that. My parents are not yet ready to see me as a girl which I understand and I'm giving them some time, my daughter kinda knows about me, and she always calls me a girl. But has yet to see me as a girl. But all signs indicate that she is cool with it so far. She is my main worry, as I don't want to **** her up mentally or for her to get bullied in school because of me.
I was bullied all the way through school, and that is prob why I hid for so long, even though I would often turn up to school with panties on beneath my uniform etc, they never knew about that side of me, but yet I was always called names like faggot and gay etc, I guess everyone knew I was not a big macho guy like most of the ones in school. Hell I did GCSE Home Economics instead of P.E. what does that tell yea. I was the only boy in that class (yet I still can't cook) lol.
Before this year I was only out twice as a girl (a day trip to Dublin and gay pride), but this year I have been to concerts, cinemas, bars, party's, hell even boring things like tescos and iceland. If I am off work and don't have the child with me, I am a girl. Hopefully next year at some point the boy George will be forever brushed away. I am sick of wearing that horrible mask I have been hiding under for so long and I think 2014 is going to be my time to shine.
Things I hope to do in 2014....
Go full time as a girl
Work on my voice
Get hormones
Come out in work (only about 7 people in work know so far)
Be happy
Win the lotto :p
Thanks everyone for reading this I know it's long and makes no sense and prob has a 1001 spelling and grammar errors, but you read it and that's the main thing, and it's good for me to rant and write about things on my mind.
2013 has been a huge year for me, prob one of the biggest and most important years of my life.
From coming out of the closet to the break up of my marriage. It's been a very dramatic and emotional year.
Quite a few of my friends knew I liked to dress in girls clothes, but thought it was just a bit of harmless crossdressing, I lied to myself for years that's all it was and tried to move on with life and be well as normal as I could be. Try to fit into society was like putting a round peg in a square hole. I was never going to fit.
This year I cracked and admitted that I had to be true to myself, my wife kinda knew all along and even though she asked me countless times over the years did I want to be a woman I always said no, not only was I lying to her I was lying to myself and I had gotten so good at it I actually started to believe the lie.So after we agreed that it was best to go our own ways but be the best of friends, as we still loved each other so much, I had the awful task of having to tell friends and family members, which believe me is not fun.
The fear of telling people and waiting for them to hurl abuse at you and disown you is heartbreaking, but so far I have not came across that. I know I will sooner or later, but so far its been so good and it makes me think why have I been in hiding for 30 years? But if I had of told the world about this when I was 3 when I first knew I was different than my brothers and friends. I know the world would not of accepted me. We live in a whole new world now than we did in the 80's.
The world in the most part is a lot more open and accepting. They might not understand or agree with it but most people it seems think we all have the right to be happy. We still have small minded bigots and idiots in the world and sadly it is them that always make the news. Belfast is the perfect example. Every summer we make world wide news with our parades and bonfires and downright backward views on politics, but does any nice stories from here make the news around the globe? Nope, not a single word.
I know many a trans person online who get hurled abuse everytime they leave the house, get spat at, etc. So far to this day I have not had any of this *touch wood* and in this day and age I have leave the house as a girl more than I do a boy. So this is encouraging and long may it continue. I just know when I do get the smallest bit of abuse it is going to hurt me hard, but I will try and keep my head held high and keep going.
The biggest most important moment of 2013 for me was my 3 day trip to Cork, I had been out and about a few times before this as a girl but only for a few hours each time at most. But this wasa huge step as it was going to be me outside for 3 whole days. My nerves was shot. But I did it and it was the most fantastic time. I made me certain that I was doing the right thing with my life.
But every time i go out or meet up with friends is a huge step for me, as its more time in the real world. When you just dress up and sit about the house like I did for so many years, you start to feel like your doing time in prison.
I know some people might find it hard at first seeing a person they have always known as a guy all of a sudden dress and act like a girl. Trust me I know that, and it's going to take time for you a well as me, to get used to that. My parents are not yet ready to see me as a girl which I understand and I'm giving them some time, my daughter kinda knows about me, and she always calls me a girl. But has yet to see me as a girl. But all signs indicate that she is cool with it so far. She is my main worry, as I don't want to **** her up mentally or for her to get bullied in school because of me.
I was bullied all the way through school, and that is prob why I hid for so long, even though I would often turn up to school with panties on beneath my uniform etc, they never knew about that side of me, but yet I was always called names like faggot and gay etc, I guess everyone knew I was not a big macho guy like most of the ones in school. Hell I did GCSE Home Economics instead of P.E. what does that tell yea. I was the only boy in that class (yet I still can't cook) lol.
Before this year I was only out twice as a girl (a day trip to Dublin and gay pride), but this year I have been to concerts, cinemas, bars, party's, hell even boring things like tescos and iceland. If I am off work and don't have the child with me, I am a girl. Hopefully next year at some point the boy George will be forever brushed away. I am sick of wearing that horrible mask I have been hiding under for so long and I think 2014 is going to be my time to shine.
Things I hope to do in 2014....
Go full time as a girl
Work on my voice
Get hormones
Come out in work (only about 7 people in work know so far)
Be happy
Win the lotto :p
Thanks everyone for reading this I know it's long and makes no sense and prob has a 1001 spelling and grammar errors, but you read it and that's the main thing, and it's good for me to rant and write about things on my mind.