Is this Selfish?

[Marsha Marsh]

This weekend a good friend of mine is throwing his wife a big surprise party and he sent me and the wife and invite. I saw him yesterday and he asked if I was coming to the party. I told him I should be there. The only problem is that my wife is going out of town for the weekend and my teen aged daughter is work from 4:00 till 12:00 of Saturday. This means that I can get dressed and go out in my home town for the first time ever. I really want to go to a club for a little while and be back home before midnight, which for me is easy, but I hate being a no show to the Birthday party. I just have so few chances to get out that I really hate to miss this opportunity.

So my question is; Am I being too selfish in wanting to go out as Marsha over going to my friends party?

This is where I really feel the fact that I am leading a double life whether I like it or not.
Marsha

PS, Any of you ladies out there in Knoxville that want to join me from about 7:00 on message me for location. I would love to have some company.

Take Care,
Marsha

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, this is the definition of selfish. A friend's birthday happens once a year whereas you have multiple opportunities every year.

[JustWendy]

Marsha, the answer may be in your description of the host as a "good friend". Combined with the fact that he has also followed up with you in person, it sounds like it's important to him that you make it to the party. Putting your own desire over his need, isn't necessarily bad, but, as Jennifer has said, by definition it's selfish.

Wendy

[Kate Simmons]

Ask yourself how you think you'd be received. That should answer your question. :)

[Katey888]

So - could Marsha go out first and then go to the birthday party? Or is that an obvious no-no? :)
Katey x

[Patsy Ann]

Just curious is the party going to be a large party with many guest if so your attendance probably wouldnt be much of an issue anyway also what is you relationship with his wife and even if you are there will it make any difference to her or not.

[AngelaKelly<3]

If you've already said you'd go, then I think you should go :)

Bummer you'll not get to go out as Marsha, but that time will come too ;)

[Hell on Heels]

Sorry Marsha, If this is truly a good friend, it's probably a bad idea to
miss his party. I think we all have this type of conflict now and then.
The desire to get dressed is definitely an addiction. It's always there, and
will still be there, probably even stronger, the next time you get the chance to go out.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[monalisa]

Go to the party then go out afterwards. That way you maintain the friendship and satisfy your need to dress and go out.

[stephNE]

Many times I have a planned evening out and something like this comes up and I can't go.
So when the opportunity to go out arises, now I think hard about how important the other option really is. You could send a gift to the party?

[Marsha Marsh]

I thought as much. It looks like my best bet would be to go to the party early and then head out as Marsha afterwards. While the party will be quite large, 100 plus folks, yes they know everyone, I did tell him I wold be there. So I best buck up and go.

Of course I really wish I cold go as Marsha and save all of this quibbling. LOL.

[Adriana Moretti]

hmmmmmm tough dilema.....I understand if you have very few opportunities....i have been known to pull the selfish routine from time to time in regards to dressing....this is your friends wife's birthday...so your friend probably wants your company. But yeah...tough call there.

[kendra_gurl]

if you don't go to the party you have lied to your friend and then you will need to make up another lie to your wife when she asks how the party was.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster to not attend the party

[LaraPeterson]

Yeah Marsha, definitely selfish in this case. I can sympathize, though. It's hard not to take an opportunity to get all fixed up and go out on the town. But you have already made a commitment (sort of) and as others have said, if this guy is a "good friend," you ought to go. Maybe you could do what Katey said; do both.

[kimdl93]

Wanting something isn't necessarily selfish...but your choice could be. What do you think?

[Cynthia Anne]

''Good friends'' are hard to come by! What would your ''good friend'' do if the table was turned? I can only imagine what your friend would think if you were a no show! Making a friend happy would be the most important to me!

[Daphne Renee]

hard to say.. how long will the party last? can you go out afterwards? This type of situation is horrible . I guess just try and go and make the best of it. If you can try and leave a little early so you can do both..

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Hey Marsha,

You are not selfish. No one would call you selfish if you had two invites to dinner and had to choose one and decline the other. You are just trying to cope with having limited time to CD. Hope you can find a way to attend the party briefly and then get out to the club as planned.

Don't you just hate these crazy situations we find ourselves in? Too often I have blocked off some Stephanie time in advance only to have it rescheduled by outside forces.

Good luck gal!

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Beverley Sims]

Marsha,
You are not being selfish, but sometimes you have to weigh your priorities in your double life.
I have missed many opportunities putting my dressing first.

[heatherdress]

I thought as much. It looks like my best bet would be to go to the party early and then head out as Marsha afterwards. While the party will be quite large, 100 plus folks, yes they know everyone, I did tell him I wold be there. So I best buck up and go.

Of course I really wish I cold go as Marsha and save all of this quibbling. LOL.

Good choice, Marsha! Best just to show up and leave quickly. You are being a best friend to your best friend.

[DivineMissAmber]

If you're life is anything like mine, there's a million events going on at the same time. Sometimes you just gotta pick and choose.

Since there's going to be a lot of people at the party, your absence won't have as much impact. Making an appearance before going out sounds like a good compromise. You might even enjoy the party so much that you want to stick around.

[Chickhe]

Maybe, but sometimes you have to do something for you. If it is a party of 100, then its just an appearance anyways and you won't be spending a lot of time with your friend. If you would normally go with your wife then just tell your friend you are not up to going alone with no dance partner... or just show up early say hi and say you probably won't stay long and then vanish after a while.... For me, personally, I would be offended if someone said they would come and did not. If they can't make it, I don't care why, I just would like to know so I'm not waiting for them to arrive.

[Connie.Marie]

Marsha,
I have the answer... get dressed & go to the birthday party! Allows you to get to the party AND dress.. Problem solved!! LOL !

Hugs, Connie Marie

[Sarah Marie]

Marsha,
Every chance you miss to go out en femme is lost forever. I'd either make a short appearance at the party, or call friend and apologize that you won't be able to make it. With so few opportunities to go out, seize the moment!!!!

[AshleyBunnyX]

i don't think it's particularly selfish, then again my opinion on the subject is probably fairly biased. i never feel obligated to go to any social event ever. i don't see the point of forcing myself to go to something i know i won't enjoy for the sake of saving face. life is too short. i mean, personally i would probably go to the event, but i would probably enjoy it. it sounds like you don't want to go, so don't. just because somebody was born on a certain day doesn't mean you should be obligated to drop everything for their sake. especially if it's just your friend's wive. he married her, not you. do what makes you happy. ^-^

[Amanda M]

I'm with Connie, 100%! But sound him out first......

[Lorileah]

self·ish
ˈselfiSH/
adjective
adjective: selfish

1.
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

I would say that the OP fits that definition.

[Barbra P]

Hi Marsha

If you had simply received the invite and not responded it would be easier to skip the party, but you told your good friend personally that you should be there. I greatly suspect that your good friend understood “should be there” to mean “will be there”. For many of us the opportunity to go out en femme occurs only rarely but good friends may be even rarer. I think you made a commitment to your friend to go to the party.
You didn’t write what the hours of the party happen to be or just what type of party it is, I’m guessing a surprise Birthday Party for your friends Wife? With a hundred people in attendance it doesn’t sound like a sit down dinner, which works in your favor. If the party starts early enough you might be able to partially prepare for going out prior to going to the party and make an appearance. Then once you have met with your friend and his Wife you should be able to excuse yourself by telling your friend that you had prior plans that you were able to postpone so you could attend his Wife’s party, but you really have to leave early. Just remember that you’re having to leave early is in all likelihood going to get back to your Wife.

From your post “out in my home town for the first time ever” I suspect that you are not really out. The fact that you need to get home before your Daughter does suggests that she doesn’t know. How about your Wife does she know? Is there any chance that your Daughter might get off work early and thus get home early? I’m still questioning what you’re planning to tell your Wife you did for the evening when she finds out you didn’t attend the party or you left early – which she will inevitably find out. This is assuming she wouldn’t approve of your going out on the town en femme – why else would you wait for her to go out of town.