starting to love myself

[Valarie]

I am starting to love myself for the first time in years. There are times I want to start my life all over again, but I am happy with things that have come from being male, like my son. I can not transition because of my family and my SOs family. They are all just to traditional Hispanic to accept me. But my wife does and is in love with Valarie and I am happy with that, but sometimes I want more. This makes me feel selfish and hate myself. I have always wanted to be a girl, at a young age I used to wish I could look like the beautiful girls on tv and magazines. The other boys used to treat me so bad, I hated school it was just one beating after another for being a little odd. I used to think that maybe if I had been born a girl I would not have been picked on, (maybe my mean girls later) so much. I don't know where things are going, but for the first time I am loved as a man and a woman, and that is all I have ever wanted.

Sorry this is the first time posting in this particular forum if it came out as a rant that doesn't make sense sorry but I need to say this.

[Daphne Renee]

Hi valarie.. sometimes we need to rant. glad your starting to feel a little better about yourself though.

[kimdl93]

Welcome Valerie. It seems you have attained a lot...an accepting wife, a child and now a degree of self acceptance as well. Try to keep those three things together if you can, and you will have a wonderful life.

[Angela Campbell]

Sometimes I feel ok and sometimes it gets to me a bit. I know though that I am a kind, generous, loving person who never tried to hurt anyone. I figure if anyone does not need people like me it is their loss. I had a rough childhood especially at school, and I was so glad when it was over and I moved into a different kind of life. I never really fit in anywhere until lately when I met people like me.

I know it can be tough when family is not real supportive or understanding, but over time things can change.

[Jorja]

Learning to love yourself is where it has to start. If you do not love yourself, how can anyone else love you? Keep working on yourself and others will follow.

[Valarie]

Thank you all, this break in between the fall and spring semesters gave me a lot to think about and being on this forum has really helped. I am ready to take on my last semester before grad school and work on myself and be happy.

[Chari]

Valarie, No matter where we are in life on the gender scale, we all get negative feelings. Try to release all those past bad feelings, but continue to live strong, be comfortable with YOUR life & who you are, knowing that this forum is just a "click" away.

[rocval2001]

Valerie I know the feeling about the nonacceptance - Hang tough hon - remember we are here for you - There are some great girls here.
P.S. Love the name

Valerie [me]

[Starling]

It's tough to love yourself when you've spent your whole life hating the way you feel, look, talk and move as a man--until you enter that parallel universe in which you accept yourself as a woman. Then those same attributes become a comfort and a blessing, even if you don't ever transition.

:) Lallie