Going to work more en feminine and sharing with coworker/friends what you do and feel

[Billiejosehine]

So at my work there are about. 35 women and only 4 other guys besides me. I really enjoy this job and feel comfortable among those that I work with. I am in fact often hanging out with my coworkers after work. I feel there a couple of women who I can talk to about anything. Much like a women talking to another women about anything. The problem is that as I become more and more comfortable with who I am and how I want to present myself; I want to share this side of me with them, but I'm not sure how or if it's the right thing to do. And just continue to keep things to myself while at work. Although with how things are in my life and where I feel like I want to go. I will more then likely begin transitioning soon. Which means ill will have to let work know.

[Chari]

It is great to hear you are "progressing" in your choice of attire. Always be comfortable and confident in who you are and what you wear! Many feminine fashions if chosen wisely can "blend in" to your wardrobe. Consider wearing women's loafers, knee high socks or PH in a nude color with misses jeans or trousers. They will have tighter fit, a smoother line with smaller pockets, but may give a more tailored fit. Get a large purse - large enough to hold a portable computer, but put in it items you usually carry in pockets. Jackets both short and mid length with front zippers can also be unisex items. Plain sweaters also can be either gender, but be certain the fit is not too tight. Add a few jewelry pieces - ear studs, small bracelet, and simple feminine watch. There are many more items that can be classified as unisex if worn correctly - and most others won't notice.

[Lorileah]

I would wait until you start transitioning

[Annaliese]

Start slow, little make up, finger nails clear polish, keep adding every two weeks or so, This week I am wearing pink polish it looks like I have had a manicure, had one student ask if I had one done. By going slow when you are ready to transition, there will not be any surprises. Your co works will be able to adjust to you better

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Lorileah. Most folks are more accepting of something like this when there seems to be a valid reason for it with a definite goal in mind.:)

[Eryn]

A secret, once told, cannot be untold. These are professional co-workers, not personal friends so my advice is to keep things to yourself until you have definitely made the commitment to transition. If they are as close as you say they will have seen enough cues that the announcement won't be any great surprise to them.

My general rule is to not tell someone unless the telling is beneficial to both you and them.

[AllieSF]

I also agree with Lorileah. You are working and have income, which a lack of can be a big deal breaker for the transitioner. Check their Human Resources' policies regarding insurance coverage's and try to find out what their policies and sometimes more importantly attitude is toward people who want to transition at work. Hopefully, that will be all in your favor. To start the work place gossip mill going at full speed before you have decided what you really want to do may backfire negatively on your overall mid and long term plans. Work with your therapist to put together a workable transition plan that you can use to eventually discuss your transition process with your employer.

From what I have read and remember in your recent posts, you seem to be moving pretty quickly right now and may need to slow down to plan it all out (subject to the usual mid course corrections and adjustments) and also to give others around you including family and loved ones the chance to catch up a little to you, so that they can support you as best they can instead of rejecting you because of ignorance (lack of knowledge and understanding) and surprise or even shock at the urgency and desire for your actions and changes.

Good luck.

[Billiejosehine]

I also agree with Lorileah. You are working and have income, which a lack of can be a big deal breaker for the transitioner. Check their Human Resources' policies regarding insurance coverage's and try to find out what their policies and sometimes more importantly attitude is toward people who want to transition at work. Hopefully, that will be all in your favor. To start the work place gossip mill going at full speed before you have decided what you really want to do may backfire negatively on your overall mid and long term plans. Work with your therapist to put together a workable transition plan that you can use to eventually discuss your transition process with your employer.

From what I have read and remember in your recent posts, you seem to be moving pretty quickly right now and may need to slow down to plan it all out (subject to the usual mid course corrections and adjustments) and also to give others around you including family and loved ones the chance to catch up a little to you, so that they can support you as best they can instead of rejecting you because of ignorance (lack of knowledge and understanding) and surprise or even shock at the urgency and desire for your actions and changes.

Good luck.

That's the thing about my personality; it can both work for and against me. I'm the type of person that takes things so slow that I get no where because I let things get in the way. When I finally make up my mind and get moving, there's no stopping me and that's all I focus on. For me I have been dealing with and praying to God to change we into a women, the shame and guilt, and self medicating to change my body. But in order to hide from myself and everyone else the obvious truth, I just CDed as a way to cope because I wanted be seen as a socially normal person. I couldn't accept myself and that really prevented me from moving forward. Now that everything is on the surface that has been the only thing I have been thinking about and doing. No matter how fast I am going. But as you say I need to step back, look at the bigger picture, and create a plan.

As for most of my family, the notion that I CD and feel as though I want to be a women is just absurd. My dad doesn't know what to say; my step mom just cries and guilt trips me because she's loosing her son; my SO says that it's my deal and wants nothing to do with it and that means the marriage will be over, and I haven't told my two sisters yet. Even though my relationship is not great, my mother is very accepting of who I am and want to be ( I now believe she always had an idea, but never said anything).


A secret, once told, cannot be untold. These are professional co-workers, not personal friends so my advice is to keep things to yourself until you have definitely made the commitment to transition. If they are as close as you say they will have seen enough cues that the announcement won't be any great surprise to them.

My general rule is to not tell someone unless the telling is beneficial to both you and them.

It is true that I need to tread water lightly and be careful in a work environments. Being a behaviorist, I've worked at schools where the adults were acting like the kids with all the gossip, people talking about others behind there backs, and just crazy drama. The only reason why I would tell a coworker is because they are somebody I feel comfortable talking to and we've hung out a couple times. It is possible that they have seen some cues, but I haven't been making things obvious either. This coworker, who often does talk with other coworkers who are in the same classes for an MFT license, about gender and sexuality related topics. They are also in a gender studies class.

[Eryn]

...The only reason why I would tell a coworker is because they are somebody I feel comfortable talking to and we've hung out a couple times....

If you had said "hung out together for 10 years" rather than "hung out a couple of times" I might suggest going ahead and telling them, but a couple of times does not indicate a solid relationship that transcends your employment. You know the nature of office gossip and politics, now imagine that mechanism turned totally against you. Yes, it is a worst-case scenario, but that's what the prudent plan for.

[Tracii G]

You said you were self medicating? Not a wise thing to do I hope you know that.
Any hormones should be taken under a doctors care.

[stefan37]

I will say this. However you decide to present. Own it. Do not flaunt it or push it on others. Do your job and must likely you will be fine.
Good advice. once out it can not be taken back.

[Aprilrain]

I would not disclose anything to anybody until you have made a solid decision to transition and have discussed the situation with HR. You could really screw your self! Some have suggested adding fem things here and there slowly over time. I do not agree with this approach. It will only weird people out and in the end they are less likely to be accepting of you when you finally go full time.

[Billiejosehine]

You said you were self medicating? Not a wise thing to do I hope you know that.
Any hormones should be taken under a doctors care.

The last time I attempted to self medicate was 3 years ago because I was do desperate, but now looking back I realize that was not a smart choice on my part.

[heatherdress]

Simple advise - keep your crossdressing and your thoughts about possibly transitioning and your personal problems out of your workplace. Why risk anything?

Unless you have a unique, fully accepting and/or protected (policies) environment, you have very little to gain and much to lose - like your job. I am sorry to admit that as a manager in several organizations, even progressive companies, I have seen people denied salary increases, promotions and career growth because of non-performance related appearance, interests, hobbies or perceived personal problems which gave them a "label", or reputation. Sorry, but that happens. You might be comfortable, and have a friends, and want to share your innermost feelings to include your crossdressing with them - but don't. All it takes is one complaint, someone who now feels "uncomfortable", and your acceptance will change. Even if word got out and even if you were initially accepted as the crossdressing or potentially gender transitioning employee, if workplace problems occur in the future, if someone has to get laid off, you go. If you get a new boss, and he or she does not like the idea that you are "different", you will suffer the consequences.

If things are good not - keep them that way. Unless and until you are going to fully transition - keep your crossdressing and keep personal business out of your workplace. Then, make sure you understand company policies and get help to transition successfully.

[CarlaWestin]

Are you comfortable with being 'that guy' in your workplace? The only reason why we go to work is for the money flow. I talk makeup with my little buxom (34G) friend at work because I study her makeup and love her big natural tits that she thrusts at me. I don't think I'm going to tell her about Carla anytime soon although there is that allure. Be cautious. If you confide with one of them, everyone will know. People love secrets. "I'm not the one who told you this but,................."

[Beverley Sims]

Billie,
The right time will come when you least expect it.
Do not rush things and look at all the angles before making any rash decisions.
Others will think anything you do in the transgendered line may be rash decisions.
Be mindful of that.

[JenniferYager]

Especially if you have people working for you, don't put them through this. Your coworkers see you as a male and they should not be privvy to your struggle unless they are really friends with you outside of work. What if you start transitioning, then change your mind? Would you want that being out in the open with everyone? If you decide to go full time, then you bring it out, but only after you've worked out ground rules with your boss and coworkers.

[flatlander_48]

I would wait until you start transitioning

I think this is a very good point. People are often confused by "somewhere in the middle". They can deal with guys as guys and they can deal with guys as girls. However, what do you do with in-between? Certainly some can handle this, but others may chose to isolate themselves from you because they are not sure how to react.

[Jennifer in CO]

I worked in an office once (once - never again but not because of these folk). Boss was single and TS, co-worker was Lesbian in a long term relationship, co-worker was Lesbian and currently single, co-worker was Bi but preferred women company and a male outside sales guy that came in the office maybe once a week. When I had my surgery and couldn't wear pants for what ended up being 3 months, I was chided by my co-workers for thinking wearing a skirt to the office would be a problem. They always dressed up for "Casual" Friday and went to a nice place for lunch as a "girls day out". After a month of me in skirts, I was presented with a dress on a Wed expecting me to be "dressed up" and join them on Friday.

I did