Food for thought

[Lisalove1976]

I went to see my therapist Monday after a 4 year hiatus and touched on something very pertinent to my situation and thought I would share it with you.

She pointed out to me that it's possible I dress to make myself feel "special". I thought about this for a while and pondered on the really good times in my life, the times I felt "good", the good memories, the one's you bring up whenever you can and realized they all had to do with me being the "special" person in that memory (e.g. as a hockey coach, being the leader of a Halloween project ect...)
I then took it one step farther and realized that most of the times when I was mad or frustrated and felt the need to dress was when I was either taken out of the "special" role or had to share it.

This might seem trivial but it also opened up my eyes to my beautiful wife's feelings and I now seem to understand her needs and feelings a bit better.


I haven't posted here in quite a while as I didn't really think I had any thing meaningful to say but thought I'd share this realization with you and thought I'd see if anybody else finds themselves in the same situation.

Thanks for listening

[Katey888]

Lisa - definitely food for thought (and I thought it was going to be a baking thread... :doh:) - as who doesn't want to be or feel special? I admit I feel special when I CD, special and different. And I admit it's selfish, and that's probably always a negative to some extent for an SO. I think it's also leaning towards escapism - when you're someone different, the old problems evaporate... for a while, at least. :)
The Good Thing is it's helped you to be more understanding - yay for that, say I...
Katey x

[Lisalove1976]

Selfish, funny you should bring that up. I have always been the"go to guy"... always there willing to help..i'd put my stuff on hold and even my bump my wife to go out and help others. I never though myself as selfish and that might be the cause of the "pink fog".

Always "just being" and not having enough of being "special".

[Dana921]

I would offer that we all need to feel appreciated once in a while to help us continue doing what we need to do. Taken to the extreme, it perhaps becomes selfish, but having some one notice our efforts once in a while is ok! Sometimes in life when that someone is not there then we must find other means of motivation to carry on and be the individual contributor or role that we fulfill in our family and friends lives.

[Geena75]

I have to admit, the times I've been down, due to wife, kids, job, health issues, I get some nylons and enjoy on the sly. (Must have really been down lately, as I never took it this far before). Then, when things are up again, I think about purging.

[Lisalove1976]

I can honestly say that I do feel appreciated but sometimes I guess I just need that little bit of extra I guess.

NO....never purge it never goes any good!

(personal opinion)

[Beverley Sims]

An interesting line on an old subject.

[gautier_nikolai]

Yes i have thought about this lately too.When i have been through a rough patch lately i have binge shopped for both female and male clothes.

I think it was in an attempt to feel better and special too , like the best dressed person at the party, as in things might be going not so well in life but i still look fairly good.It has stopped working now though.

[Lisalove1976]

Hi Beverly... I presume this has probably already been discussed by your answer. Do you have the thread? I'd like to read them.

[Sarasometimes]

I don't know if I'm interpreting your post correctly but I do find that if I go somewhere dressed and find acceptance/tolerance I feel very good/special. Being closeted to all who know me is difficult (no I'm not explaining why or asking for advice on this) so when I can express that part of me to others with positive results it is special.
The closeted thing is out of a desire not to burden those around me with my somewhat rare need.

[Lisalove1976]

I guess what I was trying to say was

when I dress I am the special person at that time... I look at Lisa in the mirror and try my best to make her look good and feel good.

Looking back at the memories, to the times that had those same feelings was when I was the "special" person

examples
-Hockey coach ... the coach is the "special" person
-Halloween project for the kids ... I was the one who started it and managed it
-My job... I am the person the company calls when they need help
-Dressing... it's all about Lisa, my wife sometimes takes pictures for me and I love that cause it's all about me

I realized that all my good memories and when I am truly having a good time (Lisa time) is when I'm the special person in the scenario.

[Rogina B]

I believe that humans want to feel wanted and cared about[loved]...For me,I find that mainstream world acceptance and inclusion is what makes me feel special and satisfied.