Your wife and the forum

[Teresa]

Has revealing to your wife that you belong to this forum helped in any way? I'm probably like most, I wouldn't say. The other possibility is she comes across it when you have forgotten to switch it off.

[Lilith]

I can only respond from the opposite side of the spectrum. I am a GG and after coming on this site for a bit I showed my boyfriend my posts, the responses, and other posts I found interesting. It opened up communication in a new way and helped open us both to some new views.

[Tina_gm]

For awhile I lurked on here just after coming out to my wife. It was her who said, why not sign up and be a member. She has seen this site, and has mixed emotions about it. There are parts of it, certain threads and just the general nature of it which can bother her a great deal. There is also the part where she sees how many of us are struggling to keep our marriages and relationships alive with real women. I don't know if it has actually helped, but I can't say that it has hurt it either.

[Joanne f]

I can't say that it has made any difference , she knows I go on here ( in the same room at the moment) she knows everything about me so it would not help in that way so she just leaves me to it as long as I am not on here to long lol.

[Jaylyn]

I go on sitting beside my wife while she makes time on Facebook. She will ask me if there's any good posts on today and I will read a few to her and it has actually lead to some good discussions. I can't say it has helped but I have tried to get her to get on the GG part and visit instead of staying on her Facebook all the time. I guess I screwed up when I bought her the dang I-Pad it's so much easier for her to flick it on and play games, read and Facebook sometimes for hours.

[Eryn]

I think that it has been very helpful. We're both active members here and sometimes reading each other's posts gives us an insight that we didn't get from our own conversations. Reading other TG's and GG's posts is often a starting point for conversations that are themselves helpful.

[Dana L]

At first she wasn't thrilled about me joining, but was ok with it. Now she sees that I'm not feeling so alone and stressed in the world. Often she will read some of the posts and I think this has helped her understand me better and has opened her up to accepting and even enjoying my CD life.

[Stephanie Julianna]

My wife found the forum when I did not log off properly last week. I wasn't pretty. In all honesty I should have told her but I got so caught up in what was happening here that my judgement got cloudy. She'll never be happy about my dressing but I think she knows that I need the support I get as well as try to give. I'll see how this plays out. She just needs a little time. She thought the genie was in the bottle for good. We all know that is not a possibility.

[LaraPeterson]

Teresa, my wife doesn't know (as far as I know) and I don't know when and if I'll tell her. I'm in one of those difficult situations and it's just hard to let go of a lot of this stuff. It seems that each time I open up about anything different/knew that she's not aware of, even if it appears acceptable for a time, it makes matters worse.

I'm probably at a place now where anything she discovers or I tell her is of little surprise to her. While she is not understanding at all, she has done a lot of reading and I think she is trying. I sure hope so. So, we keep on struggling, occasionally talking, and always holding on to what we have together.

[Karren H]

I haven't told her.... she really doesn't want to know.... having her here would so limit what I could say or do.... I'd quit and go somewhere else.....

[Laura912]

She is cooking supper while I sit in the kitchen and peruse the site. Occasionally, I will show her a picture or she will ask about writing but mostly it is my entertainment.

[Gillian Gigs]

My wife knows that I am a part of a community of Cders who offers, help, provide support and acceptance. She has no particular interest in joining, and I do occasionally share a thought, or comment from this site. Maybe she doesn't join because she has no qualms about my dressing.

[RADER]

My wife knew about the site, but never was on or looked at it unless i showed her something.
She never liked the computer; She took classes at the Township Center, but refused to use it.
Rader

[jules]

It did but it didn't. She could be on here now with her own profile. I don't have a clue.
she dose not want to here me talk about this site.
she told me to go on here if its helps to get answers but she has no interest.
But I don't have to worry about her finding it open.
that is a plus.

[ClosetED]

I tried to get my wife to read the forum. She took that as a trick to get her to change her mind about her hatred of CDing. Led to talk of separation, which has not happened. So I would call that a not helpful ...

[Helen Grandeis]

After the second reveal, my wife checked out this and other sites. She was softening somewhat until she found two pieces of trivia (my assessment) from our church which cemented her opposition. She doesn't want to know my name, she has cut ties with our 20 year marriage counselor and anyone else who knows who is not backing her up in opposition.

Therefore, this site can be a real asset; however, have some idea where she stands before yielding it to her. There are wonderful people here that can help her only if she has an accepting attitude.

[ChristinaK]

I would love to introduce my wife to this site, but am not sure if it would help or cause more problems.

She has known about my crossdressing for almost ten years. She went from letting me wear nighties when we had sex to throwing them away, to allowing me to wearing panties every day, to a DADT relationship where I dress when she is not around, except for the panties which I wear every day. She stays out of certain drawers now, but has no issues with my shaving my entire body. So, she seems to have internal conflict with what she will accept and what she will not. I think she could learn A LOT from this site about how we think and what motivates us, but would be aghast at some of the behavior, like the desire to be seen in public as a woman, or be sexually adventurous when dressed.

[MissTee]

My wife knows. She looked through it, found it boring. Says, "So, you're all guys and you like to dissect why you wear panties and ponder if it has deeper meaning. Whatever."

There was a thread or two that peaked her interest. in the end, she worried about her sharing a laptop with our kids and forgetting to erase her tracks and how much trouble that would be anyway. So, Candy Crush and Facebook rule her computer time. She doesn't care if I come here or not.

[Robin777]

My wife knows I am on the site. She doesn't really care one way or the other. She knows I browse through it because she is sitting by me using her own laptop. I Have talked about some things on here. She has no interest of joining.

[Jenni Yumiko]

She doesn't care that I go here nor does she have any interest in this or any other Internet socializing other than Twitter and Facebook.

[Beverley Sims]

It hasn't helped in any way, she has been impressed by some of the make overs she has seen here and the off beat humor that flies around from time to time.
Some of the deep seated arguments about those in transition strike a chord as we knew a couple some years ago that went through all the mood swings and other life changing traumas.

A similar reaction to Robin's wife really.

[PretzelGirl]

I told my wife and then she decided to sign up. She hung out for a few months and had enough I suspect. It has been a few years now.

[JenniferR771]

Wife is non-supportive. She gradually became aware of this site. She usually shouts loudly for me to get off the site when she comes into the room, but she checks my history every day. She knows I am on frequently. She has read a few sentences. She mainly sees the subject lines that I click on in my internet history.
Perhaps it is a slight help to know there are thousands just like me--and that other couples struggle, also.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

My wife and I read this forum together but I am the only member

[Kristina_nolagirl]

My wife is not a member...but she encouraged me to join and participate. She does like going on my account when were bored in a resturant or something to look at the "before and after" section with me.

[VAWyman]

My wife and I are DADT. She knows, does not approve, but allows me to dress. She caught me in pink panties the other day, she asked what I was wesring and I simply told her. She just turned around and walked away, but I could tell she was upset.

[DebbieL]

My current wife knew I was transgendered before we went on our first date. She also knew that I tried to transition in 1989-92 and 1993-1996. She also knew that when I last aborted that I had gained so much weight that I didn't feel I could transition anymore. After a stroke and a second heart attack where my heart rate dropped to 30 bpm in the emergency room, she realized that I needed to transition if I wanted to stay alive. Since starting transition I have lost about 70 lbs, I'm eating healthier, and getting more exercise. My wife has lost over 100 lbs before her 8th hernia/abdominal surgery.

We now support each other in our relative transitions. She now weighs less than she has in about 30 years. We are still very happy as a couple, and she has even decided that she likes Debbie more than she likes Rex. She'll even point out when I'm going into "Rex Mode" (factoids, motor-mouth, being a clown).

[EmilyPith]

"So, you're all guys and you like to dissect why you wear panties and ponder if it has deeper meaning. Whatever."
.

I got almost the same line. Doesn't care... she actually said "meh."

Then again... she hates computers and technology. Electronic things tend to break when she uses them too much.

[DivineMissAmber]

I told my wife about the forum. She signed up right away. I hope she finds it as informative and insightful as I do.

[jaye_cd]

When I came out to my wife, I told her about this site and that there were other spouses and wonderful people here she could reach out to to help her understand things, vent, learn... nope. She's not interested.

[jennCD]

I told my wife about a month after I joined this forum. She went through all of the expected emotions and took the time to weigh the new information I dumped on her. I know it was hard for her at first but now, several years later, none of it really made a difference. She knows me better than anyone has ever known me and understands that I am no different a person than the one she loved before she knew about this. I owe a lot to her strength and capacity to love.

[Tallulah Rose]

My wife knows I'm a member here - I wouldn't keep it from her. She thinks it's great that there's a such a good community here that really is a support group. I mentioned to her one time that I wish this had existed when I was a kid, in torment because of my feelings - my wife agreed.

[Teresa]

We are never going to understand women and from what I've read most wives don't want to understand us! Most of us are tearing ourselves apart to keep our relationships together, we must be one of the most faithful group of men, and yet one simple mistake and we live in fear of separation and divorce. I still can't get my head round why a woman finds it so hard to accept it, she still has a loving husband, great with the kids and when dressed the kindest caring person you could meet.

[dawn459]

My wife has not been told about this web site but she is supportive of my cd. We have made plans to
share a trip out of state where I can officially become Dawn 459. My wife supports my lingerie wearing along with a new years resolution to help me complete my fem wardrobe.

[mysticalkatie2014]

My girlfriend knows fully about me and the site I dont hide anything from misty she is amazing xxxx we plan to post pictures as soon as we can

[Dianne S]

My wife doesn't know about the forum. I would like her to read some of the posts, but she's a total technophobe and won't use the computer.

[SandraV]

Nope. Has not helped at all. She is well aware I frequent this form quite often, and has admitted having stopped by to briefly browse it on occasion when I leave it open. Still, she's expressed no interest in participating and has expressed that she has not found anything that would make her feel better about our situation (i.e., my CDing) the few times she's been here.

[gatorgirl]

I found this forum soon after I found out about my fiancé's CDing. Soooo glad I did and soon shared it with him/her. Michelle soon joined! Good support for her and lots insight and support for me!

[Di]

We are both here and enjoy it!
There are lot of GGs that are here to understand their hubby and boyfriends plus we have a private group to talk.:D

Correct me if I am wrong but from other posts it seems like you keep most of it hidden from her.
( from your wanting to crash your car cause you were upset, to not letting her know why the dark room means so much, and the taking-hiding your nieces skirt...on and on.....I got the impression you pretty much keep your wife in the dark)
So how then would she understand?
I do hope you would invite her here so she could maybe understand you....and have others to talk to.:hugs:

[Lorileah]

:moderator note: Just a few housekeeping things here. There are privacy issues in allowing people to read over your shoulder. There are areas here meant for specific groups of people. I know that the main MtF area is open to anyone member/nonmember, but other sections are meant as safe areas for members...in other words you should not let you SO read those areas if they are not a member. Also, remember there is no account sharing so allowing your SO to surf or read here under your name is a no no. They can get their own account.

I also know that people are people and good relationships do share, just be nice about it :) kthnxbye

[Sarah Beth]

My wife knows I am involved in some online things and I have suggested that she join so she can at least read some of the things shared by other wives as well as cds. She just doesn't have any interest in it.

[ossian]

My wife and I are members of the forum.

[Rosabella]

I keep waiting for my wife to catch me on the site or to ask me what I do for support around my crossdressing. She just started counseling, partially to help her accept the crossdressing part of me that developed a little over a year ago. I keep wondering if it would help or not to just tell her. I almost have told her many times that I have support that helps me feel good about myself. She hasn't had anyone else to talk to during this time, so I think her counseling will be helpful to her, and thus helpful for us. That may lead to naturally letting her know about the support I get here. I hope so.

[ShelbyDawn]

Absolutely!!!
It helped me decide I really wanted the divorce to go through much quicker than it was.
I had a profile here under a different name when I told my ex about my CD.
I pointed her to this forum hoping it would help her understand that I was not some sick pervert just the same guy she married that happened to like to wear panties and occasionally play dress up.
It had the opposite effect, she searched for every post by everyone with a name even close to mine, over 300 pages in total when she printed it out where I think I had maybe 20 posts.
She continues to throw stuff in my face from that pile when she gets upset.

Best thing that ever happened to me was directing her to this forum. I just hope she doesn't figure out that I am Shelby as I am pretty sure that even though we have been divorced for over a year, she still trolls this forum looking for me.

:hugs:

Shelby

PS. your mileage may vary and items in the mirror are closer than they appear. :)

[KellyWilliams]

My experience was decidedly negative. I suggested my wife look at the forum, which she did - she even created her own ID and sought support from the FAB and Loved Ones forums... things were going well for a bit. After a bit, she started to take a more negative view on CDing and started searching out every post I had made and that had been made to me. Every word was scrutinized, each picture and response was another thorn for her. For a while, I lost this site as an outlet, as I defrended everyone, deleted all my flikr pictures and did my best to delete my profile.

More recently, we have come to a tentative DADT relationship - part of that agreement is that I may use the forums here as a support mechanism and she will no longer search out my activity, though I don't believe that has been working for her - it is just too much of a temptation to follow my posts and pictures (she shows up as a viewer on my profile often). It's not talked about anymore, but I'm sure it makes things for her more difficult than they would otherwise be.

Unless you are prepared to answer for every word you have ever posted here, I think solo membership is absolutely the way to go. It may be different for an open relationship, but if she is on the fence, chances are good she will end up on the other side of it.

Everybody's situation is different, and I can't claim that you will have the results I have. Best of luck to you whatever you choose.

-Kelly

[anonymousinmaryland]

Very happy for you.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

If I tried to share this forum with my wife, as one entry said, it would not be "pretty."

This is my life. She has hers.

When the little one goes to college, we might share this side of me but not until then. It may help deal with that "empty nest" thing that I am facing soon. This site probably won't be a big deal by then but not now.

My wife does love fashion and cooking. We share those kind of t.v. reality shows all the time.

[~Joanne~]

My SO holds no interest in reading the forum. We learn about this together as time goes by. She fully understands that no two girls have the same needs or desires and while she agrees there may be some useful information to be had here, if there is something she really wants to know, especially if it pertains to me personally, all she has to do is ask. If I don't have the answer we can look it up together and find the answer the same way. We also have a close couple who she could talk with too if she wanted to ;)

As for the "accidentally" leaving this site open, for you girls that are in a DADT or even completely in the closet, it seems like a bad idea from the get go not to have your browser sign you out after you close the window. Even though my SO knows about everything I do on here, my browser signs me out of everything when I close it and is set not to record my browsing history. Not for her sake but you never know who may come along since it isn't password protected.

That being said, it could also be a violation of forum rules to leave it open to give her access to areas that SO's have no business being in. That invades our privacy.

[Alice B]

Has had no effect.My wife know I am on the site a lot and I have even shared a post or two with her. But, she has no desire to join and pays no attention when I'm here.

[mykell]

she knows i belong to something on the web, gave her link to tri-ess so she could look up some kind of info and not see my posts as we just had our reveal and i was posting more in the main forum, dont know if she has looked,
she hasnt shown any interest in learning about it from here or myself....

[JamieG]

My wife knows I'm a member and at times has looked over my shoulder to see me on here. I told her there was a GG section, but she didn't have much interest. She has so many other sites she spends time on, I think she didn't want to add another place to visit.

[Vanessa5]

Nope. My wife considers me a deviant for being this way. This forum was what helped me at first and I encouraged her to look. What I was told "they are telling you what you want to hear". Never did anyone tell me exactly what I wanted to hear but I did get some very good advice.

[Caden Lane]

My girlfriend was only aware of my fondness for lingerie at first. This forum was part of the catalyst for my reveal to her that id grown to desire more from my dressing. She expressed concerns like all GGs do, and after the dust settled a bit, she inquired about the forum, and asked me to show it to her. Which I'll gladly do when life stops getting in the way. My hope is that it will serve us both well in the times to come.

[Tina B.]

Wife knows I'm a member, and could care less, she is not a cross dresser, and has no curiosity about it, as long as I'm happy she's cool with it.
But as far as I know she has never even looked at the site, and she has known about it from the time I joined some seven years ago.
So no it' hasn't helped US, but then we haven't needed that kind of help.

[sweetshauna]

My wife knows I frequent the site. She's not interested. Says she's all good with my CDing.
But I find it good therapy for myself. It's nice to know there's an army in dresses has my emotional back.

Thank you so much Crossdressers.com!

[Raychel]

My wife knows that I am on this site all the time. She apparently has no interest at all,
I do not hide it from her, But she has made no interest at all is seeing what is going on here.
She trys her best to support me and what I like, But I still feel that she wishes that it would just go away.

[Jaylah414]

Just like so many others, I read this forum while my wife is sitting next to me and she shows little interest. Sometimes, I wish she would show more interest, though.

But then again, I show little interest in her daily phone conversations about who's doing what to whom and her Facebook time. So, I reckon, that makes us even.

[MatildaJ.]

Conversely, my husband knows I come here for support from others married to CDers, but he has no interest in the site himself.

[Laura Collette]

My wife isn't happy about my CDing but she is laissez-faire if I keep it to myself. She has shown no interest in having her own access to the forum but looks over my shoulder sometimes. I want to keep the lines of communication open but gently, so I sometimes email her some comments from other girls not including names or avatars. I select them for their humor and to ease her into thinking of CDing as something many other good people do. Maybe one day this will be easier for us.

[alwayshave]

My SO know about this forum and I think that she has visited a few times. She encourages me to dress because she knows that it makes me happy.

[flatlander_48]

I don't know if it helped, but I think it can't hurt. She's a member here now, so I don't know if she will find it useful. She is pretty relaxed about most things...

[Vanessa Rose]

Who knows what is best. I took her I phone and hooked up Vanessa Rose's email and she has access to each and every message and post. Absolutely no interest in it that I can see.

Vanny