How do I take this complment

[Rachael Leigh]

First a little background, my wife knows about my CDing but is most defiantly DADT.
She has known about it since before marriage but pretty much has been against it ever since. She has only seen my dressed maybe 3 times and I never really knew how she felt seeing my that way except once she said I kinda looked silly.

So this leads to yesterday, I like putting pictures I take of myself enfem on my phone background every now and then for whatever reason, and usually at home when I put my phone on the charger for the night I take that picture off and put something else there. Now I have left that picture on my phone over night several times and I think I hopped in secrete maybe my wife would see it and think wow Im impressed with how you look maybe I can deal with this.
Yeah right keep dreaming. So anyway I had left a photo up the one you see here.

She needed to look at something on my phone so there was my picture her first thought is her saying this was who was this women my husband has on his phone, and then she looked closer and realized it was me.
Wow I couldn't believe she said that. So as I confessed as to why I put my picture on there every now and than I really wanted to know what she thought and I about cried when she said "Looking like that you look like a beautiful women"
Oh my I didn't know what to say I knew it was not going to change how she felt about my dressing but it was like a confirmation for me and from some of comments I've got here like now what. I feel like I want to explore my fem self more but yet I cant keep hurting my wife I need to love her as her man and be her man but when most here know as a CD its so hard juggling this part of ourselves especially one with a non accepting wife

[CarlaWestin]

Leigh, I'm totally with you. I love my wife dearly and I need to crossdress. I about cried when she said "Looking like that you look like a beautiful women". If my wife said that to me, i would just collapse.

I'm tearing up now.

This may just change how she feels.

They're not just going to accept us, just because. They have to see it the way we do.

[Jamie Lynn]

Leigh, even though she made that comment (and Congratulations, you do look great!), I wouldn't push it with her, based on your DADT relationship. Status quo UNLESS she ASKS to see more. Hard as it may be you shouldn't assume that all is ok and you have free reign. Hopefully she will see that you are not a threat and she'll give you some more space, but it could still be a slow process.
Just my pennies worth.

Wishin' you the best!

Jamie Lynn

[Connie.Marie]

Leigh,
Yes you do look fantastic (love the hairstyle) but I'm with Jamie on this..
She has inadvertently peaked into this part of your life & had a positive comment, that's a great thing.
But Don't push this, don't believe that she now thinks it's OK, don't change anything unless & until she brings it up.
And that will be when she's ready.. and that may be sooner now. Be ready for questions.

Hugs, Connie Marie

[Madilyn A.]

Congratulations on some level of validation by your wife. If I were you, I would have to push the envelope slowly. You don't want to undo her validation.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Leigh, I too have been following your trial & tribulations with your need to dress, your DADT homelike & your desire to have an accepting wife . Your prior posts resonate with me. I don't know what this event will foretell , but I am hoping x hoping that this reveal by your wife will open up acceptance doors & bring you much needed inner peace... You deserve it & more... Peace to you & your wife, melissa

[Rachael Leigh]

One thing I forgot to mention and maybe its because I wanted to ignore it, but last night as she went to bed, which has now become another bedroom. She said I wanted to just throw that phone across the room. So yes I know not much if anything has changed and in fact since she went to the other bed it has got worse.
I asked her when she was coming back to the bedroom and she said as soon as the other women moves out.
I have many times considered just storing all the clothes, which isn't that much and trying for a year to not dress and than when I know it wont work come back to her in a year and tell her well I did it for a year but its not going away, but I know that's just a waste of time because Ive gone long periods of time not dressing or having clothes and now look where I am. Right back to wanting to dress.
This roller coasters we girls live on is a burden I know no one wants but we do the best we can with it.
I hate how it hurts my most special relationship with my spouse and I guess that's the hardest part of all.

[Beverley Sims]

Be very gentle and see what happens next.
Do not bring the subject up unless asked.
Do not embellish the situation.

[KayleeTaylor]

I am very sorry your SO feels this way. It was nice to get some validation from your SO that you look like a woman. However, as you have already said, you cannot stop crossdressing and she wont ever accept. There are 2 things you can do now:

1. Purge and live a miserable life.

2. Stick to the DADT rule and do not allow yourself to be exposed, keep all your stuff hidden girl!! I know you can do that. Stop putting pics on your phone, get yourself a second camera and store your photos on there and keep it hidden away with the rest of your girl stuff. Get a cheap laptop or tablet to use to browse this site and only do so when your SO is not around. Store the second PC with your girl stuff too. All in all, make it apparent that "the other woman" has left.

[Katey888]

Leigh, I'm also sorry your wife feels this way, but her feelings are as valid to her as yours are to you. The almost inadvertent compliment may yet reverse into a very bad feeling indeed. I think Kaylee said it right with her option 2: find some way of driving this underground again and just see how your wife responds over time. She may well feel you were deliberately pushing this (whether you were or not..) which, I imagine, in a DADT situation is circumventing the unspoken rules... So lay low and give her time. :hugs:
Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Leigh,

Before I comment, I must say you look great in the picture . . . you have come a long way from when you first started posting pictures . . . CONGRATS.

I think the compliment is sound and your wife truly meant it but given her disposition to your dressing, I think you will still have to accept the DADT policy and keep things strictly hidden. It is possible she may slowly come around and things will get better but until that time . . . slow and easy sweetie.

Hugs

Isha

[Rachael Leigh]

I want to thank everyone for some great advice and the complements for my picture.
My wife and I did talk more about things today and it was her that brought things up as you ladies advised and I tried not really to defend what I did just to try and help her understand. Nothing has really changed except we are talking and that helps me. As far as hiding my stuff and going back deep into the closet well for one don't have anywhere to put stuff that she wouldn't find or see and the other thing is I want to be honest with her about what I have or don't have. No not shove it in her face but don't be scared to say look I know you don't totally agree but since you know I have the clothes Im not going to lie and pretend I don't have them. I understand the advice but I feel I've been lying to her way to long.
So for now it is DADT but with a very small window of acceptance, or at least some tolerance. I can live with that even if that's all I will ever get.
Thanks again all this is why I love this place because I wouldn't get this anywhere else
Hugs Leigh

[LaraPeterson]

Leigh, I want to weigh in here. You are beautiful. My wife actually wanted to see me dressed days ago and when I did, she told me I looked gorgeous. That said, she still doesn't approve and probably never will. You would do well to heed Kaylee's admonition; keep it very private, double down on your efforts against further discovery, and make SURE your wife knows how much you love her by how you treat her.