Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

It has been a bit since I posted some whimsical musings of my mind but two things happened in the past few days on which I wanted to comment.

Firstly, my wife and I were watching Wizard of Oz (yes . . . Wizard of Oz) a few days ago and I could not help but ponder the scene where the professor - aka "the Great and Powerful Oz" is trying to keep up the charade of being just that at least until he is outed by Toto (pulling back the curtain). "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" he goes on to say while continuing to move levers and speak into the microphone . . . I mean who is he kidding? Sound familiar to those who go out in public "en femme" and try to blend only to get clocked? :battingeyelashes:

The second thing happened yesterday when I met two of my male friends who asked to meet Isha to help them process this revelation about me. Their biggest question was . . . "So do you want to be a woman?" Not wanting to get into a discussion about CD versus TS, I just said "no". Their comeback was . . . "but if you dress like a woman then you must want to be one" (BTW they were not being facetious just curious). I had to admit the statement did give me pause for thought. Specifically, if I dress like a woman and ask people to ignore the man behind the curtain, do I really want to be seen as a woman? Am I the Great and Powerful Oz moving levers and speaking into a microphone while those around me go . . . "Huh?"

Being seen as a woman (blending in my case) makes things easier but I also am a pragmatist in that when I am out, I will have to interact with people. By interacting I am drawing back my own curtain as my "tells" are too numerous to fool anyone. I suppose I could just sit in Starbucks sip coffee and watch the world go by but where is the fun in that. What I have found is that if you are friendly and forthcoming people don't particularly care and can be quite friendly in return. Oh sure there might be a Wicked Witch or two (male or female) lurking about with a snide comment or rude stare but, we know what happens to them "WAMO . . . buried under a house in gaudy striped socks or melted by a bucket of water". :devil:

So I had a bit of an epiphany . . . I am really not concerned that people see me as a woman but that they see me as me regardless of how I am dressed. Yes, I am going to ask them as politely as I can to "ignore the man behind the curtain" (i.e., present as female as I can) as this will help me go about my business. However, I know that in the end pesky Toto will always out me. So, I have decided that while I may not be "great and powerful" (my wife will confirm that fact :)) I can still be just plain old me (just in prettier clothing).

I know . . . "Some revelation Isha, tell us something we don't already know". In any event, I thought the Wizard of Oz analogy was at least entertaining.

Hugs

Isha

[Tina_gm]

Isha, I think many of us just want to have our cake and eat it too. No, we don't really want to be women. And the reason for that is that we still associate ourselves as men a lot of the time, and like certain male or masculine things about ourselves and what ever else we enjoy doing. But we do have a feminine side or a feminine part of us and we want that to be noticed, recognized, or perhaps just allowed to let ourselves be that. I think a big CD fantasy would be to have a magic button that would change us into women but then back again into men whenever we wanted or when it was more convenient.

[Talisker]

It depends why you dress but i ask people if they have ever been to a fancy dress party, ask them what they went as, then ask if they really wanted to be that person/animal/whatever. Most often they say no it was just for fun.

[Katey888]

Well, that is both a revelation and entertaining :clap: - a really good analogy (you are clearly wasted in the military - you need to get into the Arts! :straightface:)
I'm just glad that us girls who remain in the closet don't have to deal with that dichotomy - I wish you every success in trying to unravel how much you can keep pulling levers while Toto pulls at the curtain... or maybe you just hang that problem out for others to try at? :hugs:
Katey x

[Dianne S]

Specifically, if I dress like a woman and ask people to ignore the man behind the curtain, do I really want to be seen as a woman?

I bet yes.

I'm going to go out on a limb here... I think most crossdressers who aspire to go out en femme and interact with the world as if they were a woman harbor some amount of gender dysphoria and do in fact wish (at some level) to be a woman. I really think the only difference between us part-time crossdressers who wish to pass/blend and transsexuals is the degree of gender dysphoria.

I can manage it by crossdressing occasionally. Transsexuals cannot and need to go the whole hog (or sow, as the case may be!)

I may be way off base here and merely extending my personal feelings to everyone else, but hey... what's a little generalization among friends? :)

[Martha G]

A very interesting analogy! Very good.

[Kate Simmons]

That's pretty much the way I see it my friend. I know I'm not "fooling" anyone nor am I trying to, just want to be myself and look pretty sometimes. No law against that, right? I could hold my own with anyone on a debate about this. ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Jaylyn]

Isha my only problem is the older I get I am looking like the wicked witch of the west... In reality I love clicking my heels together and pretending to be the cute gal with toto. I in no way want to be the female in real life. I like so many others have certain fascinations or maybe even called fetishes such as love my deep red lipstick. Black hose heels and short mini skirts. Big boobs with lots of cleavage. I enjoy wearing the clothing and if ToTo or my wife ( not saying my wife is a dog but as she is the only one that knows) pulls back the curtain I would be embarrassed enough to probably have to give up the whole bit. I've purged many times thinking this just isn't right. With the help though of this very site I have begun feeling good about myself and understanding a little of why I do this. Moral of story get rid of the totos in your life and surround yourself with tin men, straw men and an non-scary lion. ( maybe this is why we love hanging out together on here we all face similar totos)

[Suzanne F]

I have to agree with Dawn as far as me. I go out in
public dressed to interact with the world as a woman, or as the closest I can get. I do suffer from dysphoria and it is always there. I hope it can be controlled by regular outings as Suzanne. I also try to remind myself that I am really her when not dressed.
Suzanne

[DaphneMiller]

Really interesting post Isha. And I like Talisker's comment too.
For me, when I dress, if I could be 100% female, I would. Thing is, I don't want to be 100% female all the time.
So here's another question for everyone... If you could take a pill (or some other fantasy medical potion) that changes you to be 100% female, for 24 hours, then change you back, would you take it? Or are you happy just being you in different clothes?

Daphne

[Marsha Marsh]

I also agree somewhat with Dawn,but....i like to think that when I am out in public presenting as a woman I am not wanting to be a "real" woman, just my version of what I am. Kind of like the a third gender deal. While I am not a woman I also do not feel like a man. Being dressed in public helps me to feel like the person I want to be. Both male, female and in-between.
Marsha

[Talisker]

Daphne - i'd take the pill once i was certain that the one for the return trip also worked. Wouldnt want to be stuck there! Just want the fun bits.... not childbirth, periods etc

[Rachael Leigh]

Isha you have done it yet again and your profound in site is just amazing. Just today as I looked at pictures of myself I was thinking who am I fooling, I don't pass in any way and know if I take the plunge and go out there is no way people wont know. I am becoming comfortable with this part of me but many times I think what is the point of having these clothes and wearing them at home when I cant be out to everyone.
I underdress a lot and as Ive said on other threads I do blend my wardrobe as well. So I guess we all have to decide do we want the full curtain to be opened or just a small peak inside
Thanks Isha
Hugs Leigh

[Rachelakld]

Interaction is the best part,
sure I don't fool anyone, but then I'm not here to fool anyone to start with.
It's about enjoying life, and enjoying people around us.

[carhill2mn]

IMHO one does not have to "be a woman" to enjoy looking and acting like a woman and to be treated as a lady. It gives me great pleasure to be able to wear skirts, blouses, dresses, makeup, jewelry, pretty shoes, "hair" etc. I do not have to "be a woman" to enjoy these things. I also much prefer the image of the person in the mirror when I am en femme vs my male image.

[kendra_gurl]

The great and powerful Oz could only say to all of us the truth as he did to Dorthy about how to get back to Kansas.

I adore my reflection in the mirror. I love the 90 minutes it takes to transform myself from Ken to Kendra. I love the feeling of each article of clothing. I love going out and being treated like a female. I enjoy fooling the ones I do and I appreciate those I can't fool for their indifference to how I'm dressed.


I believe I am like most non TS members here in so much as when I am dressed and presenting en-femme, Yes I would love to be a real female at that moment. But I am logical and sane enough to know what I am doing is perpetrating an illusion for my own (and no one else's) benefit which allows me to be indifferent if others are fooled or not

But at the end of the day I am especially grateful that Kendra can click her heels together and chant 3 times "there's no place like home" and I am back safe and sound as Ken like nothing has ever changed.

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
I can only reiterate what everyone has said.
I have had moments where I have said that myself.
It is a great line.

[Diane Smith]

Own it and go boldly out of the house in those ugly striped socks!

And leave Toto at home -- little furry rascals will out you every time.

- Diane

[Chickhe]

I don't know 'why', but I know something... I don't want to change my life, I have invested too much in what I have now to throw it all away and start over. I suppose if I could decide what I wanted my next life to be, I might choose differently, but for now it is just a challenging and unique experience that I enjoy. It is like a vacation, you get to see the world from two angles. I guess the reason I don't tell everyone about my CDing is that they read too much in to it...everyone assumes you want to get the operation or something...

[PaulaQ]

Their biggest question was . . . "So do you want to be a woman?" Not wanting to get into a discussion about CD versus TS, I just said "no". Their comeback was . . . "but if you dress like a woman then you must want to be one" (BTW they were not being facetious just curious).

The thing is, their question doesn't mean what they think it does - which isn't surprising given how little most people understand gender variance. For example, even though I'm trans, if someone were to ask me "Do you want to be a woman?" I'd answer "No, of course not."

The right question really is "so ARE you a woman?" I'd have to answer "yes" to that one. And it's why I'm transitioning. If I got to choose to do this based on "wants", I'd definitely never do it. It's the most difficult thing I've ever attempted.

The only other question that really makes much sense to me is "So do you LIKE being a woman?" And for me, the answer is "yes, actually I love it, despite all the problems it causes me." (Of course, for male identified folks, "So do you LIKE being a man?" would be the other question. And people who don't really fall tidily to one pole of the gender binary, or the other, could likely answer "yes" to both questions!)

[Roli F]

Hi Isha,
Girl you hit that nail right on the head.
Whist I try to dress as good as I can , my male voice is my problem ,
I don't try to cover it but I love the interaction with folk out and about
As for the Witches, Ghouls, and nasty Goblins.
They just need to keep a wary eye for low flying houses, buckets and Me

[Ellie52]

Isha When a woman dresses in men's clothing does she want to be a Man? I think not. Clothes are just material. Perception and social status are whats bringing us down. When Toto cocks his leg and pees on you, that's when you know you are hitting the low point....Ellie

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Sorry, started the thread then immediately left on a business trip and just getting back. Thanks very much for your comments and as I said this is just how I feel about me personally and we can see are all at different places. I did spend the last three days as Isha (except for a small work thing I had to do) and during that whole time I presented as female as possible, interacted with people around me and it all went well. They knew I was a guy and perhaps I fooled a few people, but for the most part I just had fun and enjoyed being the Isha part of me.

Oh and Toto, well I think the flying monkeys got him :)

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Not sure how I'd have answered that question. If I ask myself the answer is never simple. I would acknowledge that I really enjoy dressing...and living...as a woman, at home or out and about. I think it's even fair to say that I prefer this to the parts of my life I spend in male mode. I'd even go so far as to say, yes, I want to be a woman, but....

I don't have an overpowering need to be a woman. I don't suffer when I have to present as male, though I'm always anxious to get home and change back. And I recognize that there some real physical risks and some possible social and economic risks that I'm not willing to take. So, I make do.