Alarming

[Lilith]

Hey there. Happy new year everyone. I just wanted to share something with you. I was online yesterday looking to buy some lingerie as a present for my boyfriend. I wandered upon the site crossdresserswives.com. Has anyone else visited this site? I found it actually kind of alarming. If you've been there, what do you think of it? I suppose it just made me happy that I found you guys here for support before I found them.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, it is a well known anti crossdresser site. It's all about curing the problem of cross dressing.

[Kate Simmons]

Always someone trying to "fix" things that aren't "broken", always will be I guess.:)

[Valarie]

I found that site before I found this one. It messed with my head a lot and made me really worried that coming out to my wife was a bad idea. I should her the site, she looked it over and said, "it looks like it is run by prudes." She asked if I feel like I am doing something wrong, I told her "no, but I am worried that I am hurting you now."

I found this site, and things became so much clear, I have not gone there in months.

[Lorileah]

It is well known. Totally opposite the support here

[Katey888]

Definitely alarming. Bordering on bigoted and very biased. But then the founder of the charity (for it is an NPO) describes her ex as a "coked-out, lingerie, cross-dressing TV.." - so I guess it's fair to say she must have had a bad experience... :doh:
Definitely some bias in their content: CDing is described as an "unusual and bizarre sexualized topic" - hmmmm. Probably best avoided at all costs.
Katey x

[Eryn]

My opinion is that it is a hate site, designed to reap revenge for its owner at the expense of all CDers. I'm very sorry that the owner of the site had such a falling out with her spouse, but it isn't right for her to try to destroy other relationships through bad advice and false information.

[LaraPeterson]

For every action, there is always an opposite and equal reaction. The reaction of that group is about as hateful as anything I've seen.

[mikiSJ]

dee aka The Founder is a bitter person because her husband exposed a part of himself that was abhorrent to her, and therefore should be abhorrent to every wife/SO.

[kimdl93]

Never be there, but I'm not surprised. It seems there is plenty of bigotry alive in the world. The Internet gives these people rune potential to reach a wider audience. In spite of that, the country is steadily growing more tolerant and more respectful of diversity.

This site is on the wrong side of the issue and the wrong side of history.

[rocketscientist]

After seeing this I was curious and went and had a look. It does seem to be somewhat of an anti-cd site. Most posters seem to be bitter women that don't really care about their partners', just how their own insecurities play on their feelings. I posted as an anonymous user to ask a few probing questions to get more of an idea of the general feel there. Will report back here with my scientific findings.

[Tracii G]

I may go join there too as a distraught gay marriage partner tell them I caught my husband CDing and see what happens.

[Eryn]

I'd recommend against interacting with them in any way. You're not going to change their minds and nothing else good will come of it.

[Daphne Renee]

glad I have never went to that site..

[Hell on Heels]

Never heard of them either, thanks for the info. Will definitely stay away.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Beverley Sims]

I can not agree with Kate Simmons more.

I have a successful maintenance adage.

If it 'aint broke don't fix it. :)

[Tina955]

Just my opinion, but I think some women are selfish and by men wearing women's clothes, it will diminish the power women get from their attire. Will not be checking out that site. Sounds like too much negativity coming from too many narrow-minded scum.

Tina

[Sometimes Steffi]

ANd then there are sites like these, by Lucy, now wife of a TS, and well adapted to it.

http://www.thetransgentlewife.com/

BTW, I first met her FtF at the Keystone Conference 2013. I very cool and funny lady!

[Tina_gm]

I have seen the site. It seems to be to be comprised of women who are totally turned off by CDing, and are closed minded and hateful in general. The other, and probably constitutes the majority of women on it are ones who have had bad experiences from their CD S/O's. We have had members on here who have probably sent a woman to that site for some of the attitudes and behaviors they have displayed. Some people are just very selfish. Some maybe promised that they were just casual CDers but were much more and more than their S/O's could handle. A common theme on that site is about the amount of lying the CDers did to them. The sneaking, the promises to stop, cheating with other CDers.... Those kinds of things ARE going to make a woman quite bitter about CDing if that is what they saw of it. I am not condoning these women to be anti CD and to attempt to break up any relationship or marriage that involves CDing. But I can see why some would get the bitter feeling they do.

[Zylia]

I guess it's OK to speak ill of other forums here as long as it's crossdresserwives.com? It's not like there aren't any people with 'alarming' views on this board as well. Anyway, I'd hate to be one of the 'cross-dressers' married to some of those wives. Seriously, some people need to reassess their life.

[Donna Jean GA]

I read the "Founder's Story" and while I can sympathize with her to some extent about the way it was presented to her and his other behaviors, I realize that the story is from her side only. I can't help but believe there were a lot of other problems with their marriage even though she makes it seem like everything else was picture perfect until that darn dressing intruded into the scene.

[Helen Grandeis]

In many marriages people have an agenda that has little to do with putting their heart and soul into making their partner happy. Instead they have a constant game back and forth. This game builds bitter resentment. Generally both partners are active players of the game. When the big CD hits the scene, the previously stockpiled resentment fuels the rage until the marriage and both partners are consumed and spent.

It is OUR conventional wisdom that over the long term we MUST CD. The urge may be dormant or ignored for days, months or years but it must eventually surface and be satisfied. If we in fact have no choice, we should always be examining our relationships with the idea of maximizing consideration, respect and service to our partners. Little things like not raising our voices, not interrupting her when she is talking, small acts of chivalry and kindness will all build a relationship that is otherwise so strong that a partner will never stop loving you and never stop expressing that love.

Be a value added partner. For the things that you HAVE control over strive to do your best. Treat your wife like Johnny Lingo and make her feel like you paid her father eight cows for her. At worse you will have a quiet DADT at best maybe a BFF.

[rocketscientist]

Well, I have been communicating with a few posters on this site and I always seem to be in a defensive position. There is little talk of understanding and working toward a harmonious outcome. I have not outed myself there as a cd myself, but I believe through my posts I will soon be called out. I welcome their questions if they seek knowledge(what little my feeble mind can muster). If it comes to that, I will do my best to represent us(or at least MYSELF,as I cannot speak for others in unique situations) as truthfully as I can. Maybe a few I can steer here to our little family and help promote some understanding. We'll see. Stay Tuned. Same bat time, same bat channel! Or whenever I get around to it! Hugs,Tonya

BTW, Helen's reply above is very wise and should be appreciated.

[AshleyBunnyX]

wow, just took a peak at the website. that's pretty awful. i mean, i don't expect everybody to be okay with crossdressers, but do you really have to go trash them behind their backs on the internet? i guess the other side of it is that if you're going to get married to somebody you should be able to be totally open about this sort of stuff. who knows.

on the other hands, the op really cushions the blow. sure, some people are totally against it, but you're supportive and even encourage your boyfriend to be who they are. props. :3

[Katie_Did GG]

Glad I didn't find it first. :eek:

That said I don't think a difference of opinion gives anyone the right to sneak into their forums under false pretense to gain information or any other reason. They are there for support and whether I or anyone else disagrees with the mind set they are as entitled to their opinions and to have a safe place of their own as all of us are.

[Michelle789]

None of this would be an issue if cross-dressing was more socially accepted and not so stigmatized. We lie to our SOs and keep our CDing a secret because we're afraid we're gonna be labeled a freak, pervert, or that she might leave us or lose respect for us. We lie to ourselves and don't accept ourselves as CDers for the same reasons. Lying and getting caught after the fact thus in turn reinforces all the negative stereotypes of CDers, causing a vicious cycle. We need to slowly break the cycle by being honest with ourselves, honest with our SOs, and being on our best behavior when CDing publicly and posting on forums.

Also the founder of the site had a bad experience with a CDer who was also on drugs. Clearly the drugs are the real serious issue here, along with it underlying mental disorders aside from gender. I'd say the marriage was screwed because of the coke use before CDing was ever introduced, and she knew he was a coke-head long before she found out about his CDing.

[PaulaQ]

That site is pretty toxic. Honestly, from what I read, a lot of those marriages would be better off breaking up. She won't accept - ever, and he'll never change. It's a really sad situation, and I can understand why women would be frustrated, terrified, angry, and well, prone to vent. But the conversations there seem pretty counterproductive, to my mind.

[Marcelle]

Well . . . that's the internet for you. Everyone has the right to vent as they see fit and while I don't condone the sentiment it is what it is. My recommendation is "ignore the site" go on with our lives and let sleeping dogs lie. We can no more convince these ladies we are right then they can convince us that we are wrong.

Hugs

Isha

[Lorileah]

I think we have established that that site is not in agreement with this one. It is frequented by people who have pretty much already formed their opinions and really don't want to try and understand in any manner.

We will just say they are the mirror image of this site and those who come here wouldn't go there and vice versa

This thread is done