giving up crossdressing\purging

[tiffanynjcd24]

In general, I had read articles online that mtf crossdressers stop dressing up for good being that they are not passable, they feel that no transwoman or genetic woman would want to date a crossdresser due to the fact they are attractive to regular men and that cross-dressing is addictive. Moreover, mtf crossdressers purge their female clothing items because they feel ashamed of themselves and the fact that they cant be their true selves around others.

My question is has anyone thought about giving up crossdressing for good or realize that crossdressing a part of you?

[Dana L]

It's true the harsh reality sometimes can make us come to the logical decision to purge and get on with an atypical male life. Crossdressing is part of us we can't turn it off forever. Even if you don't dress anymore you'll always wish you could and end up being unhappy for it. It's like Brett favre trying to retire.

[tiffanynjcd24]

That is true, I know for a fact that crossdressing part of me for rest of my life. My only thing in which I express it so many times, is to find a mtf transgenders or a woman to accept my crossdressing.

[Beverley Sims]

Tiffany,
Dressing is just a part of me, I am lucky that I am a slight build and fair complexioned.

Most purge when some other interest comes along and they think it will all be redundant.
When the other interest wanes, they then regret their actions.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand and i glad you accept yourself

[Allison_Leslie]

well honies I look at it this way, I did my time married 8, almost 9 years.. and I can't turn this off now that Ive crossed from CD into Trans-G at least WANTING to get the op.. but even as I can't afford it until a new career comes along, I figure its better to walk through a jungle full of briars than it is to fly easily over terrain the WRONG way.. so I for one will weather this storm and go the distance and one day I WILL be a full female, I have promised myself at least that much.

I don't care what others think really honestly was raised to fear nothing. I don't even fear death or persecution, I laugh and carry on... and it intimidates the snot out of all those who can't handle one who questions something as final as their own gender. .but I DO. And I offer this : DO NOT PURGE.. .. if its in you, its going to still be in you even if you're pretending its not. I will die happy and with one who loves me or I will STILL DIE HAPPY and alone, doing MY thing.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I agree they should be happy at all times

[Cynthia Anne]

When younger, I gave up cross dressing for ever many of times! Well ''forever'' didn't last very long! When I finally realize it's who I am I quit trying to quit!

[Lilly Street]

I've stopped dressing several times for years at a time. However, I've always had it in the back of my mind. There were times I just wasn't able to easily get back into it, living arrangements, relationships, etc. I've absolutely thought about getting older, and if it will affect my desire to dress, I envision Lilly a specific way, I don't know how I'll feel when she can't fit that picture anymore.

[ShelbyDawn]

I have given up completely and purged everything twice in the past couple of years and now I am sitting at my computer on this forum wearing panties, hose, bra with forms and a very cute shorty lace nightgown, so I'd say yes.
After a couple years of therapy, I have come to realize that this is just a part of me and always will be. I just needed to find a balance in my life where my CD does not cause issues in other areas; i.e., when I go camping with my son's scout troop, the nightie stays home. :)

When the next urge to purge comes along I plan on following the advice given by some very wise ladies on this forum and just box everything up and put it in the garage because I know I will need it all again and it is really expensive to start over.

:hugs:

Shelby

[heatherdress]

I enjoy crossdressing and do not wish to give it up. I feel I am fortunate to be a crossdresser. It is an important part of who I am and what I do.

[gina bennett]

Hello, I too have managed to stop for many years having dressed mainly in stockings from the age of 14-15, now I'm in my 40's I feel the need to go further, having acquired heels, dresses and other underwear, I'm looking at wigs and makeup to get the complete look, I think it will always be a part of me to dress from time to time getting more frequent and more complete.

[ColetteB]

Well, I'm 6foot2, 295+ pounds, and rather hirsute, with a full beard. I doubt I could ever pass even if I tried. Unless passing meant "broad shouldered lady who should've played football in high school."

But I'm not going to give it up. Besides, I happen to have GORGEOUS natural long hair (which random cashiers will compliment me on), so at least I've got that going!

I will also endorse an anti-purge. I miss still my first bra. :-( Though I probably would've stretched it to death after this many years.

[XemmaX]

i did try a few times and always came back to it.

[Candice Mae]

I'm a TS and attracted to GGs only, so TSs are not only attracted to men. But you are probably right about them not wanting to be with a CD.

[Marcelle]

Hi Tiffany,

I have to echo the others, I don't think we can truly just "quit" as evidenced by the many who have tried an returned. We may be able to find something to fill the void (take our interest away) but this is mainly for the short haul then it is back to being who we were meant to be. I hid this thing for 31 years and emotionally it drained and almost ruined me . . . Isha is now out and has no desire to go back . . . I do not pass whatsoever when out and about but that would never be my cue to give this wonderful feeling of joy and freedom up. So we (my wife and I ) integrate her into our lives as best we can.

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

Tiffany - easy question to answer. Yes and Yes. Might thin but will never purge again - It is what it is, and while I enjoy it, and it hurts no-one else, it continues...
Katey x

[Tasha McIntyre]

In general, I had read articles online that mtf crossdressers stop dressing up for good being that they are not passable.

I don't pass and never will, but I don't really care. My aim is to be myself and feel great doing it :)


My question is has anyone thought about giving up crossdressing for good or realize that crossdressing a part of you?

Crossdressing has been, is, and always will be a part of me. I am beyond fighting my feelings so I just go with the flow now.

Tash :)

[CarlaWestin]

I thought the ultimate purge was throwing out all your drab clothes. Someday! Someday!

[Krististeph]

I rarely take the time to try to pass, or even go out much, but crossdressing is a big part of who i am, for better or worse. I may occasionally stop dressing for a few weeks, but i'll never stop. I've purged twice when I was very young and didn't know much about what make people crossdress, The only purging I do now is to keep my wife from getting too mad about the space I'm taking up, and it's 'refining the wardrobe' these days, not purging. Although my eye makeup is getting old, I should probably toss some of that too...

K

[Julie1123]

I tend to start thinking about purging when I dwell too much on how crossdressing has made my life more complicated. Just need to find a happy medium. Hopefully that will come in time. What keeps me from purging is pretty much the cost. Have spent way too much to just throw it away and knowing that the urges will never go away and I'll eventually just have to spend more if I did purge.

[Cheryl T]

My God, who hasn't thought about throwing in the towel??
It's part of this journey. I did that buy/guilt/purge cycle for so many years I can't remember. It took a long time for me to accept ME and be happy being ME. I'm so glad I did as my wife accepted me and now I'm free to be me whenever I wish (which is much of the time). Right now she's working from home a few feet away and I'm completely dressed sitting here enjoying the forum and chatting with her as well. Life is wonderful once you accept yourself.

[NicoleScott]

There have been threads in the past like this "Do you think you will ever stop CDing?". Many say that it is a part of who they are and they will stop when they "pry my cold dead hands..." etc. Surely, there are many, maybe most, CDers that this applies to.
But there is a group of CDers who may stop CDing some day. For those who are totally or mostly driven to dress by the sexual arousal factor, as age takes its toll on the sex drive, the desire to dress may diminish or end. There may come a time when the payoff isn't worth the effort.
"I still like women (or the woman I become), I just can't remember why" may be coming to some of us.

[tiffanynjcd24]

Like i dont know when people like me dress up, to us we want to be happy and comfortable in our own skin. More over it give us a chance to expressing and exploring our trueselves. For me, i went two years without dressing up am i kind upset about it yes but same time i am trying to saving money for time being until i get a place. But i would hate giving up completely due to the fact im not hurting anyone and im trying to be myself. I wish i would have another crossdresser as a friend I can relate to and maybe be roommates(i live in nj where pretty much i cant be myself ). In addition, according to previous posts on here, i feel as its hard to find a woman or transwoman that are into crossdressers

[Tina_gm]

I have thought about it a lot, but not as much recently. When I first started to actually dress and was out to my wife, I thought about it almost daily. I had many WTF am I doing moments, I should go back to shoving the damn thing back in its cage and trying to keep it as sedated as possible. I still do have those feelings once in a while, but not as often or as intense.

[Eryn]

I can honestly say that I've never purged. The reason I can say that is that my societal training was severe enough that, even though I knew I had a "special interest" in things feminine, I never acquired anything to purge.

Obviously, having lived most of my life with the idea but not the actions of crossdressing I could probably go back to that status if it were absolutely necessary. It would probably take a considerable toll on me mentally, though, and that could lead to an outcome that is much less desirable than continued CDing.

[LaraPeterson]

To purge or not to purge, that's likely not the question. I think purge usually means to get rid of something permanently. I tried a couple of times and it didn't work. I suppose that means it wasn't a purge. It was a temporary insanity.

[Amy07]

So I did not purge everything. I sent a pick up truck load of mostly ladies clothing to the local charity. I unloaded it too. Lots of things, but happy for those that can use it. It was me in the truck, too.

And nice to read what you posted too. glad you live in the cali.

And today, I gave a homeless guy about 50 bucks in change, at a stop light just a mile south of the Capital of the us

[lovetobedani]

My god. How many times I told myself that I would never dress again. I felt guilty, ashamed, sick, adnormal so I purdged at least 4 times in my life. I tried to surpress it but for some reason the feeling never goes away, nor does the question that I've never seem to get an answer for. How different would my life have been if I were born female. The older and stressed I got the more I needed to be fem yet never really dressed for sexual reasons. This is just who and what I am. I'm far from passable but, I've accepted who I am.

It wasn't until about 10 years ago when alot more information about CDing/tg and such became avbailable did I stop feeling so lonely. I've come to learn that there are so many others like me out there. Most of us have similar experiences and beginnings. Try to accept yourself ASAP and live your life your way.

As far as acceptance from GG's goes. I think that it's on the rise. My hope is that I would find one who will be my accepting life parter who will celebrate who I am together.

This is one of the best forums I've seen to dicuss these issues with others who are like you.

[kimdl93]

I'm not sure the rational is that they feel I passable. Most of us aren't. People try to quit primarily because they are nor happy with or self accepting of themselves as CDrs. I think it's fine to try. Maybe some succeed in going cold turkey. It didn't work of me.

[Billiejosehine]

As a young child I had CDed a couple times and stopped all together and when I reached my teens the desire to CD came back and I began the vicious cycle of stopping and starting. With each time I purged; I'd tell myself okay this it...I'm done...I can overcome these feelings; only to have the desire to CD and eventually the desire to be a women come back stronger then ever. I now realize I was in denial about who I am and that it's a part of me. While other people may be able to turn it off, it's not something I cant do or deny. I am now more accepting of that part of me and I'm looking into transitioning soon. This realization and acceptance has taken a toll in a lot of relationships such as my SO. But I can no longer hide from the world.

[tiffanynjcd24]

@Amy07 i live in new jersey not cali i wish.

Sometimes i wish i have a crossdresser roommate in my area like we would have a girls night out and do everything together.

I really find crossdressers attractive and i would like to be in a relationship with a crossdresser same thing with transgenders and gg. Sorry for going off topic

[Hell on Heels]

Hi Tiffanay, I've been through the whole purging thing several times. Not knowing exactly what I was feeling
or why I crossdressed, only to have the "pink fog" roll back in. Each time it was a bit thicker and I would take it to the next level. Finding more info, thanks to the creation of the internet, was a god send. I now realize I'm never going to be able to stop. This who I am, and I'm not alone.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[tiffanynjcd24]

Aww you welcome hun. As I realized purging is not a good idea unless if you strongly feel that this is wrong and it is ruining your life. Basically if anyone is happy with being a cd then dont purge at all

[RhondaT]

Like the other girls here, I have purged too many times to count. I finally came to the realization that purging was nothing more than wasting money because I always returned to the overwhelming need to be a girl.

At my wife's suggestion I tried estrogen in hopes of calming the need. It did just the opposite. I finally admitted that I am a woman and the need to continue that lifestyle only gets stronger and more intense as time goes on. I thiink about being a woman constantly.

Now, I love the fact that when I buy a bra, it fits my breasts so I no longer need forms.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I understand and i feel that you must been a one happy gal. After reading all of this wonderful post, i understand that i wouldnt give up crossdressing as to trying to please. I do it because i am happy. The reason i havent dress up in a long time because i was going through things and i havent find time. But now being that i have a good job and getting my own place. Does anyone miss dressing up for a long periods of time and how does anyone feel about it

[CharlotteCD]

I haven't dressed in about a year at a guess, maybe 9 months at the minimum. I haven't consciously stopped - I just don't the drive right now.

I do miss it in a way, but I don't match 95% of the posters here so I can't speak for a majority. To be honest, I'm glad I don't have the urge.

[mysticalkatie2014]

I purged before a couple of times I was so un happy but the guilty feeling I had inside was to much and I was feeling depressed then I met misty and my life has become so much better xxxxx I love u misty

[Stephanie Julianna]

Like Cheryl T, I have dressed and purged more times then I can count over the 60 years that I have been doing it. I could fill a large vintage clothes store if I could get it all back. Now I just buy enough to dress fashionable for the times and season and rotate out as needed. Don't need a huge wardrobe since I don't expect the same people to see me day after day in the same dress. No more purging. I'm not going to change and it's too expensive.

[brassieres]

My question is has anyone thought about giving up crossdressing for good or realize that crossdressing a part of you?

I recently purged again, and yet feel like I am regretting it again. In therapy I am working out that this is part of who I am and not to fight it. I need to buy more clothes again too!

[Nikki 1984]

Nah I couldn't ever purge on my crossdressing. I like all the items that I have. It would be rather expensive to replace the items if I were to throw them out. Also this is who I am. Anyways I'm not at all ashamed of myself.

[Sarah Marie]

I purged EVERYTHING including most photos. I even moved to a different part of the state. I was so involved with the TG community and I gave it all up when it put marriage in jeopardy. In retrospect, it was a HUGE mistake. Anyone thinking of purging... don't! Get a storage locker and store your things. You can only suppress for so long then it hits you again! The need to be that whom you are! Wasted time, wasted money (on therapists who tell you that it all stems from self-esteem issues)... dear friends you've abandoned in a vain attempt to "be a man" UGH!!!

[MeDeanna]

I am almost 60 years old. Been dressing since early 30's. I can't believe that the tranquility of having on femme clothes would threaten anyone. If so, the government would make it illegal.

[Patty-Fay]

The first time I purged, I was in my early 20's. I had had a scary experience where I was read, and threatened. This ruined it for me, because I now associated dressing with avoidable danger. I threw everything in the dumpster. A couple years later I started up again; my fears had abated over time.

The second time was when I started dating my 1st wife (I was now about 28). I didn't want her to know, and I also felt I wouldn't need it - since I'd have a "proper" sexual outlet." This lasted until we separated, 8 years later. Dressing again was one way to exercise my freedom, but it was also a way to step outside my troubled life (it was the divorce from hell) and into my fantasy world of feminitity.

The third time was when I started dating my 2nd wife, same reasons as before. I started up again about 8 years later. By now, the internet made it very easy to acquire stuff, and my wife was going out of town about one weekend a month - so I had opportunity to play.

The fourth time---well, I actually didn't purge. I just left all my stuff in its hiding place in the attic. I decided to stop dressing after a terrible experience getting outed after walking out of the ladies room at Walmart (and threatened to be arrested). I vowed to never dress again, but I was like the alcoholic who keeps a bottle of booze in the house (I'm not really equating this to alcoholism - which destroys health and screws up lives). I think I went about a year before I again dressed. So it's been about 12-13 years now, and I really don't think I'll ever truly purge again, although I may go many months at a time that I don't dress. Like so many others, I consider it a part of me - and I am at peace with that (finally, at age 60).

[Mistyjo]

Crossdressing is apart of me i have tried to stop dressing a couple of times and when i did my wife told me that crossdressing is apart of me and that i am truley happy when i dress as mistyjo and she was right so i feel its something you can't just quit doing there always going to be apart of you that wants/needs to crossdress

[Jessica1983]

hi i need to stop it is damageing my marrige i havent purged yet im waiting on a referal to see a theripst at the minite to see what thay say i should have come clean to wife before marrage and kids but glad i dident because i probly would not have a wife and kids if i did and thay are more importent to me than dressing but im not looking forward to purgeing

[Stephanie47]

I've never purged. I don't think I ever will due to anything related to my wife. There are many times that I do not even think about cross dressing for a long time. Even when banging on the keyboard on this site I no longer wear any feminine attire every time. Decades ago when I weighed 160 pounds and was six foot one with naturally blond hair I may have been mistaken for a tall Swede. Now? Well, I am not at all passable. That's why I stay away from mirrors.

[natcrys]

I have never purged and I don't think I will... crossdressing is a part of me and knowing myself.. it will not go away (nor do I want it to.. but that's a whole different discussion).

My advice to others would be.. if you feel like you want/need to purge.. store it! Get those vacuum bag thingies.. put your clothes in it. Get all your shoes and put them in boxes. Do throw away make-up since that stuff does have an expiration date. And store them in closet, under the bed.. rent storage somewhere.

In 100% of the cases I've known.. the desire to dress comes back. And then, you'll be grateful you still have that dress or those heels. :)

[Aprilrain]

I purged more times than i can remember and the only thing that finally got me to quit CDing was transition. I do not believe it is possible for CDs to quit CDing, then again if anyone had managed to quit they wouldn't be hanging out around here now would they?

[Caden Lane]

I purged as a young child due to guilt and fear of being caught. I resumed in my early teen years, then purged again as I began dating , due to guilt, but also fear. I didn't resume until right before my first marriage. I came out to my first wife and we had a very loosely defined DADT, despite me wearing things nightly. We parted ways. When I began dating my second wife, I came out to her immediately. She lied and said she understood and accepted it. As time went on, she began to take a DADT mentallity, and I was still underdressing and occassionally wearing things to bed. But near the end,she forced a purge on me by throwing away a great deal of things. Then made me throw more away. The only saving grace was that I had some things in reserve that she didn't know about, and I was able to rescue the stuff from her forced purge without her knowing. Her forcing that purge was perhaps one of the most hurtful things that she could have done. It was a true expression of the resentment she had for me and the dressing, and the level of betrayal I felt was truly astounding. Thank God I was able to exit that situation with my sanity intact. And I am thankful for the Love of my life that I am with now, and the level of understanding she is expressing daily as she figures all of this out. Because of this, I see no more purges in my future.

As for the question can we quit? That I'm afraid is up to the individual, and their motivation. I do not think it is feasible. I think it will always be a ghost of the past whispering on their shoulder each time they see something pretty they would have loved to wear.

[Tina B.]

I've had three times in my life I've purged, once when I got out of school, and went in to the service, When I got married the first time, when I got divorced from the first wife. And the last time was when I got married the second time. a few years into the marriage, I realized all of my depression, and repressed anger, was caused by my need to dress, and it was only getting worse.
I went to the wife and told her all about me, and how it wasn't about her, I'd been doing it since I was a little kid, and it was why I was so unhappy. I fully expected her to go running from the room and from my life, but instead, she embraced it, maybe it was the answer to her question about why I was so unhappy, and it turned out it wasn't her, I'm not sure. But that very day we went shopping and started me on to what has become a thrift shop of clothes stored all over the house, unfortunately I never had much luck in thrift stores so it was all bought retail. As much as I've always wished I hadn't been born a CD, I've learned to live with it quite comfortably and have never thought about giving it up again, I can't live my life without Tina, and find any sort of happiness, so why would I ever purge again, and deny half of me.

[CD Husband]

I purged once, when I moved into my wife's home. Everything, into 2 large trash bags, into an anonymous dumpster. Things I had owned for years, tossed out in a mad moment of "What the hell do I do with all this stuff?". It did not last long. About 3 months later I found myself going through her drawers looking for something to wear. Finally I gave up and went to walmart, bought a lipstick, slip, stockings and was headed to the checkout when I saw the longline bra and had to have it.

[Kristina_nolagirl]

I have the opposite problem - I hold stuff for too long! There are some things I bought when I first started fully dressing around 16-17 that I still have in my closet and don't wear but will not throw away for nostalgic reasons. But throwing away perfectly good girly things - no way. If your a size 10-12 let me know when you purge and I'll give you my address! ;)

I do sometimes whine and tell my wife I'm going to quit if I don't like the way something looks on me. She then verbally slaps me and tells me "welcome to the life of a woman"

To all people who say they are going to quit I wish you well, but the odds are defiantly against you. I feel like most people try to "quit" because of their perception that is pleases other people- no thanks!

[Confucius]

Yes, cross-dressing is a part of who we are, and so is purging. Yes, cross-dressing makes me happy, and at times it makes me ashamed. There have been times when I wished I could take a magic pill to cure me of cross-dressing. I've tried to cure myself of cross-dressing, and I've been amazed on how difficult this is. I believe that some people have actually been cured of their cross-dressing urges, but this is very, very, very rare. It seems to require reprogramming the neural connections of your brain. It requires you to permanently treasure the virtues of being a man, above your values of the feminine. Most cross-dressers see females as having more advantages than males.

Here is one of the better links to a person (Thorin) who is trying to quit cross-dressing. He is a pastor (yes, a man of the cloth in more ways than one), and he has plenty of motivation to quit cross-dressing. http://healingcd.wordpress.com/

[Wildaboutheels]

I have no earthly idea where you would be reading such nonsense? CLEARLY, if one takes the time to READ the responses here, at THIS very Forum, some are [or more correctly WERE] born into the wrong body. Many of those ladies have gone to great time, expense and effort/surgery/hormones and I can't even imagine some of the rest to correct their outside appearance to their inside. [brain] Others live their lives pretty much as women except for their jobs where they are "just one of the guys". But for most it is just a part time thing. M A N Y other CDing sites back this up.

Passing has NOTHING to do with "dressing" for probably 95% of the CDers on the planet. I can't speak for other CDers but I have NEVER purged. Why on earth would I - I have never felt any shame or guilt. I think it is pretty nifty what my MALE brain allows me to do, and I believe FEmales clearly got the short end of the stick in this "area".

MOST MEN are not going to be "cured" from what Evolution has worked [likely hundreds of thousands of years] to achieve. It's just that simple.

[Ilsa]

I did my share of purging, but in the end it didn't bother me too much because I always donated my clothes to the Salvation Army or Rescue Mission. Besides, styles change all the time and it's good to make a change now and then. Psychologically it didn't bother me too much because I always accepted who I am and knew I'd be back. Also, expenses didn't bother me that much either because I knew I could always go to the Salvation Army Store to find some nice clothing at a cheap price.

[Anna H]

I've never purged. I always liked my "gift"...even when I thought
I was the only one.

I've lost stuff in moving, but I won't ever willingly trash my stuff.
I know that sooner or later, I'll want it again....and it's been long
periods of time between, but I'm always glad I have it.

Stuff like some of mine is now selling on ebay as Vintage! But
that's always a good reason to 'update' something that actually
matters...(besides java/flash/etc...)

:) - Kate

[Patty-Fay]

hi i need to stop it is damageing my marrige i havent purged yet im waiting on a referal to see a theripst at the minite to see what thay say i should have come clean to wife before marrage and kids but glad i dident because i probly would not have a wife and kids if i did and thay are more importent to me than dressing but im not looking forward to purgeingThe decision is yours to make, and we can all respect and support your decision. Do keep in mind that purging will not erase your desires or change who you are, so if you continue to be drawn to things feminine (as I expect you will), don't beat yourself up over it.

You say you aren't looking forward to purging...is there any possibility you could put your things away where they won't be discovered? e.g. I have my stuff in the attic of our house, which is a place my wife never goes. Realistically, there is pretty good chance you will regret the purge someday.

[Chickhe]

I seem to have this been there done that attitude. Once I have done it, I can usually look back and be satisfied with the memories without having to repeat it again. Other times, I remind myself about something new that I want to try and then I get involved again... purging was way back when I was ashamed, but since accepting it and letting myself be free to explore I have no reason to get rid of anything.

[Vanessa Rose]

Does anyone know a CD that purged and never started again...? Sure some have disappeared but does one person know a person that they could definitively say they stopped CDing?

Honestly there must be cases as why would people stop CD'ing and continue to post in a CD forum, but certainly many of you likely go out and have friends that have tried...

In all my years, I can't name one case where purging was successful. I must be wrong, but do any of you know one for sure..

hmm...just thinking outloud...

Vanny

[Jessica1983]

hi patty-fay i think it would be to tempting if i kept them would have to be away from home i have a a apointment now to see someone that can help i will be hard but i have to try

[Billiejosehine]

hi i need to stop it is damageing my marrige i havent purged yet im waiting on a referal to see a theripst at the minite to see what thay say i should have come clean to wife before marrage and kids but glad i dident because i probly would not have a wife and kids if i did and thay are more importent to me than dressing but im not looking forward to purgeing

I have been where you are...When I first met my wife I never did share that part of myself with her because I was in denial, could not accept that part of myself, and I thought if I did what was expected as a man marriage, family, good job, a home things would just go away. No matter how I tried to suppress this part of myself, it kept coming back like someone that keeps knocking at the door till you answer. Sometimes the knock was louder and harder then others. As time went on, I had several slip ups that put a wedge between me and the SO damaging the relationship. I reached a point where I am going through a divorce and accepting that I am a TS and beginning transition. In our arguments she is angry because I never gave her a chance to choose if she wanted to be in this relationship, even if I was in denial I still knew and should have said something. Looking back if I did I probably would have not had my children and gotten married. While my children are important and they come first, I can't also deny any part of myself. It is not healthy, your not being honest with who you are, and you must love and accept that part of yourself. What is your SO's view on CDing? How is it damaging your marriage? If you are going to purge, make sure you put your stuff away somewhere instead of getting rid of them or throwing them away.

[mmandy31]

I have purged try giving up cross dressing for the last 30 years and plus I don't think I am passable and I just can not do it.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Whatever you decide, do NOT purge.
The need to crossdress will return.

[Claire Cook]

I've gone through several long periods when I did not dress, but it was always in the back of my mind. Like many of you, I've accepted who I am and would not think of going back. I firmly believe that this is part of me and that I was probably born this way.

In terms of "purging": what girl doesn't go through her wardrobe and get rid of the old stuff?

[nacracat]

yep, it costs a fortune but a good excuse to buy new clothes WHEN you come back to it. I have decided I am what I am so to hell with it. Life is too short, I can say that because I have been there several times.

[linny_aggy]

not much left to say after reading what so many have already mentioned... yes one gets into that feeling off and on.. i for one have given up thinking..tho' i do care what the society or environment merits...lemme tell u, a CD like me will never be outta it..temporarily perhaps yes, but soon we get back into it sooner or later in some form or the other !!

[sometimes_miss]

It's true the harsh reality sometimes can make us come to the logical decision to purge and get on with an atypical male life. Crossdressing is part of us we can't turn it off forever. Even if you don't dress anymore you'll always wish you could and end up being unhappy for it. It's like Brett favre trying to retire.
I'm one of those who are currently 'on the wagon'. While I'm much more comfortable when I can just dress up as a girl (I always feel like I'm 'acting' the part of a normal male), crossdressing is simply not conducive to having a relationship with a woman; for 15 years I tried to be honest about it, yet found virtually no women interested in crossdressers. Even here, the number of men with mates who like crossdressing is very few indeed by percentage, with just as few barely tolerating it, often with eventual disastrous results when those women decide they simply cannot put up with it anymore. So right now, I'm dealing with it the only way I know how; I take my clue from the addicts who go to their meetings. Yes, I'm a crossdresser, but I will not crossdress today. Some days are much harder than others, but I'm doing better this way than trying to avoid the subject entirely. And I will probably never tell another woman that I'm a crossdresser; it's simply relationship suicide as far as I can see.

Edit: I've purged a few times. Not this time. I put my girl stuff in storage in a place that's only open normal daytime hours. It prevents me from going on wild purchasing sprees when the urge to dress up gets really bad, because I know my girl stuff is just a short drive away, I just have to wait until business hours the next day to get to it. and by then, I usually 'came to my senses' and manage to avoid going there to get my pretty things. For another day. One day at a time, one day at a time.......

[bimini1]

I guess you can approach it like a 12 step program. I haven't purged since the 90s but can tell you some ridiculous purge stories from down thru the years. I remember once throwing some stockings in a dumpster at this shopping center miles from home. Only to be back at the dumpster the very next day digging thru trash because I was afraid to go to a store and buy a new pair. This kind of living led me into the drug scence, since I could not put CD away let me escape from reality by seeing if I could literally smoke up Mexico.
These were extremely dark times. I still am not in full self acceptance of this but don't think another purge will occur. I have so many nice things now. I woke up one morning several years ago and wanted no more dope. Can't explain why it was that simple or easy. Only way I will stop CD is if I have that kind of experience with it, some kind of instant awakening.
Only reason I toil over it is society conditioning. Guilt.

[Christen]

We pretty much all have the same story. I've purged probably four times, maybe five. All for various reasons, but usually with the promise to at least myself that this will be the end of it, no more of this silly dressing up. Hmmm ... in my late fifties I really understand the desire to crossdress isn't going to go away. I just have to manage it as well as I can. I'm not going to purge again, it's just too expensive.

[Vanessa5]

I have had the forced purge. Before I was married my future wife found my stash and forcefully told me to get rid of it. It kept coming back. About 4 years ago I came out to my wife. We went to therapy as a couple then I went on my own. The one thing that I have figured out, and I told my wife, is that this is part of me and I can't give it up.

[Alexaduggal]

I have purged a few times and each time is so heartbreaking. I wish I won't ever do it again, but I think I may.

[trishacd]

Once your a cd ,its no different then being a vampire, it will never stop!

[Marcy]

I've thought about purging several times, when I've about got caught (I'm not out to my wife or family) or when I do it so much that I think I can't hide my mannerisms when not dressed. But then I realize that I really enjoy dressing so why would I want to totally stop. At these times, I store my girlie stuff in boxes out of the way but easily reachable for quick sessions when needed. The fact that my girlie stuff is so close helps me control my impulses to dress. Sometimes just wearing panties and a bra with forms around the house for a few hours with shoes on but all else guy clothes is enough to satisfy my desires. Other times, it full dressing and make-up, wig, and my stuff is close enough for that, too.

For me, I don't think my desire to CD will ever go away, and I'm enjoying discovering how I can satisfy my CD desires in various ways, while keeping my secret from my family, which I know isn't honest but this works for me at this time. If I purged, it would be a short time before I'd be rebuying all the same stuff, and that is expensive and wasteful.

Marcy

[k lynn]

I am mainly a under dresser yes I have purged twice in the past I have finally relized dressing is part of me and I am happy now no more stress from under dressing

[pj]

I think anyone who believes that "quitting" will relieve any stress related to keeping it secret might find temporary relief. But there is also stress involved in denial - maybe worse stress - and that will eventually catch up with you.

That's coming from someone who purged at least twice before I accepted of who I am, which made it unnecessary to ever purge again. And I think that's the key here, acceptance of who we are, not something we do.

To me, the idea of "quitting" this part of me is like trying to quit having two feet.

[Donnagirl]

I've purged, replaced, purged again ad infinitum... Times I wish I could just stop, times I wish I could remain dressed forever. Who am I? What am I?

[Raychel]

Personally I have been thru it all, I have purged and vowed that I would never do it again,
We all know how that works out :heehee:


Now I am out to most of the people in my life that really matter and have grown to accept that this is just a part of me.
This is the person that I am, No sense in fighting it. Just enjoy life dressed in what ever clothes I feel best in.

[Stumble]

In general, I had read articles online that mtf crossdressers stop dressing up for good being that they are not passable, they feel that no transwoman or genetic woman would want to date a crossdresser due to the fact they are attractive to regular men and that cross-dressing is addictive.

My question is has anyone thought about giving up crossdressing for good or realize that crossdressing a part of you?
As far as your love life goes, get out to places where you meet bi women. Lesbian catering places are best, as a bi woman trolling for girls will go there, but be upfront about who you are. Sure, the pool of candidates is smaller, but love finds a way.

A lot of people use on-line dating sites. There you can present yourself as you are and then sift through responders looking for an honest interest. Dating is always work.

I know a lot of you m-fs have been discouraged in your searches, but it could have to do with you feeling attracted to traditional personalities. It might be worth investigating.

[Kristy 56]

I've stopped twice,and purged once. Two of the worst decisions of my life.I tryed stopping when I was young(catholic school guilt) and quit and purged a few years ago for my SO( after I did something stupid) I still remember the horror of giving Kristy's life away. Donated everything to charity including some items with price tags still on them. Even the SO told me to keep a few things,but I didn't. Oh well,at least now I have the fun of buying new items. In the meantime no one is getting my Mary Jane's or anything else unless they pry them out of my cold dead hands !

[Christen]

Yep, I've purged numerous times. Have vowed not to do it again, it's just too expensive. And at 57 I know this isn't a passing fad. Now I just try and be as elegant as I can manage.

[Sarah Marie]

Ugh, I purged EVERYTHING about 8 yrs ago. Went to therapy, told my wife it was all done, managed to suppress for a while. Let me tell you, rare is the CD who can put it all away and never do it again. I am grateful for this forum and the few trusted friends who know. Damn, if I could only have my old wigs back!!!!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tiffany, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit.

[cheryl]

I have done this in the past, and learned I always come back. So I've got too much wrapped up in clothes to throw them out and start over, especially since I don't dress daily.

[Seana Summer]

Every so often I have periods in my life where I have little desire to dress up. I have not purged in many many years since I know at some point the desire will be back and purging is pointless for me. For others, your own circumstances may make the need to purge the only logical option. I am glad I do not have to.

I have accepted that wearing a skirt on occasion is just part of me. I do sometimes wonder why......... but I don't let it consume me.

For some reason I seem to be going through one of those times now where I don't dress up. I have had ample opportunity to wear whatever I like the past few weeks and I find myself liking my male attire the best.......for now.

For my friends who wonder where I have been, my apologizes, I try to check in every couple days to respond to PMs but I have not been participating much in the forum lately. Maybe its just too cold for pink fog;)

[Erica Anne]

I did a massive purge (everything) when I got married 27 years ago. These were clothes that I had bought over the years while I was in college. Girl, I missed every thing. I had some cute mini skirts that you cannot get anymore. I should have purged the fiancé and kept the clothes. Marriage only lasted two years due to my earning potential was insufficient to meet her needs.

When I got married a second time, did not have to purge since I told her everything up front before the relationship took off.
Some of the skirts I had, I wish I could find again. I do have some nice one's now but wish I kept my belongings from long ago.

[bethcgy]

done that before. now I need to purge again, but stuff I dont wear anymore

[Jenniferpl]

Been there done that. Like most who have posted before me. There are times when I am able to keep my mind occupied with other thoughts and desires. Over the long haul my femininity has been relentless. It just keeps coming. As my wife keeps reminding me " there is a lot of girl in me".

The only good purge is to weed out the clothes you no longer want to wear. I purge once a year. If it has not been worn in a year out it goes. Need to make room for the latest fashions.

[JazmyneCD]

I have purged several times despite my wife being completely supportive of my dressing and even complimenting me on my little stash of clothing. She came across it one day and we talked about it, her already knowing that I enjoy it. She again had no issues.

But I recently decided to purge a majority of things just for the sake of doing it, even though I have a GG who has told me I can take my things to her place should I ever feel the need so that I wouldn't throw them away. I didn't listen and away they went. I even started growing a goatee back as a way to fight the urge to dress. It was time to get manly again! Grrrr, manly!

Now here I am thinking about how to start my collection again. I love dressing and going out as Jazmyne who is a liberated, confident girl. I'm as comfortable in heels add I as I am in running shoes so why fight it? I've gotten so many compliments on my legs and I love that attention. So despite a CD's efforts to hang up the heels and walk away, there's a good chance they'll be back at it in no time. The goatee is disappearing today and Jazmyne will be back. She can't stop. She won't stop. And neither will the rest of us girls.

[AKADonna]

I have purged and 'quit' several times, but I always seem to be drawn back. I think it's the feminine feelings that take over and make me desire to get into a bra and panties!

[Julie Martin]

Been at it off and on for 40 years. Wish it would go away but it won't. However, I have it down to once or twice a year, when I let it all hang out (see my Julie's adventure post). Then it's back in full on guy mode till she strikes again, normally 6-12 months. I keep the clothes 60 miles away in storage so I won't be tempted..or caught. Works for me!

[tiffanynjcd24]

Read all of the post, you ladies gave me great advice. As for me, i really miss dressing up

[cdsara]

I have been thinking of giving it all up and trying to be just male. Its tough, I don't want to bit my SO doesn't approve at all. We got to do what you want but dadt. Then she's back to grilling me and making sure I stopped. I haven't dressed for awhile and miss it but she is pushing me towards lying about it again. She says I should go back to the therapist if I want to start again. I never wanted to stop. Sorry foe rambling, I am just confused and frustrated!

[BeckyRiven]

If you do decide to give it please donate your old clothing to a woman's shelter. Just throwing it away would be a waste.

[Janine cd]

I've purged a number of times, but keep coming back. There is no end to the desire to dress so I've come to accept it as a natural consequence of my being.

[Rhonda Darling]

I thought the ultimate purge was throwing out all your drab clothes. Someday! Someday!

Carla - excellent! Made me giggle out loud ("GOL").

Rhonda

[Mafalda]

In my experience - as I can see it's a common feeling! - I was going in a continuous cycle of purging, stopping for a while, starting again, and so. I have stretches of time (sometimes as long as a year) when crossdressing is not interesting anymore, I think of myself dressed like a woman as unattractive and bad-shaped. Then comes a day when... I look at an image of high heels... read about some fashion news... and I start again. It's so money-wasting! I justify myself thinking about a renovation of my wardrobe. Somehow, dresses and accessoires I have been already wearing are less attractive to me, so purging is not difficult. At present, I feel that having my female things ready somewhere gives me a control over the need of crossdressing. But probably it's just a matter of time!

[secretcd1]

I usually go a long time without dressing, but then something triggers my urge to dress and I buy all that I need to do so. I'll eventually stop feeling such a strong urge to dress and get rid of everything, then rinse and repeat.

[Lucy Lou]

I have, over the years, dressed for a while and really enjoyed it and then I got pangs of guilt and purged all my stuff. Then a while later, I think to myself that I wish I hadn't. I did that for years until I came on here and lots of people helped me through that. Finding that I was not alone and that many other do the same was a real help.

I will not do it again and for anybody that has a problem with this, the advice I was given was that if you feel like like purging put all the stuff in a suitcase and stick it in the loft or some where out of the way. Then when the feeling comes back just go and get it all back down and off you go.

When I think of some of the things I have thrown away it makes me feel sad. Also it is damn expensive to keep re buying your stuff. There are many who have gone through the same set of feelings so you are not alone and thanks to the wonderful girls on here I have sorted it out. Lucy xx

[GeminaRenee]

I have purged, more than once. I thought I was giving it up, more than once. I have come back, more than once.I'm pretty sure there's a reason for all of that.

Your mileage may vary, of course. But for me, dressing is too much an integral part of what I am, what I want to do. My male and female sides are pretty well-balanced; they need one another. Ultimately, if I dress too much, all of me suffers. If I don't dress at all, I suffer as well.

CD's may quit, and they may do it successfully. We probably wouldn't know, because I doubt they would come back here to brag about it. But I have to believe, purely from my own experiences and my anecdotal recollections from this site and chats with others, that it may come at a cost too steep for anyone to have to bear.

I wish I could tell you more. All I know is that it hasn't been easy for me. And I'm not the only one.

Have a great day, and good luck!

PS - I often find this quote to be worth pondering when I think about CD'ing, and how it relates to my whole self:

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself.” - Thomas Merton

[Julia NZ]

I crossdressed as a kid up to about 16 years old. Never did it again until 28 years later. Now it's 4 years since I started again. Yes, there was guilt and "what the hell am I doing" for the first 3.5 years back doing it but I've found peace in myself with it now. My wife knows and although not totally supportive she's aware I can't help it and let's me get on with it in my own way.

[Nichola]

I'll always be back & forth with this. I recently went over a year without dressing for a multitude of reasons only for it to come back stronger. I think it's learning how to deal with it that's the hard part.

[pajeantv]

I have purged so many times over the last 40 years that i would have a wonderful houseful of clothes, Ive bought and donated more girls clothes than i have ever owned as a guy. More shoes, wigs, dresses, skirts, and on and on. I should have kicked myself in the butt many times, I am luck to go 2 weeks with out buying something new.