Do you go out dressed in public?

[SelfMade]

Even though I got out daily dressed as a woman, I always get a few stares here and there? do you go threw the same thing how do you over come the fear of going out?:daydreaming:

[Suzanne F]

Yes I go out on a regular basis. I concentrate on how I feel when dressed. The way I can breathe when I walk down the street. I love interacting with people that I can sense are either accepting or oblivious to my gender. I have been lucky in that I have never had a direct confrontation. Sure there are a few stares but either they are decreasing or I just don't notice anymore. Finally, if I do get a stare i tell myself they just said that is the prettiest man they have ever seen. Since I really don't know what they are thinking I make up something that makes me happy!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Ellie52]

Selfmade - Ive been out several times in the last six months but I honestly cant be bothered anymore. I find its too much like hard work getting the makeup and the wig to look perfect so I can pass. Also, as I go to well populated places like shopping centre's it gets hard to concentrate as Im always looking to see if people are noticing me. Its much more relaxing in the comfort of your home....Ellie

[PaulaQ]

Miss Paula's rules for Passing
1. Beard shadow kills your attempt at passing. Angelina Jolie, with beard shadow, will be addressed as "sir."
2. Don't be shy - walk like in like you own the joint.
3. Don't care what other people think. I know this one is hard, but the less you care, the easier this is.

Passing is kind of like Wile E. Coyote walking off a cliff. He's FINE, and can keep on trucking on thin air, as long as he doesn't look down. Once he does, he's screwed!

Oh, one more:

4. If you are dressed to attract attention, you can't be surprised when you attract it. You never know - it may be positive attention you are attracting!

[Rarity]

I've gone out in public before. Many times. I admit I get nervous around big groups of people.

[PretzelGirl]

I think we try to hard sometimes. We try to make everything just right and then we go out in fear. They can smell the fear I tell you! I go out almost daily and basically if I chill, look at and smile at everyone, and not skulk about like I am doing something wrong then it goes quite well. If you act like you are doing something wrong people will check you out to figure out what it is that you are doing.

I should add that it isn't necessarily easy, but you can get there by doing it.

[Hell on Heels]

Are you happy when out dressed? Thrive on the happiness.
Be who you are, and say what you feel.
Those who mind, don't matter, those that matter, don't mind!
Just enjoy YOUR life.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[NathalieX66]

January 23, 2010 was my very first public outing dressed as female in public . I was at a hotel near a military base full of guys and girls in army fatigues, dancing and drinking away. Then on to an all-night New Jersey style diner. This was my first night with Tri Ess. This was the beginning of a very long saga. Now I dress as female quite regularly in public. it's just who I am, and it will never go away.

I identify as transgender, and I'll leave it at that.

I also love my guy self too,and would never give up that part of me.

[Brandi1980]

I'm not even close to going out dressed. For one thing I don't even have a complete outfit to wear since I purged it all before coming back from Europe. I still don't have anything close to a feminine sounding voice either. How do I get that? Although I would very much love to go out as a woman, I think it may be a while before I am ready.

[RADER]

I only wish I could go out; but I am a Chicken at heart.
I am a real big guy, with big hands, arms, wide shoulders, etc.
Girlie features I just do not have a single one that is visible.
So I stay in the closet; and do a lot of wishing.
Rader

[PaulaQ]

I still don't have anything close to a feminine sounding voice either. How do I get that? Although I would very much love to go out as a woman, I think it may be a while before I am ready.

Honey, I'm a transsexual, I'm out *all the time* and I don't have a feminine voice yet. I'm getting voice coaching, and am working on it. It's really hard. I'd recommend getting Kathe Perez's CD course on feminine voice. It's a skill you have to acquire. A feminine voice is really helpful, but it is about 10% as important for passing as is beard shadow. Learn to conceal that, or basically you won't pass most of the time. (Assuming you don't have really unfortunate anatomy - if you are built like a 6' 7" NFL linebacker, you probably won't pass well with HRT, FFS, Tummy Tuck / body lift, etc.) Some people use videos on youtube, I tried those, and didn't have much luck personally, but many do.

People see generally what they expect to see. If you look like a woman and don't have any obvious cues - like being terrified that you don't look like a woman, you can pass fairly often.

edit: by the way, I'm comfortable enough now that even though I don't really pass without makeup, I'll go out sometimes without it. I'm otherwise dressed as a woman (I am one!) and I have small but real breasts and stuff, but without FFS, I probably won't pass consistently without some makeup. Electrolysis is helping a lot. Before I started, without makeup, but fully dressed, wig, forms, everything - I got called "sir", consistently.

[Jilmac]

I overcame my fear of going out dressed a long time ago. I go out with confidence now and don't care if I get an occasional stare. Stares come with the territory.

[Kate Simmons]

I only go out dressed if I have a specific purpose in mind. Then I'm concentrating on that and don't have the time or interest to worry about what other people think.:)

[Rachael Leigh]

I actually thought today was going to be the day I made to move to go out, but alas the time for my picture taking got away from me and I had to get back to boy mode and go to work.
Like some have said it takes so much work to get ready I wonder is it worth it, than today I was like dang I put in so much work to look this way I need to see the world.
Well maybe someday I won't run out of time cause my courage is getting there thanks in part to you wonderful ladies.

[Courtney Ramona]

Never have gone out dressed. Well halloween but I don't count that. I did go with a baby doll-tee and a bra under a hoodie the other night.Oh,and I didn't suff my bra.

[Angela Campbell]

I have never had any reaction at all from anyone. I look at people right in the eyes and talk ( fair to good voice) and either most are sooo polite or they do not notice or don't care.

[FemmeElastique]

I've gone out in public many times en femme, but typically I reserve it for nightlife and clubs/bars with low lighting. Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm confident enough to pass for going out during the day. It's something that I have to work on more and become more comfortable with, because eventually, it will progress to going out during the day.

[RenneB]

It took me a bazillion baby steps to finally be out and about. It starts with night drives then a walk in the dark, then make the leap to 'day walker' starting at dead end cul-de-sacs and vacant store fronts. Then it's a walk in a cemetery, then a drive through then a walk downtown.... then... well, I'm just a lil ol lady out doing errands now.

I will be the first to say, that getting to the 'out and about' stage is not an easy one. How you dress is about 10% of the effort while the other 90% is 'tude. The dressing part is how you want to be perceived. Dress like it's "hey look at me" and they are going to look at you. I prefer to dress to blend. I usually get the crowd wrong, but one dress one step up from the crowd I think is going to be where I'm going...

Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable, then take a few pictures. If you like what you see, then head on out....

Hope this helps.....

Renne.....

[Brooklyn]

If you're going out on a daily basis like you say in the OP, it sure seems like you've overcome your fears already. We get looks from some people, just stay confident and cheerful and always work on improving your presentation. Sounds like you have plenty of opportunity to practice! :rose:

[SarahBJackson]

I go out sometimes, but never alone. Well, once I did because I was a speaker on a panel at a local university, but other than that, it's usually in a safe environment or with a group of other dressers after a support group.

[Beverley Sims]

Just make sure I look good and......
Step out! :)

[Daphne Renee]

I have only gone out a few times . Mostly on Halloween. This is going to be my year to change all that thought. How many times will I go out . dont know yet. I will do it more than once though I do know that.

[Connie.Marie]

To SelfMade,

I'm with RenneB, Baby Steps. For MANY years it was always by myself (that was before the internet), at night, walking the square of small towns or parks or later once I'd built my confidence, downtown with a crowd around. LOTS of Drag Shows.. Even now, I've never been to a mall, never eaten at a "normal" restaurant, never been out in the daylight. STILL get butterflies when I go out.

Hugs, Connie Marie

[Lynn Marie]

I'm 6'3" and I wear heels. I have broad shoulders, a man's chin, and a big nose. My voice is a little nasely. When out, I own the place, exude confidence, and become a classy old broad with a killer wardrobe. There's really no other choice. I can't do anything about my height or other male features, so boldness and confidence is my only option! It works well for me.

[Michaella]

Yes, many times now, which sort of surprises me, as I never expected to do that. I did it the first time just to say at least I did it once in my life. But I enjoyed it very much and have looked for every opportunity. I have gone to restaurants, museums, films, plays, operas, stores of all types, have taken trains and buses, been out with friends. I see my therapist regularly when dressed. Only a couple of issues with being read, and nothing serious. I don't pass if anyone looks closely, but for the most part, they don't. I'm careful about where I go and how I dress, and generally feel relatively relaxed. It has been very satisfying. I don't say everyone should do it. If you aren't comfortable then don't; if you don't feel the need, then don't. But for me it has been a very positive experience.

Michaella

[chrissy111]

I go out often, but usually only with my wife. I find it's easier to blend in when I'm with her.

[Tracii G]

I go out a lot and never worry to much about what people think.
I feel if their first impression looking at you and seeing womens clothes,longer hair they will automatically think female.Then upon closer inspection may clock you but they probably won't care anyway.
Dress nicely as others do and not like a ho bag you should be fine.
Dress in a kinky outfit then be expecting looks,glares and laughter.

[Diane Smith]

I go out with confidence when I have a definite mission to perform -- shopping, hair or nail appointments, a night on the town with friends -- but never just for the thrill of it (heck, I wouldn't do that in male mode, either). The sense of purpose helps overcome my natural nervousness and allows me to shrug off the occasional overheard comment or gender miscues. I'm out fully dressed a couple of times a week on average, and in mixed mode much more often than that (heels, nails, earrings, makeup, but mostly boy or unisex clothes).

- Diane

[Wildaboutheels]

Dressed as a woman? No.

As in trying to "pass"? No.

Dressed VERY "wrong" according to most here.

2 or 3 times a week for 13 years. Just one of the perks of living in Florida where skin is almost always in, at least in central and south Florida.

NOT ONE bad experience.

BUT... I don't project an image of a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs [when I am out "dressed wrong"] AND I am always ready to deal with gaggles of teenaged girls. The key is simply to be ready for them because they are inevitable unless one restricts the places they go.

[Marcelle]

Hey there,

I have been out regularly for the past few months at various venues. I don't pass (in fact very few of us truly pass) but due to my height and frame, I can blend.

I have learned to accept that people will see a guy in women's clothing and just go with it. For the most part the stares are minimal (more curiosity than rude) and when I interact I try to be as friendly as possible. My voice is not bad but it is still evidently a guy. My one advice with voice . . . don't try and do the falsetto voice thing as it will sound like Mickey Mouse and draw unneeded attention. Just soften your voice and octave and a lot has to do with inflexion. Listen to how women talk, it is more melodic than guys as we tend to punch end things.

Blending for me is my main goal. Presentation is important but I have too many tells for that to be my primary weapon. I spend a lot of time watching how women move, walk, manage items and just interact. I wear clothing that blends and is age appropriate so I can slip below the radar and not draw too much attention. Should I get a stare, I just smile back and that normally ends the staring and people move on with their business. The best thing is to act confident, you are doing nothing wrong and you have as much right to be there as anyone. This really does make the world of difference in going out.

I still get nervous but as I force myself to interact with those around me and get used to different looks and stares, the fear is starting to dissipate.

Hugs

Isha

[Cheryl T]

At first I was sooo nervous about going out. Then the more I did it the more at ease I was.
As for the stares, sure there are still people who look and leer, or giggle, but unlike when I first went out I'm not looking to see who's looking. I'm just going about my business and I don't see them anymore. My wife occasionally will ask "did you see that woman/man staring?"...and I tell her "no, I didn't".
If they want to spend their time watching me then that is up to them. I'm doing other things. If I'm shopping there are clothes and shoes and jewelry and such to occupy my attention. I don't need to be watching narrow minded people watching me.

[kimdl93]

I go out routinely and despite being rather tall (6'2") and not petite (how's that for evading the issue) I still seldom get "noticed". But it may be because I am not looking to see if "I'm noticed". I've gotten to the point where I stop watching for reactions and just get on with life.

[Deborah]

If you don't want to go out in public try driving at night....or a lonely road and get out :D

[AnnieMac]

Ok Wildaboutheels, I am just dying to hear your comeback suggestions for teenage girls. I will need that ammunition some day! THX -Annie

[Stephanie47]

The only times I went out with the intent of interacting with the public was on several Halloweens. I wore a tastefully dress, hosiery and heels, along with all the necessary undergarments. At that time I wore a blond wig which matched my natural hair. I had full makeup and nails done. I went into grocery stores and bought soda and a doughnut shop. The reaction was mixed. One half drunk guy laughed his head off. The clerk at the doughnut shop complimented my appearance. Other times I have gone out for a drive en femme with forays to mailboxes or library book return slots. Also, I took evening strolls just for the experience. I got my fill of adventure. I did it! I experienced the forbidden! Now I'm content to limit myself to my home and backyard. Peaceful and tranquility.

[Vanessa5]

I go out regularly. Mostly to shop for clothes. It just feels right to go out and be "dressed" for trying on skirts and dresses. I made a deal with myself, to help control my pink fog, that I would not buy femme things unless I was dressed and could try on before I brought home. This has thankfully reduced my closet, although it still seems to be growing. I have had some stares, but for the most part nobody pays me any more attention than any other time.

[darla_g]

i have gone out, i personally think i am constantly being read so its not something i care to do a lot. Not really my goal with dressing.

[AllieSF]

Since you are already going out "daily dressed as a woman", my answer is not geared toward helping you take those first steps, which are really many steps or maybe even miles that are already behind you.

How do you over come the fear of going out?

To me, based on your already somewhat extensive experience, it is probably all in your head. I think you just need to thicken your skin so that looks, stares, giggles and maybe even comments just bounce off or go unnoticed and can be totally ignored, or at least almost totally ignored. That also means more courage and a lot of self confidence about who you are and what you do. I always carry my real personality, me, with me and act like I always do in male mode. If I walk into a store, wine bar or restaurant, or theater or women's room, I walk in as if I belong there, I look people in the eyes, smile and talk to whoever is nearby as if nothing is different about me, regardless how they might actually see me, think about me or react to me.

One of the tricks or thought processes that I used when I first started going out was to tell myself that I probably will never see these complete strangers again, so why do I need to worry about what they think or how they react. That really did help a lot. Once I realized that I was having zero issues interfacing with complete strangers when out, my confidence level and self esteem, in the sense that I must be doing a pretty good job being me in women's clothing, a whole new world of great times and fun opened up to me.

You may need to find some thought processes of your own to help get you over the current fears. One thing that usually helps is repetition, i.e. keep going out as much as you can. Something you could try is to figure out what gives you the most fear and keep putting yourself in that situation to build up confidence in yourself to overcome that situation. You also could start with a minor fear and work your way up to the bigger ones. However, pro-actively dealing with an issue seems to help many people to make that issue a non-issue. Good luck and congratulations for already being "out" there. I wish more were like you, because by just stepping out of your own front door you probably overcame your biggest fear of all.

[carhill2mn]

I have been going out in public en femme for many years. I am not aware of any instance where I was stared at. Of course, I have improved my presentation since my early outings. It did take a while for for me to no longer feel any fear. Repeated successes had a lot to do with that. Also, I am older and care less.

[Ressie]

Let me be the one to say No, I don't go out dressed. I've only done it once and it was OK but I don't feel compelled to do it.

[Rebecca W.]

I have worn very slender womens jeans and pantyhose. Not very daring, but it is a start. A lot of under dressing and I need to get bolder!!!

[Jessica giovanna]

I only go out en femme so no problems with that...just be confident in yourself and just pay attention to what the gg's are wearing and just do it!
Ms. G

[julia marie]

I go out dressed every week or two. My not-so-scientific theory is that half the people that you think are staring at you really aren't. They could be looking almost anywhere but plenty of us have some feeling of guilt or something that makes us feel like there is a spotlight on us. Feel confident and go about your business. I've had dozens of sales clerks, wait staff, etc., deal with me directly where they can easily see I'm a dude in a dress. None have been critical or crude, and most call me mam. Final thought about people who do stare or even say something, take a lesson from the flight attendants that I have seen dealing with parents who have crying babies on a plane. The parents are obviously uncomfortable, and the attendants will ask, "Do you know any of the people sitting around here?" Of course the answer is "no". So the attendant will assure them, "And, you'll never see them again. Don't worry about what they think."
Cheers. Enjoy your outings.

[Rebecca W.]

Julia.

Thank you for the encouraging words,

Rebecca

[Lilly Street]

I have worn very slender womens jeans and pantyhose. Not very daring, but it is a start. A lot of under dressing and I need to get bolder!!!

Similarly, I've only 'stealth dressed' outside of a few parties years ago. I'm on the 'way to freaking tall side' for most womens jeans, but do enjoy going out with panties, and leggings. Also, with the cold weather I like wearing a bra as it's easy to cover/reveal as much as you'd like due to the heavier coats needed in this weather.

[Starr]

I got out all the time... being read doesn't upset me.. I except it if I am and just smile and go on. I dress fem sometimes with bra and forms other times without. I love being able to be me.. I love the look on someone's face when their mind has the question..."was that a guy?" but they are not sure. I was in walmart the other day.. not really trying to pass but I had just got my hair done, was dressed fem.. and had on lite makeup. A girl their not only thought I was a female but she thought I was a woman she knew... I loved it.

[LaraPeterson]

Fear, what fear? The only way you can be intimidated by stares, gawks, sneers, or anything else you find negative or threatening to yourself is if YOU allow it to happen. If you are comfortable enough to go out dressed, you ought to "girl up" and be prepared to face the consequences. And, by the way, I like to believe the whistles and clearing throats are all because they find me irresistible!

[Rebecca W.]

Sometimes, the fear of the fear of being insulted, stared at or just the rude remarks can prevent you from even trying to go out dressed.
I have delt with so many comments and reactions over the many years of dressing that is has become, just a part of my life to deal with it. I had a pedicure and the room full of women just stared at me the entire time, not a word was said. I suppose that my choice in a bright pink polish, intrigued them.

We all have a life to live, it just might not be what people expect or accept, too bad!

[5150 Girl]

Miss Paula's rules for Passing
1. Beard shadow kills your attempt at passing. Angelina Jolie, with beard shadow, will be addressed as "sir."
2. Don't be shy - walk like in like you own the joint.
3. Don't care what other people think. I know this one is hard, but the less you care, the easier this is.

Passing is kind of like Wile E. Coyote walking off a cliff. He's FINE, and can keep on trucking on thin air, as long as he doesn't look down. Once he does, he's screwed!

Oh, one more:

4. If you are dressed to attract attention, you can't be surprised when you attract it. You never know - it may be positive attention you are attracting!

Yea, what she said.... You beat me to it! If I feel someone has read me and is attempting to be snarky, I just make like a deaf horse with blinders on.

[Tasha McIntyre]

March 2009 was the first time I ventured out in public........to a coffee shop. That went so well that I progressed to the biggest shopping mall in my district in June of that year. I was an absolute head case with nervous energy, but it was something I just had to do. Sure, I got some looks and double takes but you know what......nothing remotely bad happened, in fact I ended up pretty much at ease after half an hour or so of just wandering around.

I had such a good time that I did it again a week or so later. The fear returned (although not as bad as the first time), but I bit the bullet and ventured further, actually going into dress shops and chatting with SA's, which was quite the buzz I can tell you.

After a few times out, the fear was completely replaced with contentment and satisfaction. Any looks, double takes or stares I got were met with a big smile which either got people looking away in a hurry or smiling back.

Confidence is a wonderful thing

Tash :)

[CarlaWestin]

Although there's always that desire to dress to pass when I go out, for some reason, I've never been out dressed to pass as often as I've dressed carefully for photos and videos at home. When I go out, I love blending in with the public scene while presenting a definite female silhouette and form but questionably non-female face. Usually, I'll shave real smooth and do a little eye makeup but for me it's all about having prominent T&A in public. Hey, you asked!

[Stephanie Julianna]

I've been out in public since the early '80's. I find it is all about first impressions. We've spoken about it in other threads. If they see a lady then usually it all falls into place, even if your voice is a little masculine, which many GG's have (re: Suzanne Pleishette and Marlene Dietrich.). I like dresses to pants since I can wear pants anytime. I just make sure that they are age, time of day and occasion appropriate. Being 5'5" I can get away with 4" or less heels in boots or shoes. I would think that lower heels would help if you're taller and you don't want to stick above the crowd. I do find that passing is an addictive activity. So as you get better at it it may be harder to control your "pink fog". The most important thing to do is study what GG's wear, how they do their hair, accessorize (jewelry, scarfs, etc), how they do their makeup and how they use their hands while doing any activity. Take smaller steps and ALWAYS bend at the knees. Lastly, get in the habit of keeping the knees together. Momma didn't raise any loose girls here.

[Rebecca W.]

Stephanie,

That is great advise for blending in with the public.

Thank you,

Rebecca

[Adriana Moretti]

typically I reserve it for nightlife and clubs/bars with low lighting. .....when I was going out (I plan to start again this year) thats exactly what I did....I would also go to the beach in the summer go figure !

[AllieSF]

Sometimes, the fear of the fear of being insulted, stared at or just the rude remarks can prevent you from even trying to go out dressed.
I have delt with so many comments and reactions over the many years of dressing that is has become, just a part of my life to deal with it. I had a pedicure and the room full of women just stared at me the entire time, not a word was said. I suppose that my choice in a bright pink polish, intrigued them.

We all have a life to live, it just might not be what people expect or accept, too bad!

The way to break up all that silent staring is to carry on a nice conversation with the people near you. It may take time, but after a while it will be very easy. Sure they will look. So would I if I was getting a mani/pedi as a man with no polish, men do that more than we realize. Now, when they start putting a nice bright color on my toe nails, the conversation can get interesting. I just tell them that no one else will see them but me, and I like the look. Then we resume our talk.

[Sarah L]

I have not gone out as often as I would like to, but I still get out plenty. If I start to feel a little nervous, I just think of the line from batman:
"Wait til they get a loud of me!"

Be proud of being the "different" one. If it bothers them and not you, then you have an advantage on them. Be defiant and insist on your freedom.

[Marcie]

Yes I have gone out fully dressed. It takes nerve when you are 6 foot 2 inches tall. I have noticed there are several tall girls now out in public so I do feel a little more comfortable but also a little apprehensive

[Valarie]

I really want to, more and more I have been thinking about especially now that I got my first wig. I like to think about what I would wear, and do, and go...ah a girl can dream.


Lastly, get in the habit of keeping the knees together. Momma didn't raise any loose girls here.

I have been working on this while at home. When I was a kid my mom used to slap my hands or legs because I would "sit like a girl." So I am trying to bring the habit back in me. :)

[Talisker]

Yeah i've been out a few times to a mix of busy places (main central station,shopping mall, McDonalds) and some not so busy (parks etc). Just kinda depends what mood i am in. Im 6'3" without heels so dont try to pass. Also tend to show a lot of leg which also gets attention ! Always use male voice and just try to look good. Walk like you own the place and you wont get much hassle. As others said its easy to detect fear or nervousness e.g dont keep changing direction to avoid people!! Only really interacted with women who have been great. Some 26 year olds were so keen to get my number ;)

Think i would get less attention if i went out with someone else but not tried that yet.

[the butcher]

Hunni you look great

[Launa]

I try to get out 1-2 times a month if possible.

I've gotten used to the stares but once and a while if I get a funny far away background comment sometimes, sometimes my middle finger will stick up for me.

[LaraPeterson]

Update from Lara: I got up early this morning, got dressed, and drove to Nashville to meet my sister--she has suspected for years and asked a couple of loaded questions over the holidays, so I let her in that part of my heart. We met a a restaurant near Opryland and when she saw me she broke out in tears. I didn't know what to say so I just hugged her. She stepped back and said, "You are beautiful." (Second time that has happened to me). I then teared up while I tried to say thanks.

We ended up going to Opry Mills (the mall there) and just walked around and talked for the few hours we had together. She had to leave 'cause she's headed to Europe tomorrow.

This getting out thing with people close to me is getting easier by degrees. I remain cautious and try to be careful. Once again, fear is not an issue because I'm not intimidated by other people. On the other hand, I don't ever want to hurt anyone and some people are just never going to understand. Maybe that IS a form of fear.

[MissTee]

I do not, and strangely do not have a desire to. Am happy staying indoors most of the time. I do admire those that step out and brave the world dressed. Don't know that I could muster up the courage for that.

[jandebs]

In the end it comes down to persistence. After a while you somehow learn how to interact with the world in ways that work for you. That's been my experience anyway. I've been presenting full time as female for over ten years now, and though I'd fooled about with hormones bought privately, mainly to see if they actually worked, I didn't bother with them after realising I was 'getting away with it' most of the time. I've had no surgery (too complicated for me), and wear a wig, which I loosely plait and then clip up at the back. I'm pushing 60 and I think this style suits my age. Often we hide a little behind our hair, so it takes a bit of nerve exposing all the face, but on the other hand you can show off your earrings. I love leggings too. At my age I can wear them with really feminine, pretty tops, which, on their own would look like I'm trying to reclaim my youth.

After a while your dread will mostly subside if you're blending in not too badly. I agree with Paula's advice on beard shadow being a huge giveaway; I tried laser unsuccessfully and ended up plucking my growth everyday for about an hour, which sounds like some kind of madness but I was desperate. Other than dressing down, and attitude, there's not much more you can do other than get out there.

The whole business of 'passing' is, I think more about the relationship you have with those around you rather than how female you look. I'm sticking my neck out here, but it seems to me that the bloke mentality is to continually 'scope' the people around, whereas my female identity in public has somehow learned to find sanctuary in being 'in my own skin', more grounded. I live in a densely populated part of London and go out at the beginning of every day for a forty-five minute walk before work, doing errands or just getting exercise. I've been doing this for years, and think this habit has helped me hugely. It simply forces me to interact. When I'm clocked (do you have that expression in the US?) and it's inevitable, I might reflect on it for a few seconds, but these days somehow shrug it off and move on.

edit: I mentioned clipping my hair back. I've been on this site so long I just noticed my pic is way out of date...

[silkysheer]

I am an at home dresser. I am 6'3" and 260lbs. I have a beard also, my attraction to dressing is purely an aspect of pleasure. Going out does not interest me at this time. I feel if my wife was behind my feelings and would support me I could talk her into an outing but that just isn't going to happen.

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Allie,
I was holding out for one of them to say the first word. I should have said something, but I chose not to. The young lady doing my nails was very nice and I had a nice conversation with her. If I go out more often to have my pedicures done, I will open up a little more. The women who stared at me, never broke the slightest grin. Kind of tough looking women. I had fun and that was all that mattered.

[Rebecca W.]

Update from Lara:This getting out thing with people close to me is getting easier by degrees. I remain cautious and try to be careful. Once again, fear is not an issue because I'm not intimidated by other people. On the other hand, I don't ever want to hurt anyone and some people are just never going to understand. Maybe that IS a form of fear.

Lara,

That is what I fear the most. The fear of hurting someone close to me. Some people will never understand and some are very close to me.There is however, the understanding that I do have many feminine preferences and that has been accepted over a long period of time.I just take my dressing on very careful steps and see how far that I can go with it, without hurting someone close to me.

Your story on meeting your sister as Lara was so touching and inspiring to me. I am not sure that I could do what you did, but you never know. To never have that ongoing pressure between you and your sister is going to change your life forever. I admire you so much.

Rebecca

[Rachel_B]

I go out dressed as often as I can now but it was different before. I longed to go out dressed but didn't have the nerve to do it though one day I told myself enough is enough and decided that I would go out fully dressed. So one day I called up a salon I've been to before and set up an appointment. Before we hung up, I asked if it would be alright if I came to the appoint wearing a dress(I know that is more of running instead of crawling when it comes to going out dressed for the first time) and the person I asked said it was ok. I was really excited to do it, I made sure that I had no body hair below my neck because the dress was strapless. I also wore a pair of wedges. I also made sure that I didn't have any facial hair as well because that could ruin the illusion. I'll tell you that I was really nervous about it and felt like not going through with it :sad:. In the end I did it and got myself a pedicure and chatted with the lady that did my pedicure (It was somebody that I have told about myself and she was really cool with it). After I was done however, I put on my wedges and ruined a few toes. Then the moment that made my day happened: I went back in to get my toes fixed, the people at the front desk were busy so I hade to wait, while waiting another customer walked in and then somebody asked who was next and the customer called me ma'am and said I was next even though I mentioned that she could go first. After that, I knew I was atleast passable in image.. not voice. It makes me happy when people see me and address me as a female and not just a male in female clothes