What would you wish your your dad had done to help you

[JustaDad]

I recently found out that my tweener aged son has been cross dressing. After the initial shock and denial I've come to realize that this is his reality and I have to accept it. My wife has spoken to him about it and recently went to seek help from a therapist who works with young people. My son knows that I know but I have not pressed him about it or even broached the subject. I have a good relationship with my son but he has never been one to speak with me about things that bother him.. I want to do whatever it it takes to support him but I don't know what to do or say.
It would help me to know what you wish your dad had said or done to make your life a little easier. There is so much I want to say but just don't know where to start. I know I can't solve his problems but I want him to know I'm there to support him. Puberty and middle school are rough enough for most kids but this has got to be just the worst.

[Beverley Sims]

Just don't show disappointment at the fact that he likes girls clothes.
Or even hint that he is not the little man that you would like him to be.
You could ask him why he likes girls clothes or even steer him towards his mother a little more for encouragement.
I do not agree that this is the worst...
It is better for your wife to help him and all you need to do is give support.

Taking him to a therapist is not going to "cure" him and might estrange him even more.
I think it gives the perception that he is weird or sick in the mind to do so.

[Bria]

I'm glad to hear that your son is seeing a therapist. Hopefuly this can help him to understand himself. Crossdressing is in most cases only a hobby, however for some is an indication of gender identity questions. Be sure that the therapist is qualified to deal with gender idenity. Please make sure that your son knows that youare in his corner whatever road he takes in the future. This is a friendly forum that will offer you a lot of support Please read many of the threads here which will help you understand crossdressing. Good luck and keep us up to date.

Bria

[kelly10]

Right now, how do you feel about his cross dressing? Or do you really have a sense yet of what you are feeling other than shock (you are clearly past the denial)?
Are you feeling that it may be due to something you may have done or not done wrong? (Just askin' ):)

[KellyJameson]

Among his age group it may be crossdressing or it may be about bending gender which is becoming trendy with teens as being androgynous.

You may want to gently explore how he identifies as "gender" which the crossdressing may be about.

Crossdressing hides a spectrum of behavior and motivations and it can be benign as playing with gender or very serious as a search for self.

Most crossdressers are heterosexual so you may want to explore how he identifies sexually because that could point the way to why he wants to crossdress.

Based on what I have read here and on other forums most heterosexual crossdressers find it erotic and partly do it for sexual excitement at some point in their experimentation. Not something you probably want to hear but better now than later.

If he is shy, introverted and sensitive the crossdressing could supplant his interest in girls assuming he is heterosexual and this is where it could benefit him to become skilled, comfortable and confident in his interactions with females which may reduce his interest in crossdressing if it is done for erotic reasons.

It is my personal opinion that some men who are intimidated by women turn their sexuality inwards through crossdressing.

If it is about gender identity confusion than this is very serious to the well being of your child and should be treated as such.

Particularly if there were indications that "he" identified as female or wanted to be female in the first three to eight years after birth.

Pay close attention to his sexuality as being heterosexual or homosexual because that usually affects the reasons for the crossdressing.

[Dana3]

Just this. Go to him look him the eye take him in your arms and tell him you Love him have always loved him and will always love him.
That you will always be there for him love him ans support him. In an "ideal" world I would liked to been able to experience and express botg aspects of my personality / being. That is to say that I wouldhave
Loved to at least be able to express both my femininity and masculinity until hadfound
My own personal balance.

[sandra-leigh]

:yt: (Dana's answer)

I would also ensure that speaking to a therapist was referred to in a positive light such as "helping him discover who he is and who he wants to be", and not spoken of as "getting him some help" or "curing him".

Don't talk as if there is "something wrong with him" or "this is the worst". Every child has challenges in growing up. It is okay to acknowledge that different choices have different consequences, but you are there to help prepare him to live with whatever choices he makes. Choosing to be a major pentathlon contender would represent a "hard" life too, but you wouldn't talk to an athlete son about matters such as "Your mother and I worry that you are setting yourself up for ridicule and social exclusion".

One thing you can do is ask your son what you can do for him. And you can make offers that indicate acceptance, such as offering to go with him shopping.

Although someone his age might at first be ashamed to be shopping for such things with his father, but on the other hand it sends a powerful message to see his father right there being cool about going into women's sections, demonstrating that it is not something that someone who "looks male" needs to feel is "undignified" or necessary to "slink around" or "sneak in". And with stores whose staff are relatively consistent, for you to be there with your son, giving the implicit message that you know and approve of what he is interested in can be socially useful. Or in some cases it might seem worthwhile to be more explicit, "This is my son, and I am glad that there are stores like yours that he can feel comfortable shopping in."

Pedicures together. Ask his opinion on what color polish you should get.

Sorry my thoughts are fading about this point; it is getting late at night.

[Kate Simmons]

Love him for who he is as a person. That is the best thing any parent can do for his or her children. My Dad found out I CD'd when I was a young adult but he was in denial. If he had shown interest in talking to me about it, it would have made all the difference in the world. I turned out to be a loving Father in my own right but as you say, it wasn't easy. Just knowing that you care will make a world of difference to him, believe me.:)

[KristyE]

Dana3 said it! Tell him you love him and will support him no matter what he does or feels. You and your wife sound like good parents, just be there for him. I wish I had parents like you.
Love KristyE

[Teresa]

I'm really sorry Bria but if cding was just a hobby I wouldn't be doing it. Read my post about going ballistic.

[kimdl93]

It's hard for teens to talk openly when they are dealing with problems. My dad probably knew about me, and I recall a conversation where he gently told me that I could always talk to him if I had a problem. I brushed it off and looking back on it years later I wish I could have brought myself to talk.

[Marcelle]

Hello JustaDad,

By virtue of the fact that you have reached out to us tells me that you are a loving dad who truly cares about his son . . . that is what you need to do . . . care and love him. He is still the same guy/boy/man he used to be, he just likes to dress differently. I really believe if you show him you are there for him and are prepared to support him and love him that is all you can do. I am glad he is seeing a therapist but I do hope the therapist is schooled in gender identity as this will help him make sense of any confusion he has. If the therapist wants you to attend to discuss, please do so as this will show support. Take and interest in what he does, how he wishes to present and ask questions as this will show you are truly willing to accept but that you also need his help and guidance.

Most of all love him and continue to do the things you have always done with him. Stopping you normal routine may make him feel as though something is wrong and that you no longer want to engage in "boy things" with him. You are right though, it will be a long and in some cases a hard journey but if you share that load with him, he will grow up to be a wonderful person and that is all we can truly ask of our children.

Hugs

Isha

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Hope this helps somehwat.

I would say treat it like any other issue that arises during childhood, be it girls, first crush, being bullied, playing sports. In using my Dad as an example he was always there for me, mainly in that he "listened." Yes he would provide advice on topics once I would open up to him about bit. It was always in a caring fatherly way. He took time out to go to every football game I ever played from little league to college, but did not become an obsessive "sports parent" arguing with coaches, refferres, other players parents, or even me if I didn't perform up a certain standard. As for the girls in my life he would comment on ones he had concerns about but basically left that up to me to make my own decsions bascially in the area of "out of wedlock birth = poverty for life, avoid at all cost, and you are pro-life so don't even think about the abortion route should you get a girl pregnant."

To help give some guidance in your situation, be there for your son which I know you are. Don't probably expect him to want to talk to you about anything gender related. Mostly because he's entering that age where must boys don't want to have emotional talks with anyone. If does want to talk he will most likely approach you. You can show your silent support maybe by on special occasion's getting him a gift card to somewhere like Target, H&M, Old Navy etc, or asking is there anything he would like you to pick up for him.

I know if I were in your situation I would be giving my fatherly advice as best as possible "son, you do not need to buy that bra from VS, VS is just a name don't get all carried away, you could get 3 bra's from Wal-Mart for the same price."

"No we are not shopping at Nordstrom's too expensive, ok if you get all A's on your report card I'll let you get one dress from that store. On sale of course" "No I am not buying you a Louis Vitton Purse for your birthday, why don't you just ask for an XBOX One if your trying to see how much you can get! Nine West purse perhaps, but not Louis Vitton! "Yes son I have one Venus razor left, didn't we talk about being prepared, always figure the cost of razors in weekly allowance, instead you chose to buy an XBOX card, when you should have bought the pack of razors!

"Jr. all of my mascara is gone!!! What did I say about taking dad's eye shadow without asking??????":Angry3:

"Son in male mode you know I do not approve of you wearing pants hanging off your rear looking all thugged out!" "You therefore should know if your going out in girl mode you are not going to wear a dress that short causing you to look trashy!"

"Yes I know I'm old fashioned!!" "Even in girl mode you cannot wear a cap/hat in a building, being your still a GM so the no hat in building rule still applies!"

I guess where I'm going with all of this is to not make his cross dressing into a big lifetime changing event between you. Treat no differently from any other area in his and your life, from sports, girls, video games etc.

[saramurphy]

In simplest terms treat him as you normally would be him in jeans and a t-shirts or a dress and tights. For me, it would have been best if there was no different treatment or reaction based on how I was presenting. If he is in a dress he still has to do his chores as if he were not.

...I hope that makes sense...

[Katey888]

JustaDad, this must be really hard for you and to have come to this forum you may well have seen posts that will have horrified you - DON'T PANIC. There is a very broad spectrum of what constitutes crossdressing - if you find counselling useful to help your son understand more what drives this passion of his then I think that will be a good start to really engage with him. Everyone here has offered useful advice - unfortunately, you will have to find your own way with him. From personal experience, I would say he may be mortified that you know this about him; really because you may misunderstand what it means. He needs reassurance to know that you will continue to support and love him, as everyone here has said.

One important thing I would add, is to talk to him about the prejudice he will undoubtedly face in the real world if he decides to be a public CDer. Many of us here have led successful family and career lives ONLY by keeping this activity under wraps. It would be great if we lived in a truly free, utopian world but we don't. It doesn't mean you can't do what you want in the privacy of your own space (or head), but the world doesn't treat anomalous behaviour fairly or reasonably - so please think carefully about what that means to him and your family.
My thoughts are with you - do please come back for more advice if you find it useful. And good luck.
Katey

[Sabrina133]

Wow JustaDad,

There is some great advice here. Just the fact that you are here, asking is huge and shows that you really do love him regardless.

I agree with most answers - I think seeing a therapist is a great step as it will help him understand himself and, hopefully get rid of the guilt he probably feels every time he dresses up. I would also agree that the therapist needs to be one who deals with TG issues. If he knows that you know, i probably wouldn't approach him unless he brings it up. If he comes out dressed, thats another matter. by doing so, he is removing the barrier of privacy and discussing it with him is certainly OK.

finally, i fully agree with the thought that no matter what, he needs to know that while you may be questioning why he does it, you love him regardless.

Would love to hear more on this from you.

Hugs
Bree

[Christy Stevens]

First of all, I'd like to say I'm proud of you for taking the time to ask questions. It shows you haven't given up on your son yet and that you are at least somewhat willing to accept what he is. That means a lot to me, let alone I can't even begin to imagine what that means to your son. Tell him you love him. Tell him that you support him no matter what. He is probably feeling loads of self-questioning right now. He won't have all the answers. Therapy is good but make sure it is his choice. If he feels forced to do it, it may only make things worse. Tell him you are proud of him.

I grew up listening to my step-dad and mom constantly tell me I was a sissy and that I should quit being a girl whenever I would show an emotional side or complain about anything. Please never ever do that or let anyone else.

[Tina B.]

Just a dad, they have all offered some good stuff, but you already figured out the most important parts yourself. Love him/her for the person he is, no matter what the gender issues are. Don't show disappointment that he's not a mans man, never call him a sissy, and don't let others tease him in your presents. he needs just what all kids need, a dad that is in his corner, so when he's got his back to it, he knows he is not alone.
But it sounds like you already knew that.

[TxCassie]

Just a Dad,

What a wonderful Dad you are to reach out for understanding and advise. Just as most of the gals here, be sure you hug him and tell him you love him, always will love him and so very proud of him. Having him see a therapist, in my opinion, is a good thing. Puberty brings on such kaos in a boy's life. Gender, Sexuality, Acceptance, Sports, Academics, Lord, it's enough to make a teen go crazy! At 13, your son may already know then again, he may not, that's where the therapist will do their best work with your son. As with the previous mention, be sure the therapist is skilled in gender issues and does not proceed with "a cure", but understanding and acceptance. At 13, while I don't want to say his dressing is the preverbal "stage" but he could be bridging his worlds and once he experiences another life trigger, he may be off in a new direction. Of course, by 13, most of us gals had years of experimenting with mom or sis' things. I don't know if this is the case, but you can discuss this with the therapist.

The most important thing, is that you always be there for him, and let him know, being a man doesn't mean, you don't wear dresses, it means, you are able to become a person you want to be with strong character and love for those in your life. If he's beginning on a road to transitioning, then, you will be there to love her. At this point, there are many questions, and few answers for you, but that's ok, the answers don't have to come all today or tomorrow. But the love needs to be here today and tomorrow, which it sounds like that's not going to be a problem.

So, the short answer Dad, you may be buying jockstraps and panties for awhile, but you know what, you will be so happy when you see the light in your son eyes and spirit when he feels ok to wear both. The other side is that, you might want to make strict rules about keeping his room nice and neat. No jockstraps or panties on the floor for mom to pick up.

Good Luck Dad, Keep in touch.

Cassie :love:

[Jorja]

Just a Dad,

The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you love him no matter what. A parents love should be unconditional.

[Laura28]

Dana said it best tell him you love him show him you love. Let him know how proud of him you always have been and always will be. I didn thave a father growing up but my mother was always loving and supportive of us in everything we ever tried or did. We all turned out pretty succesfull and well adjusted. (Ok i feel i am well adjusted even though i like to crossdress lol)

[Erica Marie]

Alot of excellent advice so far.
Here is my .02¢
Be his dad. Dont attempt to change him, but dont ignore him either. Do the things dads do. Play ball, go fishing, any other hobbies you have in common keep doing the same thing. Work with the therapist to see how your son feels about this. It may be a phase, it may be a form of expression. He may be a pefect mannered young man and may always will be, he may have other feelings time will have to tell I guess.
I was never close to my dad and now he is not here anymore. My mom found out about my dressing as a teen, if she ever told my dad I dont know. If she did he never treated me any different and Ill thank him for that.

Also. I want to praise you for coming here and asking for help. It shows you care and are an accepting person.

[I Am Paula]

Do, let him know you love him unconditionally.
Do, explain that what he's doing is OK, but not understood by most. Right now his discretion is important.
Do not try to relate gender (his mind) with sexuality. Assuming he is, or will grow up gay is both wrong, and damaging.
Do not tell him, or think yourself, that this is a phase. It may be, it might not be.
Do not assume he has gender issues. Let him figure it out, but let him know you can always talk.
Do not assume he needs a therapist. It will scare the crap out of him that he thinks you think he is mentally ill. If need be, the time will come.
Do let him express any cross gender behavior. Explain it should stay at home for now.
Do let him know you love him unconditionally.

I have a friend whose young son pretends he is a princess at home, and wears a tiara and gown. He understands that this comes off for school, or outings. His parents have NO IDEA where this is leading, but support him and love him. He will be just fine.

[Cheryl T]

If my dad had found out I would never have made it out of my teens alive.

[Desirae]

I think you're doing exactly what you should be doing. You're here investigating this, learning about it, seeking advice, etc. When I was your son's age, times were different. I'm sure my dad knew. He never said anything about it to me. I'm sure it would have been a cause for embarrassment for him, especially if any of his friends found out he had a CDing son. That's just the way it was, and probably still is for the most part. Sometime in the future, when you're alone with your son, I'd just tell him what many of the other posters have said, that you'll love him no matter what, and let it go at that for a while. Make sure he hears you. Eventually it should click and sink in and he might come to you and tell you. I think that would be better that confronting him with the idea that "you know".

[Lorileah]

Just this. Go to him look him the eye take him in your arms and tell him you Love him have always loved him and will always love him.
That you will always be there for him love him ans support him.

:yt:


Crossdressing is in most cases only a hobby, I hate when people say that. You can quit a hobby. I would not say most ( some here may agree but it isn't a great number). If it were you could quit or redirect that energy to something else. Saying this may be a hobby to a young person, belittles a lot of things. This thread asks how dad could have helped, a dad calling it a hobby is like sticking your head in the sand.

MJy dad is having issues with this. He doesn't understand why his "perfect and educated son" would want to change into a (ugh0) daughter. He is old school where being a man is the pinnacle of society, being a man who does manly things even more so. He "never wanted a daughter" when I was younger, he had two sons. Me, a TS, a gay and one who now drinks too much. Any of this from the home life? Maybe. We never said "I love you", nothing was ever good enough (You could have done that better or yeah you won the game but you messed around so long). So maybe there was more to just the nature complex.

I say being TG is nature but reinforced by nurture. In fact everything in a child's life can be put in that category. If you water a seedling it grows. If you ignore it or spend little time with it, it doesn't. In this case, learning all you can and supporting who he is at this time in his life is the best you can do. Things may change but in this case, while he is exploring this he knows there is a llife line.

Good for you Dad, and good luck. Lerner and Lowe wrote a song that was about how to handle a woman but it is pertinent to how to handle any relationship. I will paraphrase

How to handle a (child) there's a way said a wise old man, a way known by every (child) since the whole who human race began. How to handle a (child) mark me well and I'll tell you sir....the way to handle your (children) is to love them, simply love them love them love them.

[Rogina B]

I grew up with an accepting mother that encouraged my exploration of femininity. My father was not one for that.So,Mom was the one that I always shared with. Like most everyone has suggested..show and tell your son he has your unconditional love and encourage him to be unique,cause there is nothing wrong with being a different sort of kid. He will develop the resilience to cope in his world if he knows that his parents are supportive.

[LaraPeterson]

You have already received the best counsel; love your son and tell him so. I'll add this caveat--if you don't agree with what he is doing, let him know that as well. Just don't be judgmental. If you both try to understand each other's feelings, common ground will emerge. If this is not a problem for you, all the better. Above all, don't be afraid to talk to him about it. After all, you are the parent.

[chessdragon]

Two things: Let him know that you still love him no matter what, and give him his privacy. I personally remember how important it was to me that my dad accepted who I was. But without my parent's trust, and a sound knowledge that I could crossdress in private if I wanted, I would not have been able to truly find my identity.
Make sure he knows that you love him no matter what and that he can be himself.

[Rhonda Jean]

My opinion. You don't need to do anything. You have both the advantage and the curse of the internet at your disposal. You can find out a lot more than you want to or need to with a couple of mouse clicks. I think you can be overly encouraging as easily as you can be overly critical (though most dads fall into the critical category). I don't think you need to go dress shopping with him or to the nail salon, unless that's your thing. You be you, let him be him. He's probably going to gravitate more towards his mother as a role model. I'd have been mortified if my dad had wanted to do the things with me that my mom did.

For the most part, my dad acted like he didn't notice. That worked out pretty well. Short answer to a deep subject.

[kymberlyjean]

There's really not much I can add to the wealth of great advice offered so far.
To specifically answer your question- I wish my dad had fostered or encouraged more open communication about feelings, emotions, desires, etc. I grew up having difficulty talking about what was going on inside of me and it still cripples my relationships in adulthood.
Taking "I love you no matter what" one step further, say it's ok to feel/be/express/desire whatever he's got, and make sure he feels safe doing so.

[Bria]

teresa and Lorileah define a hobby differently than I do, I don't suggest that a hobby is something that I can quit easily. I drive race car as a "hobby", I also describe it a little tounge-in-cheek as a "sickness for which there is no known cure".

In my first post I intended to reassue JustaDad that most CDers are not TS and used the term hobby to avoid a long discussion at that point.

My 2 cents, Bria

[Emma500]

Hi, I'd suggest telling your son that will support him regardless of the clothes he wears - and then just give him the time and space to talk to you. I think it's great you care so much:) best wishes

[Deedee Skyblue]

Dad, you have made a good start, by coming here and by not immediately insisting that there is something wrong with him. My dad had very strict ideas about sex and gender, and I hope he never knew about me. Given who he was, I am pretty sure there wasn't any way he could have helped me. To me, dressing would be one of the single most difficult things to talk to my dad about. I don't know exactly what you might do for him, but let him know you are trying to understand.

Deedee

[Leslie Langford]

I know that I am likely going to get some flak over this response by the other posters here, but I think that JustaDad's post is a "plant" to see what reactions it can elicit, and is about as phony as a $3 bill. The dead giveaway for this skepticism on my part is his statement: "It would help me to know what you wish your dad had said or done to make your life a little easier." And look how easy is it to fall for this bait when it is being dangled in front of us so tantalizingly? Who doesn't just love to talk about themselves, especially to such an empathetic ear...

He is playing to our innermost insecurities and trying to tap into the complex relationships that all of us CDers had with our fathers, and how conflicted we were over the prospect of ever having to reveal this side of ourselves to them. After all, "real" men don't wear dresses ..."And what are you anyway? Gay? Shape up and get over it, because I never want to hear about this nonsense again!"

There is a reason why most CDers here - especially the older ones - grew up in terror of their fathers ever finding out about this part of themselves. Bad enough if Mom ever suspected and called us out on our secretive crossdressing - Mothers by their very nature are far more nurturing, supportive, accepting, and forgiving of what their offspring are up to - albeit with the possible exception of them being an axe murderer. Odds were also 50-50 that rather than condemn us for it if they ever found out, they'd actually help us cover it up and in essence become co-conspirators in hiding such a "shameful" secret from others, including (and especially from) dear old, macho Dad.

So really? Dad being down with this the way JustaDad presents himself here? In which parallel universe would this be occurring? Fuggeddaboudit!

No, this is a piece of pure fiction...it is giving a voice to a fantasy that all of us carry deep inside ourselves. A fantasy of how we wish things could have gone with our fathers when we were younger, but which is just that - a fantasy, a pipe-dream, or maybe just wishful thinking, but never a scenario to actually be realized.

I will give JustaDad full marks, though, for putting into words so well the kind of wishful thinking that we all harbored at one time - after all, what CDer wouldn't have wanted a caring, understanding, and empathetic Dad of the type that he tries to position himself as. But in the "real world", this kind of nurturing Dad who is perfectly O.K. with his son crossdressing is akin to the Abominable Snowman, the Yeti, or the Sasquatch - a creature reputed to exist, but where hard evidence to substantiate this is difficult to come by.

Ladies, methinks that you have all been "punked" here, and that JustaDad is a just a Troll or a Psych major having a good laugh at your expense over how he has just reeled you in...

[devida]

I don't know, Leslie, he doesn't have to be a plant or whatever. And what does it matter if he is? Isn't the real worth of this thread the really great responses the other members have given to the question? Anyway, fathers can be awful for all kinds of reasons. Mine disowned me just because I would not follow the career he had determined for me. He would have probably accepted me a a cd more than he accepted me as an artist! Which he just couldn't at all.

[Lori Kurtz]

I know that I am likely going to get some flak over this response by the other posters here, but I think that JustaDad's post is a "plant" to see what reactions it can elicit, and is about as phony as a $3 bill. .............
Ladies, methinks that you have all been "punked" here, and that JustaDad is a just a Troll or a Psych major having a good laugh at your expense over how he has just reeled you in...

I'm not going to give you any flak, Leslie, but I have to disagree. I'm part of that older generation whose dads would NEVER have responded the way "JustaDad" did. But times have changed, and there are some new attitudes among dads today, I think. While it's possible that you are right, I prefer to take his remarks at face value, as most of the "girls" here have done. The compassion that they offer to him and his son says a lot about them (the people offering compassion, that is). And if you are right, then whatever laughing he is doing says a lot about him. And the decency and compassion with which people here have responded still stands.

[Deborah2B]

Make sure you tell him that you love him and will always support him in whatever he does.

[josrphine]

What would you wished YOUR dad would have Done. What my Dad did was not to have listen to my mother, maybe I was raised durning WW2 as a girl. Was it to get out of going in ???? I am what I am now an living with a great women. But I wish I could have a video of my young life to find out just what my DAD DID. Was it my mother who set this up. I don't know an I will never know as both passed away. A aunt of mine when I was older told me in front of my family and others such a way to find out. Talk to your son don't let him be by himself, it hard I know.

[Violet-13]

JustADad, for starts will you adopt me, if my father ever found out about Violet he would disown me.

As for you son, he is really lucky to have parents like you and his wife, as far as I'm concerned your doing what you need to, as far as acceptance goes, you could try it with him, just saying, all it would take is one try and he may feel more comfortable about talking to you about cross dressing.

Also if your comfortable about it you could set him up an account hear, he may feel more comfortable about his dressing if he knew he wasn't alone, I know I did. If your not comfortable with that you could get to know a few of us and may be then set up some thing where he can contact the ones you trust. I know having some one who knew what I was and am going through meant allot.

[Mommydearest]

Hi Leslie- I'm also a member of this group , I'm married to Justadad :) I told him about this forum. He's the real deal, a confused but loving dad. I can see why this would sound like a fake entry but also glad to know that my son has someone allusive as a yeti on his side. We were really confused and this forum gave us such a piece of mind. I met with a gender therapy group that specialized with children- LAGenderCenter in Los Angeles. My son will get info and support with one of their therapist as needed. So far dad hasn't spoken to our son and I think our kiddo is ok with it. I've already bought him some clothes and let him know we both support him. You all mean the world to us, taking the time to help us. I keep reading about the suicide rates, cutting, depression and we hope that we can help our son as he is a sensitive boy. So- we are real folks here. Much thanks to everyone for helping my husband too.

[rebecca34]

Just this. Go to him look him the eye take him in your arms and tell him you Love him have always loved him and will always love him.
That you will always be there for him love him ans support him.
Such good advice there, and in a lot of this thread. If you know, and he knows you know, personally I would say you two need to have a conversation that, ok, may be uncomfortable for you both, but will ultimately clear the air. Tell him you know, and tell him it's ok. He could be any one of a long list of much worse things, and he's not.

My Dad doesn't know, so I can't help you there. I would hope that my Dad would still be the Dad he has been for the last 40-odd years, I couldn't really ask any more of him.

[Annaliese]

Read this it is not about a trans boy, I think it will give you an Idea of how to help your son.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-robertson/just-because-he-breathes-learning-to-truly-love-our-gay-son_b_3478971.html

[Valarie]

Well I would like to thank you for being an understanding and loving father to your son. I have a 4 year old son and would do anything to love him and support him, and that is what you are doing here. For me I was caught indirectly by my mom, meaning she found my stash of clothes hidden. I know she told my dad, but he never said anything to me. The fact that no one talked to me hurt and scared me the most, my advise is to be open, and communicate with your son and your wife.